Not reciprocal? She is either extremely grounded in reality, or lying. More power to them; I don't profess to know what's best for others. It would be nice if this were the social norm, as opposed to ignoring our biology. It probably requires a strong marriage with a stronger foundation to pull off, though. Most people probably aren't equipped to handle it. Not saying I am; I don't really know.

Does she know if he ever used it?

But looking at images of her, I would have to compare what I have at home and really consider whether it would be worth it.

I had more than one opportunity when I was with my lady. I could have done it, but I would have felt guilty for a long time.

Last time I checked, pizza doesn't infect the pizza-lover with STDs or show up at the house at 3:00 a.m. for a surprise murder/suicide pact.

Except for the anchovy pizzas, of course.

I would not go for this. She says it's not reciprocal, perhaps it isn't. Or perhaps she does as she likes the 7 months a year he's on the road. That's LONG time to be apart every year. But, I would never date or marry a professional musician or sports player. I know the likely score, and I'm not interested.

As far as I know, no kid ever pledged a vow before god and family, and signed a legal contract, saying they would never eat pizza again. When you get married, you DO pledge fidelity. Not the same at all.

Every couple I know with built-in "cheat" allowances breaks those rules and does whatever they want. Example: Guy is supposed to allow wife to vet all partners and veto if she wishes. Guy instead has partners on the side that wife is expressly not okay with and lies to get about his whereabouts.

Wife finds out and gets angry but realizes she sounds foolish to object to his cheating "wrong."

It's not seven months in a row. It's a seven month long season where they are home for a while and on the road for a while. The longest road trip would be 10 days to two weeks at the most.

It seems to me that this is actually a license to get caught once a year. He could get laid every road trip all year and she wouldn't know.

BTW, I read this to my wife and she says that it won't be happening at our house.

If he takes up the offer, he'll cheat for real too.

I've been in both monogamous and nonmonogamous relationships. Nonmonogamous relationships can work if both people are mature and aren't 'needy'.

I've also had polyamorous friends and friends with open marriages. The relationships I see work are the ones where people are honest with each other and direct if there is an issue. Polyamory and passive aggressive behavior does not work well.

Little Joke...

What's the mating call of a polyamorous person?

Answer: Let me check my calendar

I've also had polyamorous friends and friends with open marriages. The relationships I see work are the ones where people are honest with each other and direct if there is an issue. Polyamory and passive aggressive behavior does not work well.

In my experience monagamy and passive aggressive behavior does not work well either

Every couple I know with built-in "cheat" allowances breaks those rules and does whatever they want. Example: Guy is supposed to allow wife to vet all partners and veto if she wishes. Guy instead has partners on the side that wife is expressly not okay with and lies to get about his whereabouts. -Insufficient Poison

But there are also plenty of couples without that built-in "cheat" allowance where one party pretty much does whatever s/he wants. At least with the allowance, the "cheat" has been discussed and acknowledged. It's no panacea, but at least both parties are aware that there's a possibility of non-monogamy and can take the precautions that they feel are needed.

Maybe it's less a betrayal if someone brings home the clap if you've at least got some heads-up that it might be headed your way.

"Except for the anchovy pizzas, of course."

HA!

"Every couple I know with built-in "cheat" allowances breaks those rules and does whatever they want. "

WRONG!

My husband and I don't have a cheat allowance. We do however, have an agreement.

We will each forgive the other once, and ONLY once. Period.

The bit above about pizza is exactly why we made this agreement, forbidden fruit being the sweetest, yadda yadda yadda.

Many will say, (and have) my husband has cheated on me, and not told me.

I say, since he is more than honest and transparent regarding his trips to the ripper bar with his buddies and porn habits, I see no reason why he would be less than honest regarding infidelity. He's also upfront and honest about where he is, when, and who with, etc etc etc. I don't even have to ask.

It seems to work well, we've been married 18 years and he has never stepped out yet. It's not for everybody. You need to have trust, and be ultra-transparent with each other, and make a conscious effort to keep romance alive. You also need to be very careful to make sure the other knows every day that you would rather be with them than anyone else, and are with them for reasons other than the obvious. But it can work.

For some.

I would care more if it were two ordinary people. Celebrity relationships, with a few exceptions, bear no resemblance to real relationships.

I never tell anyone I'd ever forgive them for anything. For one, it pretty much reads as a pass to a lot of people. For 2, I can't promise I'll forgive because I can't know how I'm going to feel if it really happened. It's like promising not to get mad before someone tells you what might make you mad-you simply can't. It's empty words. You might find yourself utterly incapable of forgiving. You just can't know.

I mean really-if your hubby came in one night and said "honey, there was just this really hot stripper and she was into it, so I banged her. I'm sorry. But you forgive me, right?" and he showed no remorse, are you going to forgive him? I'm not saying he would-obviously I don't know him. But I would think there would just have to be situations in which you would toss that forgivement out the window.

M4, that's a good point. Even if the guy's wife says "I'll give you one free pass", there's no guarantee that she'll necessarily feel the same way if that pass is cashed in. There's a huge dependency on the circumstances. But the short answer is: if you decide to go that route, you're playing with fire regardless of any promises that have been made.

It has been my experience that men can "usually" treat sex as a recreational activity. Most women can't. We bond emotionally with men through sex.

This is why swinging as a couple works better for many couples who want variety, than reciprocal cheating agreements.

If you love someone, and know they would be hurt by your cheating, assuming you have an adequate sexual relationship, why would you want to jeopardize the relationship? Especially if you have underage kids?

It has been my experience that most women who cheat, are already emotionally "out the door". With men, it is not so simple. A few are looking for love, but most would be happy with a one night stand.

It has been my experience that most women who cheat, are already emotionally "out the door". With men, it is not so simple. A few are looking for love, but most would be happy with a one night stand. -- Isab at July 16, 2013 4:00 PM

I think it is also a matter of age and maturity as well for males.

In my twenties it was hit and go. Then there have been times in my thirties I would have hit and moved on but it would have been a thought of which way. But I find that today I'd rather have some sort of GF type experience now.

My god Jim P you have explained all to me. My male friends are starting to become exactly as you state now in their 30s. It has been an interesting metamorphosis. One even told me he is actually interested in getting to know girls now which made me chuckle.

My stepdad always told me to marry a guy above 32 because that's "when biologically we start to gain some wisdom and control over sex"