I say we need some discussion on that nine-tenths of a percent between oral and fucking. What are their lives like?

I recently updated my own "rule of thumb" definition. "If any part of HIS anatomy goes into any part of YOUR anatomy."

That list was incomplete, they forgot to add "getting a pap smear from a male doctor" as a category!

Psych students aren't what I'd consider a reprenetative sample of people. The ones I've met tended to be way more broken than normal, but are the ones judging what normal was.
Aside from that, "Is it cheating?" is more of a yes no question, rather than a 0-100 scale. So people need to realize this when looking over these values. it is not that 34% think holding hands is cheating. but that on average these students gave it a score of 34%

I agree with most of them, except the secrets. If you have friends of the opposite sex, I can see how telling them things you wouldn't necessarily tell your SO could be therapeutic, and give you the SO's perspective. Also, they are a great source of information in your SO. If your SO is secure, and you make an effort to be transparent when asked, there shouldn't be a problem. Also, what about my gay friends? Do I have to stop telling them secrets, as they are men?

As for sleeping in the same bed constituting cheating, then I can count several occasions where I have been unfaithful, only because I and my opposite sex friend had had a little too much to drink, and fell asleep on the couch. So do I need a scarlet letter now? (My husband thought it was hysterical, even though my male BF is very clearly not gay, and duck taped us together....)

"The ones I've met tended to be way more broken than normal, but are the ones judging what normal was."

I think that's because broken people (of which I would consider myself one) are more driven to find out what motivates different sorts of behaviors. An effort to qualify the pain, it you will.

yeah... I'm with Joe, in that extrapolating from college students to the general adult population is a crock of bullsh*t.

They know a lot of things, but experience be lacking.

Additionally there is stuff in the list that makes little sense, and IMPORTANTLY, most of this stuff that isn't sex is actually innocuous if it only happens once...

It isn't cheating when a girl plops down in your lap when she's drunk... it's how long do you take to dump her off, AND are you trying to fend her off...

that being said... to someone with such an attachment anxiety... having a female co-worker can bring accusations, having a cute waitress do her job can bring frowns...

They will look at ANY interaction as a potential problem.

...and the more you accommodate that behavior, the worse it gets.

Would I do ____ with another woman if my wife were with us?

If people would make more of an effort to try to understand that jealousy is a manifestation of your own insecurities, then perhaps the attachment anxiety would abate somewhat, for some people. Maybe not. Just sayin'.

@Crid: "I say we need some discussion on that nine-tenths of a percent between oral and fucking. What are their lives like?"

These are probably the folks who didn't roll their eyes and go "Yeah, right," when listening to Bill Clinton's excuse-making regarding Miss Lewinski.

About the experimental sample: I agree that college students alone might not be the best sample population, but maybe it's a place to start. With a broader sample, it might be possible to see how the measurements vary with age, marital status, length of marriage, etc. I'd suspect that the percentages of the most highly-rated behaviors wouldn't change much with a broader sample, but some of the lower rated behaviors might be seen as even less important.

> These are probably the folks who didn't roll their
> eyes and go "Yeah, right," when listening to
> Bill Clinton's excuse-making regarding
> Miss Lewinski.

They say an ocean's worth of ophthalmologists bought yachts that year.

I'm cracking up here! I was thinking about the "sleeping in the same bed" thing and my sleep-deprived brain just did all sorts of gymnastics.

First there was the time I shared a hotel bed with Grandma, then there was sharing a hotel bed w/ a friend on a class trip, and THEN I thought about the cat that sleeps on the bed...

I know that's not what they meant, but they left that one WIIIIIIDE open.

Going out for dinner? Geeze, I've had hundreds of meals with people I'm not married to.

If you wouldn't do it front of your spouse, it's cheating.

Going out for dinner? Geeze, I've had hundreds of meals with people I'm not married to.

Yeah, I'm in a male-dominated profession and if I restricted myself when I'm on travel to women only I'd be eating by myself a lot.

worked in rock'n'roll for a lot of years. out on the road i walked in on two members of the opening band having a heated discussion as to whether anal was cheating. their consensus: no vaginal penetration, no cheating.

i'm thinking, yeah, let's get your wives on the phone and see if they agree.

that said, many wives/gf's did operate under the "blow jobs ok" agreement for their guys out on the road.

> If you wouldn't do it front of your spouse,
> it's cheating.

✔

I say we need some discussion on that nine-tenths of a percent between oral and fucking. What are their lives like?

I just snorted lentil soup. A deeply unpleasant experience.

"we need some discussion on that nine-tenths of a percent between oral and fucking. What are their lives like?"

Taint what they're cracked up to be, no doubt.

I don't know about anybody else, but when I'm in a committed relationship, I somehow have always brought up my tie to my lady somehow.

I have always found that an hour roll in the hay with some bint is less satisfactory than being with someone I care about.

Yer neckwear is your own beeswax.

"KateC, have we been having an affair without our knowledge?"

It was rape! Rape, I tell ya!