Some people can't hear "It's not working," even in that many words.

Ever see the british televison show 'Coupling'?

The first episdoe dealt with such a situation

Lujlp, thank for reminding me of Coupling - classic line from that episode, when Steve is confronted about still having a girlfriend when his date turns up,

"Well, you're early!"

Talk about cutting it fine.

On topic, I'm sad to say I have in the past used the passive aggressive approach to end relationships - and I regret it. Even if they don't want to hear you have to be firm and honest, just state what you want. It's kinder. Although it hurts like hell to be on the receiving end (done that too), it's better than months of tension.

I've been on the receiving end of the passive aggressive break up. My ex's behavoir just changed one day and I could feel things were different and when I finally got fed up with being in limbo I tried to talk to him about it. He kept saying no everything is fine, but I knew it wasn't. Finally, after basically forcing him to say we didn't want the same thing I ended it. I feel if you aren't happy in a relationship end it. I personally don't want to be with someone that makes me miserable and I sure as hell don't want to be the someone that makes my partner miserable. People, for some reason, like to complicate things. I'm very straight forward in general so I like it when people are honest with me, even if it hurts my feelings. Crid is right, some people won't hear it's not working and that is a whole other situation that just drives me crazy, been there, done that as well. Never understood why someone would want to be with a person that doesn't want them, f that, plenty more people in the world.

Sometimes it's the only way to go, especially if the one you're breaking up with won't. let. GO.

This degree of honesty is so important, and possibly not considered well enough by many, if not most people. My wife knows that my promise is to her, not to anyone else or to any invisible thing, and for 20 years now she has known that if she is honest, she will have my support in a decision to move on.

I suggest, Amy, that one reason that you and Gregg get on so well is that you know where you stand with each other; of course there are others.

Imagine what would happen to the divorce rate if people actually thought about what they were saying before they mouth the words, "I do." Just recognizing who you're really talking to when you say that should be a revelation.

What was the scenario on "Coupling," luj?

Thanks, Rad, but Gregg's just a great human being and completely interesting and fun to be with, and very sweet to me. I described him to my cousin Jane this morning: "A screenwriter once described him as Detroit-ornery, but around me, when I'm sick or need help with something, he's like a mother hen who shaves."

I'm never mean to him or say a mean word to him, although I am bullying him into taking Vitamin D and fish oil, both of which are on their way -- ordered them for him yesterday. He grumbles, but I know he secretly loves it. It's the only area where I ever pushy-broad him -- his health.

I never believed the passive-aggressive breakup thing until it was done to me years ago. It seemed so like the natural thing to do would be to say this isn't working out. Its not that it doesn't hurt, but I never understood people staying in a miserable relationship because they fear the other person's reaction to breaking up. Talk about a weeny!

Clean breaks are the best; they hurt more at first, but they're a lot less painful in the long run than trying to keep a stranglehold on a relationship that's slowly dying. Boy, am I glad hubby and I have a relationship that's only gotten better over the past 24 years together, not to put the whammy on it! :-)

I have more sympathy for men who use the passive agressive approach to break up a relationship than I do women. Women are the great communicators and better at expressing their feelings. Men on the other hand somethimes have no idea what to say, or think that women can read their inattention as a message of a lack of interest in continuing the relationship. Since we women are used to men being absent minded or inattentive we can't usually tell the difference. :-) However there is also the situation where one party owns the house and has all the assets and wants the other party to get mad enough to leave on their own without having to call the police and change the locks. That can get so messy and destructive. Some women and men do not handle bad news well in person. The "dear John/Jane" letter is probably one of the more civilized inventions of a literate society. Isabel

heh, Isabel, men aren't inattentive or absent minded at all. It's just that they are paying attention to something else at the time: "Do these jeans make me look fat?" 'No, but I think the car needs a tuneup.'
Who isn't paying attention there? They are paying attention to different things, though he is likely to be the one who will get in trouble for it.

The passive agressive thing isn't always by design, I'm thinkin'. There are times when the people just aren't on the same thinking at all, and one is willing to force the other to change it.

On the other claw, when someone does turn into an unfriendly ogre, they often seem quite surprised when you do actually end it, as if wondering how far they could actually push.

Aren't there businesses that will deliver the bad news for you? If not, somebody should start one. Apparently, a lot of people just don't know how to end things.

I once had a guy invite me on vacation. I took time off from work and packed my bags, but the day we were supposed to leave, I found out he took another girl. Not sure if that was passive aggressive, but couldn't he have said something?

The funny thing is that he had just given me a gun for Christmas (I know, so romantic), but he took that back when he left. Smart guy.

Amy - I agree, the only area where wife/gf nagging is justified is when it comes to men's health. We just don't do it well on our own, the temptation to show how tough you can be is too great. "Do it for me" allows us to pretend we're still invincible and don't need it, while showing how much we love you by doing something we didn't want to do! It's a win-win.

The first episode of Coupling involves a guy trying to break up with his girlfriend - but who keeps distracting him with sex. Start at the 4:00min mark if you're short on time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYDRZwBDXCg

Lovelysoul - ouch! I'm intrigued, how did you find out? Did he call you from the airport or what?

They have it on netflix if you want to watch the entire series

First season is a absolute must must must see, every single episode

Second and third seasons are great - fourth not so much