Oh, goodness, pet peeve. I hosted Thanksgiving last Friday. Since we're expats, a lot of our friends have no family around, so we do a big dinner. It's a pot luck, and my church lets us use their building for free! Yay!

Anyway, it's a casual affair, so I tell invitees that they can feel free to invite their friends but they MUST TELL ME and the guests MUST BRING FOOD. This is critical because I need to set up tables and make sure we have plates and cups and everything for everyone.

48 people RSPVd yes. 58 people showed up. "Oops! Forgot to tell you I was inviting my neighbor!" It's totally cool to invite your neighbor, but just tell me that they are coming.

Fortunately, this is the 4th year I've hosted this dinner, and I set the tables for 60.

Pet Peeve of mine as well. What has happened to our manners??? I am now getting thanked when I RSVP. Seriously? This is like thanking people for showing up on time to work which I hear is happening these days. I work alone so perhaps I'll thank myself today.

You're absolutely right, holly. The fact that people are thanking you for RSVPing is a bad sign.

Suzanne, that's incredible. Who doesn't know that there are, uh, physics problems, to say the least, in just bringing a bunch of people without telling you.

And I love your invite policy -- how generous. And how amazing that you host a dinner for so many.

Even worse than no RSVP, are those that do RSVP, then cancel the day of the event. I had a graduation party for my daughter when she graduated from college. The party was at her favorite BBQ restaurant, and I had to give them a head count 4 days before the event and pay for everything. I had 40 RSVPs, 8 people canceled the day of. I wasn't a happy camper.

I read a lot of Miss Manners, and she's always lamenting the fact that people who love to host and treat their guests well are just giving up because people don't RSVP.

We love to host TV show viewings (with themed food, drinks, the works). And over the years, I have given to just throwing a bunch of chips, dip and 2-liter bottles of soda on the table because guests either don't bother to RSVP, RSVP and then never show, or RSVP for themselves and then bring four friends. I never know if I can expect 5 people or 15.

Keep in mind that it's potluck, so it only runs me a few hundred dollars and my friend Melinda does the decorations. It's the best party of the year, though, if I do say so myself.

It's tough to be an expat on an American holiday. Although, this year, only about 1/3 of the guests were American. We had Swiss, German, Chinese, Ukrainian, Mexican, Swedish, Romanian and I don't know what else guests. It was awesome.

I couldn't do it without the help, and without an awesome church that lets us use the building and tables and everything as long as we clean up after ourselves.

This drives me insane. What confuses me, though, is that everyone I talk to agrees that this is annoying, but these people keep doing it.

I've gotten several announcements that are not invites. Which means Sally says she is having a brunch dealie on the 20th around 11. And then asks me some time later if I am coming and why I haven't RSVPd. Uh...

Also gotten a scold or two because if I accept an invitation I am then obligated to reciprocate in kind. So I now decline almost all invites. Most people can't cook for shit anyways and I usually only eat what I bring because the rest looks hideous.

Trials and tribulations of an introvert at the holidays.

Anyway, it's a casual affair, so I tell invitees that they can feel free to invite their friends but they MUST TELL ME and the guests MUST BRING FOOD. This is critical because I need to set up tables and make sure we have plates and cups and everything for everyone.

48 people RSPVd yes. 58 people showed up. "Oops! Forgot to tell you I was inviting my neighbor!" It's totally cool to invite your neighbor, but just tell me that they are coming.

I would have been like 'Thats cool, so is it you or your guest who wont be eating tonight?'

Fortunately, we haven't had guests show up without food, so at least they get that part of the message.

If I was cooking for all these people, I wouldn't tell them they can bring friends.

I stopped trying to host anything a couple of years ago.

First, no one RSVPed, or stuck to their RSVP if they did, no matter how much I emphasized that I needed to shop, cook, etc. If they did show up, it might be three hours late. (The final straw was a brunch where 12 people RSVPed "yes," and only one, besides my boyfriend, showed.)

Second, my friends with small children insisted on bringing them everywhere. Apparently none of them has ever heard of a babysitter. (Most of my friends have money, btw, so this is not about finances.) My apartment is not geared for kids, the kids are not well-behaved, and the parents make no real effort to control them, so I don't want them in my place.

I'll still have a person or two over for dinner, but that's it.

I really hate RSVPs. I can't remember the last event I did that I had to RSVP for that was much fun. I am sitting on one that I need to decide on real soon -- it is a former co-worker's wedding. We still work at the same company but are in different departments now. I still pass her in the hall maybe a couple times a week. Frankly it seems odd to be invited. We do have a number of friends at work in common...that is the only thing I can see. I feel like I should go but I don't want to.

On the other hand, my friends Christmas party...just leaves a voice message party at my place on such and such, show up around 8 if you want.

Oh...and now more fun. The company has something planned for Dec 15. They have not even said what....just that I need to keep the evening open. And I am sure I will need to go unless I have a "good" reason not...at this point I don't so I will likely go.

My friend is doing a thing around Christmas. She emailed everyone announcements and asked them to rsvp. I called her and asked what I could bring. We decided on smoked turkey. I have a smoker and the ability to use it. The following week she told me I was the only one that didn't rsvp... mmkay.