Paris Attacks Really Caused By "Magical Shape-Shifting Jews"
Instead of blaming the Muslims who slaughtered hordes of unarmed people who were enjoying meals or a concert with their friends, the suburban Paris Muslims Daily Beast reporter Dana Kennedy interviewed blamed...who else...the jooos!
But -- no less -- magical, shape-shifting Jews!
For the record, I'm a post-Jewish atheist, but I still like to shape-shift for a little extra exercise.
It's actually pretty invigorating -- except for when I shape-shift into a lady in a burka and get mistaken for covered porch furniture.
Stuart Winer explains in the Times of Israel:
The belief that Jews have supernatural abilities to carry out their wicked plans is not uncommon in the Middle East.In 2013 during a speech to religious students, Mehdi Taeb, who headed a think tank and was considered close to Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei, said that Jews are powerful sorcerers who have used their abilities to attack Iran. He noted that while "the Jews" had yet to unleash their full powers, their abilities were negated after they tried to use magic to interfere with the Iranian elections of 2008 and 2009.
And here's a satire site with a rather hilarious "explanation" of how we magical Jews do it.
It's a completely dysfunctional culture. Do you ever wonder why most of the Arab Middle East is the hellhole that it is? Here's Exhibit A. There is no room for reason or logic in that culture.
Cousin Dave at November 24, 2015 6:18 AM
Shape-shifting sounds cool. Will I gain this ability if I convert to Judaism?
Patrick at November 24, 2015 7:30 AM
You have to eat my mom's matzo balls. This may be fatal, as they are one of the hardest substances known to man.
Amy Alkon at November 24, 2015 8:44 AM
So Jews have magical, superhuman powers. If so then we should let Jews run the world and try to make them like us. If Allah is god, then Muslims should accept the obvious: he likes Jews more than he likes them. And if Allah is god, considering the conditions in Muslim societies - the perpetual injustice, oppression, terror, brutality, violence, war and misery - compared to other societies, like Israel for example, it seems like Allah hates Muslims.
Ken R at November 24, 2015 8:51 AM
I would have thought it had something to do with the bag of gold all jews keep around their necks, not magic wands
lujlp at November 24, 2015 12:43 PM
This may be fatal, as they are one of the hardest substances known to man.
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From the pen of the great cartoonist, Alison Bechdel:
"...I've never been to a vegan seder before. What do we do about the shank bone?"
"Oh, we just use part of an old toy dinosaur skeleton. But the eggless matzo balls are like eating lead shot."
I understand seders take a long time, but I wouldn't mind being invited to one. (I saw the Yom Kippur services once and thought they were beautiful.)
lenona at November 24, 2015 1:03 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFD_WVKZ1dA
lujlp at November 24, 2015 2:46 PM
I also hear we own the banks. I'm president of Wells-Fargo. In my mind.
And I always did enjoy seders, despite their persecution focus. Then again, that's basically the focus of many or most Jewish holidays.
Amy Alkon at November 24, 2015 4:40 PM
In that case this should REALLY get the Muslims fired up!
An American Christian sect who beats their kids to death.
Thank G*d they're tax-exempt! They contribute so much to society.
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at November 24, 2015 6:40 PM
He noted that while "the Jews" had yet to unleash their full powers, their abilities were negated after they tried to use magic to interfere with the Iranian elections of 2008 and 2009.
This is true. The Iranians hired a sasquatch to lead a mercenary coalition of leprechauns, fairies, unicorns, honest Wall Street executives and people who look like their profile photo and, together, this force managed to successfully counter the legendary Jewish black arts in those elections.
JD at November 24, 2015 8:05 PM
Yep, it is all well and fun to mock their ignorance (ha! "ignorance" now, that's an understatement); but, Cousin Dave is right - they are completely dysfunctional societies.
That this dysfunction makes them live in their own self-made hellholes is one thing; but, that this ignorance causes them to spread their hell-on-earth to others is something else.
Wish someone had a real solution to deal with this crap; but, I fear it is such a deep ignorance that it will take miracles to get them out of it; or, we could just kill them all.
I'd convert so that I could wave my Jewish magic wand to kill them all; but, it wouldn't just be Amy's Mom's hardest stuff on earth matzo balls - it would be that gelfilte fish in a jar that you also have to eat!
charles at November 24, 2015 9:41 PM
If I believed this then my thinking would go along with what Ben posted.
The Former Banker at November 24, 2015 9:43 PM
How did it become okay to hate Jews all of a sudden? I mean it's even National Policy under Obama. I'm a nice Catholic boy and the Jews are my ancestors and what's to hate about them?
Alan at November 24, 2015 9:47 PM
"Wish someone had a real solution to deal with this crap."
There is one solution, but nobody will try it: colonization.
Cousin Dave at November 25, 2015 6:25 AM
"Wish someone had a real solution to deal with this crap."
There is one solution, but nobody will try it: colonization.
Cousin Dave at November 25, 2015 6:28 AM
Sorry about the dupes... Movable Type freaked out.
Cousin Dave at November 25, 2015 6:29 AM
Wish someone had a real solution to deal with this crap;
Deport all of them unwilling to make the following statement "Mohamed is not the prophet and his crazy ideas have no place in a modern society" back to the middle east.
Interdict the middle east for 50 years, nothing comes out. Any planes that try to leave are shot down, any boat are scuttled, anything trying to leave gets killed.
Any muslims who make that statement and go on to commit violence based on the Koran or arabic culture dont go to jail they get sent across the line.
After 50 years see if they want to re join society at large, if not seal it up for another 50 years
lujlp at November 25, 2015 8:02 AM
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