Do cockroaches have fantasies, too?

I think when Jesus condemned "looking upon a woman to lust after her," he probably wasn't speaking of garden-variety ogling of the type all straight men do every day. I think he was probably speaking of "lust" in the sense of "obsessively covet."

At least I hope so, or I'm doomed. Good grief. There's a huge difference between noticing that women are attractive - "objectifiying them" visually, if you will - and treating them like objects in your interactions with them. When you pass a random stranger on the street, of course you're not going to be fantasizing about her charming personality; you haven't had a chance to "see" it. But if, after getting to know her, you're still only treating her as a set of secondary sex characteristics, you're an asshole.

Beta male status whoring is so pathetic: "I'm not one of those bad men who crave attention by lifting weights and flirting with women...but LOOK AT ME!! I'm so wonderful because I'm sensitive and enlightened."

Puke.

Sounds like a woman wrote this...

I was going into the grocery store the other day, and I happened to look up at the roof of the place, and, dang! the guy that was up there, checking on the vents or whatever, was so damn hawt, I whipped out my cell phone, called out, "excuse me?" and when he looked over at me I took his picture. "Thank you!" I yelled up at him. He smiled, shook his head a little and then waved.

I'm such an objectifier! And I don't care. I'll never see him again, except in that picture. And eventually I'll delete it anyway.

Flynne, you male-objectifying pervert! I feel so shamed and violated around you! Traumatized, I tell you!

I'll sue you, that's what I'll do!

He should have gone to the meeting and gotten some perspective. It would've punched up the article, too.

Oops, almost said people drive to work in cats!

My mind is awhirl trying to understand this hapless weenie. First of all, saying that you have "twin 4-year-old girls who are already smarter than me" doesn't elevate them, bucause that's silly. It does denigrate the author, but he supports his contention nicely in the paragraphs that follow.

The quoted text takes 492 words, and all he manages to say is, nice-looking girls grab his attention, he feels sinful (regardless of what anybody calls it, that's what it is), and he wants to stop sinning. I wonder if the poor guy ever asked his wife if her head was ever turned by a handsome stranger. I wonder if he could do that without getting in trouble.

And, Flynne, you can objectify me any time (that is, if you think bowling pins with button-down collars are terribly eye-catching)! :-)

I honestly don't think the writer is intended to be serious. I think the effect is supposed to be satire.

Oh cripes, RPMDaddy, he probably would have a nervous breakdown if his wife answered that question honestly. I can see their next stroll together: "What about him? What about him? What about him?"

Might take his mind off staring at women, though.

Hapless Weenies. Sounds like an emo rock band.

I honestly don't think the writer is intended to be serious. I think the effect is supposed to be satire.

That might be true; I hadn't thought about it that way. But if it is satire, it's fairly subtle.

Fave comment, by the way, came from somebody called "naught_for_naught" who said, "DISCLAIMER: SNAGs (Sensitive New-Age Guys) make me nauseous. There, that's out of the way."

Slate has decided that they can bring in page-views by writing a ton of simple articles that are largely content-free but attractive troll bait to entertain people who are surfing at work. This article is a perfect example of the genre.

I'll sue you, that's what I'll do!

LOL!! Sue away, Patrick! Lotta good it'll do ya, I ain't got nuttin' I tells ya! Nuttin'!

And, Flynne, you can objectify me any time (that is, if you think bowling pins with button-down collars are terribly eye-catching)!

LOL!! Old RPM Daddy, you crack me up! Of course I'll objectify you! Just don't sue me!

Hapless Weenies. Sounds like an emo rock band.

HAHAHAH!! Ppear, I'm stealing that for MY emo rock band! Priceless! Because, you know, besides me, the rest of the band is just a buncha SNAGs!!

(Loved that one, too, Oold RPM Daddy! Good stuff on here today!)

Wow, this thread is full of so much win! I love coming here to to recover from strange encounters with ambient stupidity.

"The quoted text takes 492 words, and all he manages to say is, nice-looking girls grab his attention, he feels sinful (regardless of what anybody calls it, that's what it is), and he wants to stop sinning."

Well-stated... It occurred to me that he could likely save himself a lot of time and go to church to self-flagellate for being normal & healthy.

"Oops, almost said people drive to work in cats!"

Hehehe I was writing "blogger" the other day and typed "blooger" by mistake. I think "blog" and "blogger" are fun/funny words to begin with, so I cackled hysterically.

Ima taking the other tack, where this is a manipulative POS who craves attention of women. So he manipulates them by saying all the correct NOW canards, like a sensitive new agey guy, but he is really looking for an ego stroke, and given the right circumstance, a real stroke.

I could be wrong, and he's a sad-empty-sak whose wife keeps his brass in a jar on her desk... but it's not hard to find guys around who spout all this crap and then turn out to be little monsters. That Swyzer guy copes to mind. This is like game, taken to the n+1 degree.

Either way, I have to agree with this:
"Fave comment, by the way, came from somebody called "naught_for_naught" who said, "DISCLAIMER: SNAGs (Sensitive New-Age Guys) make me nauseous. There, that's out of the way.""

I’m a stay-at-home dad to twin 4-year-old girls who are already smarter than me,

So, your pre-pre-school kids are smarter than you? Did you met their mother in remedial kindergarden?

I grew up with big sisters and a mom whose authority was unbreachable.

In other words no father, and as the only one with a penis always wrong

I celebrate every inroad that women make into business, technology, science, politics, comedy, you name it, and I get angry about “slut-shaming” or “stereotype threat” or whatever is the affront du jour.

Look at me, I like the things you like, and hate the things you hate, please fuck me, I begging here

And yet, in the caveman recesses of my imagination, I objectify women in ways that make Hooters look like a breakout session at a NOW conference.

Why cant I stop being male?

Somebody else out there had the same “affliction” as I did! It may not be as pronounced as it was in my teens and 20s, but . . .

Its called testosterone you mental midget

I assume that my “condition” is perfectly normal, . . . the academic research on the subject corroborates my informal polling. But I couldn’t get over the cognitive dissonance of the whole situation.

Feminists, especially male feminists do seem to have problems accepting reality

How could enlightened, feminist guys like myself put up with these unbidden fantasies that violate our dedication to gender equity and basic human decency?

You cant, better kill yourself before you inevitably rape your daughters

There must be like-minded men who have overcome these impulses. I decided that I would seek out their stories, and use them to help me cleanse my filthy mind.

They're called 'gay men', and they have pornographic thoughts about men rather than women

I first asked Joanna Schroeder, senior editor and writer at The Good Men Project, for some advice.

As every male feminist knows, never ask a man for advice about how to be a man, ask a woman

She directed me to a recent piece on Everyday Feminism, which suggested that avoiding the visual stimulus could decrease the perverted thoughts. “I can choose to avert my eyes,” wrote James Utt. I can choose to briefly look and move on. I can choose to show the woman the respect she deserves by holding her eye contact while we talk.”

Right, cause refusing to look at women at all doesnt come of a creepy and weird. Why not gouge out your eyes, moron

We are not, he claims, slaves to our subconscious. Yes! I thought. I can feel the shackles falling away!

Yippieee!! I'm cured, I read an article that told me not to look, why didnt I think of that on my own? Now where to go where I wont see women, hmmmm

I asked the often controversial feminist writer, Hugo Schwyzer, who teaches history and gender studies at Pasadena City College, if he knew of any research that had been done on how to avoid being “plagued by intrusive sexual thoughts.” His suggestion? ”The "affirm and redirect" strategy.
“Sure, you want to lift this woman up onto the counter and put your hungry mouth on hers while she wraps her legs around you, but in fact, you're just going to order your latté, smile politely and let it all be.

You mean we can avoid such thoughts entirely by having them anyway and simply not acting on them (which we want doing anyway). How does this stop us from having them again? And people wonder why feminists are portrayed as idiots

I found one good tip there. . .
“turn the behavior over to our Higher Power and ask for help as quickly as we can.” It sounded legit. But I felt like I needed a face for my Higher Power, which for me is the nebulous ideal of gender equity. So I chose the image of my intro to women’s studies professor from college.

So to get past fantasizing about women you see on the street you are going to fantasize about the first woman after your mother to call you a worthless male? Jesus Christ man, hire a dominatrix already

Next I decided to consult Christian literature, . . But there was one excellent piece of advice I found hiding among the prayers: When you catch yourself objectifying women, think about your daughters, sisters, and mothers.

Well, given the number of bible characters who fucked their kin this isnt odd at all, and look your already getting closer to raping your daughters, have I mentioned suicide?

Don’t overanalyze sexual thoughts.

So, what the fuck would you call the article? and all the weeks of reaserch you did for this article?

Think about my daughters, mom, and sisters.

Seriously dude, thats twice now you mentioned fantasizing you family

Having developed a list of defenses against my own imagination,

I would call thinking about your mommy while you masterbate a 'defense'

and it’s less draining than catching myself furtively checking out the parts that are—forgive me—on display, and then creep-shaming myself.

Please mistress, forgive this unworthy male for noticing what you let everyone see. Telling you dude, a dominatrix would be cheaper than what your paying your ineffectual therapist

And then there’s the yoga class. I’ve been meaning to get back into yoga, but I haven’t done it in a long time and my form is rusty, so I need to watch my classmates to remind me of what the poses are supposed to look like.

Its not ogling if its for exercise, right?

One clear victory: At least I did not need to get my mom involved in this.

Except for when you had to think about her while jacking off that night to stop yourself from thinking about your yoga class orgy fantasy

Also $25 bucks says his wife is banging someone at the hospital in hopes of finding a real man

" Jesus Christ man, hire a dominatrix already "

Luj wins the thread...

There is just so much wrong here that I can't fix. I can only shake my head, and offer this suggestion:

Your wife is a surgeon, ask her to remove your testicles. There, problem alleviated. Besides, you're not using them any way.

Can we start a betting pool on how long his married bliss lasts? I'll go with the under on 7 years from now.

You know, as a white man, and being blamed for all the world's problems, I no longer worry about looking at an attractive woman and wondering if she's as good in bed as I hope, and then wondering how I could make her acquaintance and then possibly finding out.

Intellectually, I also know that wanting a thing can be more pleasing than having it.

That Three Second Rule thing bothers me.

- if a "triggering image or thought" lingers for more than three seconds, practitioners of this rule must "turn the behavior over to our Higher Power and ask for help as quickly as we can." -

I don't know how many times I've broken that rule just from this thread!

"That Three Second Rule thing bothers me."

Yeah, food on the floor isn't any more saniary just because you pick it back up quickly.

I think Astra's got it right - this is intentional troll bait. I'm seeing this article get coverage everywhere, with comments similar to here.

It's rude to stare, whatever the cause. Things will be very beautiful or ugly and attract your attention but it is rude to stare.

The same forces that made you evolve to want to stare at a woman also made her boyfriend evolve to want to kick your ass, and your girlfriend want to kick your ass, if you do so.

So don't. Enjoy the beauty, enjoy the moment, and stay polite.

Its nice to see the SNAG term getting more use lately. It perfectly sums up the male feminist mindset.

However the proper term for this trollbait article writer is "Kitchen Bitch". We'd all be better off if he got back in the kitch and baked his mistress a pie and shut his piehole.

"Also $25 bucks says his wife is banging someone at the hospital in hopes of finding a real man"

No bet there Luj. Dr. Wife will trade up by year 10-15 tops.

It's rude to stare, whatever the cause. Things will be very beautiful or ugly and attract your attention but it is rude to stare.

True enough, but the guy wasn't talking about the impact of his actions on other people. All he was saying was, "I'm lusting! I feel so dirty! I'm violating the very terms of my moral probity I took such pains to outline in the first paragraph!" His sackcloth-and-ashes bit is enough to embarass even the most traditionally religious, but he still manages to make it all about him.

"he still manages to make it all about him."

Well, he's wrong. It's all about ME, dammit. I keep telling my husband that, but he just won't listen. Thinks it's all about HIM. And now here's another one. Grrr.

And folks, what I meant earlier about the three second rule is simply that for me, those triggering thoughts and images are going to linger longer than that,(and my "Higher Power" already knows it) so I'm probably already doomed.

All about me. Doomed, damned me.

I think Male Pantywads would be a good name for Flynne's emo band, too.

I honestly don't think the writer is intended to be serious. I think the effect is supposed to be satire.

I don't. It's earnest and not funny.

Oddly enough, my 17-year-old daughter says she saw this very article recently, and assumed the guy must have been joking.

500 years ago, this idiot would have been in a monastery . Wearing a hair shirt, and weeping and wailing over his impure thoughts.

Nothing new here.....

But if, after getting to know her, you're still only treating her as a set of secondary sex characteristics, you're an asshole. -- Grey Ghost at May 30, 2013 6:42 AM

Well I have a few co-workers that I appreciate their secondary sex characteristics every time I see them, but I don't base my interaction on it. :-D

This guy has been taught (had it pounded into his head) that normal, heterosexual male actions and thoughts are wrong and he should be ashamed of it.

I just wonder how many times his wife gets him to dress up and take it up the butt with a strap-on.

...OK, so I had two potential tools: 1) Try not to ogle; and 2) Don't freak out if I catch myself ogling or fantasizing.

I recommend #2. Actually, I recommend #3: don't "catch" yourself ogling or fantasizing in the first place...just go with it.

As a bisexual woman (somewhat lapsed) I undress women with my eyes all the time. I don't stare, but . . . . . how shall I put it? I store the images for later.

"I'm a stay-at-home dad to twin 4-year-old girls who are already smarter than me, and my wife is a brilliant doctor who kicks ass and saves lives every day. I grew up with big sisters and a mom whose authority was unbreachable. I celebrate every inroad that women make into business, technology, science, politics, comedy, you name it, and I get angry about "slut-shaming" or "stereotype threat" or whatever is the affront du jour."

He's a housewife.

Oops, almost said people drive to work in cats!

They don't? Does that mean I have to leave Katie in the garage from now on?

He's a housewife.

Posted by: Tyler

Now as a man I understand comparing a man to women is insulting, and believe me this guy deserves it; however real housewives dont.

A better comparison is a gold digging pregnancy trapper, with heave emphasis on the nancy

There are castration-fetish groups you could talk to as well, or perhaps an unscrupulous doctor will prescribe estrogen for you. It sounds like your real problem is with that pesky endocrine system.

"Intellectually, I also know that wanting a thing can be more pleasing than having it."

"It is not logical, but it is often true." - Spock

I have often wondered where I learned that some women have "ideal" features, totally fascinating. It's admiration, though, and I suggest that this is the polar opposite of disrespect.

Sounds like he's going thruogh life trying to get the approval that his domineering mother never gave him. If only he could be that guy he thinks women want him to be, then maybe mom would finally like him.