Sure there's an easy answer here: dispense with the concept of microaggressions, let people say what they want, and let people respond to others' statements as they wish.

Problem solved. No charge.

This is the same problem with "cultural appropriation." We are supposed to be diverse so we can learn from each other and adopt the best of each culture.

There's no automatic need to call basic breaches in etiquette "microaggressions." Not that some of them aren't done on purpose, of course. That's different.

(BTW, I searched just now on that word plus Miss Manners. Apparently, she hasn't addressed the problem yet! The National Review did say, though, that some things are just examples of rudeness and tastelessness - not of being aggressive.)

But if one's parents didn't teach the child how to be modest, instead of bragging, in general (it's ALWAYS more polite to find out what the other person wants to talk about, not about yourself), or not to ask nosy questions, or not to make assumptions, one really needs to learn by adulthood - preferably before leaving one's parents' home. Otherwise, it's too easy for others to see one as being worse than a boor. Trouble is, too many young people are so used to other "nice" people behaving that way, they don't see it as rude! Vicious circle.

Reminds me of Carroll's Alice, in a way. That is, she was surrounded by easily-offended characters who certainly weren't "nice," but since they were mostly rude anyway, they'd lost any sense of how not to BE offensive as well.

Hatter: "Your hair wants cutting..." Alice: "You should learn not to make personal remarks...it's very rude."

Nowadays, unfortunately, the Hatter's particular remark would not count as being VERY rude, but it's still rude according to Miss Manners.

Here's a column, from last May, by someone who's tired of the word "microaggression":

http://mynorthwest.com/91519/microaggressions-an-excuse-to-be-offended-feel-victimized/

I thought this gentle pushback in the comments was worth quoting.

Ghost of TSUF Past said:

I agree that censorship is not an acceptable reaction to speech we don't like. The only antidote to speech we don't like is...more speech.

However, I do think there are important points to learn from studying the concept of microagressions. For example, it might seem innocent to ask a person with coffee-and-cream skin and glossy black hair "where are you from?" or "where is your family from" but if you're the person getting asked three or four times per day, week after week, month after month, a certain "othering" starts to set in - it's alienating to start questioning the heritage of every "exotic" person you meet within a few seconds of meeting them. Just get to know them as a person and then, in the fullness of time, perhaps they'll be willing to *volunteer* to you, without being asked, "My father is Persian from Iran and my mother is Native Hawaiian."

At a large gathering, I recently witnessed a very white college-aged woman walk up to another fair-skinned college-age woman who was cradling a beautiful dark-complected infant to her chest, kind of cooing and adoring her baby in the sweetest face-to-face exchange - it just screamed "mother and child" to me. Without making full eye contact with the mother, the other woman kind of asked the room, "Whose baby is this?" I was flabbergasted at the rudeness. The woman holding the child looked bemused. Then she said, "She's mine." The other woman looked perplexed, said, "Oh." and walked away.

Did the world end? No. Was anyone killed? No. But I thought, "I wonder how many times per week this mother is challenged as to her right to be holding her own baby?" Yikes. People can learn some manners. If they haven't learned by the time they get to college, I'm all for them learning manners before they are launched out into the world.

(end)

Finally, I want to know what is meant by the word "expected." If the teacher wants black students to talk about "the black experience," the least the teacher can do is make sure the new black students, especially, have a chance to participate in class discussions in neutral ways for a good long time FIRST, before asking them to get more personal in the discussions. Otherwise, it can feel too much like being asked nosy questions by someone who has no right. Black students who really WANT to talk about the black experience from day one to peers and teachers they've just met are easy enough to spot - and pretty rare as well.

As long as we insist on lumping people into discrete groups, these types of impossible situations will keep arising. Not all blacks are gangsters and not all whites had slaves. duh.
The desire to punish people for words you find offensive is just sick, especially to demonize things like the rich kids talking about their vacation (can't mention their christmas presents either I bet). Making jealousy the determinant of what other people can say leads to insanity: forbid the kids with good grades from talking about what they got on a test? Forbid the athletes from talking about sports? Assigning kids to groups to prevent cliques? Assign random girlfriends/boyfriends to prevent beautiful couples? Coming soon to a school near you...

BTW, here's a 1983 letter sent to Ann Landers from someone who didn't seem to understand that sometimes, there is NO polite way to ask nosy questions, even if you're careful enough not to make assumptions. Sometimes you just have to be patient and wait for days, while the other person decides if you're worthy of hearing personal information.

https://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1734&dat=19830223&id=cBIeAAAAIBAJ&sjid=kVIEAAAAIBAJ&pg=7068,5056380&hl=en

(You have to scroll all the way to the right.)

And (regarding my last post) speaking of young Americans having trouble understanding the meaning of words like "decorum" or "modesty," nowadays, due to lack of adult examples:

"Prior to the Reagan era, the newly rich aped the old rich. But that isn't true any longer. Donald Trump is making no effort to behave like Eleanor Roosevelt as far as I can see."

—Fran Lebowitz

So Black students argue that they are isolated and treated w/little respect but they want their white colleagues to not discuss their personal lives (where they went this weekend, on vacation, etc.) in their presence.

Instead of assuming that they can not see the next logical behaviorally step after telling someone to "watch what you say around ...", let's just jump to the more logical assumption that they simply want attention/control.

How "dehumanizing" for all parties it is to tell someone "You can't discuss that around people of color.".

(I'm a quick learner on using SJW terms whether whitey is allowed to use them or not.)

Seriously, just how many students who go on "expensive" vacations are around other students (of any race) who cannot afford such vacations themselves?

SJWs just make shit up.

So, Sasha and Malia Obama will go to college, where they can expound about the "black experience." Cause, like, they're black, amirite?

"But if one's parents didn't teach the child how to be modest, instead of bragging, in general (it's ALWAYS more polite to find out what the other person wants to talk about, not about yourself), or not to ask nosy questions, or not to make assumptions, ..."

lenona, this is a circular discussion.

If I ask Jeff what he did on his vacation he can not tell me if his Grandmother sent him to Disney World because it would upset Denisha? Answering a question is not bragging.

Asking Denisha about herself (likes, dislikes, shared experiences, etc.) is asking NOSY questions?

So Denisha understands everyone is being sensitive when NO ONE asks her about her school break?

Jeff: "So guys, Denisha is black so we can't ask her about herself or tell her anything about ourselves. Don't want to be insensitive."

George: "You sure man? She's hot and I'd like to know more about her?"

Jeff: "No man. Asking about her about her home or what she likes would be insensitive. At least that's what I was told."

George: "Really? Damn. Guess I'll go call Pam."

Denisha: "Damn guys are ignoring me 'cause I'm black."

Snort. This is gonna end well.

These lines drawn around what you can and can't say draw lines around talking to people at all.

I love listening to people tell about their amazing vacations and experiences - things I could never afford to do or have, and would otherwise not have the pleasure of knowing about.

I think it would be better if people taught their children to not be envious of other people's wealth and good fortune.

Bob, HOW did you get the idea I was suggesting anything like that?

Of course, if people ASK you where you went on vacation, it's only polite to answer.

But if no one ASKED you what sort of vacation you had, talking in detail about your vacation, expensive or not, is at least slightly arrogant and egotistic. You can't assume a mere acquaintance - as opposed to a friend - wants to hear about you.

As I hinted, the polite thing, with people you don't know well, is to find out what they're interested in and stick to talking about those subjects until you get to know them better.

Did you read the blurb at the top Lenona. That one white person cannot discus their vacation with another white person while in hearing distance of a black person is the issue. I agree bragging is boorish. But that isn't the issue at hand. The issue is being the wrong color and third party greed.

WTH is the microaggression?

You can't go to Vail? Work out some kind of deal so you CAN.

The SMAJ (ROTC) at my high school drove a Plymouth GTX, 440/6-pack, and we weren't depressed or microaggressed about that. It made us want one!

(His brother borrowed it one fine day and found himself sideways on the 4-lane with it. It seems that when you step on the gas in a GTX to pass someone, it doesn't moan about it like your Bonneville station wagon - it burns the tires instantly.)

This is all BS, invented to make people accept their miserable life and the belief that they cannot get anywhere without government force acting for them.

All right, I admit I misread the word "around" as "to." Don't know how. Maybe the idea of eavesdroppers being offended was just too extreme for me to grasp at first.

In the meantime, I just remembered this 2000 book review from Miss Manners, which many here may find useful (the book was Lena Williams' "It's the Little Things: The Everyday Interactions That Get Under the Skin of Blacks and Whites" - I suspect the book might be useful too):

https://www.nytimes.com/books/00/10/15/reviews/001015.15martint.html

I'd give some excerpts, but Miss Manners is always such a great writer that I'd pretty much have to quote the whole thing.

In the meantime, my mother, for one, taught me when I was little that you can't automatically assume anything about people from any particular group, which helped me a great deal in learning to think before speaking. The example I remember most was when she told me that not all Jews celebrate Hannukah, so I shouldn't assume that any Jewish friend of mine would be doing so. (She didn't give me many other examples - I was able to build on that lesson on my own, pretty much.)

No worries Lenona. As Rad makes clear this is all idiocy and greed. It pretty much doesn't make sense on it's face. You just groped for the most sensible explanation. Unfortunately I've been on the receiving end of similar stupidity.

"I grew up in Whiteville -- the Detroit suburbs back in the late 70s and early 80s. There were a few black people in my junior high and high school -- all of them, I'm pretty sure, from families more affluent than mine. "

I grew up in Waltucky, where they abolished AP classes in '69 because it was mean to admit that some kids are smarter or more academically inclined. I only saw a guidance counselor once, and that was to beg permission to take a Spanish class and he did his best to dissuade me.

Most of the kids were second generation mountain people, and a lot of them had parents who couldn't read or write.

Not once did any adult ask me or any other kid what our future plans were or talk about college. That was in the late 70's. So what if a lot of kids ended up pumping gas or working as waitresses? We all were white so we didn't need any help or encouragement.

Yeah, it's a lot more about social class than skin color.