If you're a tourist, be respectful of the locals. I bet that in your hometown, when you're getting on and off a bus, or trying to get your bearings, or admiring the view, you don't stop and stand in the middle of the sidewalk, right in front of a door, or in the middle of a road. Going on vacation doesn't mean you get to take a vacation from being aware of your surroundings. Try to make an effort not to get in people's way. If you need to stop and stand, or want to walk slow, do it to the side of a busy place and leave space for people to get around you.

Few things irk me more on a day-to-day basis than the people who stop to talk about where they're supposed to be going while they're standing inside the turnstiles of a busy Metro station while other people are just trying to get home.

I rarely take the bus, but the two things that bother me are the litter left on the floor and people who listen to music at a volume that is audible to everyone within 20 feet.

1. People who stink.
2. Panhandling.
3. Loud cell phone conversations.
4. Intentionally taking up a lot of space. One thing I see on airplanes a lot -- guys who insist on sitting with their knees wide apart, so that their legs are over in the leg space of the adjacent seats. Dude, your balls don't need that much room.
5. Pushing past other people in a narrow aisle, unless they are just standing around being in the way. A few years ago, I was on a plane, doing work with my laptop, when my row-mate asked to get up (I was in the aisle seat). As I got up, holding the laptop, a guy came barging down the aisle in a huge hurry to get to the bathroom. He pushed past me and made me drop the laptop, which damaged the disk drive. I had to get it replaced. Fortunately, I had backups.
6. The usual ill-mannered-kid things: shouting, screaming, kicking the seat back in front of them.
7. People who absolutely insist on trying to converse with you. Sometimes I actually enjoy meeting and having a conversation with my row-mates. But not always.
8. People listening to headphones who think that they can sing at the top of their lungs and nobody will hear them.

-- Don't use the opportunity to trap strangers in conversation. I like to be polite and will engage in brief chit-chat if someone talks to me, but generally I just want to read or listen to music. Some people have no concept of how to read body language and will keep going. I don't quite have the nerve to ask them to just please stop talking.

-- Don't wear excessive perfume or other fragrance. Even something that smells nice can be overwhelming when you're in a small space and it's competing with other smells.

-- When you're smashed into a tiny space with lots of strangers, like what frequently happens on the NYC subway, don't take every little bump personally. No one wants to be up against you, either, but there isn't much choice if people want to get to work on time. Sometimes people will step on your foot or bump into you and not realize it. It's OK to just let some stuff go without interpreting it as a violation of your personhood. Turning it into an argument when it's impossible for the people around you to leave is rude.

Hannah writes:

you don't stop and stand in the middle of

Yeah, I hate that in the airport. People will be heading down the concourse, and then just stop and turn and look at the gate information signage right in the middle of the path.

Cousin Dave opines:

Dude, your balls don't need that much room.

You haven't seen the boys, Big Trouble and Little Trouble, so you're forgiven... ;-)

If you need to stop and stand, or want to walk slow, do it to the side of a busy place and leave space for people to get around you.

Ding ding ding! Thank you! The trick is to just keep moving -- or move off to the side against a wall to look at your map/get your bearings/dig in your purse for your metro card.

I also hate it when people enter the train and stop right in front of the door while they scope out where they want to sit, preventing anyone behind them from getting in. Dude, you are taking crowded public transport, so you may not get your dream seat. Just get on, walk briskly toward the center of the car so everyone can get on and then try to snag a seat.

HOW TO FAIL AT PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION

1. Begin to board bus/streetcar.

2. At the top of the steps, vaguely remember that boarding a bus/streetcar requires some sort of tariff. What could it be?

3. Ah, yes. American currency.

4. Fiddle-fart around in wallet (or change purse encased in zippered wallet, dug out from bottom of regular purse).

5. It's all coming back to you now -- you need EXACT change to do this right.

6. Hey, rather than sliding a couple of bills into the fare box, why not take this opportunity to divest yourself of all those nickels and dimes infesting your person? It'll just take a minute to count 'em out in your palm.

7. When you're done, begin to board. Then stop in the middle of the aisle, looking stunned. Your expression should mimic that of the people who arrive just as a movie is starting, and are surprised they don't have their pick of seats.

I don't use a lot of public transportation unless I'm traveling. I try to be respectful of the fact that while I'm enjoying the city as a visitor, locals are trying to go about their day.

I found the people in San Francisco and Philadelphia very nice and helpful. One bus that we nearly missed in San Francisco stopped for us, even though I thought we were a bit too far away to even be noticed as would-be passengers. We ran like hell to avoid messing with others' schedules, and it wouldn't have hurt us to wait for the next stop, but it was so kind of them to do it!

Once while on a tiny plane from Phoenix to Tucson, I was seated next to a morbidly obese man. He overflowed into my seat and I was crushed against the window. He also smelled very rank, and he was sweating so badly. There were delays after boarding, so the airplane time was much longer than usual. He slopped down a sandwich drowning in mayonnaise, and seemed to have difficulty keeping it off his face. Then he promptly fell asleep. He snored so loud the rest of the plane heard, and he was leaning my way so I had the pleasure of smelling his breath every time he exhaled. It was the most horrific plane trip of my life, although I got a lot of sympathetic looks from other passengers and the flight attendant stopped several times to find out if I needed anything. Thank goodness I wasn't flying cross-country.

People who block traffic at the subway turnstiles.

Do you have to wait until you are AT the turnstile to go digging through your pockets to find your metro card? Before getting to the turnstile, step off to the side and prepare yourself, so you can approach the turnstile ticket in hand. If you are traveling with kids, this is a great habit to teach them -- or hold on to their cards for them. Because otherwise, your family of five is going to cause all kinds of mayhem when you're at the turnstile and you're trying to locate Junior's ticket.

After seething in these situations so many times, I finally started saying [in a friendly tone] stuff like, "You know, I'm always losing my ticket, too. There's a little bench over by the ticket machines -- that's where I like to dig through my giant purse."

Or I'd just say, "Hey,'scuze me, can I squeeze through?" Always with a smile.

Sometimes I'd get glares, and one woman once snarled at me and said, "Geeeze. Someone's in a hurry!" But, always, they'd at least move and let me pass.

Don't prop your feet on empty seats and don't let your kid stand on the seat. Eventually someone will be sitting there and your shoes are dirty.

Have your token, bus pass or fare in your hand when you board. Take a minute to stop texting and dig it out before the bus arrives.

Your back pack/purse/groceries don't need their own seat when the bus is full. I will pull the I'm 50 with arthritis and use a cane (and have since I was in my 20s) card when you tell me you'd rather not move your stuff so I can sit. My balance sucks and I will fall on you if the driver has to stop quickly.

On the plus side, I live in a small town and 99% of the folks on my bus route are wonderful, especially the students who usually jump up to make sure I have seat and the drivers who willingly let us off between official stops if they're not running late. They will also stop if you flag them down, again, if they're not running late.

MonicaP wrote:

When you're smashed into a tiny space with lots of strangers, like what frequently happens on the NYC subway, don't take every little bump personally.

Thank you! I think as we're all ranting it's good to point out that being hostile, loud and confrontational with Public Transpo Jerks is just as rude to the people around you. If someone's genuinely hassling you, speak to them quietly and politely (like sofar). But once I was on a loooooooong escalator out of a Metro stop which was packed with standing people because it was rush hour -- so no one could budge. Someone a few steps up lit up a cigarette, which was rude because we were all stuck together and not yet fully outside, but then a woman one step below me screamed, "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, ARE YOU SO SICK AND ADDICTED YOU CAN'T WAIT TWO MORE MINUTES?" and continued to harangue him this way until we got to the top...except, since she was one step below me, the only effect this had was to blow out my ear drum. The smoker was rude, but so was the woman who yelled at him.

On a bus in Seattle: A skinny, middle aged guy wearing black and green spandex shorts, a pink tank top, high top tennis shoes, big sunglasses and a cap with earmuffs enthusiastically telling a morbidly obese woman she should take up kayaking. My daughter said to me, "What? One of her legs wouldn't fit in a kayak."

1. If the seat is designated for the elderly or handicapped, get off your ass and give it to the elderly or handicapped. Give your seat to the elderly or handicapped even if it's not designated as such and no other seats are available.

2. Don't change your baby's diaper on the bus either. None of us want to smell and/or see that.

Two horrifying words: Arm Barber. Read it and weep. http://unsuckdcmetro.blogspot.com/2009/09/metro-arm-barber.html

I watched two women, mother and daughter, pop each other's pimples at the Chinatown Metro stop here in LA. So weird.

These stories remind me of those old granola bar commercials about kids needing quiet time. Kiddie actors were saying things like "mommy says she can't believe you wore white", and "mommy made daddy get a new secretary". Cracked me up.

I have pretty strong reactions to spitting in public, whether it's chew, phlegm or just being a disgusting macho.

Not public transport, but I hate people who say goodbye at the airport.

It was a fucking forty five minute drive to get there. Couldnt say good bye in the car? Had to wait until you are at the airport to spend 20 fucking minutes saying good bye and leaving your car door open hanging out INTO the driving lanes?

I swear to god one day I'm going to snap and start taking those doors out

@Kevin your post made me laugh out loud. And it's always the people who spend the 10 minutes before the bus arrives playing with their phones instead of getting their money ready.

...I mean, even the homeless dude at the stop took the time to beg people for exact change and had it ready when he boarded.

Let me get off the train first before you push your way on.

Stay to the right on stairs, sidewalks, etc.

If there isn't enough room to sit your ass in the seat next next to me...please don't...I don't want your ass on me.

And a second to legs spread out and bags taking up seats.

And control your children, teach them to be respectful of others.

How about that woman that peed herself and then took a "shower" on the subway? So gross. Let's go to the video tape:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGFtKq4xhVk

I don't take public transportation, and when I fly, I put the ear buds in, scrunch myself into the corner of my seat try to be invisible. But I'd like to talk about elevator etiquette. 1. Wait until I've exited the car before you rush on! 2. If I'm 2 feet from the elevator door and moving at a quick pace, that is NOT your cue to jam down on the CLOSE DOOR button. 3. If you're getting onto an elevator with two other people already there, and engaged in a conversation, do not stand directly between them. I actually had the third one happen to me the other day by a self-absorbed female attorney I work with. Of course, I am just a lowly secretary who isn't on the same socio-economic level and thus deserves to be treated accordingly. /sacrasm

Arm Barber: Oh. No.

Maybe he misunderstood the Constitution and was merely exercising his right to bare arms.

If there isn't enough room to sit your ass in the seat next next to me...please don't...I don't want your ass on me.

I once watched a guy about 6'4" tall cram himself between two obese women on the subway. Their fat rolled over into the seat between them, effectively making that seat unusable for even a petite person. He couldn't get his ass all the way down to the chair, so he just sat propped between them. It was so weird. That could not have been more comfortable than standing.

How about that woman that peed herself and then took a "shower" on the subway? So gross. Let's go to the video tape:

No. No force on this planet can make me click that link.

It's not exactly public transportation, but D.C has an informal carpooling system called "slugging," in which drivers pick up riders in order to meet HOV requirements. Short a couple of carpoolers one day, I picked up two women headed to the Pentagon. We had barely pulled out of the commuter lot, when I heard a loud click followed by a small object landing under my emergency brake.

It was a thumbnail belonging to the woman sitting behind me. I slowed the car down, and turned around, fixing her with a stare full of all the shock and disgust I could muster (which is a lot at 6:45 in the morning). She quickly put her clippers back in her purse. We didn't speak until I stopped at the Pentagon, and instructed her not to exit until she had cleaned up all bits that were at one point attached to her.

Gross.

The bus I used to take home had a regular passenger who was severely disabled and used a motorized wheelchair. Every day we stopped and waited as the wheelchair lift was deployed and the bus driver helped to ensure he was safely strapped in before bringing him aboard. The whole process took a just a few moments, but every freakin' day there was some asshole or other who complained about the delay. It was like, hey buddy, if you don't like it, you can walk, bike, or drive - unlike the guy in the wheelchair.

Not public transportation related, but I hate when colleagues in offices near mine put their phone on full-blast speaker, with the door wide open. I'm busy focusing on my own shit, I don't want to hear about theirs.

Also, the lady in the office next to me is hearing impaired. She always forgets to shut off her alarms, which are already piercing loud and get louder the longer they go off. So whenever she's out of the office, I get to run over and endure the noise while trying to figure out what's going off, and how to shut it off.

Sorry for the OT and grammar.

That DC thumbnail story was gross.

"Maybe he misunderstood the Constitution and was merely exercising his right to bare arms."

I don't care who you are... That right thar is fun-nny!

*********

Falling asleep and laying across on one, two or even three seats so other passengers can't sit down. Putting your crusty feet up on seats that others sit on (and not moving them when someone wants to sit down.)

Eating smelly food on the train...yarp! Then leaving you trash shoved in one of the seat crevices.

Slurping your hot coffee like a freakin jack-a-lope right in you neighbors ear.

Gum smacking.

Oh, parents who have toddlers and give them their own seat on a crowded train instead of keeping them on their laps ( because you damn well know that kid is rolling around on the ground and climbing u like a jungle gym more than the are sitting in the seat you are so thoughtlessly holding hostage while the rest of us poor bastards sit there exhausted and pining over that damn seat after having put in a very long day of hard work!)

Sucking you snot instead of blowing YOUR GOL-DARN NOSE!

Suitcases, bags, totes etc... You've got some big ones. We get it. This is public transportation. No big whop. But please. Don't block the aisles, OK?

Get your feet off the back of my chair you inconsiderate a-hole.

Gawd! I do NOT miss BART.

"Maybe he misunderstood the Constitution and was merely exercising his right to bare arms."

I don't care who you are... That right thar is fun-nny!

*********

Falling asleep and laying across on one, two or even three seats so other passengers can't sit down. Putting your crusty feet up on seats that others sit on (and not moving them when someone wants to sit down.)

Eating smelly food on the train...yarp! Then leaving you trash shoved in one of the seat crevices.

Slurping your hot coffee like a freakin jack-a-lope right in you neighbors ear.

Gum smacking.

Oh, parents who have toddlers and give them their own seat on a crowded train instead of keeping them on their laps ( because you damn well know that kid is rolling around on the ground and climbing u like a jungle gym more than the are sitting in the seat you are so thoughtlessly holding hostage while the rest of us poor bastards sit there exhausted and pining over that damn seat after having put in a very long day of hard work!)

Sucking you snot instead of blowing YOUR GOL-DARN NOSE!

Suitcases, bags, totes etc... You've got some big ones. We get it. This is public transportation. No big whop. But please. Don't block the aisles, OK?

Get your feet off the back of my chair you inconsiderate a-hole.

Gawd! I do NOT miss BART.

Thought I'd add something more positive:

If you see someone who could really use a seat and you don't need it, give it to them, even if they're not pregnant or elderly. A few years ago, I wasn't feeling well on the train. It was sit down or pass out, but the train was packed, so I knelt on the floor and leaned against a pole. A man in front of me offered me his seat, and I was extremely grateful.

Also, don't assume someone sitting in a handicapped seat isn't handicapped just because you can't see a cane. Maybe they're just jerks, but maybe they legitimately need that seat for reasons that aren't obvious.

Two stories from the commuter rail.

Once, some guy sneezed behind me and did NOT cover his mouth - I could feel the mositure hit the back of my neck. Just gross! I said something and the response was "fuck you."

Another time a fat black woman was cussing up a storm. I asked her if she could tone down the language as there were a lot of kids riding into the city (going to the Puerto Rican Day Parade in NYC). The response was, not just "fuck you," but also included a "go to hell you white mother fucker."

The conducter, who heard the whole exchange, called the transit police who met us at the next station. Can you guess who they removed from the train? Yep, me, the white guy who dared to speak up rather than the black woman who was disrupting everyone else. Thankfully, the conducter put up a good fight to let me back on. But, it just goes to show how useless some cops can be.

Oh, and the fat black woman? She wasn't removed from the train at all. Instead she "apologized" to the cops saying "it just slipped out, I didn't mean anything by it." Sorry, folks, but language like that doesn't just "slip out" unless you use it often enough to be a part of your active vocabulary.

Super loud headphones that force me to listen to a shitty version of the song you're listening to.

1. People who eat on the metro! Not only is it banned, but these people always seem to eat food that stinks with their mouths open. Eeeew.

2. Idiots who hold the doors open which holds up the entire train.

3. Those who won't move back or to the side to allow more people to board on a crowded bus or metro. Also the ones in front of the door who won't step aside to let people off.