I say "squabble" in an Elmer Fudd voice, right? :-)

No, but I've been half of That Couple and we got that message. We began arguing in front of another couple, which included a long time close friend of mine. She abruptly and incongruously excused herself and her beau,
said they were leaving to run an errand and would be back in 20 minutes. Message received. When they returned, we apologized.

Now if a touchy subject comes up between us in front of others, we table it for later. And I attempt not to be a reactive, competitive asshole.

Cool that you got the message, Michelle.

I'm reading a book for this week's show -- by a philosopher, not a scientist, so I have some quibbles on his ideas about biology vs. culture. Anyway, it's on assholes, and he contends, and I agree, that if you admit the possibility that you are an asshole then you are most likely not one. (He has a whole theory of what makes an asshole that I actually agree with.)

PS Although I'm not entirely on board with his thinking on certain subjects in the book, I don't feel I have to be to have him on the show. I'll just note where I disagree with him. Book link is here: Assholes: A Theory.

This is not only very common, it doesn't seem to require a couple any longer (or at least, only one of them needs to be in the public place). He/she simply brings his enemy along on cell-phone.

I would like to see a law that lets the rest of us take that phone away and smash it.

Thanks for the good news.

I love the book title!

Usually I listen to your interviews and then buy the book, but each book has been as great as the interview, and being an asshole is an occupational hazard for attorneys, so I'm going to add this to my reading list now.

My BIL and SIL in my first marriage used to bicker in company all the time. Not teeth-hair-and-eyeballs bickering, just sniping at each other. Drove me up the wall.

Finally, one day, my then-wife piped up and said 'You know, we realize that your bickering doesn't mean, what we think it means. We know that you've both found a dance, that you like to do. But we don't want to do it with you anymore.'

Stopped it dead, never happened again.

llater,

llamas

99% of the people out there don't have the self awareness to realize that they usually create the drama they experience.

And of the 1% of us that do, I have also had the self-awareness to be thoroughly embarrassed at my assholery. Some of the time. At other times, I even catch myself before it goes too far.

I wish those times happened more often.

"And of the 1% of us that do..."
You know, sometimes I'm still mortified about stupid shit I've said or things I've thrown a fit about YEARS later.

Husband and I have had to leave before when other couples started arguing. Honestly, it seems like most of the couples who would fight publicly on a regular basis aren't together any more, anyway. There were some people we just stopped hanging out with, because they were guaranteed to ruin the night. Also, we NEVER vacation with other people.

You know, sometimes I'm still mortified about stupid shit I've said or things I've thrown a fit about YEARS later.

I know that feeling all too well, I'm right there with you. What really grates is that's when I think of shit I could have said, that wouldn't have made me look like an ass!

" What really grates is that's when I think of shit I could have said, that wouldn't have made me look like an ass!"

Posted by: Flynne at January 17, 2014 4:52 AM

Me too. I've stopped drinking at parties (unless it's a small party of people who know me well). This way when I wake up the next morning and replay the tape of what I said (or, now, didn't say) I at least have the consolation of knowing I was sober when I said it. I have since learned that the expression on my face is often enough to quickly kill an inane conversation.

As for what I do say, I have learned that the ability to give and to gracefully accept a good apology are qualities I admire and are a must for friendship.