Age 97 And Back In Junior High
Jennifer Weiner NYT piece about her 97-year-old grandmother's move to a retirement home, "Mean Girls in the Retirement Home":
"Well," Nanna began. Her apartment was lovely. The food was just fine, and there were all kinds of classes and courses to while away the hours. "Have you made any friends?" I asked, in the same chipper tone I used when my younger child returned from her first day at kindergarten.There was a pause. Then: "They won't let me sit at their table!" Nanna cried.
"Wait, what? Who won't let you sit at their table?"
"You try to sit and they say, 'That seat is taken!' "
"Oh, my God," I said, instantly thrust into a painful flashback of junior high, when I walked into the cafeteria and was greeted with the sight of leather purses looped across the chair backs and the sound of one girl with dramatically plucked eyebrows announcing, "Those seats are taken!" I hadn't known enough to carry a purse. I had a lunchbox. (And it would take me another decade to figure out the eyebrow thing.)
"And just try to get into a bridge game," Nanna continued. "They'll talk about bridge, and you'll say, 'Oh, I play,' and they'll tell you, 'Sorry, we're not looking for anyone.' "
"Mean girls!" I said. "There are mean girls in your home!"
"It's not a home," Nanna said sharply.
Weiner continues:
Whether you're brawling on the playground or battling over the best seats in chair-cercize, bad behavior is constant, and the rituals for trying to get in with the in-crowd don't change much. Nanna's quest for "the Cadillac of walkers," a $400 number not covered by Medicare, mirrored my search a decade ago for the nearly thousand-dollar Bugaboo that would signal to my urban-mommy cohort that I belonged.What transforms with age are the criteria for judgment: not looks, not wealth, not the once-coveted ability to drive at night. When you get to be Nanna's age, you're reduced to a number -- the younger the better. Even in a residence for the elderly, the 80-somethings will still be cold to the 95-year-olds. Now 99, my Nanna is completely cognizant of what's going on. Her memory, both short- and long-term, is excellent. But once her new neighbors heard her age, they knew they didn't want her at their table.
Growing up in an abusive home and surviving several near death experiences before the age of 20 I was never one to really care what people I don't care about, let alone know, thought about me
Nor have I seen much need for tact when dealing with assholes. Of course I was also 6 feet tall by the time my freshman year started so when I'd tell cliquey assholes to fuck off when they tried to social intimidate me they couldn't really go the physical intimidation route
lujlp at January 18, 2015 10:53 AM
The "Sopranos" TV show had this "issue" and the son had a creative way to solve it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QRjX39_43Y
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqwppp7enLM
David H at January 18, 2015 4:25 PM
One of the joys of getting old is letting your inner asshole run free. After all, how will others punish you?
Lose your job, you are retired. No sex, the plumbing doesn't work either way. Throw you in jail or kill you? Aside from making them look bad you are going to die soon anyway. What hooks do people have on you?
On the bright side once you lose all those hooks you are also typically so enfeebled that you can't do too much damage.
Ben at January 18, 2015 5:24 PM
Plumbing doesn't work Ben? Those people fuck like crazy.
I used to take my dog to an old folks home and there were always a few sexually aggressive old ladies around following their prey. Sometimes they'd get naked on you.
Guys usually had like 3-4 gfs due to the gender ratio.
Ppen at January 18, 2015 8:23 PM
Gawd. It never goes away, then...
I read Queen Bees and Wannabes, years ago. It was an absolute eye-opener, for me. It put so much of what went on in Jr. High into perspective.
I now know what to look for, when I meet someone new. The first sign of Bee-ness, and I am outta there. No time for it.
flbeachmom at January 19, 2015 7:04 AM
I was speaking more from the man's side of things. We do have more pumps and valves that can blow a gasket shutting the machinery down. And the point still stands with what you wrote.
Ben at January 19, 2015 7:50 AM
Amy Alkon
https://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2015/01/age-97-and-back.html#comment-5783941">comment from PpenViagra has made nursing homes sex dens.
Amy Alkon
at January 19, 2015 7:53 AM
Orgy or medical celibacy are the same when you are talking about consequences. On the one side you can't no matter what. On the other there are so many opportunities that you just move on if someone tries to withhold.
Ben at January 19, 2015 11:54 AM
Viagra has made nursing homes sex dens.
I certainly hope so. It would be nice to think that they're doing more than playing bingo and wheelchair aerobics. If the plumbing works and it feels good, I say: Go, Granny, go.
Kevin at January 20, 2015 8:54 AM
An aside, but this sort of thing just reminds me of how much high school sucked. The day that I turned in my last exam and walked out of the building was one of the best days of my life.
Cousin Dave at January 21, 2015 8:42 AM
There's a saying about college faculty internal politics - the less it matters, the nastier it gets. Grammar school or Jr. High and nursing homes may be the worst illustrations of that principle.
markm at January 21, 2015 6:49 PM
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