I'm guessing he's not a friend of the family any more. Would have loved to have heard him try to explain what he was doing.

Someone trying to burglarize my home by coming down the chimney and gets stuck. I'd better call the police about that.

But first, I think I'd start a nice cozy fire in the fireplace. Makes the living room seem much more homey and inviting for when the police arrive.

Good idea, but it could backfire, pun intended, on you.

Why not go to the roof and drop a few wild animals down the chimney?

David, I love it! A few squirrels, maybe. Better still a couple of stray cats, followed by a cold water chaser.

It's a nice thought, but it's ultimately cruel to the animals, and I couldn't do that.

Fire ants, perhaps.

A weasel, maybe. Oh, I know! How about a skunk?

Of course, you'd have to catch one in the first place...

Er, starting a fire would fill the house with smoke. Too annoying, despite the fun of hearing the scumbag's yells.

That Jekyll-Hyde teen behavior reminds me of a 1982 letter to Ann Landers:

http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1697&dat=19821008&id=ljAqAAAAIBAJ&sjid=O0cEAAAAIBAJ&pg=6581,1816455

And I have to say, since *I* was in my teens at the time, my knee-jerk reaction was to assume that the adult writer HAD to be hiding something that would exonerate the teen girl. (Like a terrible trauma in her past, for example.) That is, I guess I was thinking: " *I* don't know any amoral sociopath teens like that; therefore they can't exist."

Of course, I learned better eventually.

Of course, the adult writer didn't exactly grab my sympathy at the time by implying that ALL teens are growing up amoral, when she could have taken a little time to say that "some teens" instead. That led to this gentle letter by a teen, which Ann Landers humbly printed:

http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1696&dat=19821230&id=8O8aAAAAIBAJ&sjid=UkcEAAAAIBAJ&pg=4885,6498304

I've got it! Something that would be easy to get and have the desire result...with some preparation.

Drop a beehive down there!

Squirrels! That's the ticket. I vote squirrels.
In the wild squirrels fight quite a bit. But not to the death, just to castration. Yep, the winner often nips the nuts right off the loser.
The loser squirrels get fat and slow and are the best ones for squirrel gravy with toast points.