Don't Buy Into People's Attacks On You
It's a bit like reclaiming the word bitch when you're called a bitch
Love this girl's response to graffiti -- "Carleigh's Ass" -- about her:
As Marc Randazza posted on Facebook: "I don't see what's wrong with her ass in the first place." And after another commenter pointed out the push for girls to be skinny, he wrote -- love this -- "A little chunk in the trunk never hurt anyone."
It isn't what's wrong so much as it is an attempt to bring her down.
I write about this in "Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck,", in a section, Fighting ugly with pity: An all-purpose comeback for cutting remarks. An excerpt:
Sure, when you're loose from a few beers, maybe your wit will sometimes come through for you, but it's safest to assume that it will instead scurry off and hide behind a large piece of furniture. In other words, you should dispense with the notion that a winning reply to a rude remark involves a response so witty that it incinerates the rudester right where they're standing. Rather, keep in mind that there's a reason somebody is being so ugly and cutting. Happy people tend to be kind or, at least, uninterested in tearing other people down. Miserable people often want to lash out at the world--and there you are, so conveniently located as a target for their hate.When one of these spitebags hurls a put-down at you, they expect that you'll either try to fight back or just stand there blinking and wishing you could disappear. Instead, you should do the last thing they'd expect: Look straight at them for a moment, and coolly call them on their rottenness with a remark like "Clearly, you must have had a pretty bad day to feel the need to say something so nasty to me. I hope you feel better." (Sincerity is not required here--just believability--so say it devoid of anger, and sound like you mean it.) By expressing sympathy for them, you've accomplished three things:
1. You've refused to accept their turning you into their victim.2. You've come off classy and bigger than they are.
3. You still managed to stick it to them, sending the message, "Sorry your life is such a suckhole that your lone path to happiness is trying to make other people feel like shit."
Carleigh vid via Marc Randazza
Agree and amplify.
Snoopy at July 15, 2014 5:04 AM
And here I thought it was "Carleigh Sass".
I R A Darth Aggie at July 15, 2014 7:13 AM
I either reply like you, Amy, or with a curt look and then turning away and ignoring them for the remainder of the time I have to be in the room with them. I use this one more for than one-off folks who I'll likely not interact with again. Super random interactions I just pretend I didn’t hear them and move on with my day. They just aren’t worth my energy.
Sometimes though, there are some that seem to just relish in being jerks. With repeat offenders, I'll confront them directly on it. I do this whether they are insulting me or someone else. I’ll say, "Why would you say something like that?" or "What do you mean by that?" and keep looking at them as if I'm expecting a reply. I'm supremely good at making direct and unwavering eye contact. This, combined with my reply tends to make the offender very, very uncomfortable. Sometimes they answer with “Oh come on, you know how you are or so-and-so is.” Then I say, “No. I don’t. Please explain.” Most times though, they just clam up and blush or walk away flustered.
It accomplishes the same thing as yours and also forces them to justify themselves. The way I look at it... if you're willing to show your ass in public like that, you should be prepared to defend it as well. And, I’ve found that this approach puts the offender ‘on notice’ that I will not tolerate being treated that way nor allow you to be an ass toward anyone else in my company.
By the way… really enjoying the book so far!
Sabrina at July 15, 2014 7:47 AM
Sorry as a Hispanic person saying your ass is too big is like saying your tits are too big. Not possible.
Ppen at July 15, 2014 10:04 AM
I've come to the realization that most road rage begins with people who are miserable about themselves. When I drive out of California, it feels like a weight has been taken off me.
jefe at July 15, 2014 10:54 AM
"When I drive out of California, it feels like a weight has been taken off me."
Until you drive into the bibble belt and get nailed to the cross.
That sucker is heavy, boy let me tell you what.
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at July 15, 2014 11:38 AM
You'll have to forgive me for not remembering the name of the wise man who said the following:
"The best way to deal with an insult is to ignore it. If you can't ignore it, top it. If you can't top it, laugh at it. If you can't laugh at it, it's probably deserved."
Sosij at July 15, 2014 11:45 AM
Not that it matters, but she looks perfectly adorable to me. That having been said, in support of Marc Randazza's point, I give you this, recorded 22 years after the song was originally released:
Seattle Symphony gets down
I suspect whoever posted the graffiti was not someone with an, ahem, anaconda...
marion at July 15, 2014 10:22 PM
You guys commenting on "that ass" realize she's 14, right?
You're on a list somewhere now...
Radwaste at July 16, 2014 7:12 AM
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