Well, Amy, I will thank you for all the good science/advice you have brought into my life via your blog... and I didn't even ASK for that!

Thank you.

:)

Following up on Shannon, thank you for writing a blog that focuses on scientific, cultural, and political issues from an analytic standpoint. It makes for a great modern-day salon (of the French variety, not the Clairol one).

I did the same thing for someone (a total stranger) who asked me for career advice via email. I spent an hour composing an answer and never heard back from her. I wish I'd written a response like yours, but there's comfort in the fact that she'll probably remain in the same unsatisfying job because of her bad manners.

This is one reason I don't spend much time with or send gifts to family or invite people over anymore. I'm tired of the no-shows, the eat-and-runs, and people who don't say a word of thanks for gifts or favors or meals. My estate is willed to the Institute for Justice and Bonfils Blood Center and Christmas money goes to Urban Peak (an organization for homeless youth). As for my time, I have a few friends with good manners, but for the most part, I go home and bolt the door.

I tend to be forgiving of missing thank you notes (the snail mail variety). For some reason, about 1/3 of the mail I send never makes it to its destination. I have been chastised for failing to reply to a wedding invitation... that I responded to two days after it arrived with a long hand-written note of congratulations and best wishes. I have had insurance forms never arrive at the insurance office. The list goes on.

Needless to say, an odd thank you note has gone astray. Now, I actually phone relatives about two weeks after I send a thank you note to ask if the thank you note arrived!

It's been my experience that the Post Office gets a lot of blame for letters that were delivered.

I think a lot of the lack of reponse to your efforts to help these people has to do with I will call the "Entitlement generation." This feeling by so many that "it's all about me".

These people have been raised thinking that they are so special that everyone should be waiting in the wings to help them. Being allowed to do something for them is your reward.

I may be overstating the issue in trying to make a point; but probably not by much.

Most of the people I referred to weren't spoiled brats. If anything, they were underparented. Some of them put themselves through college; some (family members) were so neglected that social services got involved; my ex-jerk supported himself from age 16 and wouldn't have taken a dime from anyone.

The people I know with good manners either have a job focused on client service or actively rejected the blithe Zeitgeist.

Three of the first words I taught my kids were "please" and "thank you". It never ceased to amaze me how many people were surprised when my girls would politely ask for something, and then say thank you when they received it.

Even now, when they are fully grown, Please and Thank you remain a part of their every day vocabulary. In my eldest daughters case, I'm even more surprised, because she had an asshat boyfriend that tried to make her stop because "Manners are for the {insert anarchist sillystupid rant here}".

She made me proud when she told him that she was polite out of respect for me, and would continue because of that.

Amy, my love, I agree completely.

Manners were based on making our fellow human beings feel good and happy and respected and worthy. This strikes me as a practice that should not be abandoned.

A couple of my "friends" who don't drive would often ask for me to drive them somewhere.

I've no problem with helping out, I've no problem with them not offering to pay for gas. I DO, however, have a problem with them a) taking for granted that I will drive them wherever and whenever they want, b) not saying thank you.

It is the not saying "thank you" which irritates me more. It would be such a simple thing for them to do; and not cost them any money.

Funny, neither seems to get why I'm "too busy" to give rides any more.

The last time the one guy asked and I said that I didn't have time, his response was "well, how am I suppose to get there? I need to get there today!' I suggested that he call a cab.

I was raised in a neighborhood where adults sent me letters of congratulations. I also grew up reading Dear Abby, Ann Landers, and Miss Manners (I read the morning paper on the front stoop in the hope of encountering the afternoon paper boy) so I was regularly exposed to columns about the frustration of not hearing "thank you." Now I send a lot of thank you and condolence cards, most recently to kids I haven't met (children of friends - their ancient dog died).

Traveling for work left me feeling unmoored at first, and saying "thank you" may be the single most useful practice in helping me feel grounded wherever I am and regardless of what's going on in my life. I often carry prestamped thank you letters in my bag, because I find I am better at sending them sooner rather than later (though I can am behind on four).

Mirror neurons. We need to see and to know that we have been seen (and to know that an hour of effort did not fall into a black hole).

This is fascinating to me.

My employer sent a notice to us several years ago that requested that we refrain from sending emails that simply said thank you because of the strain to bandwidth and the loss of productivity when people had to take the time to open the email, read it, and then dispose if it. We were told that this practice was no longer polite, but rude because of the time that it stole.

You answered an email to me several years ago, and in case I failed to do so at the time, I want to thank you for your reply.

I did thank you in advance and you thanked me for that.

There was a part of me that had a mini panick attack. Would we get caught in an endless cycle of thanking each other? After all, your thank you for thanking you in advance was so gracious that I thought of thanking you for that as well as your answer. : )

"My employer sent a notice to us several years ago that requested that we refrain from sending emails that simply said thank you because of the strain to bandwidth and the loss of productivity when people had to take the time to open the email, read it, and then dispose if it. We were told that this practice was no longer polite, but rude because of the time that it stole."

When the default email setting is, "reply with attachments", this is totally true. Many attachments are several megabytes in size, and each time this is done duplicate data appears on the server. We have a training department which doesn't understand this, and every time a PowerPoint presentation to send up for approvals, five or six people reply with "Okay!" - and another copy of the attachment.

They have to be reminded to purge attachments every few months or so.