This is pretty much a typical case of what I call the 'wedding frenzy' mindset.

The act of getting married is, apparently, more important to these women than actually being married is (not to mention all of the real world relationship activity).

The celebration itself becomes more important than what is being celebrated.

Odds are in favor of these women ending up bitter and alone.

What I just do not understand about this mentality: A wedding is one day. Once it's over, what happens - do these women jump off a cliff and end it all? Do they immediately divorce so they can marry again?

I have a cousin who's parents are not that well off, but out of tradition were "of course" going to pay for her wedding. She invited 700 guests. Her parents had to dig into their retirement savings to pay the bill.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

This is what happens when you grow up hearing the wedding is the bride's day and it's all about her.

Well face it, it pretty well is. Nothing wrong with giving the woman you love one great big day to kick off life.

Most men don't care about the details except:

Who the chick is
What food and booze is being served
Bachelor party!!!
MAYBE a particular song

Look if MEN designed these things the bride and groom would be taking rings that were dangling from a strippers tits and it would end with a 3 way between himself, the bride, and the maid of honor.

Then he'd spike the ball and carry her off.

My wedding was quite modest, compared to most standards, but I think it was the most fun!
I had an outdoor, kid-friendly, picnic-style wedding. Nice pastoral setting, with a gazebo for the actual nuptials. There was a pavilion where the band played and food was served; tables and chairs, etc., with indoor plumbing, but there were also basketball courts, bocci courts, and a pond. We served all kinds of picnic food - burgers, hot dogs, ribs, salads, watermelon, ice cream, all that, plus soda, water, wine, and beer, and if anyone wanted anything stronger, I told them to bring it themselves. One of the bands I sang with played, and yes, I got up and sang. The wedding party was dressed up of course, until after the ceremony, then everyone got casual. I had put on the invitations: bring your sneakers and your towel.

Because you always need to know where your towel is.

¨Welcome to a lifetime of being[ pussy and] pussy-whipped!¨

Not to put too fine a point on the above, it´s a little unnatural for men to invest in planning on a wedding beyond some very basic perfunctory listening, practice( rehearsal), showing up at least not too sloshed.

Robert makes some good points above that I would only add one caveat. That being from my observation, weddings used to be largely paid for by the people sitting in the front pew of the brides side of the aisle so they could get as extravagant as they wanted or not.

Oh and in regards to this,

¨Look if MEN designed these things the bride and groom would be taking rings that were dangling from a strippers tits and it would end with a 3 way between himself, the bride, and the maid of honor.

Then he'd spike the ball and carry her off.¨

Give men a little more credit,

That is just the fantasy that they wank-off to with that infernal porn muzic in the background.

I´d bet somebody has already made that movie.

My wedding was beautiful and, while I handled a good chunk of the grunt work, my husband was quite involved (outside of the dress-related things, since we wanted to keep the tradition of the groom not seeing the bride in the dress until the wedding). He had input into the flowers, we picked out the cake together, we booked the place together, we picked out wedding bands (the rings, not the music) together. He okay'd my request for a string quartet, and we left most of the rest of the details to our "event coordinator" (who came with the hall) or my dad (who volunteered to foot the bill).

If my dad hadn't insisted on covering the costs (and then on some things we would have excluded but he wanted them and was willing to pay, so who was I to say no?), our wedding would have cost, less well-less than $10,000 (including dress, food, hall, official, cake, shoes, music, etc.). For the record, this was 10 years ago, not 40 :)

Then there are some weddings I've been invited to where I said, "I can't condone that behavior" and didn't go.

The point of a wedding is to end up married, to the correct person, and to share the event with friends and family (and hopefully look good doing it since everyone's going to take pictures even if you don't hire a photographer). After that, the rest is really trivial except for keeping harmony (like you MIL-to-be is allergic to something, you don't have it there!).

I wonder how far they were into the relationship before she told him she already had her future wedding planned, and if there were other indicators that she was a wingnut. For me, this would probably be a deal-breaker. But then, we got married with just immediate family present in a distant city, went on a low-cost but enjoyable honeymoon in an uncle's rural cabin, then came home to the receptions (one was crackers-and-cheese for friends, one a sit-down dinner for extended family). 24 years later, I don't remember much about my wedding day, but my marriage is central to my life.

I seem to remember hearing that those who have big weddings are more likely to get divorced than those who don't. However, I don't remember hearing that poor people are that much more likely to stay married. Got any stats?

Look if MEN designed these things...it would end with a 3 way between himself, the bride, and the maid of honor.

OH DEER LORD, no.

There's a chance, maybe even a good chance that the bride and maid of honor end up being more into each other than they are into the now dejected groom.

I told my fiance:

Tell me 2 weeks before, and remind me 2 days before, and I'll be there.

My husband and I decided to get married on a Sunday morning and were married Monday night in a chapel in Las Vegas with our 10 closest friends attending. Afterwards we took them all to Outback for steaks. Counting clothes, ceremony and dinner we spent less than 1500.

I simply don't get the appeal of a giant wedding that puts you or your family in debt. It's one damn day.

(Of course, I couldn't get that lucky)

"Noooo, this is OUUUUR WEDDING"

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm a guy." (This is often a stumbling block in communication. I'm a guy. I know stuff about tanks. I can pick up heavy things.)

"No, no, we need to decide things."

"Fine."

"So, what colors do you want?"

"Colors?" (Colors? WTF?)

"YES. Colors." She gives me an exasperated look. "I KNOW YOU KNOW ABOUT COLORS. Now, what colors did your sister have at her wedding?"

"Colors?" (Colors? WTF?)

"Yes. Stop playing dumb."

"Colors?" (Colors? WTF?)

*Exasperated look*

"She wore white, and they wore tuxedoes."

"No. The. Wedding. Colors. What. Were. They.?"

*helpless look* "Look, what in the everlasting motherhumping eternity *are you talking about?*"

"Wedding. Colors." (Put an extra "Mmmph" at those periods for realism.). "It's. Going. To. Be. In. The. Fall. What. Colors. Do. You. Want?"

"Ok, look. I'm a GUY. I have not read Bride magazines since I was in middle school. I have no freaking clue what the frack you're frelling talking about, so stop asking!"

"You really don't know?"

"!!!!!"

"Well, weddings have colors that you match, based on the seasons and the.. mwwwahamwmmwwaaahmwwwahaaahaaahaa (Charlie Brown Adult noise)...... "

"Um. Ok, fine. You pick."

"No! This is OUR WEDDING!"

"And I have no idea what you're talking about. You pick. It's fine."

-----
I did opine on the wedding cakes, and caterer. Which I knew something about.

Ironically: The things I put my foot down about, with "our wedding" I got told to shove it, we're not doing that, that's tough if you think it's how it oughtta be".

(And we had a wonderful outdoor wedding that went beautifully. Probably helped by the fact that I didn't pick colors.

(And what the hell is wrong with Clemson Orange and Purple, anyway?))

We had a fall wedding, our "colors" were lavender, gold and white.

It was in September, so it was still pretty warm. I let the girls in my wedding party pick their dresses, 2 wore long, 2 wore shorter, but it was all the same pattern, black dresses with little lavender, gold and white flowers, very pretty. Daughter #1 wore lavender, I wore an ivory dress with a lot of lace and a fringed shawl that matched.

The cake was 4 tiers, if I remember correctly, and it was marble with butter creme frosting and lots of little purple and gold flowers. The gazebo was decorated with purple, gold and white ribbons all over the place with potted purple, gold and white mums everywhere.

All told, for 150 guests, the whole thing was around $3500 including the flowers and my dress. It was nice. I'd like to see both of my girls go the same route. When they're ready. (But I'm not ready for that yet!)

you might have a problem if...

you have a longer commitment with the band, than you do with the groom. :massive eyeroll:

And what the hell is wrong with Clemson Orange and Purple, anyway?

And orange tiger paws painted on everyone's face?

I was a kid in Jacksonville, Florida during the Clemson - Ohio State Gator Bowl (the one at which Woody Hayes lost his job for punching Charlie Dawes). I remember the Clemson fans as being completely nuts. Tiger paws were everywhere.

Unix-jedi I feel for you. There is something supposidly magical about doing things together, effectively you are supposed to be so in tune and read her mind so you can say you want what she wants. Differeing opinions need not apply, inability to read her mind is a big no no. My only saing grace with this was to become fake offended, and play up my colorblindness, to get me out of it. Tricks I learned from other gfs.
I like 10% of the male population am partially color blind, not much for me but some.
So with me the conversation is more like.

Her " I need your help redecorating my bathroom."

Me " Ok, I'm only so-so with plumbing, but I can probably have those cabinets out and replaced by Monday."

Her, " No I need help with the color and pattern, which do you like the mango or the peach."

Me, " I just ate, I'm not hungry."

Her, " No the colors, mango or the peach. "

Me " You are asking ME colors, ME?"

Her, " Of course I want your input"

Me " You are asking the COLOR blind person about colors "

Her "Oh, yeah, sorry"

Can I tell some colors apart, sure, can I tell mango apart from peach, not if my life depended on it.

I've had a lot more fun planning the parties we've had SINCE the wedding: my husband's birthday parties, my daughter's birthday parties, pig roasts, Fourth-of-July, New Year's Eve, etc. We're thinking about going in on a black-tie Casino party with a few other couples soon.

Then again, I've never been much of a princess, and I don't need to be the center of attention.

We had a standard Episcopal ceremony in a church, followed by a brunch, and a cocktail party that evening. I let the mothers do most of the planning. My MIL cared way more about what color the table cloths were and how the buffet was laid out than I did.

I have not read Bride magazines since I was in middle school.

You read Bride magazine in middle school? As a guy?

Err, no. Damn English. *sigh* (Really, I pour my heart out and THAT's what you gig me on? :) )

Because you were masturbating to photos of the bridesmaids or because you were trying to pretend you were gay?

Our library had 2 magazine rack areas on the side of the entryway. The right was bride magazines. The left was everything else, outdoor mags, hunting mags, fishing, news mags, hotrod, etc.

The women from 5-6th grade on gravitated (as in a Jovian decent) to the bride side, and cooed and ah'ed and whatnot. Guys didn't go over there. At all. So I had no idea what's fashionable or trendy or normal... (Which would mostly remove the possibility of being gay.)

I can tell you who was in the Command Module of Apollo 11. I can tell you the cruising speed of an unladen F6F-5 Hellcat. I can tell you the best time to hunt big bucks. (I didn't pick up Hotrod mags, so I'm admittedly clueless as to 4 on the floor and HEMI.)

I never, not once, picked up a bride magazine. Notice, as I often have, that while there are 8-10 DIFFERENT bride magazines, there are *NO* "groom" magazines.

I point this out to my aunt who is a Wedding Planner. "Oh, they have inserts and special sections for Grooms!" "And who reads them" "Well, the brides..." "RIGHT!"

Though, now that you mention the masturbation angle, I have to wonder, why did that never occur to me then?

you might have a problem if...

you have a longer commitment with the band, than you do with the groom. :massive eyeroll:

Awww, was this for lil ol' me, SwissArmyD?

That's okay, because the guys in the band and I are still friends, and my ex and I are starting to deal better with each other. It's not like we didn't try (well, I did. He really didn't want the responsibility, of being a parent and it took a long while for me to come to terms with that). In any case, at least my parents didn't spend 35 grand on the wedding, and I paid for the dress and flowers myself.

My sister is planning her wedding, and she has the stereotypical bridal visions of the perfectly planned event. Her fiance, like many guys I know, cares about two details: 1. the bride shows up and 2. an officiant marries them.

I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum. I hate being the center of attention in large crowds. After getting engaged, I begged for us to elope, but it was important to him to have our family and friends present.

Planning the wedding was tough. He wanted some mystical combination of down-to-earth and elegance, but he didn't want to be involved with the details, but he wanted all of the details cleared with him prior to moving forward. I'm toeing the line, as I prefer not to speak badly about him, but I will say he is an exceedingly difficult man to please.

As for me, I spent the entire night before the wedding dry-heaving into the toilet. After the event, I realized there is something to be said for cookie cutter events. Family, vendors, etc. just spin you around from ritual to ritual, and as long as you smile and act pleasant, nobody judges you (to your face). Even if there is a hiccup or two, people expect you to be out-of-sorts, being a bride on her big day and all.

I'm embarrassed to say I had a "big" (for me) wedding 20 years ago, and didn't realize at the time that weddings were kind of a thing. It didn't cost over $1000 but now I wish we'd just kept it simple and private. I have a lot of respect for those who do.

At least we're still married.

A woman who plans her wedding before she has a groom?

I can't imagine a bigger red flag to a guy. Then again, if he's dumb enough to fall for such a character, no pity here.

Our wedding cost $7000 (including airfare to the location) and people still talk about how it was one of the best damn times they ever had. This was only 4 years ago. We used the rest of the money we had saved and wedding gifts we received to put a down payment on our house. And, I still had enough left over to buy a new pair of boots. :)
I was never one of those girls that dreamed about her wedding. I don't think I ever even read a bridal magazine until I was actually engaged. And, since my tastes were always changing, it seemed silly in my youth to nail down one thing about my "future" wedding that I might hate later. I always figured, I'll figure out the wedding once I have the man I actually want to marry.

Hubby and I initially got married in City Hall (on Halloween). I wore black taffeta skirt and blue top that I found at Burlington coat factory.

Two years later we did it in the Church, but still ended up planning it in 2 weeks (Church issues).

Reception at our apartment walking distance from Church. Food was homemade and/or brought served buffet style.

This time, hubby wanted me to at least wear a light color (I not a fan of wearing white-kinda anti-traditional)...I wore a light blue prom dress. And he was there helping me pick it out.

Crafty family members did fake floral arrangements, and designed a veil and train to match my dress.

It was still a little stressful to plan that last minute, but kept the stress for only a short time. I'm sure our overall budget was around $1K.

We had a great time.

That reminds me... talk about saving money with the waterfalls, etc.

We spent up of our comfort level because that's what my dad (who, as I mentioned insisted on paying for most of it) wanted. I mean this to the tune of we wanted about ten people (including us) and in the end there was 1-2 tables of people neither my husband nor I had ever met (Dad's friends).

HOWEVER, we have not yet had our honeymoon. We will this year for our 10th. We still aren't going on some mega-dream-vacation. Just a 4-day holiday by ourselves to a nice, but certainly not exotic, place.

Hmm. I sense a potential business opportunity here: the stand-in groom. It will let women have lavish weddings without that bothersome marriage thing. The groom will work by the hour; he'll dress as instructed (or default tux if no instructions); he'll remember the vows he is given to say, he won't get drunk the night before and show up with a hangover, and he'll have a staff of professional groomsmen who will be clean-shaven, help with the dishes at the reception, and won't embarrass the bride by trying to dance the Wobble with the bridesmaids. Then the bride can go on the lavish honeymoon trip as a free woman, while the groom and his staff of groomsmen head to the next gig.

Though, now that you mention the masturbation angle, I have to wonder, why did that never occur to me then?

Because in middle school, the average guy could masturbate to a socket wrench.

"Because in middle school, the average guy could masturbate to a socket wrench."

The metric ones are totally hot. So exotic!

The metric ones are totally hot. So exotic!

It's a 10!

reminds me of a guy I knew in school... when we found his girlfriend had left one of those 10 pound bridal books in his car without his knowledge, my next comment was "RUN LIKE HELL..."

Weddings.




> Because in middle school, the average guy
> could masturbate to a socket wrench.

I always thought that was a telling turn of phrase... Masturbating "to" something, as if dancing to music... As if music were more central to the human experience.

I think the language of music is used for sex because it reaches us first: Children enjoy music well before they enjoy eroticism.

Nobody ever says "I really creamed all over that concerto."

Even when they should.

Was more central.

Sorry.

I feel bad.

Here, I'll make it up to you. Check this out. Consider especially the passages at 1:19 and 2:20.

No human player has ever attempted it at her tempo. It's ON. bay-bee.

We had a spring wedding. Very intimate. Just me, my husband to be, a Danish Justice of the Peace, and her clerk.

Our colors were Army dress blues (navy blue) accented by Field Artillery red epaulettes, with matching gold bars, and brass branch insignia. Name tags optional. :-)

Three things in life are certain: death, taxes and the fact that chicks love weddings.

My favorite wedding was my younger sister's. She was living in Jackson, Wyoming and she and her fiancé chose to get married on top of a small mountain to the east of the Tetons. Unfortunately, this was in 1988, when fires were burning in Yellowstone to the north and, on the day of their wedding, the winds blew smoke south, obscuring what would have been a spectacular view of the Tetons. Still it was a wonderful location, with a great small group of family and friends.

Hubby and I spent less than $2,000 and that included all our clothing, all the rings, plane tickets, hotel, everything. Nearly 10 years ago. We married, with 4 weeks notice, in Vegas. I told my best friend to buy whatever dress she liked and stand up with me. We went to a chapel, DH was so late the next wedding had started lining up outside (he and his best man met a scotsman in the lobby bar, and started trading rounds, and well....). My dad treated us all to a nice lunch and dinner after. Great time. Still with the man after 4 kids. Can't imagine going into debt for one damn day. Insane.

And I worked in a bridal store after high school. Actually, I think that helped me dispise the wedding pomp. Enough brides and or moms of brides treat you like dirt, you hate the whole thing.

I was still living with my still-married-then parents at the time. In a very nice neighborhood. One mom had been a total nightmare, yelling, treating me like an idiot not worthy to wait on them. Finally, even though it was not my fault or job, I offered to deliver the gown after a steaming after the store closed. Turned out she lived on my block. The look on her face was...priceless. Our house was bigger, too. That was sweet, the sight of her chocking on crow.

Hmm. I sense a potential business opportunity here: the stand-in groom. It will let women have lavish weddings without that bothersome marriage thing. -- Cousin Dave at January 29, 2013 2:47 PM

There was a video I remember from an Inside Edition© or similar TV mag where the bride and groom split within five days of the wedding date. They had already spent $xxxx on the party and it was non-refundable at that point. So the bride still held the reception and dressed up along with the bridesmaids and threw the party anyway. Some of the groom's guests were there as well.

It looked like she was having fun.

I think my friends wedding ended up being the cheapest.

Is wife had these huge plans...but also we learned a big phobia of being the center of attention. It kept getting smaller and smaller.

It ended up being the B&G, 4 parents, 4 siblings + 1 spouse, the minister, 1 Uncle & Aunt. And the guy who owned the property. The site was donated as a gift to the Uncle and the other big wedding was there didn't mind. They wore clothes they had. Food was at a Restaurant the groom used to work at and the owner gave them there meal free and a great deal over all. The minister charged $75. Marriage license was ~125. To get up to the mountains where the even wast held probably cost a bit. No idea on the rings. Reception was held weeks later at relatives house...a pot luck...homemade cake.

My brother's second wedding was quite cheap also. If the first dress the bride selected had worked out it would have been under $1000 (excluding rings) for planned about ~125 people. Again lots of donates.

as if music were more central to the human experience.

I would say it is, music is the one art form that every culture has

I would say it is, music is the one art form that every culture has

Except for Islamic militant "culture": Mali: no rhythm or reason as militants declare war on music