The Restaurant-Friendly Child
Don't ask whether a restaurant is "child-friendly"; don't bring your child out until they are "restaurant friendly." Restaurant owner Melissa Fox-Revett writes in the Ottawa Citizen:
I am often asked whether my establishment is "child-friendly." Ridiculous! Inquiring whether I am "child-friendly" is like asking whether I am female-friendly, or middle-aged-friendly or brown-haired friendly. I don't care how old you are as long as you are well-behaved and spend money. When I am asked if we are child-friendly, I am always tempted to respond, "That depends. Is your child restaurant-friendly?" Most restaurants are not well pleased at the prospect of a roomful of ankle-biters, especially on a Saturday night at prime time. Leaving aside the matter of the noise and mess that most children generate, parents do not generally order lobster thermidor and Veuve Clicquot for their toddlers and, as such, children always translate to forgone revenue. Restaurateurs (as well as parents) have an obligation, however, to educate and train a new generation of diners.Children require development, training, encouragement, exposure to new experiences and the experience of your high expectations. If the restaurant industry, including fine-dining establishments in particular, is to survive, children must not only be tolerated but welcomed. Most restaurants will accommodate your family if you strictly supervise your brood, you spend excessively and tip liberally, and you are prepared to eat early and quickly. If the restaurant flat out refuses to accommodate your family (and by this I mean you are explicitly told "if you bring children we will poison them") then you should never visit that establishment again, even without kids.
...Yes, Virginia, there really is a child-friendly restaurant. It is any and every establishment to which you take your well-behaved, well-mannered, enthusiastic and voracious little diners, especially on a Tuesday night at 6 p.m.
Most of her suggestions are rather obvious (for anyone with consideration and half a brain), and others are directed at improving a restauranteur's revenue.
I will say that in France, children who go out are expected to act like short adults -- as my parents expected of my sisters and me when we were children. Regarding the French, as I write about dinnertime in France in my book, I SEE RUDE PEOPLE: One woman's battle to beat some manners into impolite society:
At home, however, the rules are numerous and strict. French children are not only expected to eat whatever is being served at the dinner table, meals are eaten with the whole family, and children are not allowed to pop up from the table until the parents excuse them at the end of the meal. From age 2, they are drilled in proper table manners, which include correct use of utensils and the appropriate tone of voice. Essentially, they're treated like shorter adults.Accordingly, my friend Emmanuelle Richard, a French journalist and mother living in Washington, D.C., said it's "super-hard" to find restaurants in France with high chairs and other paraphernalia specifically for children because, if kids come in, they are expected to "behave like adults and blend in." Should you see a young child out in a Paris restaurant with his parents and grandparents on some special occasion, chances are, he will not only be sitting still and upright in his chair, he'll have table manners to rival those of Jackie O.
Thanks, Nicole!
Not totally true. Here in Austin at least, we have a lot of casual-type restaurants with huge outdoor eating areas and playgrounds. They are child-friendly. Ruth's Chris or Trulucks, for example, are not. I can see asking that if you're unfamiliar with the place. I mean, there are some restaurants kids just should not go not matter how well behaved-adults want time away from them!
momof4 at June 28, 2010 7:40 AM
We own a nice restaurant in a nice part of town, away from the central entertainment district. We do not have a children's menu, but we do have high-chairs.
We also have a seven-month-old.
Where we're located, you pretty much have to be accomodating to families... but most of the families that come in have well-behaved children, and they also don't hang out in the bar. We have had some brats in, though, and some of our booths have been drawn on.
If one of our staff ever asked someone with a poorly-behaved child to leave, I can't imagine the fallout. People can say anything they want online, and they'd destroy our ratings on Yelp and other sites. Parents with bratty kids don't have a sense of accountability; you're the asshole for not loving their little demon as much as they do.
ahw at June 28, 2010 8:54 AM
*****Parents with bratty kids don't have a sense of accountability; you're the asshole for not loving their little demon as much as they do.*****
Oh, truer words were never spoken!
And I know I've said this before, but I swear by all that is holy, if I EVER hear again "Well, we have to take them out to socialize them" and the kids are running amok all over the restaurant, I am totally going to bitchslap someone.
Socializing means you have to actually PARENT, morons. A kid is not going to learn table manners by osmosis.
Ann at June 28, 2010 10:11 AM
Kid Friendliness comes from both sides. I am a parent of a 3.5yr old, and a very food centered family. We eat out a lot, and I always ask the "kid friendly" question before going to a new restaurant with him.
We have eaten out with him since day one, and always expect good manners of him, and he knows that. We take paper and pens to entertain him, never loud toys or those with flashing lights. He knows to talk quietly, stay seated and behave well. We have never had to take him out of any restaurant for bad behavior.
It takes work to make sure you child knows how to behave when eating out. It isn't easy, but it pays off.
The reason I always ask restaurants is that some quite acceptably aren't setup for kids. One tapas place we love is too tight of a space, and most tables are bar-stool height - even though they say kids are welcome, I know that isn't the best setup around. I would never dream of taking my son to a very upscale restaurant either, no matter how well behaved he is at this age - it is just inappropriate for us, for him, and for other diners. I won't expect him to sit quietly for 2 hours, and wouldn't do that to us or anyone else.
matt at June 28, 2010 10:36 AM
It's interesting that many segments of society expect children to be treated as "short adults" when it comes to some things, like handing out condoms in school, but can't imagine that they should be held to any standard in other matters, such as being polite in a restaurant.
XBradTC at June 28, 2010 1:24 PM
Asking if a restaurant is "child friendly" is a weird question. It sort of implies that the kids are expected to be entertained, like at Chuck E Cheese. I would just ask if there are children's menus, and if not I wouldn't take my kids there. I'm all for my kids trying new foods, but when shelling out the money to go out to eat, I'd rather just get them something that I know they will like.
KarenW at June 28, 2010 1:34 PM
I remember, in the local Sunday comics, a page where kids wrote to express their opinions on this or that. On the subject of restaurants, one kid had the nerve to complain that the portions on the kiddie menu were too small!
I do wish they'd think of talking to their parents before sounding off......after all, presumably the parents don't WANT to pay for bigger portions or to divide an entree from the adult menu, since many restaurants would call that gauche.
BTW, if we want peace and quiet in certain restaurants, we have to remember to praise to the skies (online and immediately) those who DO kick out parents with badly behaving kids. Otherwise, as ahw pointed out, rude parents will rule the world.
lenona at June 28, 2010 4:29 PM
Wait - do kids actually run around restaurants? Unbelievable. I've always thought Amy was being a bit hard on children in restaurants when the topic has come up before, but maybe I'm just vastly underestimating the awfulness of the behavior at issue.
kurt at June 29, 2010 11:28 AM
All right, this is something I have to comment on. I have worked a second job as a waitress for 8 years now. I have seen EVERYTHING. Kids allowed to wander/run around the entire restaurant unsupervised. Kids let loose to run around the private party room unsupervised because “it’s empty, they aren’t bothering anyone”. Never mind that they have emptied all the sugar caddies all over the floor and are moving on to the salt and pepper shakers. Toddlers, within sight of their parents table, trying to pull out the fluorescent light bulbs from under the stairs. After that one I walked the child back to their table and informed the mother that her darling boy was going to shock himself or break the bulb and cut himself. The mother was unfazed. I’ve had children running up and down the main aisle that ALL the servers use to bring their food into the dining room. Children have run into us carrying trays of food and drinks, causing accidents in the past. One lovely girl was running circles around her table, and decided to detour down the main aisle as I was approaching with her families’ tray of drinks. “Oh, I’m sorry. I was on my way to your table with you jack and cokes and Stellas, but unfortunately your daughter is wearing half of them now. I’ll be back in a few minutes. Need some extra napkins?” It’s unbelievable what parents allow their children to do in public. And no I don’t work at a Chuck E Cheese or some dive diner. Just a nice middle of the road restaurant with managers who have too much patience and tolerance for under parented children.
Jill at June 29, 2010 12:04 PM
Oh Jill, that stinks. And something tells me these folks aren't the best tippers, either.
Pirate Jo at June 29, 2010 2:28 PM
Oh, Pirate Jo! You are absolutely correct. Many times, with people like this, I get tipped 10 percent or less. Many times even much less. Even when I give good to exceptionally good service. I just assume that it is because these people have several children and can’t afford to take everyone out and still tip respectably (And also because they are ignorant and don’t know any better!) And sadly, 10 percent sometimes seems reasonable considering the mentality of the people dining. I have even more stories that are too long to list here. I don’t even want to get into the topic of the incredible mess that is left by not only the kids but the adults that bring them. I know it’s a restaurant, and it’s not your own house to clean up, but do you really need to let your kids unscrew and tear open everything within reach on your table?
Jill at June 29, 2010 10:31 PM
*****Wait - do kids actually run around restaurants? Unbelievable. I've always thought Amy was being a bit hard on children in restaurants when the topic has come up before, but maybe I'm just vastly underestimating the awfulness of the behavior at issue.*****
Wow. If you truly never see this, I'd like a list of the places you go. It sounds like heaven. You're either damn lucky, or REALLY tolerant.
Ann at June 30, 2010 7:31 AM
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