It's funny you should mention this. I spent yesterday moving my wife's aunt. After it was all done she(the wife) gave me the, "Aren't you glad I make more money than you?" question. *Note: She didn't get the answer she was hoping for -- just the opposite, in fact.

I don't express my gratitude to my husband often enough. Thanks for the reminder!

Please and thank you are the order of the day at our house. No matter how small the task we always thank each other. We do this with our daughter too. People get lazy about saying thank you bc they tend to forget that although you are married, leaving is still an option. I feel like I need to always let my husband know that we appreciate what he does for us, especially when he's had a bad day. We also do this with our daughter so she will know what it is like to be treated with respect. Respect and manners start at home.

All the time. As sheep mommy says, "Respect and manners start at home." That's a given in our family. Also apologizing when we're wrong about something, without making a big deal out of it. Being mindful of others' feelings is important to me, and so I make sure my girls know that it should be important to them as well. Saying 'please' and 'thank you' is the grease that makes polite society run smoothly. There's too little of it these days, it seems. I think it's far easier to be pleasant that it is to be nasty. Being nasty just takes so much effort. To me, anyway. Some people are just nasty by nature. And that's sad. I avoid those people like the plague.

Both. However, there are things I find that often get overlooked. Yes, we 'please' and 'thank you' at our house. The "small stuff" that's easily overlooked is the stuff that you aren't there to say "thanks" for - and is also just part of life.

For instance, emptying the dishwasher. Seldom is this done with other people about, regardless of who is emptying. So, it rarely gets thanks because nobody really keeps track of when it is full/empty/waiting to be emptied. We both do it. So, that does kinda get overlooked in the appreciation category.

That said, I think we both try to be appreciative for big and small.

Small things and big things both.
If I find the dishwasher has been emptied or loaded (even if he loads it wrong). For picking me up from game night, walking the dog, figuring out why my web browser is crashing, taking out the trash, doing laundry - all of the things that need doing and should be done. He does the same; thanking me for making dinner every night, rinsing the dishes, trimming the cat nails, and scrubbing the toilet.

And for things like cleaning the cat box, clearing the shower drain, or replacing my graphics card - well, he's a big gorram hero.

I was accused once of being pandering and insincere for thanking my husband for every little thing, but fuck that bitch. She lives on the internet, and my husband and I are insanely happy together.

Yep. If I'm there-or not there but notice-little things I say thank you. For my hubby and my kids. Big things get bigger thank you's like a night off or whatever.

I say please and thank you no matter who it is. If I wouldn't bark an order at a waiter, why would I do it to my man or kids? Note please and thank you do not mean my kids have the option of ignoring my request.

Paying attention to small courtesies sets a good example for the children and, in addition, is one of the reasons we will soon celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary.

After it was all done she(the wife) gave me the, "Aren't you glad I make more money than you?" question. *Note: She didn't get the answer she was hoping for -- just the opposite, in fact.

Posted by: Andrew Hall at October 19, 2012 3:23 AM

Er, what did she mean?

Yes, we thank each other all the time. My wife can spend all day cooking Thanksgiving dinner (as well as the planning and buying groceries) and she still thanks me for doing the dishes.

In addition, I have never heard or heard of my wife saying a negative thing about me. One of the best compliments I have ever received was when she had been talking about me to one of her single friends and the friend looked over at me and asked if I had a brother.

"Er, what did she mean?"

Yeah, I was wondering that too.

It's nice to see that other couples say please and thank you. I have sometimes wondered if my husband and I were unusual in that regard.

We don't take each other for granted. I'm often grateful there's no one around to hear us being sickeningly cute about it.

Then again, I'm also glad there's no one else around when we're playing Scrabble. That's not cute at all.

amusingly, my ex thanks me more now than when we were married... because now I can say "no" without guilt or starting a fight.

Her expectations are still out of whack with what things she'll ask me to do... esp. with respect to what used to be my house... but I do get thanked more often, even if she looks like she is sucking on a lemon to do so. :grin:

I'm guessing that had she been the type of person to thank me while we were married, rather than just expect things, we'd still be together.

Even if you expect something to be done, 'it don't cost nuthin' to express your gratitude to them after.

The best relationship advice I ever got was,
"Never forget your manners."
It's made all the difference in the world in how my relationships went after that. That, and I grew up and matured about my relationship expectations but that's another post...

My hubby and I have our problems, like every relationship does from time to time, but never because one of us was an asshole to the other. We want to lead by example when we have children. I never want to take him for granted so I make a point to find a way to express my gratitude to him every day, even if it's just for calling to check in. I always thank him for walking the dog or use "please" before I give him the "Honey do..." list. He is just a naturally polite person so for him, it's second nature to express gratitude for even the smallest task. Every meal I make, whether he likes it or not, is met with a sincere "thank you". Those little things really do make all the difference in the world. I think it's also why we don't "fight". We disagree, and Lord knows we've been angry with each other but we don't let problems fester long enough for them to build any resentment. We deal with it, and move on.

How you treat your partner when no one is looking is much more telling of your relationship than how you treat them when people are around. It always amazes me to see couples who treat total strangers with much more consideration than each other and then wonder why their relationships are so bad.

One of my pet peeves! Most recent example: we bought a new dishwasher. It came without a front, so you can mount your own to match your cabinets. Our cabinets are 40 years old, so an exact match is impossible. Still, the result ain't bad. First comment from my wife? "It's the wrong white". Grrr...

I've talked to her about this before, she understood, and was much better about saying something nice. This lasted for maybe a year, which isn't bad and made me hopeful it would stick. Then she reverted: her first comment is a criticism. Now I have to bring it up again, because otherwise it's just totally demotivating.

Of course, I probably have the problem: Do I remember to thank or praise her for what she does? I think so, but it is somehow difficult to be aware of one's own behavior on that level.

Almost always....

And if I am focusing on things he doesn't do too much - I zip it and go write down what I am grateful for immediately, and then try to thank him for something from that list.

(But sometimes soda cans three feet away from the recycling receptical can become too much of a temptation for me NOT to say anything - "I wonder who left all these sitting out here three feet from the can?" .... To which he will most certainly respond (as he looks at the dog): "Well, I wasn't going to mention any names .....buuutttt......").

I'm not in a partnership at the moment, but from past experience, I do try to remember little things, big things, etc. It took me awhile (slow learner I guess), but I figured out that guys are just as mushy about compliments as girls are. It's nice to watch your guy's eyes light up when you specifically and sincerely thank him for some act, or compliment his butt, or his arms, or some other random thing. It's nice to make him feel good, and it's a bonus to see that he sincerely cares about what you think, feel, etc. Plus, it often results in snuggles, kisses, and other fun past-times, and how is that not a win-win for both parties?

How timely. Today is my 7th anniversary to my sweetie.

I try to be grateful every day. I try to thank him for little things (because they make all the difference) and big things (he lets me sleep in every Sunday and he takes care of the baby. That's love!). Only he can tell you if I'm doing it right.

I've been especially grateful the last few months, when my job situation had turned tumultuous and I had to worry - REALLY worry - about making ends meet and where my career was going. Things are a little better now, but he's been very patient while I came home each night in a different flavor of panic. I've made sure to thank him A LOT for that.

Partner? I generally clean the litter box as a way of being grateful that they don't poop in my room. Much. Usually.

What is it about that little word "commitment" that turns a typical female into a shrew? I used to have conversations at work where all the other women would do is put down their hubbies, and get pissed that I wouldn't join the Hen Party.

Even when I was heading for my second divorce, I respected the privacy of our family. Nothing breaks trust faster than sitting on a bus blabbing your life story to a captive audience of strangers. I saw my Mother do that time and time again, and swore I would never do that to my family.

I was well on my way to being a crazy old lady with a cat, a dog and some fish when I met my best friend. He convinced me to try again, and after a *long* courtship that consisted of a lot of persistence on his part and my best "deerintheheadlights" impersonation, we will celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary this Dec.

BTW, if that guys wife makes so much money, how come he was moving *Her* Mom's shit and not a professional mover that *SHE* paid for?

*woops* I mean Aunt, Preview is my friend :P

We thank, compliment, etc. one another so much that it verges on parody. But it greases the gears of life and love amazingly well. It's hard to ascertain negative motives in the behavior of someone who always thanks you for doing the laundry or cleaning out the cats' litter box. I think we're setting a good example for our kids, but we'd do it even if they weren't around. Doing nice things for people who appreciate them is fun -- I wish we had more time and energy to do those things, but we try to seize all of the opportunities that we can.

My husband and I thank each other to the point of obsequiousness. We also do little things for each other. We've always maintained that our best manners and greatest kindnesses should be given to each other.

I've also never participated in the husband bashing hen parties...and they usually break up quickly around me. I just ask, "If your husband is so awful, how stupid were you to marry him?" It shuts them down quickly.

The greatest compliment my husband ever gave me was to say I am Mcgivor, because I can build or rig anything.

Julie

The greatest compliment my husband ever gave me was to say I am Mcgivor, because I can build or rig anything.
That's awesome, it's always nice to know they appreciate our brains as well as our brawn :P

My hubby was trying to explain something technical to a co-worker the other day while I was on base. I walked into the office to hear the other guy say "If you talk like that at home, I don't know how your wife stays awake, 'cause I'm nodding off here." To which my sweetie replied "Nah, she's up here, on my level." Then the other guy noticed me and turned about three shades of red. It was fun.

Reason number 42,001 why I love my hubby. He respects me, and doesn't ever talk down to me, even if I don't know as much about a subject as he does. There are times when I learn from him, and there are times he learns from me. That's what makes life interesting. How sad it is to only be able to discuss last nights TV krep or who's fault it is that the toothpaste cap has disappeared. I would be bored spitless in no time.

I can understand the hubby-bashing parties. Sometimes one needs to vent. My mom and I do that for each other, because as she says "I can sell him down the river to you, instead of taking it out on him" for the stupid little annoying things we all do.

I'm sure my hubby's talk to his friends isn't always stellar about me (if he even bothers to talk about me, I doubt I'm all that interesting to his group in the scheme of things) and that's okay. It's when it's ALL negative that we (in my world at least) start to ask if things are really okay or if something's going on.

Marriages don't exist in a vacuum after all. But being appreciative of each other, that's always good.

Sorry, MO4, the person you should talk to when you have a problem with them is *That person* unless we're talking about abuse, in which case you leave, and then call an attorney/the cops/etc. you undermine your spouse every time you smack talk him, and sooner or later it will come back to bite you, so if you really need to say something, go to the source

MO4, I understand the point you are trying to make. Going to a really good friend and saying, "I don't know how to get over the fact that hubby refuses to use a laundry hamper!" is very different than standing around at working bitching about your husband.

The things that I've heard coworkers say around virtual strangers about their husbands/wives would make your toes curl. People are mean to their spouses when they aren't around, bashing either their spouse in detail, or the entire gender.

I avoid complaining about my husband because I've spent a great of time trying to understand on a deep level that I cannot change my husband, only my reactions to him and also valuing who he truly is beyond the little irritating things he does sometimes. The two of us have walked through the valley of the shadow so often that we could sell maps. He is the first person who has known everything about me, good and bad, and loves the fuck out of me no matter what. I've spent half my life with this man, and he deserves to be respected in the eyes of others as much as I respect him. He does the same for me.

Julie

Julie = awesome, thank you for being so eloquent when all I could manage was grumpy.

Kay,

Thank you for the kind words. I love how I can pop back and forth here and each time I show up, I am welcomed with open arms. People don't always agree with me, but everyone treats me with respect.

Julie

We say thank you for passing the salt* and things like that. A larger action might warrant a hug or a kiss or a more effusive "thank you". But we both do nice things for each other on a regular basis so I don't think anyone feels abused.

* I almost accidentally typed "passing the gas". We don't thank each other for that.