A Little Appreciation Goes A Long, Long Way
It's "The Lesson of the 38 Candy Bars," an interview by The New York Times' Adam Bryant of Gary E. McCullough, president and chief executive of the Career Education Corporation:
Q. What's the most important leadership lesson you've learned?A. The biggest one I learned, and I learned it early on in my tenure in the Army, is the importance of small gestures. As you become more senior, those small gestures and little things become sometimes more important than the grand ones. Little things like saying "please" and "thank you" -- just the basic respect that people are due, or sending personal notes. I spend a lot of time sending personal notes.
I'll never forget one of the interactions we had with my commanding general of the division in which I was a platoon leader. We were at Fort Bragg, N.C. We had miserable weather. It was February and not as warm as you would think it would be in North Carolina. It had been raining for about a week, and the commanding general came around to review some of the platoons in the field. He went to one of my vehicle drivers and he asked him what he thought of the exercise we were on. To which the young private said, "Sir, it stinks." I saw my short career flash before my eyes at that point.
He asked why, and the private said: "There are people who think this is great weather for doing infantry operations. I personally think 75 and partly cloudy is better."
And so the commanding general said, "What can I do to make it better for you?" And the private said, "Sir, I sure could use a Snickers bar." So a couple days later we were still moving through some really lousy weather, and a box showed up for the private. And that box was filled with 38 Snickers bars, which is the number of people in my platoon. And there was a handwritten note from the commanding general of our division that said, "I can't do anything about the weather, but I hope this makes your day a bit brighter, and please share these with your buddies."
And on that day, at that time, we would've followed that general anywhere. It was a very small thing, and he didn't need to do it, but it impressed upon me that small gestures are hugely important.
I'll complain when things are wrong, so it's only fair that I recognize when things are right. It really makes a difference to people. I know I feel that great when people I've given advice to write back to tell me I've helped them, and how they've changed. In fact, I got a nice e-mail like that today. So...I send thank you notes after parties and dinner parties, and letters to companies that are doing something right, and the occasional letter to a good friend or even to people I don't know. Recently, after hearing Steve Jobs had been sick, I wrote a note to tell him what a huge difference Apple computers (which I've had since around 1985, thanks to a University of Michigan student discount) had made in my life. I even found Gregg at the Apple store, at the iPod display, almost seven years ago.
I recall the Lt Colonel in charge of Fort Knox visted me in a Louiville hospital shortly after I had part of my lung removed due to a fungal infection.
He told me later I had launched in to a tirade about the pronuciation of the word as there was no 'R' in colonel - I dont recall as I was high on morphine at the time.
He said it was the funniest moment in his career and spent a few lunches a week with those of us getting medical discharges from the army, as I had aprently launched in to a series of long winded rants on of which was how vets pending discharged were routinly ignored. Most of the guys appreciated it, aside from having to stand up everytime he walked in the room
lujlp at August 12, 2009 3:09 AM
Small kindnesses have a lasting effect. I used to work for a local cable company that is hated on Long Island. When it was owned by the father, he ran this huge corporation like it was a small office. He would show up at the call center with donuts and walk around to talk to his employees as though they were family members. He'd send lunches on days that he knew would be busy or holidays that had to be worked. He took many small steps to make his employees feel valued. When his son took over, all that changed. There were none of the personal touches and the differences were seen first in the management and trickled down. He was not interested in making people feel like we were all a family in it together and the shift in attitudes was very noticeable.
Kristen at August 12, 2009 5:08 AM
On the one hand -electronic media have made it easier to send out that little thanks/thinking-of-you note, so more of them get sent.
On the other hand - I really miss the tactile/aesthetic experience of WRITING a letter.
The nice paper, the different kinds of pens. Taking a bit more care with my handwriting. Hebrew in particular looks wonderful written by hand.
Something at a different pace than digital, and not as impersonal.
I still try to hand-write some of the "heavier" personal letters.
Ben-David at August 12, 2009 5:50 AM
I have a friend in the army who did something similar, arranging for a duffel bag of candy bars to appear at an opportune time during field training.
Small measures of appreciation are especially powerful when they are unexpected.
Pseudonym at August 12, 2009 6:56 AM
I always try to thank people when they do something great-be it an actual pleasant store clerk, and the cleaning crew we just had. Yes, they SHOULD do their job well, but it's nice to have it acknowledged. And I am fanatical about writing thank you's. My parents made us do it growing up, and it stuck.
momof4 at August 12, 2009 7:14 AM
I agree it's important to show people you appreciate them and care about them. I let my good friend know how much I appreciate her support and kindness - she is a truly wonderful friend and she needs to know it! Or I'll clean my mom's house for her when she is getting home really late from work.
Also, nice little treats let D know I love him. Like starting a hot shower and getting a fluffy towel out when he pulls in the driveway from the gym. Or waxing his Corvette. He is more sentimental than I am, and I have a hard time verbalizing myself (I get easily embarrassed when revealing my emotions...) so I do these little things so he knows. He sends me cards in the mail telling me how wonderful I am and that he loves me. I think these things are vitally important and more people should do them.
Gretchen at August 12, 2009 7:17 AM
Even telling someone they did a great job, and then telling their manager, goes a long way. When daughter #2 neeeded a black skirt to wear for the school chorus, I was running around all over the mall trying to find one. Went into Filene's (now Macy's) and was frantically searching, as it was almost closing time. There on the floor was the lone salesgirl, going through a huge pile of clothes that she was obviously trying to retag and rehang before she left. She saw me (I must have looked like a wreck of some sort), and immediately stopped what she was doing and came over to help me. We found exactly what I was looking for, in exactly the right size. Joy! I thanked her profusely, then asked for the manager. She went back to the pile of clothes, and the manager approached me rather warily. "You asked to see me?" she said. Pointing at the salesgirl, I said "That one?" You NEED to keep her happy. She's awesome, and very helpful, and you should give her a raise." And the manager breathed a sigh of relief and said "Thank you for saying so! I was so worried it was another complaint, not about her, but about things in general. You don't know how good it is to hear something nice for a change!" I smiled, thanked her, and left. She was grinning from ear to ear.
Flynne at August 12, 2009 7:24 AM
It's also pretty easy to go on a big company's website and let them know an employee is doing a good job (or a whole store is well-run). I've done it a number of times about the Trader Joe's on Pico and Centinela in Santa Monica. They're so nice there. There was once no oatmeal out -- on a Sunday evening -- and I asked if there was any in the back, and one of their employees went out and unloaded a truck, came in with the load on a pallet, cut open the box and gave me one. And no, he wasn't just flirting -- they're like that as part of their corporate culture. So, when I got home, I got on TJ's site and said so, about how nice the particular guy and all their employees are, and how much I appreciate that. And I tell them so when I'm there.
One other thing I do is always greet employees and talk to them. I try to be the antithesis of those assholes who yammer into their phones as somebody is behind a cash register trying to help them.
Amy Alkon at August 12, 2009 7:55 AM
I agree, do whatever small nice things you can do for people who are being decent or doing their job well, or even if they just are being hassled by a rude customer. When I go out to eat at my usual places, or go to my doctors offices, or pharmacy, blood test place, and all of the other places I go to fairly frequently, they know my name and greet me with a smile, and make me feel welcome and know me personally, just because I’ve been friendly to them in the past. I even know my UPS guy's name (poor guy hauls giant boxes 1-2 times a week up 3 flights of stairs for me in 100+ degree weather).
The smallest amount of effort on my part always affects such a big response (in general) in others, probably due to the fact that most people don't hear complimentary things that often. Oh, and I love sending hand written notes on really nice stationary and cards, ever since I was a teenager and realized how much I really enjoyed getting an actually MAILED letter from a friend or relative.
Stacy at August 12, 2009 8:35 AM
I always do my best to say thanks and be friendly with any staff out there. I've been on that side of the fence and know what it's like to be treated like you're beneath their notice.
Jim P. at August 12, 2009 9:56 AM
You know those stickers that a lot of trucks have on them, with a phone # to report bad driving? Several years ago, I saw an 18-wheeler pulled over to the shoulder behind a car. When I got closer, I saw that the truck driver had stopped to help the car's driver change a flat. The truck had a sticker with an 800 number and a number for the truck. Next rest stop, I wrote it down. When I reached my destination, I called the 800 number and gave them the truck's number. The operator then asked me what the problem was. I told her, "There's no problem; I want to commend your driver for stopping to help someone with a flat tire." She said she'd pass the message along, and then she said, "Thank you for calling. We don't get too many calls like yours." I wanted to make sure the driver wasn't going to get in trouble for stopping, but she assured me that their company encouraged their drivers to assist stranded motorists when reasonably possible.
Cousin Dave at August 12, 2009 11:42 AM
"...on that day, at that time..."
This is about as offensive as anything else you've posted about the selfishness of the American lout.
Duty, to that man, is a temporary thing, to be bartered. I don't expect someone to "get it" who hasn't thought carefully about what military service means, but be aware that GI Joe's CO can order him into places he will die, and not pleasantly.
Nobody will bring him a Snickers bar when the missile or torpedo is inbound. He'd better think about what that general can do to someone who would shoot at him - and about the clueless politician, to whom he is just a pawn.
Radwaste at August 13, 2009 1:52 AM
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I cannot accept,
and the wisdom to HIDE the bodies of those people I had to KILL today because they PISSED me off.
Also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ASS that I may have to kiss tomorrow.
Jim P. at August 13, 2009 4:05 PM
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