What pointless drivel, and not even the least bit entertaining. And what's with the sanctimonious "This is America" bullshit? So because he was a greedy pig that means that everyone else who got a free breakfast is one too? I've got a great idea for his next assignment - he can visit every soup kitchen in the Chicago area in one day and see how much he can food he can shove in his face.

A big part of the problem is that newspapers have replaced their reporters with "feature writers." Thus instead of getting the "what, when, who, where,and why" of a story in the first paragraph we must forage through several paragraphs of cutesy drivel before we discover we aren't reading news; we are reading a "human interest" article.

In the past most of these so called news items would have appeared in the "women's section." Or what ever politically correct name it is being called today

"My stomach aches, and my esophagus is lined with a shellac of grease in need of scraping out.. "

Yes, fucktard, that's usually what happens when you eat 2 days worth of calories in a couple of hours.

This is a slightly less graphic, much less entertaining version of a televised eating contest. People think it's funny to watch people do stupid things. They like to "eeww!" it in synchronization with the rest of the crowd. And turn to each other and say "who's gonna puke first, do ya think?"

But the funny dies when you try to formalize it in quasi-literary terms.

I would like to rate Mr. Pang's attitude down to the same level than the Jerk who put on his cheap cologne with a high-pressure sprayer.

For once, a big restaurant corporation chose to give away meals and the only thing this idiot thinks to do is to stuff himself with five of those meals and then whine about the whole experience? What about a disgusting thing to read!

I have a hard time to find more words to validate my contempt towards this un-gracious individual besides my hope that he's suffering indigestion and my wish that he learn one of my most cherished motto: "Dint paid for it? Don't whine about it.".

I'm not puzzled that he ate all that food or that he wrote about it (people do and write all sorts of dumb things), I'm puzzled that an editor allowed it to be published.

What a fucking ingrate. Can you imagine the things he says about his hosts after a dinner party?
"I don't even say a word to the waiter; I simply release a series of guttural sounds and labored finger points. I resort to tomato juice and eggs-over-hard."
I hope the pig tipped.

It could have been a good feature article if it was about the other people in the restaurant instead of this guy's digestive system. He could have done interviews and found out how many people there were unemployed, how many had no other food, and how many just like free stuff. That's actually the kind of information I am curious about.

And people wonder why print news is going extinct? Bad enough that the local papers in Kalamazoo, Lansing and even Portland are inundated with articles that could have been written by a high school journalism student and gotten a B at best. "Real" metro papers should be setting a bar that pushes people to forsake their local cage liner, for the closest metro paper.

Fuck 'em. I'll stick to blogs and my google news feed.

It was a dark and stormy night....

"This is America."

It sure is...where a second-rate hack like this gets a job writing for a major daily newspaper. He probably went to the Columbia School of Journalism.

"Red, viscous liquid spills all over." As opposed to a non-viscous liquid?

"I fight with a fat woman over a parking space, who glares icy daggers and eventually wins."

Just to make sure I'm interpreting this guy's typing correctly - the fat woman is glaring the icy daggers and winning, not the anthropomorphic personification of the parking space?

Conan-

That was the best laugh I've had all morning. Thanks!

"Viscous" refers to something that's sticky or very thick, like honey. Tomato juice is not viscous. That the dummy doesn't know English I get, but is it so difficult to use a dictionary?

"As opposed to a non-viscous liquid?" - Conan

"Tomato juice is not viscous." - kishke

kishke, my engineer father might argue that tomato juice has a low viscosity and that all liquids are viscous to some degree.

I, not being an engineer, won't argue with you. But at least you know from whence came my comment came and, hopefully, won't attribute it to a high degree of ignorance on my part.

HA! The real funny was that I was just casually reading Amy's blog and thinking about what turd-monkey this guy is. And it's been a long day and I'm only half ass reading, and then Amy's text just slapped me in the face:

Hey, Kevin...fuck you.

THAT was funny. Caught me off guard. Thanks for the laugh.

http://www.andrewzimmern.com/files/u1339/kevinpang.jpg

If this is the same guy, maybe he needs the free breakfasts because the other kids keep taking his lunch money.

"It was a dark and stormy night...."

(typing)
A shot rang out.
A woman screamed.
Suddenly, a pirate ship appeared on the horizon.
*In chapter two, I tie all of this together* -- Snoopy

Conan: I wasn't referring to you! I was talking about the reporter. Sorry for the confusion.

No problem, kiske. And I knew that you were discussing the reporter in your comment.

Your comment was that liquids aren't viscous. Mine was that they all liquids are viscous (to some degree).

In a way, we're both right. In all ways, the reporter's an idiot and shouldn't use words like "viscous" until he learns what they mean.

Conan:

Agreed.