David Foster Wallace' remarkable piece, "A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again," describes the experience of a cruise in excruciating detail. And his didn't involve and random inspections for drugs.

As a regular (3-4 times a year) cruiser, let me say that the TSA experience has never been as excruciating for the cruise-ship passenger as it has been for the air passenger (in my experience - I am sure we can dredge up some good exceptions).

For example, my husband was allowed to board the ship on our latest cruise last week with various implements of torture such as a three-inch knife, tweezers and fingernail clippers on his person, but we were required to throw out our open bottle of water. Go figure.

I have never seen any sort of "random" inspection of passengers. Perhaps the ship's security had good reason to inspect this passenger's possessions, but it is important to realize that the captain is the ultimate authority on the ship, and his requests WILL be obeyed. The "ship" is NOT the United States, but generally speaking it is good PR to treat the guests well, since they won't come back if they feel abused.

Looking back, on my cruise a week ago, we walked by a cabin where two security officers were knocking on the door, shortly before leaving a port. As we passed by, I smiled and spoke. They were not smiling, and they did NOT speak back. From this, I assume that they weren't there to deliver flowers to the passenger, but we never heard anything more related to this. Much of what goes on isn't publicized, as there is really no need (just like if your next door neighbor at home is visited by the police, you wouldn't expect to know what happened there unless the neighbor chose to tell you.)

I'll have to read DF Wallace's account of his cruise. There are those who love them, those who hate them, and those who find it fashionable to hate them even though they have no real experience.

Two additional points: 1) just because the article says the inspection was "random," that doesn't mean the inspection was actually random, and 2) Mr. Wallace is WAAAAAAAAAAAY too superior for me (I found his article.) I could only hope to achieve his lofty heights of superiority...if I were to live to be a million years old and worked at hating myself really, really hard.

The fact is, that any activity on a cruise ship is voluntary, once you get past the muster drill, and there is plenty to do in solitude, my preferred condition. A cruise is what you make of it. Looks like Mr. Wallace worked hard at making himself miserable. He could have just saved his money and stared into the mirror for a few hours every day to accomplish the same thing.

He could have just saved his money and stared into the mirror for a few hours every day to accomplish the same thing.

He was paid by Harper's to go on a cruise and write about it.

...and worked at hating myself really, really hard.

He did end up killing himself. It's unfortunate; I always found his nonfiction to be compelling and keenly observed. However, his writing is definitely not for everyone.

I don't know any details about this story, but had my own odd experience with customs on a cruise.
It was a cruise to Mexico for friends wedding. Customs seemed to randomly check the packages of people returning to the ship. Whether it was for smuggled drugs or for not paying a duty, I don't know. However, mine experience was on the leaving ship side. I think they were more curious, and weren't thinking I was smuggling drugs into Mexico.
Since I was helping the bride and groom leave ship, who were of course running late, to get to the beach wedding I was the one carrying 2 suitcases full of wedding junk: ( the boquet, flowers, camera equipment, frizbees, etc..) So I was stopped, and checked.

"He was paid by Harper's to go on a cruise and write about it."

Duh, sorry (I wrote that before I actually read the article in full.)

"However, mine experience was on the leaving ship side."

I had one of those, too. DH and I had the genius idea of mailing our laundry home in flat-rate priority boxes, as we had a long cruise and several stops (the Hawaiian Islands). This went well until our last stop, where the customs officer wouldn't allow us off the ship with a sealed package for mailing (keep in mind we had only been in US ports to that time). Long story, but we ended up physically "smuggling" the dirty laundry off and putting it in a box for mailing once we stood on shore.

Let's face it: sometimes, people are just plain stupid. Too bad they oftentimes work for the government and have the power of said government behind them.

The TSA Gangstaz are molesting people on cruise ships now? Big Sis is really getting on my nerves.

My wife and I take a cruise every other year. We were a bit apprehensive the first time, but after the first day came to really enjoy the experience. Have never had any sort of "inspection" of luggage or person. Although we are both quite private people, we love the cruise experience -- like most things in life, it is what you make of it.

A co-worker told the story of a group of them being stopped and searched for any local crop by the local authorities as they were trying to board the ship. I believe it was Jamaica.

The only thing he bought was a gay pride shirt which is funny because he is extremely conservative (though not religious) and didn't realize the meaning of the symbols.

"I would go to jail to avoid getting on a boat."

I find that amazing. I understand motion sickness, but boats, even small ones, take you places the rude people you see are not.

I've seen you call a sunset through power lines pretty. I beg to differ. You should see a thunderstorm from 50 miles away on a warm Florida night, the top of the cloud still in the sun, the lightning punishing something in silence.

"I would go to jail to avoid getting on a boat."

Call one of these magnificent ships a boat, and you'd deserve a trip to the brig ;-)