What would be the reaction of people if the genders were reversed? (ie) a responsible guy cribbing about his wasteful spending sister? I think a lot of things show the stark difference between the way men and women are treated in society when this simple test is applied. Maybe this should be a mandatory test to apply for any opinion writer or court jury.

RedraJesh,

I don't think the reaction would be too much different were the genders reversed. It's a bit more pitiful if it's a man, but not too much. That's only because a lazy, worthless woman can often find a sucker to provide for her. A man in this state of mind is hopeless.

I sure am glad I haven't had to deal with this as a parent. I've been helped out from time to time by my father, but I've always been gainfully employed, productive, and can get myself out of bed for God's sake. I think that's the difference. If my productive kids need a little boost every now and then, I'm thankful that I have the means and help them out. But if they were not showing any sign of joining productive society, they wouldn't get the same consideration.

At least, I like to think that's how I'd behave in that situation. Thank goodness I don't know what it's like. That would be very painful to see your child just give up.

My parents, when I was really struggling in New York (at the time when I didn't have a bed because I couldn't afford a bed AND rent), sent me $1,000 at one point. At several points, they told me "You can always come home," but the implication (vis a vis how we were raised) is that that really meant "You can always come home and mow the lawn, etc." There would have been none of this slacking business.

dude, assuming that the girl manages to find a sucker, but if the sucker turns out to be like this guy(or the girl in this case), she would eventually just come and sit in the brothers house or try to get government benefits which would anyway not be enough for someone as irresponsible as her. If the sucker happens to be a billionaire fine, but if he is a crook who is just doing sham mlm or drug dealing and resides in county jail while coming out once in a while and doing a stint of drug dealing or some crooked mlm scheme before going in again, the brother will be in the same situation as this girl. But I don't think anyone would ever tell him to kick her out or praise him for putting up with her on any given day. They would just say that since he is the man, it is his responsibility to take care of his sister.

Whistle, it doesn't sound like the freeloader has "given up" - I'd say he knows EXACTLY what he is doing.

and whats worse, if the guy actually stops his sister from coming and staying in his house while her sucker husband is in jail, people, media, county etc would breathe fire on him and make his life hell for trying to protect his own money.

There is a large difference in helping and enabling. They're enabling. Helping is "Son you just lost your job due to downsizing, we'd like to help you with your rent while you find another". Enabling is "poor widdle puttums never needs a jobby-wobby, no sirree!". I'd certainly help my kids, I would not enable them. I don't enable now. When you turn 18 in this house, you have a scholarship or you enlist. We'll help out with school, they're welcome to live at home while they attend school, but we won't be able to pay for 4 years of them having fun and goofing off.

Radrajesh, I'm not sure if your legs are tired from making that big old leap, but I'd be just as appalled were he a she.

My philosophy is that I will help them as long as they are doing something to better themselves. My son is 21, but he's going to school part-time and also getting his capatin's license and divemaster certfication. When he couldn't find any other job, I gave him a job working for me, and now, he works part-time for my husband as a mate on his dive boat.

I bought him a tiny trailer to put on our property, and I haven't charged him rent yet because I know he's just barely scraping enough together for food. But I think the key is that I don't feel he's taking advantage of me. He's just young and in a tough spot right now, but I don't expect him to stay that way.

Both my kids are very conscientious about not taking advantage. When my son borrows money from me, he always pays it back. My daughter works as a hostess and, at 17, manages to pay for most of her clothes and personal items.

So, I think it depends on how much and for how long....and what attitude they demonstrate. If they expect it all just handed to them so they can slack off, it's not a good idea.

My wife went through this with her son, at one point some years ago. She had to cut him off for a while. It was painful for her because, when she quite supporting him, he stopped communicating with her for a while (which is why she had a hard time bringing herself to do it). But he learned his lesson and he's now a responsible adult.

"There is a large difference in helping and enabling. " M4, that's absolutely true, and for some reason, today a lot of people have trouble distinguishing the difference. I sometimes think that failing to appreciate the difference is the root of a lot of our problems today. A large percentage of leftism consists of making sure that the enablees remain enabled, and that wouldn't work if people understood the difference. Reminds me of those old TV ads that used to run for the United Negro College Fund: "We're looking for a hand up, not a handout."

Every day, on the way home from a long day at work, I stop to buy a fifth of cheap whiskey for my family members. They then get stone drunk that evening drinking what I brought home. My brother drinks most heavily. He has been a drunk for decades.

I am worried for them all. Will they ever quit drinking?! How do I get them to stop?

Oh, harsh fortune! How cruel you are to my family and me!

I think even in a repressive asian society where some parents may have pushed their children in the wrong way and ended up having dysfunctional children in a dysfunctional asian society(where who you know is more important than how you work),
it is important for parents to motivate or assist
their children in the right way and to provide a fairly strong foundation for their children to take up any challenge in this difficult time, so that their children can grow up to be a confident independent adult. I think most children crave for independence. It is just that not many children have that many opportunity to strive in certain oppressive asian society.
It is also bad for a child morale if parents interfered too much without giving proper support when needed.

Commenter "Geoff" (from her site) makes a good point in saying that she is making the same mistakes with her parents that they made with her brother:

"You loaned them $20k to start a business, you paid off their credit cards, you are responsible for all of their household expenses, you are loaning them a car long term. You told your parents to not loan the car to your brother, and they did, and now your car is in the impound lot. Either your parents lied to you or they simply can't be trusted, either way it's time to start weaning them off your support."

She is enabling them to be enablers to the brother. Unless she is getting some kind of feeling of sanctimonious martyrdom from this (and that question is certainly worth asking), then she need to learn this word: "No" and practice it in front of a mirror until she can say it.

It seems to me that these are both siblings trying to win mommy and daddy's love.

My dad always says that when a child gets what he/she needs from the parents, they can leave home and move forward in life. The kids who continue to hang around are usually trying to meet some unfulfilled need (even if only to win a sibling rivalry, which also seems to be happening here - brother is infuriating sister by receiving unequal treatment).

Plus, kids get labeled. The sister was probably the overachiever in school, so the parents always made clear they expected more of her and less of the brother. This can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Kids tend to live up or down to their parents expectations.

Is she a typical rags to riches immigrant stories that she is trying to boast or is she trying to publicise her socalled capability or her socalled family misfortune? Either way, there is nothing especially impressive about her even if she could feed the whole world as result of the generosity of the western system.

Yeah, how long has this been going on now? At what point wouldn't you cross the line and realize that "temporary assistance" was turning quickly into "lifelong dependency?" If her parents got hungry enough, they might stop using her money to bail out her brother. Unless of course she just enjoys complaining about it? Poor me, I have to do everything around here! Well, as the Irish guy at the U2 concert said, 'Well then quit fookin' doing it!'

Adult children living at home need to pitch in for the basics (food and shelter) and absolutely pay for anything beyond that themselves. I have friends who have adult children living with them and pay for their cell phones, car insurance and even car payments. These kids are never going to leave. Why should they?

The best thing my father ever did for me was to say "no" to my request to move back home for a year so I could pay off my credit card debt.

He was a single parent, and started charging us for "room and board" as soon as we were out of school. He taught us the value of a dollar, and shared details of the cost of providing us with food and shelter as soon as we were able to understand it.

You could say he taught us to fish, instead of just giving us fish.

It is typical for (islamic or nonislamic) asian immigrants(be they parents or children) from third world to moan about their financial predicament while they greedily inflict financial problems on other unwary responsible adults. That is the problem with dysfunctional asian upbringing, whether they are in asian society or in western society. Blaming the brother problem without blaming the parents would be unfair if their repressive asian parents or their repressive asian society had indirectly caused the problem of dependency(via ulterior financial or unspoken motives) in the first place.
Sometimes the problem is even if one know how to fish, there is no fish available to be fished.

Unfortunately my mom is taking care of my adult brother and sister, as well as their 5 children, my brother's come-and-go wife, and occasionally boyfriends that wander through my sister's life. None of them contribute to the household, financially or otherwise, and my brother has pawned most of my dead father's belongings to pay for his pot, smokes, and beer (none of which I'm opposed to unless you priortize them over necessities such as diapers for the children you chose to spawn). I rarely visit anymore because it's too depressing, but ultimately my mother is the one with the control to stop the situation.

familial responsibility weighs heavily here, and daughter is carrying the whole load. I'd bet that the reasone her brother has always gotten away with everything is a cultural bias towards sons in their culture. When that happens and you get a bad apple? They wreck the family...

so she is going to have to decide if she is willing to continue this misery with her own husband and family... becasue this will not stop, until her parents pass on.

It may be the hardest cut of all, but she will have to decide if her allegience is to a situation that will derail her own marriage and life, or if she will have to make the real move where she has to cut her ties. This sort of thing is like a cancer, and it will do bad things for her too.

It's bad news all around. About the only thing she can do is to become the apex of the family and cut the brother off, but I dunno how possible that is.

We're buying a house, which we're getting a great deal on, and the reason the sellers sold for such a low price (almost 100k less than what they bought it for 7 yrs ago) was because their 20-something sons were running amuck - cranking the AC down to 60, then leaving the doors wide open, partying all weekend with loud music, raiding the fridge, etc (when I first looked at the house, the fridge had a chain lock on it!). It was a vacation home for them, but rather than reign in the kids, the parents apparently decided it was just easier to sell the house.

The other day, we had the inspection, and these spoiled brats were all standing around glaring at us, mad that daddy sold their playhouse. I'm definately changing the locks!

What I find even more disgusting that this phenomena is the large collection of friends I have who are financially supporting their Baby Boomer parents. And I'm not talking about my friend Anthony who's mother has Alzheimers and is in a nursing home. That's just life dealing you a sucky hand.
I'm talking about my friends who actually pay mom's rent and electric bill, or have to co-sign a loan for dad so that he can buy a car. I would venture to say that a quarter of my friends are in some way paying bills for their parents on a regular basis, or at some point have had to send mom and/or dad a large check to bail them out.
So yes, I agree that parents encourage bad behavior when they continually bail out their children. But I think asking a child (even if that child is 35) to pay for your gas bill when you are 60 is even MORE pathetic. I don't care if you raised the child - you are still the parent. Act like it and stop expecting your kid to pay for your stupid financial mess!

ls, I would invest in a very good alarm, and perhaps even some nice wrought-iron bars for your windows to help your new Great Dane in his house guarding duties, because of the experience I have with that sort. Broken windows and turfed lawns are probably the very mildest retaliation you can hope for, even tho you know who they are, you will not be able to prove it without video.

Gods, it is so bloody familiar to me, and you see this story everywhere, in every neighborhood. Does not matter if it is a boy or girl, oldest, youngest or middle, we all know someone like this. And damned if it is not an act of inhuman restraint not to slap the parents silly in order to set them straight.

An alarm is not a bad idea, Kat. We have two dogs, though mine is just a little pomeranian. The retriever isn't too scary either.

The parents had a yard sale this weekend, to get rid of furniture, etc, and they must've asked the sons to hang signs around the neighborhood. My husband called me earlier chuckling because he'd found a sign that read: "Yard Sale! Come topless. Bikini contest!" lol Gotta hand it to them for at least being funny.

UW Girl, that is sickening. That lady isn't too old to work if she is only 60. Hells bells, most people could actually work until past 70, if they had to.

Sometimes I am a little annoyed by what I see as kneejerk sympathy for old people. Everyone imagines sweet, pink-cheeked little old grannies who would have to eat cat food. But some (dare I say most?) of these people are just deadbeats, they have been for their entire lives and the only difference now is that they are OLD deadbeats. The brother mentioned in this article will be one of them himself someday. And then, when he is old, we are miraculously, suddenly supposed to feel sorry for him!

I'm talking about my friends who actually pay mom's rent and electric bill, or have to co-sign a loan for dad so that he can buy a car.

My boyfriend is dangerously close to playing that role with his parents -- his family is like the Bluths from arrested development. Long story short, his dad was always a "community figure" who had to "keep up appearances" and managed to keep his wife in the dark because finances "weren't her place." It all *just* came out. Big mess.

...meanwhile, my own parents are so *excited* that my little sister (at 25!) is finally applying for paying jobs (she milked the student/intern/volunteer/travel thing as long as she could, and my parents finally told her that, in a year, they will stop paying for that). And, for the past 4 years, they've been absolutely *baffled* as to why she didn't want to become gainfully employed while they were basically financing her journey to "find herself."

Is this really about parents helping children, or children helping their parents, who also help their other children? If a parent wants to take care of their adult children, it's their business. Whether it's enabling or not. But when they are getting their other able and capable adult daughter to help since they can't fit the bill for the brother, that's another story. It's unfair of them to put their inability to force their son to move onto their other adult daughter. In effect, they are pushing his care on her.

I personally believe that someone who can care for themselves should do so, even parents. If a parent makes a bad financial decision, and their home is foreclosed upon, they should be ready to work harder to make ends meet. You don't have children so you can become a leech. And if you do, that's shameful.

LS, get one of those doorbells that chimes, then immediately plays a large barking noise. Or better yet get a big dog. I"m one of the newly converted prosthelitizers (sp?) on dogs.

As long as my retirement is funded, it's my money and I'll spend it the way I like.

My oldest graduated into the teeth of the dot com bubble, with a Computer Science degree and a lot of loans. I let him stay at home, for free, and gave him my old car. He now owns his own home, and has already paid off most of the student loans.

I gave my youngest (a PhD student) a car. She's doing great, and gets paid tuition and a stipend which lets her live somewhere below the poverty level. Why wouldn't I help her before I help some stranger?

I suppose I could buy myself a car (but mine runs fine) or a bigger house (which my wife and I sure don't need) or take more vacations (if only my wife got more time off.)

Giving somebody a start in life is a good thing. Fostering dependency does nobody any favors. (I'm talking to you, Uncle Sam.)

momof4, what kind of dog did you end up getting?

Am wondering the same thing, M4.

Our golden retriever barks, and I think he would go after anybody that came after us. He's very protective. They're not fierce-seeming dogs though.

Giving somebody a start in life is a good thing. Fostering dependency does nobody any favors.

Nicely put, MarkD. My parents supported me through university (I worked, but ad hoc as a high school tutor - good money per hour, but I couldn't have supported myself on it). But it was always expected that I would make the most of it and look after myself. Which I did, I got a job and bought a house. I've had to go to my dad for help occasionally, but to be fair he hit me up for a loan a couple of years ago when his current business was a bit short on cashflow too. We all try to help each other, but the codicil is that everyone contributes what they can.

My brother works with dad, god knows how (my father is a control freak, I couldn't do it). But he pays his way, it's not a sinecure, he works fucking hard. My sister has just moved back with mom, she works damn hard in child care but the money in that is very hard to live independently on. My younger brother is struggling a bit and I worry about him but he's studying again and working towards a career - he's only 25 so it could be worse. None of us have spent years 'finding themselves', that's something you do in your spare time.

We all got a good head start in life. I suppose the hard part is deciding when to cut that off. I know my parents would look after me if needed, but I'm doing my best to make sure that never needs to happen.

LS, Weimaraners (another specialised retriever/gundog breed) don't look especially fierce either

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weimaraner

but I grew up with one (she was six months older than me) and they are astonishingly protective of their family. I used to drag her round the yard by a hind leg as soon as I could walk and she put up with it - but Mom was walking her one day and a guy came up to her asking for money or something and started acting threateningly. He put his hand on her arm - then got a huge shock when Misty gently closed her jaws around his wrist. Didn't bite, just a warning to not touch. I'd seen her crunch through lamb leg bones with her teeth, so I'm guessing he wasn't real happy. He backed off very fast after that and so she let go. If he hadn't, it's likely she would have taken his hand off.

The retriever type breeds often have better judgement than the more vicious rottweiler/pit bull as far as protection goes. I'd say you're well set with a golden retriever.

I've got a 90 lb Belgian Malinois/Great Dane Mix. He's a total lovey, but looks intimidating (think a waist-high german shepherd) and has a bark to make men piss their pants. Which he uses only when someone he doesn't know approaches the house, thus far.

I think most responsible adults would avoid depending on their unrealible or apathetic parents, whom they may have lots of differences with or whom they may never get on with when they were younger, given a choice. Anyway, parents should try to give their children a good head start, if possible, without imposing unrealistically on their children. There are lots of children who struggled on their own without any decent help from their community or parents. Anyway, I think western culture create more opportunity for independent adult to be independent and innovative whereas asian society of various faiths expect (or encourage indirectly or unpleasantly) children to be dependent on their parents in one way or another as a means of control(economic control or asian society control, etc) via socalled asian family values or under the guise of obligation. It is also unpleasant and inconsiderate when self sufficient and financially able parents expect their struggling adults/ children to provide for them in an extremely oppressive, extremely unhelpful and extremely selfish asian society.

Ugh, pitts. We were at the animal shelter we got our boy at today, dropping off a van full of food/toy donations that the twinados collected at their b-day party this weekend instead of toys, and some idiots were looking at an older pitt. I call them idiots because they had 2 small poodleish dogs already (with them) and were thinking about getting this 60+ lb pitt. Fortunately the shelter would not adopt it to them, but the littler dogs' lives would have been measured in days, had the shelter let them have the pitt. And this didn't seem to have occurred to the owners at all.

Basically what I was trying to say above was, ls, you need to do everything to protect yourself. True story:

We were just little kids, I am the oldest of 3 and I was about 8 (so say around 1972ish). My parents bought the house with the biggest yard where all the teenagers liked to play football during the day, and hang out at night drinking beer. Obviously, with 3 small children, Dad didn't really like that going on, so he asked them to stop. At first he asked nicely. They turfed our yard. So he called their parents. He got stoney silence followed by hangups. That's when they started breaking our windows. BIG, plate glass windows.

Dad and Mom started taking shifts at night, sitting on the front porch. The cops wouldn't do anything because, well, because. Dad bought one of those fake starter pistols when one of the shitheads handed my 3-yr-old brother something that was smoking to drink. Luckily I was there and knocked it from his hand.

Then we got Elsa, a HUGE Great Dane that was the most protective, best with kids dog I've seen until recent years.

Then we moved. I pity the poor sumbich that bought that house.

So, that's what I meant to say with "your new Great Dane". Get that first. Before all the bullshit happens. She was better than any alarm, fake gun bs, fencing, anything.

"When you turn 18 in this house, you have a scholarship or you enlist. "

That's really good parenting M4. I dont understand all these parents and children that go into debt for an education. I would say the same to my kids.

I agree with MarkD: if you can help out your kids then I think you should. It's one thing if you genuinely can't afford to offer financial support, it's another to make your children live below the poverty level or take out mountains of debt just on principal.

I have a few friends whose parents take the view of "I put myself through college so you should too." But 30 years ago it was entirely possible to put yourself through school on a couple scholarships and a part-time minimum wage job. Today you could work 40 hours a week, 50 weeks a year for minimum wage and barely have enough for a year of instate tuition-BEFORE taxes! On the other hand, I also know parents with the philosophy of "I worked hard and sacrificed so now you don't have to lift a finger" and obviously that's a mistake too. There's definitely a middle ground but if you've raised your kids to work hard and not take advantage then it should come naturally.

As far as this example-it's hard to judge because I'm sure some cultural factors come into play in terms of the expectation of supporting your parents as well as doting on the son over the daughter. Any sane (Western) person would say give the parents an ultimatum or cut them off but that might be easier said than done for the daughter if she knows the alternative is them starving. Still, it's ultimately her bed to lie in and if she's self-aware enough to write an article about it you'd think she'd also be cognizant enough to realize this dynamic isn't helpful or healthy for anyone. What's really too bad is it sounds like the brother was actually quite bright and entrepreneurial as a child, but was basically "ruined" by his overly indulgent parents. And that had to be a rough time growing up seeing one sibling getting favorable treatment over the other.

I think she is just indirectly boasting about her financial capability to support so many people in her family.
If she is not happy about financially supporting her family, which she most probably have a stake in her family business, why do it and moaned about it, which is just a typical asian traits.
Some people never blame their parents even when they have to live below the poverty line as a result of their parents interference or bad advice. I think she and her brother is just a product of bad asian upbringing or irrationally greedy asian unpbringing. She and her family should have just stay put in their third world country and moan about their family problem from their third world country.

I also agree with MarkD. However, he's describing a different situation. MarkD's children have been making an effort and proving themselves to be productive members of society rather than loafing around.

Shannon is also right that there is a middle ground to be sought after.

For what it's worth, WLIL is both borderline illiterate and borderline racist. I thought I'd throw that out there just for fun. Though I have confidence that other posters here noticed the same thing and have, wisely, avoided stating the obvious. I'm in a different mood tonight :)

lol, whistledick. If I heard "bad asian upbringing" one more time, I would've had to say something. But my sense is that he may be asian, so not sure it's racist.

Congrats, M4, on your new dog! He sounds beautiful.

That would account for the English as a second language defense. If so, maybe I'm the insensitive one here. :)

My parents enabled my brother and sister their whole lives, which was why my mother was still paying my brother's car insurance when he was 40 and my sister lived in the basement with her crackhead boyfriend until she was almost 50. I felt sorry for my parents for a long time, but after awhile, I told my mother if she wasn't going to just stop, then I didn't want to hear about it anymore.

Not surprising at all that when Mom was dying, my brother helped himself to my Dad's credit cards and racked up thousands of dollars in charges, and that my sister continued using Mom's credit card after she died and racked up about $4000 in charges she couldn't pay for. Living off of your parents when even when they're dead and dying takes skill.

I'm going to reconsider my ceding the possibility that WLIL is Asian and isn't a native English speaker. I'm doing that based on this statement,

"She and her family should have just stay put in their third world country and moan about their family problem from their third world country"

Asia is a pretty darn big continent and many of the countries in Asia are very, very far from being third world countries. I should know. I live in an Asian country that, in spite of its very demure size, is the eleventh largest economy on the planet. I can quite easily take a ferry from here to two of the top ten economies on the planet. Many parts of Asia are not even close to the dark and unknown jungle that many Americans imagine. This guy or gal has never travelled anywhere.

Thanks, whistleDick, someone had to say it! I just stopped reading the posts.

momof4, your dog sounds beautiful. I'm right there with you on loving a big protection dog! Our anatolian is a sweetheart, but when a stranger rings our doorbell he is 120 lbs of "don't fuck with this house."

I thought WLIL was Asian and that he's had a bad experience with it.

I was brought up Jehovah's Witness, and you won't hear me say anything good about that, either. So I tend to lay off the guy, because I don't know what his experiences were like.

My little old pug lady says 'Woof! Woof!' when someone comes in the house. Then runs over to be petted.

I was reading an article the other day about a reformed thief, giving advice about how to protect your home, and he said that everyone thinks the big dogs are deterrents, but he would NEVER go into a house with one of those "little yappy dogs" because they just never shut up.

Having a pomeranian, that made me feel better. I never thought I was much of a dog person, but my daughter begged for this 6 pd ball of fluff. Then, he bonded more with me since I'm home all day, and she was at school or out with friends. Now, he and I are basically inseparable.
He's horny (he has a stuffed teddy we call "hump bear") disobedient, and annoying, but I can't imagine life without him. :)

So, one cannot criticisw asian or islamic backward mentality or their asian abusive mentality, even if they have backward third world mentality? Nothing racist about saying what is so obviously negative about certain ethnic negative traits, even if those asians are successful in certain ways in moaning about their family financial capability which they tend to inflict on us unwary responsible adult who have are having to struggle to live with little without moaning.

Typical asian success stories in the west is their forever bragging about their immigrant success stories moaning about it even they have too much and their extreme manipulative streaks. I am asian and I know how and why most extremely inconsiderate asians behaved inconsiderately and caused so much problems and inconvenienced
to disadvantaged peoples..

Even if asians have one of the largest economy, they should improve their behaviour towards disadvantaged people and be more considerate towards disadvantaged people taht they tried to enslave. It is easy for those opportunistic asians to migrate to the west and then waste our time listenning to their asian bragging and moaning.

I know most asians are such a miser even if they have alot. They would pretend that they have nothing even they have alot. That is why i am not easily fooled by their success stories.

It seems to me some people make out that criticising asian negative traits is illiterate and racist but those asians criticisng the west is not illiterate or racist!
That just proved that asian success stories is mostly fake.

And of course asia is a very big place and it consist of islamic asians and nonislamic asians and jungle and cities and rural and urban area and their nasty development is certainly not something to look forward to for any disadvantaged asians or disadvantaged westerners.

WLIL, I'm not sure where you're from, but I think there may be a point of confusion here. In American usage, the word "Asian" usually means someone from the Far East: Japan, Korea, Thailand, eastern China. We don't usually refer to people from the Middle East, India, Indonesia, or western China as "Asian". So I'm not sure what context you are using the word in.

So why are there some strange, weird people on this blog who would rather rudely discussed about me and insult my lack of english skills rather than about my viewpoint. What rude people, trying to imply my gender(wrongly), while trying so obviously to defend their beloved nasty asia. Creepy.

For me, Asian is general term meant for people who have similar asian features and who came from
Near East, Central Asia, Far East Asia and South East Asia and that include Cambodia, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, China, Laos, Vietnam, India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and other eastern dominated countries.

DO NOT ENABLE.

DO NOT ENABLE.

DO NOT ENABLE.

Clear enough?

I suspect, nowadays, that in some communities at least, people would be even MORE appalled if the slacker/moocher was female. After all, that type of refusal to grow up is the sort of thing we've been trying to weed out from young women for the last forty years, right?

From a 2009 John Rosemond column (first third or so):

I recently spent some time with a friend who has three children. My buddy, whom I’ve known since fifth grade, is a college-educated responsible guy who has never failed to do right by his family. When describing him, “well-rounded” comes to mind. He’s masculine but not macho, sensitive but nowhere near maudlin, perceptive, intuitive, caring, compassionate. Like I said, well-rounded. His wife is as solid as a rock.

His oldest son, 40, never earned as much as a high school diploma, has had perennial problems with alcohol, and presently earns a living working in a record store. His youngest, another son, is rapidly approaching 30. Like his older brother, he’s clearly intelligent and capable, yet he’s barely supporting himself at menial jobs, still taking college classes, and has no sense of what he wants to do with his life. By contrast, my buddy’s daughter, the middle child, is a go-getter. She’s a top performer at her workplace and seems overall in command of her life.

For the first time in any culture at any time in history, females are emancipating earlier and more successfully than males. This crop of young adult males is certainly shaping up to be the most underachieving generation of men (perpetual boys?) to ever inhabit the USA. I shared the following observation with a recent audience, “When one hears of an individual in their mid-30s who’s still living at home or largely dependent on parents for support and has no clear sense of direction in life, it’s almost always a male. It starts in high school, where nearly every video game addict is a male. In the adult world, women are graduating from college in larger numbers and have taken or are taking over a number of previously male-dominated professions.” Everywhere, heads nodded.......

Got kicked off.

What I was getting at was that in the 2009 column, Rosemond stopped short of blaming feminism for men's modern faults, but in a recent March column, he did all but just that. (It caused quite a stir, for different reaons.)

http://www.gastongazette.com/articles/daughter-55532-year-old.html

Excerpt:

I suggest you obtain a copy of the Feb. 19-20 edition of The Wall Street Journal and read "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" by Kay Hymowitz. Or, go out and get her the book, "Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men Into Boys," from which the WSJ article is excerpted. It will surely put this problem into a fresh perspective.

(end of excerpt)

Mind you, men's rights' activists dislike the Hymowitz book, apparently because she doesn't acknowledge that modern women can be just as immature as modern men, if in different ways. (Bernard Chapin has gets specific about that in a column or two of his.)

Just wanted to add that Rosemond has said, since, that he should have picked his words more carefully regarding the recent column.

(In a nutshell, he told the parents of a 19-year-old girl to "do everything you can" to keep her and her boyfriend together, even though "the boyfriend’s response to almost anything my daughter says is a cut or put-down, a dismissal of her accomplishment or mocking." Why did Rosemond say this? Because the boy is "not a partier; he doesn’t smoke or drink; he’s serious about his education; and he has a rational career plan mapped out.")

No word on whether Rosemond ever acknowledged any of the points made below, however.

Here's one thoughtful comment from the Gaston Gazette link:

rosemapologist

11:00 AM on March 2, 2011

While I understand Rosemond's mentality - that we all need a little patience and acceptance of faults - I also understand other readers responses. It appears this well put together boy may have an inferiority complex to deal with before he runs off someone he may care for or love.

But before anyone else call for Mr. Rosemond's ouster: It's statistically unlikely at 19 she's found the person she will spend the rest of her life with. True the parents, b/c of their experience in life, recognize a possible troubling pattern, but their daughter needs to learn this lesson - not be told about it. The parents should and will be there to support their daughter they clearly love when the relationship ends, but it's time they let their fledgling learn the dangers and complexities of the real world.

(end of comment)

However, since it IS true that "it's statistically unlikely at 19 she's found the person she will spend the rest of her life with," all the more reason for Rosemond NOT to say "do everything you can to keep him!"

And, as another commentator pointed out, it is NOT a woman's job to "help him learn the value of letting go of this annoying habit." If he doesn't stop the first time she asks - or the first time she dumps him, then he doesn't WANT to change. That's his problem, and she has better things to do. Civilizing unwilling human beings is what ADULTS do to CHILDREN. When it comes to unwilling adults, it is not something any innocent individual should be burdened with (as opposed to the majority of a population trying to civilize the criminal minority, of course).

My guess it that since Rosemond is very religious, he's a bit desperate to see all young people married off early, before they spend too much time making themselves "impure." Not to mention he's never had anything REALLY nice to say about any generation later than his parents', which would explain why he seems to think the girl will never find anyone as "good."

Lets see 18yrs of schooling in which society tells males are told they are of no use to women and that they are the cause of all the worlds problems and every atrocity comited against all women and minorites everywhere

And were supprised when so many of them take that message to heart?

For me, Asian is general term meant for people who have similar asian features and who came from
Near East, Central Asia, Far East Asia and South East Asia and that include Cambodia, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, China, Laos, Vietnam, India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and other eastern dominated countries.

Asian is a difficult word and causes a lot of confusion. An Australian typically wouldn't include India or Pakistan - they're Pakis or curry-munchers :) - whereas a Brit probably would. Most Australians would probably distinguish South-East Asians (Vietnam, Cambodia, Singapore, Malaysia, etc) from Chinese and Japanese (Han descended), and might not recognise Mongolians and far eastern Russians as Asian at all, although they technically are.

It gets very confusing when you take into account the amount of mixing in the population. The ethnic Chinese population in many SE Asian countries is quite high - like 15-20%. So it's very hard to tell country of origin even if you can spot the difference in features and names.

Overall, who cares? But WLIL's definition is somewhat more accurate. It's interesting though that within that general grouping, lots of these people hate each others' guts. Calling a Korean Japanese is a good way to get your head kicked in for example.