Are You There, Gad, It's Me, Casual Sex?
Comprehensive and very good blog item on women's interest in casual sex -- a rebuttal from Dr. Gad Saad to a fellow Psych Today blogger irked that he wrote about several studies showing that women are less interested in having sex with random strangers.
(Hellooo...obvious!)
Loved this from Lebanon-born Saad: "This reminds me of a classic Arabic saying: If my grandmother had testicles, we would have called her my grandfather."
And then there's this from his previous post:
If Ms. Phillips could provide us with a culture where women are more desirous of unrestrained sexuality than men, she should advise us ASAP. Fame awaits you Ms. Phillips. I know, I know. No such culture exists because the patriarchy is omnipotent. It predates the Big Bang.
Here's Gad Saad's terrific appearance on my radio show:
And here's a column I wrote referencing Dr. John Marshall Townsend's surveys suggesting that many women feel regret and longing after casual sex:
Although the reasoning department of your brain keeps telling you that you should be friends with benefits, there you are jonesing for girlfriend benefits (flattery, little prezzies, and all). Anthropologist John Marshall Townsend explains that women evolved an emotional alarm system to read whether a man would be a good provider and to compel them to seek cues of commitment. Some women feel especially emotionally connected to their partner following orgasm, probably due to the release of the bonding hormone oxytocin, although the most conclusive research is on rats and prairie voles, and your ability to send email suggests you are neither. Regardless, Townsend's surveys on casual sex showed that even when women fully intended to use and lose some himbo, many would wake up the next morning and find themselves longing for more from a guy they knew they wanted nothing more from.
Gad Saad's book: The Consuming Instinct: What Juicy Burgers, Ferraris, Pornography, and Gift Giving Reveal About Human Nature
John Marshall Townsend's book: What Women Want--What Men Want: Why the Sexes Still See Love and Commitment So Differently
Lesbians are just not as promiscuous as their gay male counterparts and they love making commitments. My relative, from the beginning called her girlfriend "wifey".
As for casual sex, my philosophy is listen to your insides and if they tell you not to fuck. Then don't fuck. I've never felt bad about fucking or not fucking, just go with how you think you will feel afterwards. (I'm a woman)
One last word of advice, if you are desperate for a boyfriend then don't fuck.
Purplepen at February 17, 2012 2:11 AM
I don't care if women are interested in casual sex with strangers. I'm much more concerned if women are interested in casual sex with me.
Andrew Hall at February 17, 2012 5:06 AM
@Purplepen:
> Lesbians are just not as promiscuous as their gay male counterparts and they love making commitments
Old joke:
Q: what does a lesbian bring on a second date?
A: a U-Haul.
TJIC at February 17, 2012 6:52 AM
Real statement made to me by a lesbian a couple months after her commitment ceremony: "Yep, just like everybody else--get married and sex goes out the window."
Pricklypear at February 17, 2012 9:14 AM
> Real statement made to me by a lesbian a
> couple months after her commitment ceremony
Dr Drew used to say that too, that it's an especially common characteristic of lesbian couples. Femininity is like other balms: There is a preferred dosage.
> I've never felt bad about fucking or not
> fucking, just go with how you think you will
> feel afterwards.
That's probably great advice. Seriously, it probably is. Good people consider probable outcomes thoughtfully...
...But forecasting specific feelings? I've seen a lot of vitality (and opportunities) squandered by that mentality. It can be a horrible way to look at the world. Feelings are best considered in the here and now. Cowardice thrives in the hearts of people who readily imagine their own bad emotions at some unspecified future date through some undescribed sequence of events.
You MIGHT regret anything. You might regret dinner tonight, no matter where you find it.
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at February 17, 2012 3:39 PM
Obligatory "We The Robots":
http://www.chrisharding.net/wetherobots/comics/2008-01-07-Misinformed.jpg
Lobster at February 18, 2012 8:00 AM
OK, here's what I'm getting at: Foolish folks will will say "What if something bad happens? HOW WILL I FEEL THEN!?!?!?" before they even calculate probabilities.
This turns up in everything… Sports, sex, and most deliciously, finance.
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at February 18, 2012 1:27 PM
OK, here's what I'm getting at: Foolish folks will will say "What if something bad happens? HOW WILL I FEEL THEN!?!?!?" before they even calculate probabilities.
Posted by: Crid [CridComment at gmail] at February 18, 2012 1:27 PM
And the foolish part is....?
I mean, even if you get MARRIED, there's the chance that your perfect spouse could get hit by a car and become a quadriplegic. With that in mind, isn't it worth asking yourself if you REALLY love your intended?
lenona at February 19, 2012 12:18 PM
This reminds me of a letter to Annie's Mailbox:
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.obituaries/browse_thread/thread/19d81be426820ced/c9fc5f4fa82f6d95?lnk=raot
First part:
Dear Annie: I am a 72-year-old man living in a senior citizen apartment complex.
I'm fit, active and in good health, and I still love the ladies. (They outnumber us about 10 to one.)
I always behave like a gentleman when I go out with a lady, and I get along fine with them until the subject of sex comes up. I am sensitive and don't bring it up until we've been out a few times and have gotten to know each other pretty well.
My question is: Why are older women absolutely terrified of sex? To me, it's the natural thing to do after a relationship has progressed to a certain point. I don't get it. What are they afraid of? —
Loveless in Spokane
Enjoy the rest!
lenona at February 19, 2012 12:23 PM
Oh, yes, forgot to say - radio host and MRA Marc Rudov has long claimed that women desire sex MORE than men. What he hopes to get out of this claim, I'm not sure (his books are not in libraries) other than trying to convince men not to pay for sex by always buying her dinner instead of demanding that she buy dinner half the time.
lenona at February 19, 2012 1:10 PM
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