As difficult as it may be, an STD is your cross to bear. Disclosure occurs the instant you believe the relationship may become sexual, as in, before the first date.

Is it fair or nice to be discriminated against because you have an STD, in light of the fact that precautions can be taken? It is not. Unfortunately, it is also their prerogative to do so.

Disclosure of an STD is no deterrent to me. If I want to pursue a relationship with an interested party, then I'm going to do so. I appreciate them all the more for their honesty and ethics.

If the oft-quoted stats are right, one in four people has herpes.

How would you like to be three-in-four, suddenly moved to one-in-four? Perhaps one-in-four may think it's no big deal, but three-in-four might disagree. My answer stands. Disclosure occurs the instant you believe the relationship may become sexual.

Work related - How to deal with a manager that is never encouraging. Never Good Job, or even acknowledging that we are a good team & work smoothly. The best team in a long time.

It feels mitpicky, but after 10 years, the only positives have been a slight acknowledgement of being a good worker in general, at review time. Alone, behind the closed door.

One Keep up the good work! would go a long way.

Instead of always being a stick in the mud. He has told us all at one time or the other that we are making him look bad. That was fun.

Amy- you mention the 1 in 4 stat. Did you see the study the other day that 1 in 5 gay\bisexual men in America is now HIV positive? Something like 30% of gay\bi black males are HIV+, most don't even know it.

We have a friend who is bi and personally reckless (DUI's, etc.), and I can't help but wonder how many people he has had unprotected sex with, male and female. Patrick is 100% correct- as soon as the possibility of sex begins, a responsible person should be required by law to disclose anything that cannot be cured.

>> Disclosure of an STD is no deterrent to me.

Patrick, that statement amazes me. Would you have even protected sex with an HIV+ individual?

I do wonder about about the Herpes stat, which I've heard a lot recently, too. That used to be the HPV stat... that 1 in 4 sexually active adults had HPV. Are they, perhaps, counting all herpes strains, including cold sores and shingles? 'Cause, I got chicken pox when I was 6, but I sure as hell don't have genital herpes.

What about what to do to STOP a friend from driving drunk when she says she's "ok"?

I don't know if this is broached under the car topic, but what do you do about people who park in spots WAY too small for their car. I'm so tempted to do something evil to it. My car isn't small, but fits nicely into a space when the car next to mine is no larger than my car. Yet, I often will get trucks or large SUVs next to mine, where I have to slink into my car (I parked first, I would never park next to these vehicles). What am I supposed to do? Dirty up my clothes or climb over seats to make it easier for them?

Something like 30% of gay\bi black males are HIV+, most don't even know it.

If the people who have it don't even know they have it, how does someone else know?

There are sometimes valid reasons for stereotypes and prejudices, Pirate Jo.

The Red Cross refuses Blood donations from those who belong to high risk groups. The risk of accepting their blood donation is deemed to be too high. It is, of course, unfair to some potential donors, but you don't get to choose whose blood you are transfused with.

Shorter answer, nobody has the right to impose a risk of injury or death on someone else.

Pirate Jo- The Center for Disease Control did a study of something like 8,500 gay\bisexual men.

http://www.examiner.com/science-news-in-national/nearly-half-of-gay-men-infected-with-hiv-don-t-know-it-cdc-says

On cheating?

I've never once seen someone grateful that they were told their partner was cheating. Without exception they've refused to believe the informer, and gotten angry.

I don't know if you would want to include this in your book, as I'm not sure how many people feel affected by this issue, but I would like to get some tips on how to respond to people who make comments/ask questions etc. in relation to your nationality and where you come from and often make comments about your accent? I find it very uncomfortable, especially if it's in a group setting. Usually after I tell them where I come from, they say patronizing things like "wow, your English is very good" or "You don't sound like someone from X country" - they seem to assume that just because you come from a different country you have to be an illiterate moron. I come across this all the time; in shops, taxis, at work and it drives me mad! And it doesn't end there - loads of other questions usually follow and it feels like you have to give them the story of your life - how long you've been here, where you lived before, why you moved etc. No one would question a gay person or someone with a disability in this fashion - but yet it seems to be appropriate to ask questions about my personal background. How do you politely respond to that without coming across as overly sensitive but at the same time make it clear that you don't think it's appropriate to make such comments/ask such questions?

I don't drink. At all. Ever. Usually it's not a problem, but every once in a while, I'll get someone who thinks that they need to coax me into it. I smile and say simply "I don't drink." It's not cuz I'm a recovering alcoholic or anything like that; it's just that I don't drink and don't care to. But sometimes, even good friends will make "helpful" suggestions: "You'll like this one; you can't even taste the alcohol!" or "You need to get drunk at least once so you'll know your limit." So far, my tactic is to smile and say "No, thank you" until my face hurts, but I'd like a way to end the discussion; especially a way that won't have me getting teased for the rest of the evening.

I think the cheating issue, re: the telling, depends on how close I am to the person being cheated on.

I had to tell a very good friend once and it affected our relationship for many years afterward. However, I knew she was having unprotected sex with her boyfriend, a man I would occasionally see coming out of a rent-by-the-hour motel during my lunch hours. (It was on my way to my favourite diner.) The thing is I saw a variety of women in the car with him, so I guessed he was seeing prostitutes. (He was.) So I told because I felt her health was the most important thing on the table.

A few years later, I was unwittingly dating a very promiscuous man who also was against using condoms. I slept with him a couple of times--then got a warning from someone I KNEW was well-intentioned--and promptly put an end to that relationship. I got tested for AIDS once and then again six months later, just to be sure. I consider that a close call--this man really was sleeping with anything that moved and was high risk in my opinion.

I think the health-risk aspect of things is what I stay focused on. I mean, you may lose a friend, but if you save them from getting a serious STD, well, then, I think you've done the right thing. You just have to be prepared to dodge a bullet or two. As the one person shared above, people who are cheated on DO tend to shoot the messenger.

Cornerdemon: if you're the same guy as posts on Keith Code's blog, a simple pic of what you think is entertainment should shut drinkers up!

But this is a cherry quote: "...a responsible person should be required by law..."

Eric, responsible people have no need of law to tell them what to do or how to do it.

ie, I was once informed by a relative that she had seen my (now ex-) wife snogging with a guy at a bar. I was grateful that she told me. Then again, I already suspected that something was going on -- I just didn't have any proof. This tip from my relative provided me with the proof.

That might make the difference in what kind of reaction you get when you tell someone their spouse is cheating. If they already suspect it, then you are simply giving them confirmation. But if they suspect nothing, then it's got to be a shock. I still think I'd tell someone that I was close to. But if it was just a casual acquaintance, I'd butt out.

And here's a question for everyone. How do you convince someone that they are a bad drunk? I've known a few people who invariably got angry and nasty when they drank. Very unpleasant to have around when everyone else is getting happy.

Cousin Dave- I had this issue with a guy in my circle of friends at college. He was an otherwise great guy who turned angry and violent while drunk, and caused harm to himself and others on several occasions.

Eventually a group of us sat him down and explained that we valued him as a friend and cared about him too much to knowingly endorse his drinking problem. This meant that while we were happy to spent time with him sober, until he got a handle on his alcohol issues we refused to drink with him, or be around him when he was drunk, or invite him to events that involved drinking.

He also was denied a bid to a fraternity that several of his friends were in because they tipped off the other brothers about his drinking problem; and I think that was a big wake-up call. It's been a year now and he's much better, so I think the tough love approach was effective.

The sad drunk can be almost as bad. I had a friend that if drank a bit and then he got on the subject of his time in the Army (first gulf war)...well, it was going to be a very unfun evening for us all.

The mean drunk might solve the pushing to drink problem some one mentioned earlier. Just refuse the offer and say something like "I can be a really anger drunk."

Amy, I have another "what do you do when.." question that I just thought of last night. It's not related to either of these, but my question is: what do you do when a good friend has already told you a story, and at the beginning of the conversation, I say "yeah, I've heard this story" (or something similar, letting her know that I have already heard the story she is about to tell me, and she's the one who told me!) and she just keeps on going like she didn't hear me. It drives me CRAZY. I love my friend to death, but she's a non-stop talker, and while I don't mind her dominating the conversation as she usually does (it's fine, because I'm really more of a listener than a talker) I REEEEEAAAALLLLY do NOT want to hear the same damn stories three or four times. As soon as she starts whatever story she's going to tell me, I will know if I've heard it, and say "yeah, you told me about that" and it doesn't sink in. I don't know what to do though! I don't want to be rude, though believe me, I've certainly thought about telling HER the story she's about to make me sit through for the next five to ten minutes, quick before she can get it out, just to get her to believe that I already know the story.. but I don't want to hurt her feelings because I know she's not trying to be rude or mean. We've been friends since we were 6 years old, and she's always been a talker.

>>"if you're the same guy as posts on Keith Code's blog, a simple pic of what you think is entertainment should shut drinkers up!"

I'm not - but now you've got me wondering!!

Dagny,
The subject of your post is quite interesting.

From my point of view, I live in a city where 50 per cent of the population originates from a country other than this one. Also, of the people born in this country and who live in this city, I would say only a fraction were actually born and raised in this city.

The reason people question is because it is a way to engage a person in conversation. To learn about someone (you). To learn about other cities, countries or cultures.

Personally, I did not grow up in the city in which I live and after many years of living here I have met few who actually grew up here. I ask both foreign and domestic born people about where they are from because: they might be from my home town; they might be from a small community where we have a mutual acquaintance; they might be from somewhere that I have visited and we can share our appreciation of their home town (everyone loves to hear about how nice their home town is); or, they might be from somewhere I would love to go so wish to know more about.

I have met people from countries at the bottom of my travel wish list and through coversation with them I have moved their country to the top of my list. I might never have gone to their birth country otherwise and I might not experience what could turn out to be my favourite place on earth.

I have never met anyone who complained about my questions, if I am questioning someone about where they are from I also talk about where I am from so we can discuss the similarities and differences. I cannot recall ever talking to someone about where they are from without them getting excited about the conversation. If I ever felt that someone was uncomfortable I would cease questioning.

I love to learn and the best way to learn about a country, city or culture is from the people themselves. I love to hear people's stories and connecting with strangers. Most people appreciate becoming part of something bigger than the little bubble we all walk around in. I do not believe that asking someone where they are from is a particularly personal question like asking someone when they plan on having a baby is - we are all from somewhere.

If you are uncomfortable with people questioning you I am sorry for that, I am sorry that they cannot pick up on your discomfort and persist. But understand that most people ask the questions to be friendly, to start a conversation, to get to know the person. Maybe you should try asking the questioner about where they are from.

Here's a what do you do when/ intolerable rude behavior:

People who throw money. Not away, but at or towards the recipient. Under various circumstances: Paying someone back, and throwing it at them, disrespects the favor they did you when you loaned them the money. This also non-verbally states that you think you shouldn't have to pay the money back. Very poor form, immature, and makes me want to punch you in the chops so that you shit teeth for a week.

Or in a business setting. Why disrespect a cashier by throwing the money at her? What the hell has she done to you? Close the transaction person-to-person, and let them take the money from your hand rather than be a contemptuous prick.