It's not always simple. There are idiots in the world, but still: I think the woman in this example has not really considered the other side.

Somehow, I seem to run across people in wheelchairs fairly often. When I greet someone in a wheelchair, I generally hold out my hand for a handshake (as I would any other person).

However, depending on the reason they are in the wheelchair, they may not be able to respond. Depending on the person, this may be embarrassing or even annoying. So in the few seconds I have to size up the situation, I try to figure out what their particular malady is. If I figure they cannot return a handshake, I don't offer one.

Sometimes I get it wrong. Sometimes - even if they cannot return a handshake - they are insulted that I didn't offer. Depending on how comfortable they are with their disability, they may or may not be offended.

What it comes down to, as far as I can see, is trying to use common sense. On both sides.

Many years ago, I worked part time in retail (which I will NEVER do again, I hate, hate, hate dealing with some members of the public, for they are just plain stupid, rude, and just downright nasty!)

Anyway, a young woman and her grandfather came into the store. The woman spoke first and explained what her grandfather was looking for. I turned to him and explained what we had. A smile broke out across both of their faces. The conversation continued between me and the grandfather with him using his "voice adapter." (not sure what to call it; but, he clearly had some type of throat surgery and the only way to talk was by holding a small machine up next to his throat and that would broadcast his voice)

After I help the grandfather get what he needed, he went over to the cashier. The young woman waited a bit until he was out of earshot and thanked me for being "so kind" to him. It was then I realized that her grandfather had experienced too many times exactly what this article is mentioning. Just because he has trouble talking doesn't mean that he has trouble hearing. And, if he did have trouble hearing or understanding me, I wouldn't know that unless I tried talking to him. Isn't that sort of "common sense"?

P.S., yea, I know, I know, "common sense" isn't really that common as most folks really seem to lack it.

I was in a wheel chair off and on before having major surgery to repair my back. I was appalled by how people treated me. In stores people would rush through and misperceive the distance between us because I was out of their line of sight. I got run into and run over frequently. People avoid looking at people in wheelchairs, it makes the able-bodied embarrassed, as though somehow their ability made my disability worse, or perhaps the opposite, if it was acknowledged by simple eye contact, then they might "catch" it.

I agree with you, as human beings we are best served if we question ourselves- "Why am I not looking at the woman in the wheelchair?" and make adjustments...

This maltreatment of handicapped people is another argument for my personal thesis that human nature is essentially evil, and that it takes things like morality, religion (except for Islam), common sense, Amy's books, free markets and so on to keep it in line.

Don't shake hands unless they're 65 or doing business? Really? Must be a West-coast thing. Here in the Midwest, it's still considered polite to shake hands when meeting people.

This maltreatment of handicapped people is another argument for my personal thesis that human nature is essentially evil,

Nah. It's usually because people are uncomfortable. They don't want to say or do the wrong thing, or they just aren't thinking. In cases like this, very often, if you just tell them what they're doing wrong, they'll change.

Boiling it down to "people are basically evil" is pretty broad.

People were not made with species wide cooperation in mind.

Are ants evil because two competing colonies fight till one is overrun?

People are more good than evil...when it comes to their own people.

And as far as the "maltreatment" of handicapped people, that is unutterably ridiculous.

The above article is...frankly...a bit trying.

Trying to be offended really.

Two people go up to a counter, one of them obviously disabled in some way.

A wheelchair might just mean bad legs. Or be part and parcel with a mental illness.

It does not take two people to see to a phone repair, so while it may be an incorrect assumption about who is the customer and who is not...

For fucks sake get over it. How does he know the walking person is a friend and not a care giver? He knows nothing about you except what he sees, and what he sees is a two person team doing a one person chore, and that leads to an incorrect assumption on his part.

If she's going to be so bloody sensitive about perceptions like that, then for fucks sake do what most people do, and just do her errands on her own so that they know immediately that you can handle the business of living largely unaided.

Being disabled does not entitle anyone to make their personal issues, into someone else's problem.

I'm totally blind in one eye, partially blind in the other, but you wouldn't know it to look at me. I've heard everything from "Well you don't look like it..." to " But you seem to see me just fine...." to "Really? Let's see your glasses!". Now really, would you walk up to a guy in a wheelchair and ask him to borrow it???

I don't think most people mean to be ignorant. They're just, well, ignorant. They trip over tongues to be nice to the disabled person, and wind up offending them anyways. At least they tried.....

"People are more good than evil...when it comes to their own people."

Sorry, gotta agree with Petrie on this one. While there are a few good souls out there,(very few)and in general most people WANT to be good, most folks only cloak themselves in morality so they can convince themselves of their own superiority, and only give a shit about their fellow man if and/or when:

A)It doesn't inconvenience them.
B)They get something out of it.
C)It makes them look good, be it in the polls, on a resume, or to the neighbors.

If you disagree, just look at the hoards of people lining up to give the homeless somewhere to stay, the millions of people electing to choose solar power to save the environment, even though it costs three times as much. Oh wait.....

Most times I see someone on the road with handicapped plates, their behavior convinces me it IS their brain that's disabled.

It does not take two people to see to a phone repair, so while it may be an incorrect assumption about who is the customer and who is not...
For fucks sake get over it. How does he know the walking person is a friend and not a care giver? He knows nothing about you except what he sees, and what he sees is a two person team doing a one person chore, and that leads to an incorrect assumption on his part.

Sorry, but you're way off base here. I often have a male friend run a quick errand with me if we are carpooling. Instead of sitting in a sweltering car, (we are in South Florida), and not wanting to waste gas by leaving the A/C going, he will come inside with me if we aren't sure how long the task will be. But, clerks have sometimes dismissed me and started talking to him when *I* am clearly the one who intiated the transaction. I can only assume this is because I am a female. I made sure to make my displeasure known when that happens. This is no different.

Having another person with her indicates nothing other than she is 1) social or 2) isn't driving herself. If Yvonne initated the transaction, that first moment of conversation should have been the clerks first clue that Yvonne was the customer, not the friend. They were clearly blinded by the wheelchair. When you work in the service industry, your job is to be sharp enough to tell the difference between someones who's merely along for the ride and someones who's acting as a care giver. You should always take your cues from them and not assume anything.

There's a psychological thing with talking to a person in a wheelchair when one is standing. The first thing that goes through the unconscious is that one is talking to a child, and you have to exert a mental effort to overcome that. Dean Kaman had some research on this some years ago and he came up with an idea for something called the Ibot. This was a wheelchair with the ability to extend itself up to a height such that the user's head would be at the same height as the head of a standing person. It was gyro-stabilized for balance. It also had other capabilities, like the ability to climd (some) stairs.

This would have been a big help for wheelchair users in overcoming the psychology of standing vs. seated. Unfortunately, it didn't catch on. I think that was because it was just too expensive -- list price IIRC was about $15K. Kaman's group may have over-reached with the design; the Ibot had a lot of other planned capabilities that never got finished, and a lot of the materials used were very advanced. A more basic version that still has the standing capability and costs less might do better on the market.

Agreed that some people are assholes, but I think part of the problem is that we have been transitioning from a culture where the disabled are expected to rely on others to survive (including institutionalization), to a culture where assistive devices have not not only become more available, but are finally being designed to look and perform in a bad ass way, rather than a clunky and industrial way.

Crap. Gotta get ready for work. Be back, I'm not done.

Totally not meaning to be an ass, but well, maybe I am.

I find it hard sometimes to talk to a person in a wheelchair because they are down low. If I can, I'll sit down. This is even people I know (badly broken leg). I feel like I am literally talking down to them. Similarly if I squat to be at their level (which I won't be able to do much longer anyway), I feel like I'm talking to a child (because that is how I talk to a child).

Again, not wanting to be an ass, so anybody have any other ideas? Should I just get over it?