notalwaysright.com is also a good site to witness the rudeness of others and what people do in reaction (and I'm not just touting the site because I recently had an entry posted under the title "Redial by Fire." Well, maybe a little.). Speaking as someone who spent years in retail, I have had versions of many of those scenes happen to me, and the rudeness never ceases to amaze.

The name's Clark, Clark Kent.

You got a problem with that?

You talkin' to me?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSuylzFZXb4

I am a little confused. Is it okay to visit with a friend in the store and ask his or her opinion? May I talk to the sales staff?

May I get an opinion on a purchase over the phone? I do not take personal calls on my mobile. My friends know this. I leave it for information on medical issues (urgent only), emergencies, and if I need to pick up my son. I do not "chat" on the phone.

Slap my wrist! How rude!

I am a little confused. Is it okay to visit with a friend in the store and ask his or her opinion?

Jen, no, this is strictly forbidden.

May I talk to the sales staff?

Jen, again, no.

May I get an opinion on a purchase over the phone?

No.

I do not take personal calls on my mobile. My friends know this. I leave it for information on medical issues (urgent only), emergencies, and if I need to pick up my son. I do not "chat" on the phone.

Slap my wrist! How rude!

Posted by: Jen at February 27, 2010 6:43 AM

Jen, you have been slapped.

Have a nice day. :)

Maybe there was a reason my mother told me never to eaves-drop - the brain may be forced to fill in the other side of the conversation.

I guess I am a bit hostile. I have not lived in So. Cal. for a long time, I live in a more rural area.

Sometimes it seems that politeness is subjective.

Is chatting with a sales-person rude? Perhaps they have other duties and you are taking their time. On the other hand, it may make their day to be treated like a person rather than a "server".

I watch my son's baseball games. Is it rude to chat while doing so? I am very busy and use this time as my social time to visit with friends. Some people may think so. Others may think it is rude if you don't talk or greet people as pass and just focus on the game.

I'm all for letting people have different ways of being as long as they are not overly obnoxious, but again, I guess that is subjective too.

It doesn't take much to confuse some people, I guess.

If you can't see the difference between talking quietly with a friend in a store to being subjected to 'Me? I'm in the boutique, where are you? The BEACH!? You lucky dog!Hey! Whaddya say we go out and grab a few beers tonight?' Or someone yelling at their kids on the phone. Or calling their doctor's office. I do NOT need to hear any of that.

Parents talking all through a ball game, and cackling like hens and distracting people? That's rude, yes....quiet conversation, no.

It may be a fine line, but most sensible adults have internalized it by adulthood.

Ken, above, isn't speaking for me or for my book.

Jen, it seems like you might be putting me on -- you seem a bit angry, but I'll answer this like you sincerely want to know.

You really have to be sensible -- be sensitive to other people. Are there people waiting in line behind you? Well, then, that would be a bad time to talk to the cashier.

But, yesterday, for example, in Starbucks, I went up after there was nobody waiting to tell the barrista that I knew of some apartments for rent. Because I'm friendly, people tell me about their lives, and she told me the previous weekend that she was looking for one.

It's always nice to greet the cashier. You don't need to interrogate them. Just treat them like a person.

And I try to sense what works for people and behave accordingly. A friend of mine has two daughters. One is very bubbly and outgoing; the younger one is more...private, let's just say.

They came to pick up their mother, who I hadn't seen for a while, after she and I finished having drinks. I hugged the older one and smiled and said hello to the younger one. She knows I like her a lot, and she likes me, but her demeanor makes it very clear that the last thing she wants from anybody is a hug. I get that, so I don't hug her.

At root of manners is empathy. That's a pretty good guideline for behavior, I think.

Crella details some of it above.

Thanks for the link to passiveaggressivenotes! I've been spending hours tonight reading their posts, and I've never laughed so hard. This is one of my new favorites.

Apparently cellphone users also create unruly children. From Amy's Wikipedia page:

Other issues she has written/spoken of are unruly children, which she attributes to bad parenting, inconsiderate cellphone users, and copyright violators.

Note: Intended as jest, as I was just amused at my own misreading of the above sentence.

This blog post finally made me look it up. It always seemed to be a catch-all term for whatever the speaker wanted to mean... Much like "co-dependent" (which can mean fucking ANYTHING, though each speaker will get very annoyed if you point out the vagueness; or "as a person", which always just pissed me off.

(Me:"What do you MEAN I don't respect you 'as a person'? In what other context, beyond your personhood, could you be so disappointing to me?")

All of these expressions seem like childish points of argument in which contenders are expected to leave unchallenged, because gosh darn it, the person using them will just curl up and die if you don't. Or they'll hold their breath and turn blue.

So anyway, the first line of the Wiki definition of P-A listed above says: Ambiguity or speaking cryptically: a means of engendering a feeling of insecurity in others.

I'm reminded of this book, in which a punk kid from Brooklyn scales the greatest heights of Hollywood by never giving the bastards an inch. One of her favorite expressions, as she was rolling up her sleeves to squabble with someone, was "Define your terms!" Ambiguity was not accepted from her associates.

PS- And that book is worth reading for its own sake if you're old enough to remember those movies. I've mentioned it before for the remarkable narrative layout, which is especially impressive for a non-pro writer.

I just finished your book Amy, and I thoroughly enjoyed it!

Jen, there's a huge difference between a quiet, two-minute conversation and a half hour of top-volume TMI.

I believe the sign is admonishing the latter.