There was a soup and sandwich place near my old office where the only employee who knew what the hell she was doing had the unfortunate name of "Fajita."

Then there were the siblings named "General Braxton" and "Precious Dixie," both of which sounded like they should take high-octane fuel at Talladega.

Forget gun control; there's a stronger case to be made for government intervention in a land where fecund people are naming their children things like "Schwymmir."

If you want more, Google the blog "Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing." Endless hours of entertainment. My favorite recent one was "Stylz," which is all a judge should need to put birth control in the water supply.

I received an email at work the other day and on the cc list was someone named "The" - I don't remember the last name but I guessed this person was Asian decent.

A footnote in Terry Pratchett's book, Lords and Ladies, that I've always remembered:

Well, it's like this . . . The Carter parents were a quiet and respectable Lancre family who got into a bit of a mix-up when it came to naming their children. First, they had four daughters, who were christened Hope, Chastity, Prudence, and Charity, because naming girls after virtues is an ancient and unremarkable tradition. Then their first son was born and out of some misplaced idea about how this naming business was done he was called Anger Carter, followed later by Jealousy Carter, Bestiality Carter, and Covetousness Carter. Life being what it is. Hope turned out to be a depressive. Chastity was enjoying life as a lady of negotiable affection in Ankh-Morpork, Prudence had thirteen children, and Charity expected to get a dollar's change out of seventy-five pence - whereas the boys had grown into amiable, well-tempered men, and Bestiality Carter was, for example, very kind to animals.

Then of course there is Chastity Bono.

To be fair, Bastian is considered an acceptable short form of Sebastian. Doesn't make it look any less like Bastard, though.

Our baby-naming adventure: We gave each kid one common name and one unusual one (but not invented - all names exist). They could then choose whether they wanted to go by the common or the unusual name; both chose the unusual one.

At the time we chose them, the unusual names were way down the list. One of our kids is now really irritated, because his once unusual name is now one of the most popular.

Kevin, that blog is great entertainment!!!

One of the biggest annoyances to me is made up bullshit names or totally normal names spelled like it was drawn from the Scrabble bag. I frequent two different patenting forums and I'm slways left shaking my head at the stupid things I run across. A lady on there named her daughter Rogue Pixie. Another one has children named Colt, Ruger, Remington, and Springfield. It's endless stupidity everywhere I turn. The new trend I've noticed is naming girls Mason but spelling it as Macyn and boys being named Jackson but spelled Jaxon.

I had a roommate in college named James. His father was named James. Both his brothers were named James. They all went by their middle names, of course. I guess that's not all the uncommon, though.

old RPM, my ex was Richard. His father, grandfather, uncle, cousin, cousin's son, and brother-in-law were also Richard. They told me that was because it was the name of Kings. It always made family parties interesting when you said, "Richard," and every man in the room turned around.My sister-in-law married a Bill who had a family filled with Bills.

They were all annoyed when I named my son "Jake" and not Richard but I just couldn't do it to my poor son.

If we have a boy, my husband wants to name him "Ptolemy." I told him we can't give a kid a name with silent letters. He's going to need enough therapy as it is.

Can a V-Card be harvested by "People," plural?
Never mind. Answered my own question. Ew.

When I was a teenager I knew a man with two sons in their early twenties. All three were called Mouse, which was not their surname. The younger son was the leader.

The Irish singer and song writer Bob Geldof named his daughters Pixie, Peaches Honeyblossom, Fifi Trixibelle, and Tiger Lily Hutchence.

I think the dumbest name I ever heard of is Le-a. He mother has to constantly inform people, "It's LeDASHa! The dash not be silent!"

Sadly, my daughter is guilty of the bad baby name. Lyrik...for my poor grandson. I told her she should stock up on band-aids and anti-bacterial spray because he's going to get his butt kicked everyday. He was supposed to be Cash, I could have lived with that!

I'm too lazy to look for it, but there was a study showing job applicants with unusual names were less likely to be interviewed or hired.

No beatings please, but I rather like "Julissa." But if that horrifies you, I'm childfree, so at worst a fish or frog might receive that name.

In a court room, 20 years hence:

Judge: Young man, you are accused of murdering your parents. How do you plead?

Defendant: Oh, I killed them, your honor. I plead justifiable homicide.

Judge: Oh?

Defendant: Your honor, they named me "Sketch".

Judge: Case dismissed. Would you like a name change, son? it is the least we can do for you.

Alternatively, these are the people who will be picking what retirement/nursing home you are placed in during your "golden years". Choose their names wisely.

C'mon (pronounced Simone)

Two actual cases: Parents named Head named their son Richard. I bet he had fun in school. Next: Last name is Pitts, so they named their son Henry Armstrong so he could be called Harry Arm Pitts for short. You had to know them to believe it.

La-A. (pronounced LaDASHa)
Conscience Sincere Promise Jones-Jackson.
Any traditional BOY name for a GIRL.

Please stop this trend: Hayden, Brayden, Kayden, Jayden, Ayden, Anythingden. I'm over it.

I attend deliveries and always ask the name and try really hard to smile and not cringe.

They're obscure enough names that I'm afraid to post them here, because one day the kids might Google themselves and this will be the only hit.

I feel bad for little girls who get an unpretty family surname as a middle name. They got ripped off.

The worst child name I ever heard of came from a friend of mine who works with pre-K kids. The first day of school a little girl came in with a name tag of Shytonia. My friend pronounced it "Shy-tonia" like it's spelled. She was promptly told by the 3-year-old that her name is "Shit-tonia." Gotta love those creative baby mommas.

Heard a mom calling her toddler "Starlet". Disturbing to see what a stripper looks like when she's two.

Ima and Yura Hogg. Famous philanthropists in Houston. Their parents must've had a wicked sense of humor.

I rather like some of those boy names, and a couple of the girls. I don't like typically black names-like Sha'niqua and Ke'Andre and the like. But I do like unusual names. I really wanted an Ava until it cropped up as popular.

Of my 4 kids, there is one with an old fashioned name she'll never meet anyone under 50 with, one with a portuguese name that she'll never meet another person with, one with another old fashioned name that was never common, and one decently common name that we both liked.

My name is a family surname that I've never met another person with. I like it that way. I really wanted a persephone, but hubby wouldn't let me.

Hubby is a Jr of a really long hispanic name. He refused to do that to his son. In his whole family, there are so many Rudy's keeping track of them is impossible. I've never understood the need to try to carbon yourself namewise.

I got no dogs in this fight. One daughter is named for an obscure Welsh goddess and the other is a common biblical name, just spelled a little differently than most. Both names have become more common than I would have thought. I just can't get into the unusually spelled or pronounced names. They bother me.

I just feel sorry for all the little tykes out on vacation with their folks, trying to pick out one of those little license plates with all the names on them.

I thought my niece Madesyn had it bad.

My mother taught twins named Syphilis and Gonorrhea, pronounced "sih-FALL-us" and "gah-NOR-ee-ah," in a desperately poor area many years ago. The children's mother had seen the words on a poster in the free clinic, but didn't know what they meant.

"old RPM, my ex was Richard. His father, grandfather, uncle, cousin, cousin's son, and brother-in-law were also Richard."

(My mom told me this story many years after the fact, for reasons that will become obvious...) When I was kindergarten-age, there was a couple down the street who had a boy my age. He was named Richard, and his father was also named Richard. The wife took to referring to them privately as, respectively, Little Dick and Big Dick. They managed to keep this in the family until one day when the wife was frustrated with trying to get the boy to come in for dinner. In a fit of pique, she momentarily took leave of her senses and yelled out the front door, loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear, "LITTLE DICK! COME HERE!" She became a neighborhood legend after that.

Here's a thought: why not give your kids ordinary names (Jane, Elizabeth, David, Kevin etc) and let them be different by virtue of their personality and character?

As for strange first names, just run your eye down the roster of the average NFL or NBA team...

My all-time favorite dumbass boy's name is "JaMarcus" (or "J'Marcus"), and the "dash" girls' names are just hysterical.

I actually knew a Julissa. Ditzy blonde. We had the same Army recruiter.

I work in a pharmacy, and we had a patient, in her thirties, no less, named Rainebow. Her parents couldn't even go with the correct spelling of a horrible name.

What is with the name Paisley? There are now two little girls named that at my church. One of them has an older sister named London.
When my five year old was born, it seemed like no one over the age of 40 could say or spell Ian. It doesn't seem unusual to me, but I suppose it is for older people? And just to be clear with this font, that is a capitol I not a lowercase l : )

How about Robert'); DROP TABLE Students;?

Well, apparently we can soon expect of bunch of kids to be mistaken for characters in The Hunger Games, and Game of Thrones, because of these new popular baby names.

Can't wait to see how many "Aryas", "Cinnas" and "Theons" will be popping up at the day care centers!

(Yeah, I can.)

Parents today are so insecure they need to project their "uniqueness" onto their own progeny.
It's all about them, not the kids.

"Here's a thought: why not give your kids ordinary names (Jane, Elizabeth, David, Kevin etc) and let them be different by virtue of their personality and character"

Well, "ordinary names" is relative. 150 years ago ordinary names were along the lines of Edna, Gertrude, Myrtle, Eustace...you don't hear those too much any more. 20 years from now Braxton and Julissa might be the norm, and Jane and Kevin will start sounding weird to us.

Major Major Major Major (who promoted Major Major?)

It will all be the same in twenty years. "Britney" is an obvious corruption of the perceived high status name "Brittany". No one would blink an eye at it now.

Now that I think about it, my first name "Luke" is declining drastically in popularity since George Lucas fucked up the Star Wars saga. I'd like to point out I was named four years before Episode IV.

Going back a very long way, I read somewhere that there was a 17th (I think) century British example of someone being named Balls. Apparently popular enough that his son was named Balls Jr.

There is a US volleyball player named Destinee Hooker

My cousin's name is Precious Silky. (She's 30- her parents were hippies.)
My (other) cousin named her kid Icely.
***
Upon being told that my daughter's name is Alice, an old lady in the grocery store said, "Oh, thank goodness, a REAL name!"

Years ago, I was at Costco picking up an Rx and the girl at the pharmacy called someone whose Rx was ready..."Crystal Clits" although I suppose it could have been Krystal Klits but just hearing that sent me into fits of laughter.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Baals

I gave my daughters classic old-fashioned names (Helen and Lily), which actually makes them pretty unusual in a world filled with Madisons, Addisons, and Emilys. Although Lily appeared on the popular name list after I gave it to her, with a bullet. grrrr.

Shithead: Luckily best friend was stopped before she used the name while student teaching. It is pronounced. "shi - thea - ed." See a beautiful name. What were you thinking?

The "Jr." and "III" designations for men are just creepy. "Hello, my father was an egomaniac with no imagination and a desire to hamstring my individual identity development". Just, yuck.

Not as yuck as names picked out of a random bowl of alphabet soup like "Trayvon", "Quintavarius", "Chontelle", and "Jamaurice", and far from the idiocy of that Pennsylvania couple who named their son "Adolf Hitler", but still. Yuck.

The scene: An Austin, TX Whole Foods store.

Mother (to toddler son): Midas! Don't touch that.

The jokes. They write themselves.

I knew someone who named her child "Crystal Dawn" and then went around telling everyone who would listen that it is a real "Native American" name. Ooookay. (Her name was Ginger Rabbit. No foolin'.)

Then there was a couple my mother knew who named their daughter "Starr Delight". Guess what she does for a living? Yep, although she calls herself an "exotic dancer".

I did hear a mom at the zoo talk to her daughter Beethoven. "Beethoven, stop climbing on that hill."

I had a friend with me so know I didn't dream it.

I have a 6 month old nephew named Ryker. I was at the park last month, and some woman called out "Ryker" and then some other woman said "Is your son Ryker too?". Both were 2. So don't name your kid Ryker.

Stryker, though! Damn, now I need another kid.

Rumor has it that Elvis didn't mind being called "Elvis the Pelvis" - but his cousin Enos hated the idea...

Said it before, I'll say it again.

All you parents who want to appropriate an overly popular name but keep it unique by messing with the spelling? You are dooming your child to a lifetime of having to spell it out, and spell it out, and spell it out ... and still have it misspelled everywhere, on everything, every time.

Parents of would-be Haiyelees, Kaileighs, and Maddysohnns, take note!

I know six little boys under the age of 5 named Ryker. And apparently for people in Montana it's very popular to name your sons Bridger after a mountain there. And kinda funny, a friend of mine named her daughter Hannah, which is perfectly normal and sane, but their last name is Montan so the poor little thing is going to go through life as Hannah Montan. On the other hand, since she's a year old maybe people will have forgotten about that Hannah Montana show by then.

My two sons are RJ (we use the initials from his two very traditional names) and Brighton, which is perhaps considered a bit odd. I got it from the 90's TV show The Nanny. It's more often a British name than used here.

"My neighbors' kids are Jude, Lilly and Heath. Names that will age well with them."

I think it's time this thread moved into the realm of speculation.

If Kate Moss ever has a son, I hope she names him Peter. Pete Moss. What could wrong in grade school with a name like that?

One of my daughters has an Ellis, Ireland, and Manhattan in class with her, all girls. Islands are in.

Imogen (girl). Kalib (boy). Kensil (boy). Bryson (boy).

I work with preschoolers, so I LOVE these threads. I always have new ones to trot out. All of these are first-hand; I promise no urban legends here!

*All time Faves: A little boy named Bane. Obviously, his parents were excited about his birth. Coworker named Chylamidia (but you were damned sure to call her Chloe).

-New ones: Kaylee (pronounced Kylie)
-Hana (pronounced like Han Solo with an A; her mom gets ticked if you say it like Hannah)
-Hadassah
-Zipporah
-Lyrica (like the medication you see on TV)
-Miller and Hayes for girls

I hate it when girls get stuck with these burdensome "last-names-as-first-names" that don't sound the least bit pleasant on the ear. And I'm of the club that believes that a "unique" spelling is a burden to the child, will only complicate their lives, and also makes it look as though you can't read.

Mox'.

Worst name: Addicus. I heard about it on the phone, that the young parents had liked To Kill a Mockingbird wanted to name the kid after Atticus Finch. Atticus was also a Roman philosopher... so I thought, okay that's not too bad.

Turns out they'd only seen the movie, had no idea how the hero's name was spelled.

I forgive the name "Imogen" because of this vocal performance.

There was a girl in one of our schools named Serene. She could be counted upon for a meltdown about three times a month.

couldn't read all that crap, too painful to contemplate how many future mass murderers those names created...

now, none of you can top this, and yes, it is true ...

going on 35 years ago, we had a customer of Caribbean birth whose father was french and his mother was an 'island girl'...

he was graced with the unfortunate moniker of (wait for it )...................................
.................................................
.................................................

Rufus De Coun....

so sad, the amount of chit he had to put up with when he went to school in Florida was beyond belief...

he was in his 50's when i met him and somehow had weathered the name with some grace and charm remaining to him...

Madison for girls. That name came from Daryl Hannah's mermaid character in "Splash." Her actual name sounded like a dolphin squeak, pitched high enough to shatter windows. So, when looking for a suitable name to use, Tom Hanks' character remarked they were on Madison Ave, so she claimed it as her name.

Then all of a sudden, a bunch of idiot parents thought that would be a great name for their daughters.

A guy I used to know goes by W.P. Because his really name is Willie Purdie. Ugh.

I originally wanted to give my daughter a latin name: Lykiska, meaning "Wolf Girl". But I was talked out of it, and gave her a French name instead.

JJHi5

"La-A. (pronounced LaDASHa)"

This has never actually happened, to the best of Snopes' ability to find out: http://www.snopes.com/racial/language/le-a.asp

I believe a law was passed about twenty years ago requiring one out of every ten girls to be named Zoe or Chloe.

There's a young Asian guy who works at the food counter at one of our Costco stores. I crack up every time I see his name tag: Porn.

Oh, I have a few. One of my former coworker's husband was a bull rider. Their sons are named Rider and Roper.

My great-great aunt was named Blodwin. It was some sort of family name. They called her Blod for short.

Two sisters named Autumn and Spring. When the son was born the mother wanted to name him Winter, but the dad vetoed it and he ended up with David.

Two boys named Onyx and Ocean. I had them in a college class about 10 years ago.

Oh come-ON Cridders! Imogen .... "Mox". And you of all people overlook Moon Unit and Dweezle?!?

;-)

The worst name I've ever heard of, and this is 100% apocryphal, is a name that's pronounced Shee-tay-ad.

It's spelled "Shithead".

I refuse to swear it's true, but no jury would ever convict the child.

And there's the joke about a pregnant woman who's in a car crash that leaves her in a coma for a few days. When she awakens, she learns that she's delivered two babies, a boy and a girl. But since she was comatose, her brother named them.

"Oh, my God!" she said, "He's an idiot! He probably gave them absolutely stupid names! OK, let's get it over with. What did he name my daughter?"

"Denise" said the nurse.

"Oh. That's not too bad. How about my son?"

"De-nephew."

Feebie, it's the same for Mox as it was for Zappa's kids; as he once put it, "It's the last name that's gonna get them into trouble."

couldn't read all that crap, too painful to contemplate how many future mass murderers those names created...

--------------------------------

To be fair, all the mass murderers and serial killers I can think of have fairly normal names (normal for their culture, I think---I can't vouch for the Arabic names like Nidal Hassan). James, Jared, Timothy, Jeffrey, Ted, Charles, Richard, Dennis, Colin, John.

The most amusing aspect of the new name trends is this---my daughter's list of little girls to invite to her birthday party reads like a Mad Lib. There are past US Presidents (Tyler, Taylor, Madison and Kennedy) places (Savannah, Brooklyn, Dakota and Cheyenne) and finally "girl's names" (Catherine and the birthday girl herself, my Mary). The only names that really annoy me by themselves are Tyler, Brooklyn and Cheyenne but as a group it's funny.

"And I'm of the club that believes that a "unique" spelling is a burden to the child, will only complicate their lives, and also makes it look as though you can't read"

In college, I knew a gal named Nancye. We used to piss her off by writing everything with extra e's at the end of every word. Until one day it made her cry. Then we kind of felt bad about it. Not so much that we quit doing it, though. We just made it every other word.

i'd rather a Gertrude or Aloysius than ugh! all these trendy shallow, meaningless names.

pet peeve: people who are named a nickname rather than the full name.

Neighbor's girl = Cinderella.

You know what people tend to overlook when naming kids? What their initials will be. My bestfriend from Highschool's intials were JAW. In the 70's, when shark movies were everywhere.
I made damned sure my kids had normal names, with normal nicknames, and normal initials. I had been bullied all my school life, I wasn't going to hand anyone the means to do that to my girls.

I spent way too many years being mad at my mother for my name. Apparently she was convinced I was going to be a boy, and she wanted to name him George, after her father. Well, I wasn't a boy, so she slapped "ne" on the end, and Georgene was born.

My main objection was that the name is too masculine, and I am quite feminine, but I eventually got over that.

I have met only two people who shared my name. As a result, I have discovered a distinct advantage: when I am **anywhere** and I hear the name "Georgene" spoken, yelled, whispered...whatever, I KNOW I am either being addressed or talked about. Not some other random person.

I grew up in a city with a lot of Filipino immigrants.

One girl's name was pronounced PAH-ja-ma.
Spelling: Pajama

Another girl's name was pronounced Yoo-reen.
Spelling: Urine

Urine was a popular girl, and always said she was thankful she wasn't named Spam. (Filipino inside joke, as many Filipinos love Spam.)

One name I am loathing right now is Bella. It's a double whammy on that name for me because: 1) women in their 30's are reading shit like Twilight and 2) they're so taken by Twilight that they name their daughters after a dumb and most undeservedly popular female fictional character.

Eh, prawntoe, I think the Bella thing is more coincidence than homage. I've got a TON of little girls with the "ella" thing in their names, so I think it's just a giant trend. And I've been seeing it since before Twilight was huge, so maybe she just took a popular name for the book.

But seriously, I have enough Bellas, Belles, Ellas, Elles, Isabellas, Isabelles, and more creative combos to last a lifetime. Pretty soon, it's going to be one of those weird combo names.

((Secretly, I'm waiting for a Bellatrix. I know its going to happen.))

"Re: Addicus -- at least they didn't do Abacus"

I wonder if there's a Genesis fan out there somewhere who has named a kid Abacab...

In the checkout line at the supermarket one day, I saw the name of the cashier on her nametag: Simplice.

I wonder what other names the might have been considering before they settled on that one. Maybe Naice? Stupice? Obtice? Vacuice?

Mark, Stupice is the name of one of the tomatoes I'm growing...

My father had one of the worst names I've heard.

Orliff.

He most often went by O.A. 'cause it was easier. The A stood for Archie.

Oh! I just remembered another one!

A friend of mine went back to community college, I forget the course she took, but there was a girl (African American, to be politically correct) in her class whose name was 'Mignon'. Yes, as in 'filet mignon'. I was slack-jawed for a moment, because that's exactly what she told us she was named for!

I used to know two girls whose father owned a Chevy dealership. He named them Chevelle and Camaro.

Friend of a friend named their daughter Chair-Tee (yes, hyphenated) in honor of her best friend Charity. Except the mom could not spell so she sounded it out instead.

I know someone from my childhood (and he was OLD then) that was named Hurlbutt. It was supposed to be Herbert but the hospital staff spelled it wrong for the birth certificate.

It's "Oz-weepay!"

I once worked with a woman named, Olive Greene. Her sister was named Emerald and her brother was named Kelley. No word on whether there was a Lime, Pea, or Putting in the family.

Another coworker told me she once worked with a woman who named her daughter Formica Dinette. She had seen the words in a Sears catalogue and thought they sounded pretty.

I have a colleague who taught for years in a very urban city in NJ. She recalled having a student whose first name was Placenta. The mother heard the term in the delivery room and thought it sounded exotic.

She also had a student whose first name was pronounced "SHI- THEE- ID". Again exotic, unless you're reading the roster on the first day of school and see the spelling: "Shithead".

It should be added that both girls were remembered to be sweet and intelligent. I can only assume that as they made their way through the world they asked a judge for name changes...

Bastian is a real name, didn't you read the Neverending Story? It's been around for a long time.

Emily is not a modern name! There were tons when I was little, and it's been around a while... LM Montgomery wrong "Emily of New Moon" in our great-grandparents time!

Imogene is the sister in Antigone if I remember correctly, it's a total legit literary name.

OK, is today urban legend day?

The whole poor-people-naming-their-kids-diseases things is an urban legend.

http://www.snopes.com/racial/language/names.asp

Imogene is the sister in Antigone if I remember correctly, it's a total legit literary name.

Posted by: NicoleK at August 1, 2012 4:44 PM

No, the sister was Ismene.

Imogen is at least as old as Shakespeare.

I also suspect that all this name-inventing is parents' desperate attempts to ignore the fact that now that we're over 7 billion and growning, we're becoming all the more insignificant. (As if giving kids rootless names didn't make that worse!)

As the late Quentin Crisp wrote (it's about war, from How to Have a Life-Style, 1979):

"It also makes clear that to great modern thinkers human life is no longer sacred. We should have known that this would be so. Nothing except diamonds is above the law of scarcity value."