Dim, fake, and a stellar example of bad grammar.

Wow.

Dear Penthouse Forum,

I never thought it would happen to me ..., but I was propositioned by the random voles of punctuation.

Yikes.

Did SpongeBob link to your site at some point?

Gotta be a twelve year old fantasy (though most twelve year olds have more realistic visions).

If this really is real, all I can say is, 'we've got to nuke it from orbit, it's the only way to be sure.'

I tried to read that but I fell into a comma for a period.

I dunno...there are some very strange people out there in trailer-trash land. VERY strange indeed.

I can't decide which is sadder, if its real or if its fake.

I vote fake.

That sounds like the original 419 Scam emails.

Well, it's an old e-mail, and he gets other people to write things for him nowadays.

Like The Audacity of Hope.

I'm going with baloney, although I could see an uneducated person whose first language isn't English writing like that.

By the way, Ms. Alkon, do you get a lot of obviously fake requests for help? This guy's e-mail just got me wondering about that.

"I dunno...there are some very strange people out there in trailer-trash land. " Yeah, I've had a bit of insight into that in the past. I'm voting fake, though. There's something too pat about it, as if the author copied it from somewhere else and then messed it up to try to make it look like original work.

15 years ago I dated a woman for about 6½ months. About 4 months in she said the following to me:

Her: "We need to talk." (the 4 scariest words any man will ever hear)

Me: "Uhhhhhh ... okay."

Her: "You've told me that you always want me to be honest. So in that light I need to tell you something. I know this might not sound fair but I need to express to you what I'm feeling."

Me: "Okay." (in the sound of a whimper)

Her: "I'm not comfortable with you keeping any of the female friends that you have."

I am not exaggerating one iota. This is precisely what she said. So back to the letter Amy published, it very well could be legit.

Too funny, Raddy! But yeah, I think it's someone who first language isn't English, and he's fakin' it, big time.

I like Radwaste's explanation. If it's not fake, maybe it's from someone in a former British colony with a weird Muslim-ish background. I don't know how common casual lesbian contact is, but I could see it happening where there is highly regulated separation of the sexes.

I vote real. I've worked with many foreigners for whom English is a 2nd or 3rd language, and I've seen many genuine e-mails that read just like this. The incorrect word choice of "except" in "except he is gay" sounds like somebody 'translating' a foreign grammar overly directly to English. I think a true fake would've done a better job rather than be purposely bad like this.

"I'm not comfortable with you keeping any of the female friends that you have."

I often get letters with women (typically) saying that to men, and somewhat less often, men saying that to women.

I vote real, and stupid. I counseled over 1,600 divorced men, and while most of them were good guys, there is a good chance I know more incredibly stupid men than most of you do. Heh, heh.

Um, the man who propositioned his wife's sister. Later, he propositioned a gorgeous Legal Aid attorney who was lesbian, and she marched into court and announced her client accepted supervised visitation. He was no threat to his daughter. We tried to talk to him, and he insisted a man has a right to try to get it whenever he can.

The man who took two hours of my time, free, then announced it was MY fault he was being treated that way. I told him to tell me more. He imagined if it weren't for brutes like me, he would get custody of his kids. He had beat up his wife, but only a little. And, he had committed adultery, but only a little. But, he was much better than me. In his stupid mind. He was so stupid he could not understand any militant op-ed I wrote would have resulted in personal attacks on me if I had even a speeding ticket.

Um, then there was the father of a little boy who encouraged him in showing off his little erections, telling him it would prove he was a man. Even at times, tapping the erection with his finger, to show approval. He was told sign off all parental rights or go to jail. I told him to sign, and he insisted he had done nothing wrong, and he was going to fight. I have always wondered just how long he spent in prison.

Yeah, real and very stupid, plus semi-literate or immigrant.

I've been on teh intertubez since the dial-up days, and believe me, this is mild compared to a number of the posts I've seen. The situation is at the edge of believable, but it doesn't fall into the BS zone because I've seen posts from people on various message boards that have been very similar; I give it a pass simply because, statistically speaking, it's quite possible to have a girlfriend who is horribly jealous of *any* other woman in whom you have an interest.

Yes, I'm speaking from experience. A very short, but enlightening experience, I might add.

As to the grammar and usage: Yes, it could be from someone for whom English is not native, but that doesn't explain the punctuation. You know what explains the punctuation? Kids who have spent 12 years in school with teachers who give them good marks for creativity without teaching them a few simple rules for consistency in writing. I see this all the time in job applications.

I'd say with about 70% confidence (50% confidence = coin toss) that it's fake.

It could be foreign, but looks more like someone trying to sound foreign. He shows a lot of command of articles and prepositions, which tend to be used in subtly different ways in different languages. He's also using fairly complex sentences, properly constructed infinitives, -ing endings, casual speech (slag, my place) and abbreviations.

On the other hand the mistakes he does make look like things that are easy to do deliberately, such as bad punctuation and dropping articles or genuine errors from a native speaker with a bad education, such as me and my big sister are.

I'd be interested to see what a language expert would make of it.

Then there's the psychology of it, which seems like a stretch.

I vote fake. Not because the girlfriend is possessive and jelous of his sister; that I can believe. And not because of the terrible grammar and punctuation, either. Hell, it's hard to find anyone who can actually write properly. It's fake because it contains the tired, old male fantasy that straight girls like to make out with other girls. Not once in my life have I ever met a woman for which this is true, yet all men believe that this is what women do.

Karen, not all men believe that. I know it's a common male fantasy, but I can't even begin to understand why. Why a man would want to watch 2 women getting it on, or make out with 2 women, I simply don't get. It's enough work to keep 1 woman happy.

Fake or real? No clue. Amy, you're the one that gets the letters, so you have a lot more experience in interpreting random people's writing. Could a real person be that dim? Hell yes. Could someone have made that up? Again, hell yes. Why would someone do it? To see if they could pull the wool over your eyes? Try to make you look bad? Is it common for you to get fakes, and if so, what clues you in?

"Not once in my life have I ever met a woman for which this is true, yet all men believe that this is what women do."

I know several straight women who do or have made out with other women sometimes. Might be a generational 'kids these days' thing --- I noticed it suddenly became "trendy" a few years back for women to make out with other women. I was chatting to a somewhat cute, straight 22-year old the other day and when I asked her if she'd kissed another woman before she said "of course!" and was literally shocked at such a silly question, yet she assured me she was totally straight. I have at least two other very straight female friends who've had female lovers.

"I'm not comfortable with you keeping any of the female friends that you have."

I had a girlfriend *just* like this once. I mostly caved in and obliged but still insisted on keeping one or two specific (good) female friends in my life and it drove her nuts, she kept accusing me of cheating with them. For some reason I put up with that kind of nonsense for a long time (partly because I fell in love her, but also she was damn sexy and the sex was fantastic, best I ever had).

My first wife was so jealous she went through a math book, Burington's handbook, from high school, and erased where a high school crush had written her name, a girl I hadn't seen in over six years.

I believe Amy can answer it correctly either way. To help the man if he is serious, and to cover her backside if it is a trick. With some thought she can shame him if it is a trick and still supply help if it is serious.

If he is serious, he should run; run; run, and I think Amy should tell him so. Just my opinion.

This thread has been hijacked... I have heard similar stories (comes from working in an emergency psych room, where the most common reason for a man to present is "suicidal thoughts. Partner left him".

If it is real, I suggest the person state that she (the partner) loves him as he is and lets him have a relationship with a family she has married into... or he will leave.

Because he behaviour stinks of contempt. And if he stays he will end up supporting her kids

Which is exactly the same advice I would give it the genders were reversed.

Her: "We need to talk." (the 4 scariest words any man will ever hear)

Robert W, neck and neck for the scariest four words would be "What are you thinking?"

Oh, and I vote fake. Bits of it are plausible, but overall it just doesn't seem to ring true.

Obama voter or fake.

Her: "I'm not comfortable with you keeping any of the female friends that you have."

The only problem I see is that the relationship ended 2-and-1/2 months too late.

I vote with Shawn that it's fake because of the inconsistency of the bad grammar. Some parts are good and some parts are incoherent. I can understand (be horrified by, but understand) a woman who doesn't want her man to have female friends. But to ask him to not hug his sister while she makes out with her girlfriends? Fake. And for her to suggest that he sleep with his guy friends to "straighten" (I assume that was meant to be strengthen) their friendship? Fake. Also, I have known women who make out with their friends for fun. None of them said it was "female bonding." They were pretty up front about it being rebellious. I vote fake from a person too dim to write a convincing fake letter.

I also would like to echo Shawn's and NumberSix's reasoning. Too much reasonably good writing style mixed in with some random errors that are probably intended to make them sound like a cross between an Appalachian Hillbilly and a Big-City dweller.

I only visit comments occasionally, so just curious. Is the "let's insult public figures we don't like in comments on a totally unrealted topic" a new phenomenon ovr here? Um . . . let me try . . . I bet Lindsay Lohan wrote it cuz she had bad hair and I think her feet stink. Nope, that wasn't very satisfying. Guess I'm just not getting why this seems fun or appropriate for folks.