As a mother of a young girl I would really like to educate my own children regardless of sex. I also know one needs to start the mechanics convo early. My 5 year old has been expressing interest in knowing how her baby brother got inside my stomach. However I really feel she only cares about the actual mechanics not the thought process behind why we are having another baby. Family planning talks will probably wait till she can drive or she cares.

When I was growing up, the fact that your ovaries and your energy had a limited life span was pretty much common knowledge.
Of course, we also didn't have the example of the 45 year old hollywood star with the baby bump making it look both plausible and easy to have kids that late in life.

Conveniently left out of this modern fairy tale, was half a million bucks worth of IVF.

Oh, Camille, don't you know that women can have it all?

I R A Darth Aggie:

Of COURSE they can't have it all. Where would they put it ???

My 5 year old has been expressing interest in knowing how her baby brother got inside my stomach. However I really feel she only cares about the actual mechanics not the thought process behind why we are having another baby.
_________________________________

Hmmm...well, yes and no.

That is:

"Some Things Don't Make Any Sense at All"
by Judith Viorst

My mom says I'm her sugarplum.
My mom says I'm her lamb.
My mom says I'm completely perfect
Just the way I am.
My mom says I'm a super-special wonderful terrific little guy.
My mom just had another baby.
Why?

One "risk" often not mentioned is: In all likelihood, whether the subject is marriage or babies or both, you do NOT want to wait until you suddenly find that most of the best potential partners are now single/divorced parents. Ann Landers wrote in 1978: "Most second marriages that fail do so because of problems that involve children from the first marriage."

What I don't get... why have a kid (and 14 is a kid) make a decision on WHEN to have kids without any concern on finding the right person to have them WITH? This is putting the cart before the horse.

What I don't get... why have a kid (and 14 is a kid) make a decision on WHEN to have kids without any concern on finding the right person to have them WITH? This is putting the cart before the horse.

Posted by: Shannon M. Howell at December 28, 2013 11:15 AM

Because when you start with a life goal of becoming a good parent rather than a career woman, you evaluate potential partners for those qualities you need in a good partner, co parent, for that endeavor, rather than how hot your girlfriends think he is.

In short you should be looking for commitment, values, and loyalty, rather than the bad boy charming bastard that gets your knickers in a knot.

You would be surprised how much better results you get when you pick a father for your kids based on mutual values and goals rather than, "gee, he seemed really sexy, after we both had three drinks. ".

Now, I am not saying a 14 year old has enough judgement and experience to really think these things through, but if you are raised in a stable family with a good dad, it gets much easier to spot men that are not what you want as a parent for your kids.

This in my opinion is one of the major failures of single parenthood. It leaves the kids without an example of how to actually sustain a long term commitment.

Isab,

I agree with most of what you wrote, I think if one is going to have the discussion with their daughter about having children, then the question of finding the right partner should come up before the timing.

I guess where I disagree is that you think simply being raised in a stable family is enough. If a parent is going to have a talk and leave that bit about finding a good husband/father for these kids, then it might imply to the daughter that it is NOT important enough to mention - or at least not as important as the part you bring up, namely considering the career impact.

I loves me some Cammy. My only concern is the last line of Amy's quote: "Both the pros and the cons should be presented."

"Presented" by whom?

Does Paglia have any illusions about what a school-or-government sponsored "presentation" would be like?

Can you imagine the tick boxes on the counselor's clipboard for that presentation?

☑ Tell the teenager she has a right to make her own choices in life.

☑ Tell the teenager no one in her social circles has the right to make her feel bad about anything, ever.

☐ Remind the teenager that statistical science has demonstrated conclusively that the fastest path to a trans-generational life of poverty and bitterness is single parenthood.

Of COURSE they can't have it all. Where would they put it ???

They'd just make the men in their life go out and rent storage lockers for them...I mean, duh?

why have a kid (and 14 is a kid) make a decision

That's not the point. The point is to get them thinking about things in a more serious manner, and not the happily-ever-after fantasies of either rom-coms or romance novels. As some dead guy once wrote:

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. But when I became an adult, I set aside childish ways.

They can make a decision at 14 and have it change 47 times when they reach 18. Once they get to college, a few of them will change their majors almost as often as their socks.

But they will come to the understanding that some choices once made can not be unmade. It is preferable they come to this understanding before the choice has been made.

I R A,

Yes, exactly. The quote Amy provided made it sound like the kid should make a decision on when to have kids. I think considering all the things related to the decision to have kids is a much better idea - but to make it a more whole-picture discussion because that's what it is in reality.

" and bitterness is single parenthood."

I mean this question in a serious way. Why are they bitter? They chose to have a kid (s), sometimes not wanting the father around because they don't need him.

If you didn't need him why are you bitter?

Not sure I understand the question. Do you think they didn't need him?... Either the impoverished women, or their impoverished (and socially stunted) children? Do you think fatherless families should, in some fussy & arguable way, work out for people? Do you think their disappointment comes from policy?

Are you surprised that common people —by which I mean human nature as expressed across our socioeconomic panorama— are displeased to learn that their fantasies of heroic self-sufficiency (or of individual super-competence) lead to, y'know, suffering in the real world?

I'm struggling to put this in fewer words, especially after the tens of thousands that have posted here over the years.

I'm 5'7". That's not tall... But as if to compensate, Our Creator blessed me with stunning good looks, a captivating social manner, and a laserlike measure for the meaning of the events around me.

I've nonetheless occasionally dreamt of playing pro basketball... In the National Basketball Association, here in the United States.

But the world doesn't care! The game benefits when it's played by tall guys. Not by me. Tall guys.

Should I get pissed off, or should I deal with it?