Kicking Off Some Team Awesome
I was going to my favorite cafe, and I parked on the street. As I walked down the sidewalk to the cafe, I saw a guy who looked homeless and maybe crazy coming in toward me so I did what I've done since my New York days, walked into the street as if I were going to a car.
I got to the cafe and got a table, and when I got up to order my coffee, I spotted the man again, in the cafe. I wasn't afraid in an environment with a lot of other people, so I told Linda, the manager that I wanted to buy him a cup of coffee. She said she'd seen him before -- that he sleeps in the alley behind her place.
I went over to him and asked him if I could buy him a cup of coffee. "You don't have to," he said.
"I want to," I told him.
Another woman waiting for her breakfast heard me, saw the guy, and came up to me as I was paying and asked if I needed help (paying for the guy, that is). I said thanks, but I'd get the coffee, and then I added, "You could buy him a pastry or something."
Linda ended up giving me a scone and a banana to give to him. I came over to the woman with food and said Linda had contributed it. Then we talked a little bit, and she said it was nice I'd done that, and I said that my feeling was, with a little bad luck or some mental illness, any of us could be in his position.
We talked a bit more. She's from Wyoming and was here getting her son settled -- he has an internship at a recording studio here.
I told her not to believe the stuff people say about LA, that it's just different from other places and you have to work a little harder to create community here. I told her that, after LA was declared by Travel+Leisure to be the rudest place in America, I wrote a piece that included this very cafe, and talked about how there's a "culture of hugging" here. (When Kay and Earl, these elderly people come in to read mystery novels, people get up to hug them...sometimes even line up to hug them.)
The woman had to go, but then she did this wonderful thing -- left me $20 to give to the homeless guy, who'd been in the bathroom, probably washing up. (I'd been waiting for him to come out to give him the coffee and food.) When he emerged, I gave him the food and the $20 and poured him some coffee and told him where the milk was when he came out.
He said "I'm uncouth," and I said no, he wasn't -- I didn't think that.
But, sad that it comes to this, At least today, a few people teamed up to make live a little less terrible for him. I told Linda that when she sees him in the alley, she could call St. Joseph's center (for the homeless). They do interventions where they give homeless people a place to live (if they want -- they don't force them), and not just in shelters.
And I'm sure all of us have had those times where we've really been in need of something -- not homeless, maybe, but with a flat tire at a terrible time, or pickpocketed, or somehow seriously kicked in the ass by life on a particular day. Think of the person who came to your rescue the next time you see somebody who could really use rescue and consider pitching in.
I learned this a long time ago, there but for the grace of god(s) go I...
So I tend to do this kind of stuff, too. Not as often as I should, probably, but having been humbled by life in other circumstances, I try to pay it forward, what others have done for me. I also will buy breakfast or lunch for people in uniform, if there happen to be any where I'm eating. I teach my daughters to give back too. Number 1 has got this crochet thing going on (she's really talented at it too!) and she's been making things for people just because. The neighbor had a baby boy last week and #1 crocheted him a little bunny. It's too cute and I wish I knew how to put up a picture of it!
There was a bumper sticker out a long time ago that said "Practice senseless beauty and random acts of kindness" or something like that. I try to do so every once in a while.
Flynne at June 1, 2012 5:24 AM
This is true charity--helping others because you choose to, not because the state has confiscated your money and forced you to.
Thanks for your post...it reminded me to be more considerate of others.
Joe at June 1, 2012 5:47 AM
Amy Alkon
https://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/06/kicking-off-som.html#comment-3213003">comment from JoeI'm with you on that -- the choosing to, rather than state-administered "kindness." People figure the state will pick up after everyone and they let it.
I was really inspired by how others piled on. I'm waiting for my book advance, and money is seriously tight, and I mentioned that to the woman. A cup of coffee's $1.50/$2.00, and I have a roof over my head. I think maybe she was inspired to give a $20, which she left with me and seemed to know would get to the guy, because I told her that, or maybe just because we talked about how there can be a thin line to any of us being that guy. Brain chemistry, tough economy...etc.
Amy Alkon
at June 1, 2012 6:39 AM
I bought a guy a burger the other day. He was at Burger King and carefully counting quarters to see if he could get anything. He only had 5 quarters. He was obviously not... umm... mainstream. Homeless or messed up or something. He said "Thanks for being nice" to me and it made me a bit sad that my kindness was probably not what he usually runs into.
LauraGr at June 1, 2012 7:12 AM
Amy Alkon
https://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/06/kicking-off-som.html#comment-3213030">comment from LauraGrSo nice, Laura.
People figure that these people are on drugs and don't want to give them money because of that. And the younger people who hang out in my neighborhood asking for money probably are, and I'm irritated that they ask me when I work my ass off. But, if you look at a person who's on the fringes of life, you can usually see the difference. There are these people who are just clinging to the edges and they typically don't have the hubris of the people who just want you to fund their next high.
It's good to buy them a sandwich and to fund wonderful (and transparent) organizations like St. Joseph's that help people on the fringes. I've had dealings with them -- called them about homeless people who seemed in need of help on various occasions, and they've been great.
Amy Alkon
at June 1, 2012 7:28 AM
I never give them money because there are more than a few who have make a nice living off of being "homeless." They have houses and cars and everything. But I have bought homeless people lunch. I figure, even if I'm being taken, at least I'm not directly funding the new rug in someone's foyer.
MonicaP at June 1, 2012 11:02 AM
This brought a tear to my eye. I've been damn close to that guys situation.
I was homeless for a short while, due to some bad luck. I made enough most days working temp labor to get a motel room at night. The days that I didn't, I slept under a bush. I was able to pull myself out of that thanks to the help of some friends.
These days, my job often takes me into subsidized housing apartments. This one gal had had a fire in her apartment. Most of hers and sons stuff had smoke and water damage. We were taking care of the building, but she didn't have renters insurance and didn't know what to do. She was crying and confused. Also a little mentally unstable. Then I learned that she had been this way since her husband perished in the first tower.
I try to help those who actually need it when I can. I couldn't do much. I went across to Safeway and got her a $100.00 gift card and some detergent for her clothes. I presented her with this and she just hugged me and cried. I only hoped this helped.
Justin at June 1, 2012 12:48 PM
LauraGr,
You just gave me an idea. You can get McD's, BK, and Wendy's gift cards (and probably others) in $5 increments.
I'm thinking buy several $5 cards and put them in my wallet/backpack. If I run into a situation you described, I can just hand them a card. It's not cash, but if they are in need they will appreciate it. If not they have to turn it into cash. How many drug dealers will take a food gift card for $5?
Jim P. at June 1, 2012 8:13 PM
Nice idea Jim P. The problem is it will not work. Good you give a 5 dollar gift card. Said homeless then can sell the card for 4 dollars for something else. The homeless person is up 4 dollars, you are down 5 dollars.
The same happened to me. I was always asked by some homeless for money for bus fare. Well when I had some ride tickets, I gave them. Few minutes later said homeless people were selling ticket to somebody else.
Sometimes the best way is to lead them by the hand and lock them into a choice.
Still when it feels right to do something good. Do it.
John Paulson at June 2, 2012 3:42 AM
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