This kind of relates to your post on victimhood. Instead of taking the empowering stance and admitting that you didn't pay attention to the warning signs and how you can make better decisions in the future, these people who adopt the "close your eyes" method instead take the victim role when things go wrong.

Oh, not my fault. Woe is me. I'm an innocent little victim. Boo-hoo-hoo. Cry for me everyone.

People need to realize, most relationships in their lives will go bad. Statistically, they will have far more bad relationships than good ones. That's true of all of us.

Why? Because the good relationships will turn into permanent ones, right? You don't need ten successful relationships. Just one. But you may go through ten bad relationships (and that's if you're lucky) to get to the good one.

People need to get more excited about the empowerment role! I know I am. I mean, I'm so excited, that I just can't hide it! I'm about to lose control, and I think I like it!

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

For years after my divorce I processed all my ex's foibles, and she had plenty. Eventually, and luckily for me, I took a long hard look at myself and saw lots of low-hanging fruit.

I don't know if this is a thing, but after my parents (both unstable) died I found most of my demons silenced, if not banished, as if I no longer had to imitate my folks.

Awww...Amy missed the joke of my last sentence. She called her post "The Pointer Sisters," so I quoted their song "I'm So Excited" in my last sentence.

It is not enough to have good intentions. You must have good outcomes as well.

Similarly it is not enough to have good outcomes. The good intention too must be there.

"I'll just close my eyes and hope it turns out okay" method."

I'd add that this also has the problem of people not realizing that they have to "work" at relationships.

The "magic" doesn't just happen! If you find yourself in a wonderful relationship in which everything just syncs up perfectly - well, then good for you!

Most people I know are not that way and realize that.

Those I know that sort of expect "Mr. (or Ms.) Right" to just appear are the ones who are either alone or have ended up divorced at the first sign that everything isn't "perfect."

Thanks, Amy. I've learned more from you than I have from several therapists.

I've written here before about how this exactly explains my first wife: she threw herself at me, and I went along with it. She was personality-disordered and we divorced after a year. After that, I realized that I needed to make decisions about what traits I really wanted in a woman, and then stop pursuing women who didn't have those traits just because they were available. That was a big change in thought process for me.