I was just talking to someone about this yesterday. The first spot I saw was about a man leaving for work with his wife going back into the house and a jogger tries to break in, thinking it's empty. I think that one is a better ad (from a marketing standpoint), because it's about something random and completely out of your control, so don't you want the best security system to guard against it? These last couple have made me mad, because they're preying on more than the fear of a burglary. They're saying "You need this security system because it's the only thing that will protect you from getting raped by every man you know." They make me want to do what Dorothy Zbornak did in an episode of "The Golden Girls" and tell Brinks that I will buy a system, but from one of their competitors, because they are inciting fear to make money. They all do it, because that's why you buy alarms, after all, but these specific commercials seem to be slimier than the rest, even though those Brinks people have phenomenal response time. Seriously, they call almost before the alarm even goes off.

I don't know about you, but our city budget is broke. After laying off a bunch of police officers, I don't think 'help is on the way' as quickly as one would like. In fact, in the middle of an invasion, THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO is screen my ringing phone for the security company before answering it. It would be my luck that it is some telemarketer or the pharmacy calling to notify me for the 3rd time that I have a Rx to pick up. I also like how the victim runs upstairs and is presumably cornered and trapped. What a hand wringer.

'It would be my luck that it is some telemarketer or the pharmacy calling to notify me'

That made me laugh. I could picture my MIL calling at the critical moment I had to tell my home security firm "HE-E-E-E-LP!" 'What are you so upset for? Talk to me for a minute! You never call me! When are you coming to see me?' Ha,ha,ha.

What networks are these commercials on? Outside of sports and my kids' shows, I don't watch much. My wife used to watch Lifetime a lot, and I remember seeing one there which pretty much followed the linked video, with a woman's voiceover narrative describing how the intruder tried to break open the door, but the alarm, she declares in a kind of hushed seriousness, "scared him off."

I wondered how the ad would have run if it had been aimed at men: "Then the alarm went off, and the trap door opened up, releasing the angry pit bull, which took out a chunk of the SOBs ass, which the police were able to match to the perp when they caught him down the block!"

That is one of the many things one notices when moving to another culture. The US is a totally frightened place, Afraid of every man. Afraid of kids toys. Afraid of outdoors. Afraid of germs.

Yet, a lot of serious syndromes kids have, have been proven to be a result of excess cleanliness. Crohn's disease, some asthma, and perhaps more.

I told my daughter her son needs to eat some dirt. She doesn't believe me, alas.

Too many advertisements and teasers are designed to terrify you these days. Ever watched the promos for your local news?

- "Your cell phone could be killing you. News at 11."
- "Why you should never give your infant baby food. News at 11."
- "Is you neighbor a child molester? News at 11."

The objective of the local news is not to inform you. It's to terrify you.

Yet, a lot of serious syndromes kids have, have been proven to be a result of excess cleanliness.

That's the "hygiene hypothesis," and the research does suggest that. I blogged about Marlene Zuk's talk on it at the Human Behavior & Evolution Society Conference in 2006 at Penn:

http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2006/06/10/worming_your_wa.html

Conan, that reminds me of the old TV station insider's joke about those news promos:

Scene fades in to a man seated at a desk. He breathlessly announces: "I'm not wearing any pants! Film at 11!"

Just once I would like to see a gun company put up an ad showing what happens when a true psycho breaks in on someone like that:

Man breaks down door, alarm goes off. Man ignores alarm, chases woman and grabs her arm as she tries to talk to the security guy on the phone, drags her off, and the next scene the cops are examining the scene of the crime, because they got there too late to do any good (not their fault, mind you, it's just that it only takes a few minutes to assault someone).

Fade to next scene - man breaks down door, alarm goes off (it's good for giving you warning, after all), woman grabs shotgun, and either stares him down until he leaves, or pumps him full of #4 shot. Cops arrive, tell her "good shooting," go have coffee.

Right, Wanye. I think one of the bad things about those commercials is how quickly they depict the responses. Like I said earlier, the phone rings so quickly they must have dialed before the alarm actually went off. When we first moved into a house when I was fifteen, I was home by myself and my dad set the alarm on "away" when he left for work. Well, I come stumbling downstairs later that morning and set off the motion detectors on my way to the fridge. I couldn't remember the right sequence of numbers for the code, and the alarm is blaring for about fifteen minutes while I call my family to get the right code. No one from the security company ever called (they did call one other time after about five minutes of the alarm blaring).

"THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO is screen my ringing phone for the security company before answering it."

If someone breaks in I will run to a room with a door and lock it. Then dig out one of the many weapons we have stowed in our closets. Bastard traps me in the guest bedroom? NUNCHUCKS. Master bedroom*? BOW AND ARROW BITCHES. Home office? Well. Teehee. That's where all the guns are. And if that fails, I have the Samuri sword (which I can actually use in this fantasy).

Anyway, it doesn't really work like that. Yes, the security company calls your house immediately after the alarm goes off. If you don't answer they send the police, on the assumption you are acting normally and hiding and therefore will not pick up the phone if you are under siege by the pizza guy. If you are NOT in trouble and it gets tripped by accident, you answer the phone, give them your name and give them a secret code number/word/whatever then tell them you're a-okay. If you aren't a person on the "Okay to be in the house" list with the right password then they send the police.

We did that to the babysitter once.

* It's really not that "masterish" of a bedroom b/c it's minuscule and has really, really, shitty ventilation.

"woman grabs shotgun, and either stares him down until he leaves, or pumps him full of #4 shot. Cops arrive, tell her "good shooting," go have coffee."

Yesssss.

Scene fades in to a man seated at a desk. He breathlessly announces: "I'm not wearing any pants! Film at 11!"

That's from Kentucky Fried Movie.

I have it as a soundbite (.mp3) on my iPod.

The objective of the local news is not to inform you. It's to terrify you.

this is why one should never watch news, especially local news.