Women Don't Freeze Their Eggs Because They're Pretty
A writer in New York Magazine, Kat Stoeffel, says if companies cover egg freezing -- as was recently in the news -- they should also cover day care:
Being able to plan fertilization independent of one's biological clock won't help women once they're pregnant and mothers, which is when the real leaning out begins. After giving birth, women still have to contend with a workplace designed for men in two-parent, single-earner households, not to mention discrimination for even wanting to be there instead of at home with their baby. Leveling the playing field between men, women, parents, and nonparents would require a lot of things. Health insurance that covers birth control, abortion, and maternity care without co-pays, for one. Paid maternity, paternity, and family leave, for another. Nursing rooms, on-site child care, flexible work schedules, telecommuting -- the list goes on.
I just don't understand why all these things should be covered without co-pays -- unless we all get that for our, say, dermatology appointments, so we can clear up our adult acne and go out and meet a partner.
She continues:
Apple and Facebook already offer above-average family benefits. Apple recently announced that mothers can take up to four weeks before delivery and "upwards of 14 weeks after giving birth," while fathers and other non-birth parents can take six weeks. Facebook offers four months of parental leave for birth parents and non-birth parents alike during the first year, plus flexible work hours, telecommuting, $4,000 in "baby cash," subsidized laundry, and a child-care reimbursement (the company is only able to offer full-time on-site day care for employee dogs). Making sure employees feel secure enough to take advantage of these benefits -- and aren't mommy-tracked upon their return -- is another story.
There are choices in life and they come with costs. I work constantly -- because that's my priority. As I've written before, if you choose to subtract your time and effort from your employer and put it toward your child -- or maintaining your backyard Hot Wheels track -- that is your choice, but you shouldn't expect the same promotions, money, or other benefits as employees who are more devoted to their jobs.
More from her piece:
By adding egg freezing to the mix, employers signal their recognition that the demands of the workplace aren't always compatible with child rearing. But they also risk sending the same message as Lean In: that women need to adapt to meet the demands of an (often hostile) workplace, not the other way around. And if we look to egg freezing as a solution to the question of work-life balance, then we risk conceding that women probably shouldn't dare get pregnant until they're important and rich enough to either demand or pay for the rest themselves. We risk agreeing that mothers are inherently less-than-ideal employees (something most people who have witnessed firsthand the time- and human-management powers of working moms would probably contest). Offering egg freezing, Extend Fertility founder Christy Jones told NBC, "can help women be more productive human beings." That doesn't seem quite right -- raising children, after all, is a very productive human behavior. But egg freezing can help women be more like men.
I recently hired a new assistant to replace my beloved and wonderful assistant who lost his mind (aka decided to go live off the grid...which I love to tease him about). The new guy, who's terrific, has an obligation until the end of October on Fridays, which is an important work day for me -- basically, the prep day for my deadline days.
Well, because he's terrific, I decided to make this work, though it's hard for me (for various boring reasons).
That's what employers do -- if they have employees who are worth sacrificing for on some level, they do that. But the fact that you have a vagina and want to fill it up with a baby doesn't necessarily make you valuable.
That's not the PC truth, but it's the honest one.
A counterpoint from the comments at NYMag -- a remark by alexandrasuhner:
Maybe companies should actually invest in some REAL research into how female/mother employees affect the workplace. I had a friend high up the corporate ladder in media and he said the best employees were new Moms. He accepted that they had to leave early occasionally to deal with problems with their kids, but as a result, they were extremely hardworking while they were at work, and very grateful for their jobs. He said that generally they worked harder than the men, and he knew that there was no chance they would leave for a business lunch at 12 and come back drunk at 6pm. Plus the female employers are more likely to stay in a job rather than move around. Maybe it is time employers look - statistically - at how mothers affect the workplace and they might be pleasantly surprised.
"If you offer to freeze my eggs, then you must pay for daycare when I thaw 'em out."
"I withdraw my offer."
DrPinWV at October 21, 2014 4:50 AM
One of the things that is never, ever talked about in these discussions is what those of us without children shoulder thanks to increasingly "family-friendly" policies.
I currently work in property management. There's me and one other person working in my office. I get to stay late, come in early, move my days off around to accommodate him. He gets to have a flexible schedule and more paid days off. Because he's a father and I'm not a mother.
I want to have kids, but even just trying to schedule doctor appointments to deal with my fertility issues is hard, because I could wind up getting called in to cover for my coworker if his kid is sick or injured. And if I don't, then I'M the asshole, according to the higher ups.
The Original Kit at October 21, 2014 5:14 AM
Amy Alkon
https://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/10/women-dont-free.html#comment-5296827">comment from The Original KitIf parents get this leeway, why shouldn't other people for their hobbies, projects, etc.? And without any cut in pay, with their job held for them after they sail around the world or decide to leave every day at 4pm to study ceramics?
Amy Alkon
at October 21, 2014 5:23 AM
We need to be careful to distinguish between government-mandated coverage, and free-will corporate coverage.
I chose to work for the company I did, in part because of the coverage for me and my family. They get my loyalty and my time and my abilities, and I got some time off (and still do - I spend most of my sick days for kid sickness) for my family when I needed it. And they do cover a percentage of day-care. It is obviously a win-win, because the work relationship is still in place, complete with bonuses and raises and all the stuff that tells me we're good.
Most companies that are going to cover egg-freezing are those that have the wherewithal to make long-term win-win kinds of decisions, a la the alexandrasuhner comment.
The issue comes with government mandates. This kind of tradeoff doesn't work well for an employer (think fast-food) that has a slim profit margin and is driven by monthly or quarterly profits, and who has workers who can be replaced easily (e.g. doesn't need to have a long-term commitment because the skill level is easily available).
The flip side of that, is that a woman who has a baby who has that skill level, won't suffer the long-term consequences of the baby-track. So there is no business need, on either side, to have months of time-off (and all the other benefits). It should be treated like any other medical event - recovery time to get physically back, and then it's done. That's cold. But, any baby that is born into a household where the breadwinner flips burgers has a built-in handicap.
In that case (everyone repeat, again) - if you want better benefits you need to train yourself to have a skill that is needed and valued. And sell yourself the package you deserve. (This is harsh - the economy currently sucks and it doesn't work that way, consistently. But it should.)
Amy, you use the example of leaving every day at 4pm to study ceramics.
Some companies (Netflix is one) explicitly say, we want the best of the best, and we don't care how much you work - a top performer is 10x more effective. So there is no vacation policy. Take as much time as you need. If that's you, sure - take off at 4 and do ceramics. Again - that is a free-will business decision, and it makes sense to do so, for that company.
http://www.slideshare.net/reed2001/culture-1798664 (see slide #70)
flbeachmom at October 21, 2014 6:44 AM
So now expecting employees to be on the job during scheduled work hours is a "hostile workplace" "designed for men" if it interferes with your personal life?
Jay at October 21, 2014 6:49 AM
Leveling the playing field between men, women, parents, and nonparents would require a lot of things. Health insurance that covers birth control, abortion, and maternity care without co-pays, for one. Paid maternity, paternity, and family leave, for another. Nursing rooms, on-site child care, flexible work schedules, telecommuting -- the list goes on.
I love how "leveling the playing field" between parents and nonparents basically equals giving parents everything.
Kevin at October 21, 2014 8:19 AM
All of these asses need to work for an Hispanic lawn-care company for a day. Just one day.
If you aren't there, you don't get paid.
Period.
As it is, you can pretend that other people aren't paying for you to be away from a desk, in an airconditioned office - but they are. Screw them, huh?
Radwaste at October 21, 2014 9:17 AM
"After giving birth, women still have to contend with a workplace designed for men in two-parent, single-earner households, not to mention discrimination for even wanting to be there instead of at home with their baby"
Lies, lies, lies. The workplace is designed for "two-parent, single earner households" not for "men in two-parent, single earner households".
And discrimination for even wanting to be at work instead of at home with their baby - men face the same discrimination for wanting to be at home with their baby instead of at work. It cuts both ways, but of course, you can't ever expect a gender feminist to ever accept that. The whole problem is not discrimination which women face, but the discrimination which men face. Especially from other women who don't hesitate to call the cops to put a father in the slammer for taking his kids out to the park or for dropping and picking them up from school. And the wives who are never ever willing to practice the equality which they claim.
Redrajesh at October 21, 2014 9:41 AM
it's been mentioned elsewhere that the egg freezing thing is a cipher...
your highest earning years are generally your 40's and 50's... you get off on the mommy track then, and you are hosing yourself anyway. So these tech companies are offering something that very few would ever take advantage of, unless they are rich enough to have someone else raise their kid.
somewhere along the way, the why's and wherefores of procreation have eluded a great number of people, and that is why we are no longer replacing ourselves...
so that makes everything split into armed camps... parent vs. non-parent, men vs. women, socioeconomic differences, and so forth.
In this game, if you don't want people to constantly opt out, you ARE going to have to make the rules based on the most restrictive group.
Which would be mothers... running you headlong into the wall of individual choices.
Which is why the more edumacated you are, the less likely you are going to choose something restrictive, like having a family.
and into the cycle we go again.
Maybe that IS the physical end to this version of humanity... who is breeding, and who isn't? At least until we have a fully artificial womb system... but then that's a little dystopian, too, eh? Where two people put in their DNA, and out comes a kid that will be parented by the govt?
yeesh.
"Last day. Capricorn 15's. Year of the city - 2274. Carousel begins."
Give me my Cherry2000, and git offa my lawn.
SwissArmyD at October 21, 2014 10:13 AM
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