Christmas With Her Homeless Aunt
Moving piece (sans sugar-coating) on Slate by Janet McKenzie Smith. An excerpt:
The last time I saw my aunt was Christmas 2007. I was home in North Carolina for winter break during my senior year of college. I'd just completed my second term of French, and, on Christmas day, I was arrogant in my use of rudimentary language skills to make snide remarks to my French-fluent mother. A gruff smoker's laugh interrupted my stilted chatter, and Debbie piped up in proficient French. I was shocked into silence--chagrined because I'd been talking about my aunt and beyond surprised because, being homeless and an alcoholic, Debbie was the last middle-aged person you'd expect to recall lessons learned in high school.That Christmas, my aunt brought in her suitcase two white mice that quickly took up residence in the guest room closet, presumably pleased to be no longer homeless.
At one point, Debbie made me tea, and, to test the heat, she'd sipped from my cup. I took the cup but never had a sip myself. Taking me aside, my dad demanded that I stop treating her like a homeless person. "Dad, she is a homeless person," I said.
That Christmas, Debbie told us that, while she was living in "the forest" - a phrase so Disney-movie-inspired we all found it darkly hilarious - her morning wake-up call involved overly friendly raccoons scratching her gently on the nose.
During her visit, Debbie never smelled homeless. She smelled quite fragrant, minty fresh, in fact. She'd been reduced to satisfying her alcohol addiction with Dollar Store mouthwash and remnants oozed from her pores with her sweat.
Until he passed, my grandfather offered Debbie some monetary support for her flophouse lifestyle with an ever-changing group of fellow addicts and enablers packed into overcapacity roach motel rooms or near-condemned dank one-room apartments in Wildwood, N.J. But when he died, Debbie refused to be taken in by my father and retreated to "the forest." When winter chill set in, the cops in Cape May arrested forest dwellers on loitering charges, or whatever outstanding warrants were on the books, to protect them from the elements...
Very touching and well written. Reminds me of Nancy's writing.
Where has Nancy been thesde last few years? I think she stopped blogging after The Bad Mother.
Eric at December 25, 2012 10:21 AM
Amy Alkon
https://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/12/christmas-with.html#comment-3530533">comment from EricShe's been writing books.
She has a new one coming out soon, which I have yet to read (she wanted to send me one, but I'm swamped due to my book deadline combined with my column deadlines and radio show and told her to wait until she has more copies).
But, I was very moved by her last novel, which I recommend --
The Bad Mother: A Novel, by Nancy Rommelmann.
Her memoir, The Queens of Montague Street, is only 99 cents on Kindle. I bought a copy but have not read it yet -- or a few other friends' books I'm dying to read.
Amy Alkon
at December 25, 2012 10:32 AM
For all my flaws, that is why I have adopted offering someone a hand up, not a handout. We, as a country, need to end welfare as we know it. Giving people money to be flawed is not the answer. Giving people money to work to an independent life is the way to do it.
Jim P. at December 25, 2012 11:15 PM
Having worked at a homeless shelter and at an organization with the motto "Change, Not Charity," I have to say I've met plenty of people who, in the words of one fellow AdviceGoddess commenter, are "scary broken" and are unlikely ever to be able to live "independently." They need care (and sometimes cash) too.
Michelle at December 26, 2012 7:41 PM
Having worked for years with the mentally ill, homeless, and drug and alcohol addicts (a lot of overlap there), I agree with Michelle. "Scary broken" is a good way to put it. I would rather have lung cancer than what they've been afflicted with.
Ken R at December 27, 2012 10:00 AM
Believe it or not I can understand this. I am far from perfect; and I know it very well. But start with something simple. "You can stay in this apartment if you can show up at the office to check in between 7AM and 8:30AM every morning. If you can't you have to go back to the dorm that we kick you out of at 7AM."
Pick a simple task and build from there. Sobriety and productivity is the goal.
Just because they are female that learned to fuck at 16 is not a reason to reward them with welfare (cash), food stamps and Section 8 housing. Make them be responsible.
If they aren't -- take their kids.
Jim P. at December 27, 2012 10:34 PM
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