I think you are right in what she meant, but I do think her reaction at least publicly might also have to do with being from the South. Its a much more genteel way than other parts of the country. I'm sure other posters will disagree, but I do feel sorry for her. I felt sorry for Silda Spitzer also right until she stood by his side at his press conference. I wouldn't have cared about his use of prostitutes if it wasn't so hypocrytical to all he claimed to stand for. It was his wife's right to stay with him, but I never would have went to that press conference with him. As far as Dana McGreevey, I always felt she wasn't as clueless as she claimed. Underneath there was something hard that she never covered up well. Its the same as Hillary Clinton. While I'm sure her and Bill love each other in some way, I always thought that was more of a political partnership and her only surprise in the Lewinski case was that it was one she was unaware of. And Elizabeth Edwards? Why is she not blaming him? She blames the mistress completely. It was her husband standing before her and their God making vows, not the mistress. Sorry to ramble, but political marriages are proof to me that there is so much hypocrisy in the theory of marriage. I'm not taking blame away from the cheaters, but when are we going to realize that people cheat and move on.

I have a suspicion that she leaked his e-mail to the press. This woman is a knife fighter. By the time he felt the cut, he was already dead.

Honestly, I admire her style.

It wasn't she who leaked the emails to the press. It was Sanford's mistress's ex-boyfriend: http://www.wistv.com/global/story.asp?s=10606264

If I were one of his constituents, I would be really miffed. The Elitist bastard had to go all the way to another country to find A woman he thought was worthy of him.

Seriously...the sex lives of politicians? That is news worthy? Pathetic.

Seriously...people are surprised that a man went and nailed some other chick...what, first time we've ever seen that happen?

Seriously...we're supposed to be surprised that a politician would step out on his wife...perhaps it is shocking, I mean that profession draws only people of the highest moral character.

Reality check briefly: We're a country founded by people so prudish that the English got sick of them. Over most of the world, it wouldn't be worth more than a tittering laugh and a ribald joke. Fun fact: 87% of the world's cultures are or have been polygamous.

I have to give the lady here credit for style and dignity, well done and well said. But it would do us all a world of good if people would just get over the prudish crap.

I haven't followed this story at all and still don't know why we're supposed to care. Would anyone care, if he weren't Republican?

Michael Jackson is still dead, people. OK? Let's show a little respect.

This were good.

LA's mayor is famous for doing nothing, nothing but flitting between public appearances in an SUV too heavy to be legally driven on the city streets. Is anyone really going to want to hear from his sorry ass if there's an earthqauke?

Who wouldn't drive down the coast of Argentina with a bombshell? It sounds like heaven--indeed, nirvana after 20 years of marriage.
We ask too much of men. Men need relief from kids and wife. A little adventure.
Women need to learn to just STFU about fidelity, fidelity, fidelity.
Women do not have a man's sex drive or needs. We are different.
Learn to love us as we are. And then you won't have to write weepy books about betrayal, or try to correct every rude person you meet.
Maybe, just maybe, you would start to enjoy your own life and adventures, the full circle, marriage, friends, children, affairs, business. Instead of whining away about about other people.

I'm with Miss Alkon, we should expect at least SOME hypocritical conduct out of politicians, and even the BEST human being is occasionally a hypocrite themselves, we try not to be, but it is human nature to have failings and flaws. And the truth is we sometimes NEED politicians to be shall we say...morally flexible. Saints make great neighbors, priests, and teachers, but there is no saintly king remembered for his ability as a ruler. An elected official is not significantly different in that sense.

i-hole may be putting it a bit harshly, but there is a fair bit of truth to what he says, we ARE different, our lady of advice is uniquely educated & aware of that fact in a way that most of the fairer sex in the U.S. seem to be unfamiliar with. Frankly monogamy as an expectation for men is a very new concept socially. And when I say a new concept I mean your great great grandmother, and perhaps your great grandmother, would have probably said, "Good luck with that honey."

We see how well that concept is working out after all.

There are women out there who will not require monogamy as a pre-requisite to a sexual and/or romantic relationship. If a man wants to confine himself to dating such women, that is his prerogative. This is different than pretending to want a monogamous relationship and lying to a woman to keep her around, when she would otherwise leave. The former is perfectly ethical, and the latter is not.

Preach it, Lisa! Liars suck and no one likes them, men.

Exactly. Men lie about it, often because they don't want the wife to leave, or even have the same option. If I had known my ex was cheating, I would've either left the marriage sooner (when I was younger and hotter) or had a few romantic "adventures" myself. But he unfairly kept me in the dark, pretending to be monogamous. What gives anyone the right to waste precious years of someone else's life by founding it on a lie like that?

Lisa is right - if you can't be monogamous, go find a woman who wants an open relationship. There are many out there.

However, usually, these guys function with a double standard. THEY can have affairs, but they would never be with a woman who wasn't 100% faithful to them. Their egos couldn't handle that, yet they expect complete forgiveness and understanding when they cheat.

And I'm so sick of the "men are different" excuse. Women get horny and lonely too. We like being flattered and having romantic e-mails sent to us. Reasonably attractive women have many opportunities to cheat. The temptations are not so different. I don't think men should get a pass just because of gender.

Men lie, as that is only way to get a woman's pants down, or stay in a marriage that is basically good, but not satisfying on an erotic level, which no marriage can be after decades.....
Listen if your husbands and boyfriends were honest, you would break down and cry.
Sure, and your boyfriend says he would rather screw that cute new girl at work, but since he can't, he is screwing you, and fantasizing about her. Yeah, and your hubbie says once in a while he "cheats," because that is what men need.
Or your suitor says he is being realistic in pursuing you, as the real hotties are out of reach. Or that he is listening to your twaddle only because he wants to have sex with you.
Sure, bring on the honesty.
Girls, you cannot handle the truth.

Well, neither could you, trust me. That 10 incher you think you have is really 5...and, yes, our last boyfriend was better in bed...

Nobody says you have to be a stream-of-consciousness-spewing asshole, but you should be honest about the major issues, like cheating...because it's not just your body you're putting at risk. To do otherwise is extremely selfish.

> different than pretending to want
> a monogamous relationship and lying
> to a woman to keep her around, when
> she would otherwise leave.

Agreed! But...

I don't have energy about fidelity. I have the full compliment of jealousy modules, but some people have too many and some people have too few.

Sometimes when you hear about a spouse who's been cuckolded in a major way, you get the sense that they had their head in the sand. They weren't watching their partners feelings (or the partner's calendar, for that matter) with the attentiveness that a loving partner ought to have.

At some point, this can become a dare.

I-hole-I dated a man once and we agreed to an open relationship. It was honestly the best relationship I have ever had. We were honest that there were other people on occasion which did not seem to diminish the very strong connection we had to each other. We promised 100% honesty and to never stay out of obligation. It was great until HE couldn't handle it anymore. HE could not handle that sometimes another man caught my eye. HE could not handle us being open and demanded a new relationship based on monogamy. I reluctantly agree to try it out and guess who lied and cheated? Well, it wasn't me. So much for women not being wired for that sort of thing. As far as I was concerned, we had a great thing going and he ruined it. I did love him but I recognized that sometime we both needed a little something different. Its 5 years later and he still calls me crying begging me to come back and I'm not a goddess or the perfect woman. I'd never go back though because he did break the trust. Our relationship may not be for everyone, but for me, it worked, at least until HE fucked it up!

Mark Sanford, or at least his subconscious, was trying to make his own life implode. The affair was just the means through which he did it. Contrast him to Sen. Ensign, who had a discreet affair, kept quiet about said discreet affair until someone approached him hinting at blackmail, then revealed his secret on his own terms rather than having someone do it for him. I wouldn't want to be married to him, but I'd feel comfortable with him having the ultimate control over the nuclear suitcase. Sanford, a state governor, disappeared for five days at a time when he had made a national name for himself for his resistance to the stimulus. I'd find that unacceptable in a potential presidential candidate even if it had turned out that he was getting surgery or walking alone on a beach. The sex isn't the real issue here; the temporary insanity is. This is a level beyond Bill Clinton. Clinton liked living dangerously. Sanford wanted out of his life.

wired this, liers that blah, blah.
The reason we are human and not animals is that we can choose to decide what we will do. He chose to take oaths, of office, and oaths of marriage. If he could not uphold them, he had to abdicate them. It's a choice, and obviously not without fallout. That is what gives meaning to making the choice.

A lameduck governor getting a divorce? so what? One of our Republican govs. got separated, and nobody blinked, because that is the accepted way of doing it.

Boyo is a drama queen or stupid or both. Getting a little tail on the side is bad enough, but it's not like she had an apartment close by. Argen-frickin-tina? "I'm going to self destruct in a way you can't miss"

Sorry 0% sympathy for someone without the cajones to do things the right way, esp. if this is all about ego trip as it seems.

Just because you are wired a certain way doesn't mean you have to choose it. If he wanted to play the field, he shouldn't be married.

Remember that other scandal? The one whit the Democrat? Ain't over!

Per a twit from Cosh.

Think thats a bad link there Crid

Hehehe..."stream of consciousness spewing asshole" !!! Love that ! Dudes like that are not men but just running dicks with no greater goal in life than just to fuck the next hot chick. What a horrible way to live ! They're the types who morph into lecherous old men targetting girls way too young for them. In Southeast Asia - the land of the beautiful and submissive young chicks - a cheating husband is rewarded by having his roger cut off and fed to the ducks or chopped in a blender among other things. Me thinks those men who's only identity is being a dick had it coming. Who says women have to STFU? Hooray for women's power !!!

Thanks Looj,

This is Cosh's sex & politics tweet.

I've been out on 'the trail' myself for a few days, so I am behind. I agree with the post from Mark Steyn that Crid mentioned above on the actual 'disappearing governor' fiasco, which is basically two things: 1) does it even matter? Which the answer is, not really. And 2) Who cares? Which is obviously our society that puts people in a bubble and then becomes self-governing judges of a public figures behavior.

Who should care? well perhaps his constituents and staff and the state government he is responsible for. It's up to that group to make a decision about his future. Just good blogging fodder for the rest of us.

As for being a lying prick, well that seems true of this governor. Other public figures, for example the Clintons, seem to have a tacit agreement (if not a written one, remember they are first and foremost attorneys) to do whatever the fuck you want but keep it under the radar.

The real question is, what makes this a big issue? Well, to me, if the guy can't stand the heat, get out of the fucking kitchen. And what does his job description say? Is he required to leave an out of office message with contact info? If so, then fire his ass for breaking that rule.

And I'm with everyone here that says lying and trust breaking is a deal breaker in any relationship. Love, friendship, business. Don't like the lying. And don't jump on me about the white lies: "of course that dress does not make you look hip-ee". We do have to perpetuate the species.

Hi, Amy.

I emailed this to you, but I guess you missed it. To hear Limbaugh tell it, it's Obama's fault that Sanford cheated. Yes, you heard right. Even though Sanford started this affair before Obama was even elected, it's all Obama's fault! Arianna Huffington has the details (and the recording of the broadcast, so you can hear it for yourself, so no one can accuse Huffington of taking it out of context or spinning).

Crid, Billy Mays died more recently than Jackson, so you show some respect. Now who the hell is going to peddle Oxy-Clean on television?

I'm so frustrated right now. I can't deal! Flustered, I tell you! Flustered!

> Billy Mays died more recently
> than Jackson

That guy snuck up on me completely, but everyone in the world seemed to know who he is. I was working at this network last year and every time I went into the coffee room one of his commercials was playing on the TV. At the end of the job I realized that these were all different commercials... It had seemed like it was the same one being shouted over and over.

But people seemed to like him. Maybe he shoulda run for office or something. He was only a month older than Michael Jackson

Allow me to edit: "Sanford wanted out of his WIFE."

I hate to stereotype--oh, heck, no I don't--but does anyone care to bet that, like most guys married that long to an apparently devout Christian woman, he was getting zero hot action from his bible-quoting wife? So after x years (YEARS!) of his wife's sexual indifference, some reasonably attractive woman throws him some sex, and he then gets totally stupid over her as the enorphins wash over him.

If that is what happened, it is too bad. It is also sadly common. If she had come through with weekly enthusiastic lays and general interest in seeing him naked, my guess is he would not have been in Argentina.

I know, I know, that doesn't excuse him. You shouldn't rewrite the rules on prior agreements of monogamy without first consulting your partner, and offering them (1) a non-angry out or (2) the same chance for extracurricular fun. But when your spouse shows little interest or enthusiasm for naked fun time, at some point, the nookie-withholding spouse is not holding up their end of the monogamy bargain, even if they don't have another lover.

Dear LovelySoul:
I am sorry your hubbie has a five-inch weenie and is not hot-blooded...but what has that to do with men needing occasional relief from monotony, er, excuse me, monogamy?

Aquamarine: I love your color, but if you have mental images of penises being shredded in blenders...maybe you should seek professional help ASAP.
Ugh. Imagine some guy writing about vaginas and chain saws in response to infidelity...it is just creepy. Check yourself in somewhere, and do not pass go.

I-hole, I'm not married, but my boyfriend is very well-endowed, thank you. I was just making a point about how women lie to spare men's feelings.

And, as for dealing with monotony, when couples are honest and respectful with each other, they can have different agreements. We have many friends who are in "the lifestyle". They relieve that itch for novelty with occasional trysts with other people.

I've actually found swingers have some of the happiest, long-lasting marriages, but the key is that they agree on what they're going to do and where the boundaries are. You can't have that sort of relationship when you lie or sneak around.

I don't know how often she turned him down for sex, or how rarely he may have sought it from her. We can only speculate idly & crudely, and we'll know no more now than we did before speculating. But the old, "I have a headache, not now, not tonight" kind of lines are nothing new to the world.

Look, I just don't see what the big damn deal is.

Oh...a human being lied...wow, shocker, that never happens. Wait...he's a politician...wow, even MORE shocking.

He didn't leave his wife high and dry, cut off her finances, kick her from the home, or neglect his kids, he didn't deprive her of a comfortable living, he didn't leave her for some hot little number and he by no account abused her in the slightest.

So his big crime is being in a beautiful foreign country on business, and meeting a beautiful foreign woman, and having a little wild fling while there in that intoxicating environment.

What, you ladies expect a man to be made of stone & alimony? You can all honestly say you'd not have been tempted, nor given way to temptation, with 100% certainty?

And after the fact, what should he have done? Run back and confessed and begged her forgiveness? Clearly he didn't want to hurt her, so he kept it quiet, its the public that made a big damn deal over it and got into his marital life, who is the confession really for? To make her feel better about something that didn't hurt her in the first place since she was unawares? Or to make him feel better for having confessed?

A little more realism, a little less idealism.

Robert, this wasn't just some woman he met in South America. He actually met her here, I believe, through some business connection, and the affair has gone on for awhile, complete with numerous amorous e-mails. His wife found out 5 months ago, and she asked him not to see the woman again, but he did anyway.

So, just to clarify, this isn't just an impulsive fling that could easily be forgiven. From his e-mails, it seems he is madly in love with this woman and views it a san "impossible situation". That is much harder for a spouse to deal with. Even if he stops seeing her physically, he is probably still pining away for her emotionally.

And, to address your other point, his wife is from a very wealthy family, and she has a 170 IQ and a business or banking degree. She gave up a very lucrative career in NYC to move to SC and support his political ambitions. She was actually his politcal strategist. In short, she doesn't need his money at all.

Ever'buddy saw this from Monday, right?

Great.

And everyone saw this from six years ago, right?

Perfect. Next?

Eh?

We're done here? Very good. Do be in touch!

Wow, didn't realize she was so well off, well then you'd think she'd be a wee bit more worldly about the whole thing.

Have to say, that makes the man a bloody damnfool.

A fling I can understand, hell having a mistress is perfectly normal in most of the world.

Big damn difference though between having a mistress and falling in love with one.

Just goes to show that American men can be just as bloody foolish about these things as American women. We all need a bit of work I suppose. Thanks for the info lovelysoul.

Women have to realize that sex is a VERY important part of a relationship, not just some kind of novelty item which can be dispensed with after you get a 'commitment' from a man. I think it's 50% of a relationship, and women have to be very aware of their needs in this area, and make sure that the guy they're with is taking care of them. They of course have to make sure they're taking care of the guy's needs too.

The double standard does exist and women have to be aware of it. Kristen, I'm so sad to hear about your experience. When you feel you're being fair and your trust is violated that way, that's what makes you mad. My ex did the same to me, which infuriated me. Here I was, getting hit on all the time and being faithful because THAT WAS OUR AGREEMENT, and then he cheats on me.

I think it's got to be discussed on going into a relationship. I would set it up that if you cheat and admit it to your partner, they get to sleep with 1 other person. If they cheat, don't admit it and get caught, they get to sleep with 2 other people. Seems fair to me!

That's part of the thing Chrissy, see...you've been getting hit on most of your life, you're basically "immunized" for lack of a better word.

Men, even damn good looking men, don't generally speaking, get hit on all the time. We can stop CHASING girls...but by and large we never learn how to out run the ones who chase US.

Chris Rock said it best:

"A man is going to be a man, and a man is as faithful as his options. We can stop chasing pussy...but even that requires some rehab. But when it chases us, we can't run that fast, we'll pull a hamstring or something. You women out there are saying, why can't he turn it down, I turn dick down every day. See there's the thing, every man you meet is offering you dick, when a man says, "Can I help you with that" he's really saying, "Can I help you with some dick. The truth is that every guy you've ever met from the age of 13 has been trying to fuck you." Now a man, well once you've gotten him cleaned up, civilized and attractive, he's suddenly a magnet for women. He'll get a call from some hot little number that didn't give him the time of day a month before you got him, tellin him "Me and my girlfriend decided to have a dick suckin contest, and we thought you might be a good judge." Hows a man supposed to fight that? He wasn't getting that call before you...now he's getting it all the time."

Hmmm, not bad considering its coming to me from memory.

I'm sorry that some of you got hurt in the past over stuff like that, but you can fight reality and go into denial all you want, but like the river in Egypt of the same name, it'll just keep going, and you'll just make yourself unhappy. Perhaps in the ideal world a double standard shouldn't exist, but we do have two different sexes with a wide array of differences from social to biological, with motivations within ourselves we don't always recognize, and so a double standard exists across the world's cultures that reflect those with frequent and remarkable similarity.

Now I ramble, pleasant days one and all!

I-hole: to get the nearest equivalent of vaginas and chainsaws go to any village in Saudi Arabia or Somalia. They do that to little girls to prevent them from any future promiscuity. Done it since times immemorial. So its not me being creepy but just stating a fact. And it is hypocrisy in all it ugly "blueness". Men want to stray but cannot stand any woman who does. Anyway we digress.

On all counts though a little honesty in what a dude expects out of a relationship doesn't hurt. If he does expect to stray ocassionally or as often as he wishes, he better have the rod to state it. There are still a lot of women who are ok with that sort of thing or who would rather not be kept in the dark about things that could put their body at risk.

Robert: It is amazing how often men think in terms of "dick and pussy" rather than in terms of a person.

Perhaps that should be the title of someone's next thesis huh - Dick, Pussy and Hypocrisy. How simple things get ! Lol

Men can't stand any woman who does.

True enough, but the array of lies that men have told from time immemorial has NEVER included the phrase:

"Its your baby."

Hasn't it Robert? If I had a penny for everytime a man wanted to wash his hands off unintended consequences in the past - before the law took over - I'd be a rich woman.