Three Assholes Peeing On A Fence Across From My House
Makes my neighborhood smell like a men's bathroom when it rains.
I don't live in the wilderness.
There's a bathroom in the bar (which they surely came out of), but these guys were apparently raised like farm animals to just let their pee fly where it may. Wonder if they do that in their mama's living room. Wonder what their mamas were doing instead of teaching them manners.
Last week, my neighbor and I talked to the guy who takes care of the greenery that grows like ivy on the fence and cleabns the areas on either side. He has to wear a mask to try to block the overwhelming pee smell, he said. Sweet guy -- doing his best to make our neighborhood look nice; goes above and beyond, which my neighbor and I thanks him for and told him we appreciate. These assholes don't think of a guy like this -- or neighbors who have to live with the urine smell -- when they're just letting their pee fly.
"I don't live in the wilderness."
Perhaps you should. The wilderness does not smell like that.
Radwaste at November 10, 2013 11:02 PM
Put up one of those fake security cameras, somewhere that they can't reach to knock it down, and post a sign that says "Smile! You're on Candid Camera!".
Kat at November 11, 2013 12:14 AM
If that fence could be replaced with an electrified fence, I guarantee you that problem would solve itself.
Patrick at November 11, 2013 2:24 AM
Three #1s are better than one #2. Count your blessings…
Roger at November 11, 2013 4:42 AM
You do live in the wilderness.
MarkD at November 11, 2013 5:14 AM
Motion detecting sprinkler system, active during bar hours.
Rich at November 11, 2013 6:52 AM
Step 1: paintball guns
Step 2: Aim for dongs
Step 3: vengeance is sweet
Or the sprinkler thing, that's good too.
Robert at November 11, 2013 7:10 AM
Amy Alkon
https://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/11/three-assholes.html#comment-4046268">comment from RichMotion detecting sprinkler system, active during bar hours.
Love this idea but it's not my property; it's the city's, and it's across the street.
Last night, I trained my huge flashlight on them and tried to shame them. They weren't shameable. I took out my iPhone, stood up over my (tall) fence, and took a picture. I knew it wouldn't come out but I wanted them to see the flash.
What pigs.
Paintball -- tempting but will lead to jail. Not into jail.
Amy Alkon
at November 11, 2013 7:44 AM
Sadly, since it seems to be city property, the only remedy might be to sue the city to "clean up and maintain" its property. Afterall, that's what the city might do if a private property owner didn't take care of this issue on their private property.
And suing the city? ha, good luck with that!
You have my sympathy Amy. No one should have to live with such a smell outside their home.
Charles at November 11, 2013 8:39 AM
Water balloons and a catapult launch system. If one's not available on Amazon, one can be easily built.
Garden hose with a strong nozzle. Works on the catfights in my neighborhood.
Conan the Grammarian at November 11, 2013 8:48 AM
A small air compressor is fairly cheep.
I'd get one of those, urinate in a 5 gallon bottle and spray them with aresolized urine
lujlp at November 11, 2013 9:29 AM
Could be worse.
You could live in San Francisco, aka 'Urinetown'. Filthy place.
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at November 11, 2013 10:50 AM
I have been in a lot of public parks that smell lile pee, and poop, but it isnt just the people, the dogs make a large contribution to the smell too.
Isab at November 11, 2013 11:36 AM
Ahh, San Francisco. Last time I was there and went into a public urinal there was a homeless guy sleeping underneath the row of urinals. I hated to use the facilities, but...
Eric at November 11, 2013 1:19 PM
Garden hose with a strong nozzle. Works on the catfights in my neighborhood.
Why would you want to break up a catfight? I would offer to find a kiddie pool and some jello and video it and sell it on pay-per-view...oh, wait, you mean actual cat fights...
I R A Darth Aggie at November 11, 2013 1:53 PM
Buy a cheap automatic wildlife camera and place it to capture the frontal view. Knees to face would be good. Post the resulting pictures on "VeniceWildLife.com". Accept donations to remove the photos or blur the face and genitals. Place some "see yourself pissing on this wall at VeniceWildLife.com" stickers on the wall.
bmused at November 11, 2013 2:21 PM
Amy Alkon
https://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/11/three-assholes.html#comment-4046995">comment from I R A Darth AggieUse of hoses, etc., can lead to criminal charges. Also to people trying to kill me. Bad.
I have photographed people peeing before, but I'm not usually close enough, I don't have an infrared camera, and Gregg and Crid have often warned me not to be an idiot -- enough that it sometimes kind of gets through to me.
Amy Alkon
at November 11, 2013 4:26 PM
Use of hoses, etc., can lead to criminal charges. Also to people trying to kill me. Bad.
I have photographed people peeing before, but I'm not usually close enough, I don't have an infrared camera, and Gregg and Crid have often warned me not to be an idiot -- enough that it sometimes kind of gets through to me.
Posted by: Amy Alkon at November 11, 2013 4:26 PM
Yes, I find myself coming unhinged occasionally over trivial stuff. It is great to have loving friends, who are concerned enough to call me on some of my impulsive bad ideas.
Isab at November 11, 2013 6:03 PM
Maybe get a spotlight like this and shine it on them. Then take a picture.
I know many years ago I was out with several buddies parked about 1000 yards from the farmer's house, on a field road, to do a few beers and bowls. For some reason we went elsewhere when the farmer spotlighted us from his bedroom.
Jim P. at November 11, 2013 6:16 PM
Amy Alkon
https://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/11/three-assholes.html#comment-4047287">comment from Jim P.I have a big flashlight but Gregg is talking about getting me a spotlight, which I would absolutely LOVE.
Amy Alkon
at November 11, 2013 8:07 PM
Amy Alkon
https://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/11/three-assholes.html#comment-4047291">comment from IsabIsab, I don't find protecting my neighborhood trivial, but I get what you're saying.
More about this in my upcoming book!
Amy Alkon
at November 11, 2013 8:08 PM
This kind of reminds me of the pinkberry post. Does the bar have adequate restroom capacity? A trough won't stop the truly inconsiderate but too many clubs these days have single-person restrooms. Sorry Amy, I'm probably not waiting for the Congressman to finish snorting lines off the ass of the hooker he's fucking in the bathroom. If there weren't a lock on the door I'd do the gentlemanly thing and go in and piss in the sink.
Seriously, they're charging a cover, the bartender is wearing a painted-on latex 'shirt', Pabst is on special, there's a DJ, you need a friend with tits in order to get a drink at the bar and they think two single-person restrooms is going to cut it? China handles their pollution more responsibly.
Good thing I'm getting old and am generally home by 7.
smurfy at November 12, 2013 2:51 PM
Amy Alkon
https://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/11/three-assholes.html#comment-4048548">comment from smurfyThese guys are coming from the bar. This is California, the capital of regulation. There are adequate bathrooms in the bar. Guys who aren't pigs use them.
Amy Alkon
at November 12, 2013 3:30 PM
"I have a big flashlight but Gregg is talking about getting me a spotlight, which I would absolutely LOVE."
If there were only a convenient way to order something like that. Hmm...
Radwaste at November 12, 2013 3:46 PM
Ask the bar to put up a sign on the door.
Poison Ivy.
Earlw at November 12, 2013 7:41 PM
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