"And All The Children Are Above Average"
As Garrison Keillor quips on his show.
A friend sent me that line in an email about how Canada has succumbed to the whiner and "merit is mean!" types.
Matthew Coutts blogs at Yahoo.ca that a Calgary school has ended its honor roll program because of hurt feelings by those who don't make the cut:
According to an article in the National Post, Calgary's St. Basil Elementary and Junior High School has stopped rewarding Grade 7 to 9 students for academic excellence by ending its honour roll program.While the decision ostensibly punishes those students who would succeed by ending what little we currently do to celebrate academic success, it is made with those who fall short in mind. According to school officials, awarding excellence affects those who don't receive the award more than those who do receive it.
"Awards eventually lose their lustre to students who get them, while often hurting the self-esteem and pride of those who do not receive a certificate," officials said in a letter to parents, obtained by the Post.
True self-esteem is not based on whether you win or lose but whether you acted with integrity.
He quotes the Calgary Herald's Naomi Lakritz:
What a shock when these kids learn that the real world hurts your feelings time and again. Not only that, the real world doesn't care that it hurt your feelings. It doesn't even care if you pick yourself up and go on -- that's something you need to do for yourself.
See the link I've posted. Now kids aren't allowed to physically interact in a BC school.
Kendra at November 7, 2013 2:24 AM
How will you know what you are good at if you don't know what you are bad at? I glad a teacher told me I can't sing.
L Nettles at November 7, 2013 6:29 AM
http://www.fredoneverything.net/MoreonSchool.shtml
assholio at November 7, 2013 6:52 AM
"I'm glad a teacher told me I can't sing." - L Nettles
That's funny, because the entertainment industry is full of stories of people who were told by teachers that they couldn't sing, act, write, compose, etc. What doesn't get told is that for each person who makes it big after being told that, there are about a thousand who don't. Some people know enough to accept the criticism and find something else to do, but too many ignore it and continue to fail.
Fayd at November 7, 2013 7:36 AM
This whole "My darling special snowflake can never even get a hint of disapproval or rejection lest he be forever ruined" is really prevalent in parenting these days (I must be a horrible mother as I do not ascribe to this). I hear all the time "Oh we couldn't do that little Jimmy is allergic/will be left out/might hurt his feelings" I explain to my daughter ALL THE TIME (she is 5) that not everyone gets to be included all the time, not everyone will be nice, and that sometimes we just plain suck at something (I cannot sing either). She takes these disappointments in stride... When she loses a game we have the occasional hurt feelings but never the melt downs that I see other parents have with their special little snow flakes. I really shudder when I think of these entitled children going in to the work force.
lrj at November 7, 2013 9:12 AM
I'm assuming these school officials will never accept another raise in their lifetimes, because that would hurt the self-esteem and pride of people who make less money, and awards eventually lose their lustre anyway.
Martin at November 7, 2013 9:32 AM
Canadian schools used to be some of the best in the world. Now, they're a joke.
I can't tell you the amount of times some yuppie principal has jumped on the PC crazy train. I as well posted the link to the school that banned touching, so much for duck duck goose.
It goes deeper than that though. No longer can you mark the little darlings assignments in red ink, as it's an aggressive color and could hurt their feelings. They've even instituted a new grading system, based on averages, that the students can't even see, lest their poor little feelings get hurt. Halloween is banned in some schools for religious and safety reasons, and you can't even provide baked goods for the class any more, lest you poison little Johnny with peanut allergies. Not even store-bought peanut free items.
It's so crazy, even at my daughters school. I recall an incident last year where a little boy kissed a little girl. The boy was questioned like a criminal. The principal subjected my daughters whole class to questioning and made them write "statements". End result, the poor little tyke (7 years old, poor little guy) was suspended and given a lecture on inappropriate touching.
The principal knows better than to even approach my little girl. I have the school board on speed dial.
wtf at November 7, 2013 9:36 AM
They would write the names of all the ‘honors’ (I think it was 3.6 to 3.9) and ‘high honors’ (4.0) on the blackboard in middle school. I was not a good student at the time (too much energy and no direction, not to mention a small degree of ADD, banging away at a 2.7) and remember looking at those names with naked jealously—I wanted my name to be on that board. Oh yes, it made me feel inferior. However, it motivated me to study and work hard until by the end of middle school my name was on the high honors list. It was a life-changing accomplishment that shaped who I am.
coffee! at November 7, 2013 10:34 AM
But remember, we no longer have any interest in preparing young children for the real world. Now, the mission is to make them compliant robots. Education is not about educating. It's about creating the next generation of sheep. Every circle must be forced to fit into the square hole. No one can be different. It's not about feelings. It's about control.
Sabrina at November 7, 2013 12:31 PM
Not the product of this school system...
Radwaste at November 7, 2013 12:34 PM
My husband and I were just talking about this. Kids are naturally creative, "outside the box" thinkers. Then we send them to school and all of the creativity is drummed out of them. Then they reach the workforce and everybody wants to hire creative thinkers, but they have to teach them to do it all over again.
Sosij at November 7, 2013 2:22 PM
Speaking of the suspicious term "self-esteem"......
Dr. John Rosemond pointed out that working hard, not brains, are what should matter, and that self-respect is very different from "self-esteem."
Here's his piece on it (I'm not fond of his religious tendencies, but otherwise, he makes plenty of sense):
"Some well-meaning folks suggest that there are two types of high self-esteem: a "false" self-esteem that is a function of people patting you on the back and telling you how wonderful you are, and a "genuine" self-esteem that is the result of significant accomplishment. In the words of a colleague and good friend, "Genuine self-esteem comes from achievement, such as studying hard and making good grades, or practicing hard and excelling in a sport."
"So where, I ask, does that leave the child who studies hard and still makes no better than C's? Or the child who is a klutz? Or the disabled child who has neither the mental nor physical ability to succeed at doing much more than everyday self-help tasks? No, accomplishment-based self-esteem is no better than affirmation-based self-esteem. The former is highly prejudicial, the latter is sinful-a form of self-idolatry. And make no mistake about, if you have high regard for yourself because of your accomplishments, then you are likely to have less than high regard for those who's accomplishments are not as "worthy" as your own. In which case we are again talking about self-idolatry......
"......"So, John," the impatient reader asks. "Answer the question: (If 'self esteem' is bad) What's good?"
"What's good is self-respect. Because it is not a function of significant accomplishment, anyone can acquire self-respect, even the C-student, the klutz, and the disabled child. Self-respect, furthermore, is not idolatrous. It is acquired not because parents praise you (although they should-conservatively), but because they love you unconditionally (as does the Lord), hold you completely responsible for your behavior (but forgive you your sinfulness), and insist that you obey (respect their authority) and mind your manners at all times (show respect for others). It is, in fact, axiomatic that self-respect cannot exist without respect for others......
"........Are self-confidence and self-respect interchangeable terms? Again, no. Self-confidence is specific to certain situations. For example, I feel very confident speaking to large groups of people, but I feel a distinct loss of confidence when I'm in deep water with sharks (I know, because I've been there, done that!). In fact, having confidence in a situation where you should not, where you should be on guard and charged with adrenaline, is foolhardy. But where self-confidence has, and should have, its ups and downs, self-respect is a constant.
The self-respecting person, rather than being "high" on him/herself, is modest, humble, even self-effacing at times-to again cite the apostle, a person of "sober judgment."
(end)
Rosemond also pointed out, this week, that it's bad for parents to ask kids to "cooperate" when the adults and kids are not working toward a common goal to begin with - i.e., when what the cowardly adult really wants is OBEDIENCE, but doesn't say so to the kid. Trouble is, as one online dictionary puts it, "cooperate" DOES mean "to obey," depending on the situation, hence the confusion:
: to work together : to work with another person or group to do something
: to be helpful by doing what someone asks or tells you to do
And here's Rosemond's column.
http://www.rgj.com/article/20131105/COL0403/311050029/John-Rosemond-Cooperate-problematic-parenting
Trouble is, he doesn't acknowledge that the second definition DOES exist, which is why parents of small children mistakenly use it.
Excerpts from the column (it has two pages):
......When the relationship is not between equals, the proper word is obedience. The fact that so many of today’s parents talk in terms of wanting their kids to “cooperate” reflects two things:
First, these parents do not feel comfortable with authority. They are trying to avoid being seen by their children as authority figures. So, when they communicate expectations and instructions they use persuasive speech as opposed to authoritative speech. The symptom of this is the ubiquity of “OK?” at the end of a parent’s persuasive sentence, as in “Will you please hang your jacket up in the closet, OK?”
Second, they want to be liked by their kids. They act, therefore, as if the parent-child relationship is peer-to-peer. When they speak to their children, they bend down, grab their knees (i.e., getting down to their kids’ level, which is what some magazine article told them to do), and ask their kids for cooperation, ending with “OK?” They look and even sound like their asking the king for a favor. In effect, the superior in the relationship is the child.....
(snip)
BTW, I can think of at least two other words that have multiple meanings and are thus far too confusing to children - "respect" and "whine." Parents need to say what they mean. That is, "respect" can mean common courtesy between peers, deference to a superior, or admiration, and "whine" can mean a whiny voice, pointless complaining (even in a polite voice), or begging. Kids can't "not whine" when it's not clear what is being demanded.
Got any other examples?
lenona at November 7, 2013 3:55 PM
And here's a fun example of a confused parent who probably watched too much Sesame Street (where there are no real bosses anyway, unlike the real world):
http://fborfw.com/strip_fix/2011/02/sunday-february-20-2011.php
And as Rosemond would point out, Elly is clearly not comfortable with being the boss, since she said "I asked you to..." instead of "I ordered you to..."
lenona at November 7, 2013 3:57 PM
That's very stupid. Provided that the students are not graded on a "bell-curve" the honor roll is one of the only lists that EVERY student can conceivably be on (telephone directories are another)...
All you need to make the list is 3.5 or better. If Johnny, Jamie, Kaitlyn, Jose, Keisha, Warren, Alex, and Kenneth all have a mixture of more As than Bs, they make this list. Dumb dumb dumb. Not everyone can win the race, the football game, or the debate tournament. Everyone can make the honor roll. Unless if they are stupid. Then they will get jobs as school adminstrators.
Red at November 7, 2013 4:48 PM
Amy Alkon
https://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/11/and-all-the-chi.html#comment-4038875">comment from lenonaNo, accomplishment-based self-esteem is no better than affirmation-based self-esteem.
Disagree. The accomplishment is doing your best, behaving with integrity.
I think it's Carol Dweck's research that talks about how the right way to praise kids is for their hard work, not for being smart.
Amy Alkon at November 7, 2013 6:18 PM
What exactly was wrong with what Rosemond said just before that line?
I suspect he would agree with Miss Manners - namely, it's OK for you, as a kid, to be proud of and even brag of your accomplishments, such as grades - but only in private, with your parents. (Regarding the importance of teaching children to be firmly modest, MM said - about private settings - something like "right idea, wrong location." I.e., save the modesty for when you're in class or in public.)
lenona at November 8, 2013 11:07 AM
Leave a comment