I can't fathom why anyone would want to be a single parent. "Hey, I'm going to take on a very difficult and expensive project (raising a kid) and I'm going to deliberately make it harder (by doing it alone)."

Yes, I realize that there are a lot of people who aren't single parents by choice, but seriously, every one of this person's friends is an unmarried parent?

Surely, someone did this on a lark.

I've heard parenting referred to as the ultimate expression of narcissism. Are these voluntary single parents so self-enamored that they believe that they should be the only true authority figure in a child's earliest stages of life?

"Are these voluntary single parents so self-enamored that they believe that they should be the only true authority figure in a child's earliest stages of life?"

Yes but it's not just being self enamored. For women it's about being lonely and giving meaning to their life. It's about the mistaken belief that a child will give you love unconditionally. It is about "me" wants and when you bring up the child wants you are called an idealist.

Ultimately though it is about an ingrained biological urge that people believe will change their lives for the positive. When it doesn't it is still spun as a positive because their mantra is "my life had no meaning before kids" or "my kids are my biggest and happiest accomplishment".

I have a family member who always tells me how his kids are the best thing to ever happen to him and he feels sorry that I will never know the joy. He has several kids by different women, never visits them and when he does all he does is complain to me about having to visit them.

Useful insight, Ppen. My suggestion for those who want unconditional love would be to get a dog.

Or, should that prove to be too expensive, they can volunteer at an animal shelter and form a bond with a nice dog there.

It's an interesting point of view that sees children as an "accomplishment." Having children is not an accomplishment. It's a biological function reaching fruition. Perhaps raising them right (like your relative is evidently not doing much of, and what he does do is done begrudgingly) might be viewed as accomplishment.

But any idiot with working sexual apparatus can make kids. And tragically, many of them do.

Its also about wanting thug cock and DNA, not some beta male's

Raising kids is the hardest, most time consuming and most expensive job I've ever had. Are there rewards? Sure, it's wonderful seeing their accomplishments, but what I really enjoy is when my oldest calls me about something one of her boys is doing to drive her crazy. I sit back and laugh, that's probably the best reward I've had. If I had a do-over, I wouldn't have any. I love my kids, and some days I even like them, and even though they're all over 18 now, I'm still recovering.

Doing this as a single parent willingly is the most asinine undertaking ever. I see friends and family members who are doing it, and frankly, they aren't doing it very well, and this includes my daughter. Kids need a two parent home, one parent can't possibly do it all. There aren't enough hours in a day - plus it's easier to tag team the little monsters.

"Yes but it's not just being self enamored. For women it's about being lonely and giving meaning to their life. It's about the mistaken belief that a child will give you love unconditionally. It is about 'me' wants and when you bring up the child wants you are called an idealist."

An excellent observation. In my years I've been stunned by the number of young adults, and some not-so-young, who basically regard children as pets: you play with them, you put food and water in a bowl and clean out the box occasionally, and that's all you have to do. They assume that the actual growing-up part, the kid will figure out for himself. After all, all you really need to know is what you learned in kindergarten, right? And they have government-funded professionals for that. The parent doesn't need to worry about it. All the parent needs to do is check the "head of household" box on the 1040EZ and watch the EITC jackpot checks roll in every year.

"Are these voluntary single parents so self-enamored that they believe that they should be the only true authority figure in a child's earliest stages of life?"

I think it's worse than that. Narcissists and other Cluster B's love being able to congratulate themselves, and be praised by others, for trivial accomplishments. Provided that the requisite body parts are functioning normally, reproducing takes no particular skill or effort. This bullshit about how siring or birthing a baby is the ultimate human achievment is just that -- bullshit. It's actually only the start of a very long process, and it's the easiest part.

It maybe that these single parents have an extended family nearby to help with things. I'm not talking about monetary support, but things like babysitting/day care and the like.

Of course, they can also get government funds if they're below the poverty line. Section 9 housing allowance, EBTs and so on. It isn't as hard as one might think.

And that doesn't cover any...fraud...meet Vivencia Bellegarde a suspected welfare-scamming, voodoo cursing, drunk driver.

I am reminded of an episode of Married With Children, where Peg and Marcy are pregnant and crying loudly sitting on the couch. Cue Al: "Kids, watch this. This is worth a thousand condom commercials."

Yep, people are stupid and they reproduce too much.

Sure, it's wonderful seeing their accomplishments, but what I really enjoy is when my oldest calls me about something one of her boys is doing to drive her crazy. I sit back and laugh, that's probably the best reward I've had.

by sara
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Then I'd hate to see what the lesser "rewards" were.

Sounds more like revenge to me.

I don't understand well-fed, well-educated women who deliberately become single mothers. As I see it, they're just encouraging the false ideas that 1) caring for babies and toddlers is and should be strictly women's work, and 2) that men shouldn't have to feed their kids if they don't want to.

And, married or not, parents who say their kids are the best and most important things in their lives are very often just rationalising their not-so-carefully contemplated decisions. As psychologist Leon Festinger showed us, back in the 1950s, it's our actions that mold our attitudes far more often than the other way around.

"If I had a do-over, I wouldn't have any. I love my kids, and some days I even like them"

I've heard several women say his and I love love this type of honesty.

Sounds more like revenge to me.

Nah, that's called having a sense of humor. Whenever I'd do something annoying/destructive as a kid, and my mom called her mom to vent, my grandmother would chuckle and say, "Karma."

On the subject of marriage, I put up a nice video on Amy's most recent link post. I was very surprised and touched, especially considering this happened in Texas. I hope you get a chance to see it. A hidden camera crew goes to Texas, and gets a pleasant surprise.

My "revenge child" just got married - the one my father laughs about, for all those times he said to me, "Someday you're gonna have a kid just like you." I tell people I wouldn't give any of mine up, but if you'd caught me at the right moment, I might have sold them. :)

My wife and I have five, and they are on track to becoming decent and productive people (if a bit eccentric), and that may be the best thing I can do for them. Love liberty, pay your own way, and stand up for others - do that and everything else is peripheral.