Slow down, Missy...

What's with all these paranoid women who assume it's about them?

The same thing that's with blacks who see racism everywhere. They also think it's all about them. It's not.

"Men keep explaining things to me. Thank god they aren't worried about my doctoral degree, tenure, books, and accolades."

One would be in an ideal position to correct some lout who was "explaining" a book one has written, but degrees and accolades do NOT mean that you know anything outside your field of study. You can use a tool without knowing the first thing about it...

The tendency for a person to project their worth into fields in which they have no sense at all was identified over 1600 years ago by Saint Augustine of Hippo, and more recently by business consultant Peter Drucker.

It's also why magicians adore having "smart" people in their audience!

When all you've got is a hammer the whole world looks like a nail. Also, there is a whole lot of projection going on. She wants to force all men to stop talking so she accuses all men of her own crime.

but degrees and accolades do NOT mean that you know anything outside your field of study.

I sure get this.

If you're actually a man's equal, you can talk back just like men do when they feel dismissed.

I sure do.

Of course -- again -- I don't feel dismissed just because somebody "explains" something to me.

I just try to avoid the impulse to interrupt them (which would be rude) and then make my point about whatever the subject is.

Added to the top of the post. Working day and night to finish the next book, and I was too tired to muster that line properly last night before I went to bed.

Sometimes it's not sexism, it's egoism.

Assumed this stuff is simply "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" stuff and that a LOT of people take themselves way too seriously.

(When you hear "pompous ass" do you visualize a man or a woman?)

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_2_12?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=men+are+from+mars+women+are+from+venus&sprefix=undefined%2Caps%2C203

Here's what Aesop said about it:

At a great gathering of all the beasts the monkey got up to entertain his friends by doing a dance. So nimble were his feet and so amusing his gestures that all the animals roared with laughter. Even the lion, the king of beasts, forgot his royal dignity and rolled on the ground with glee.

Only the camel seemed bored by the monkey's performance. "I don't see anything so funny in that exhibition," she sniffed. "As a matter of fact, it seems very crude and amateurish to me."

"All right, then," cried all the animals, "suppose you show us what you can do!"

Realizing what she had let herself in for, the camel shambled into the circle, and in no time at all had made herself utterly ridiculous by her awkward and stumbling performance. All the beasts booed her and set upon her with clubs and claws and drove her out into the desert.

Application: Stretch your arm no further than your sleeve will reach.

(end)

I suspect, though, that the "need" to talk about things one doesn't really know about is something of an American thing - heaven forbid we should show a little modesty and passivity/humility between ourselves once in a while! So it's not just one group of Americans or the other.

Here's a somewhat different thread on that, from last year:

http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2015/11/12/there_is_a_need.html

Solnit opens her piece by describing how she was conversationally pummeled by a guy about Eadweard Muybridge, when she'd actually written the very book the guy was holding forth on.

Possible reply: "It really is a lovely book, isn't it? I know the author rather well."

Of course, that doesn't leave you any room to write a column for the Los Angeles Times.

I've had people explain things to me that I already knew, plenty of times. Most of the time it's just someone trying to make conversation. A few years ago I had an earnest young man talk to me at a party and explain the ANSI C programming language standard to me. Back in the day (before he was born), I was peripherally involved in defining that standard. But he meant no harm; he was just trying to be social. And his grasp of the subject was actually pretty impressive. I smiled and let it go.

"I suspect, though, that the "need" to talk about things one doesn't really know about is something of an American thing "

Nah. A young lady in London, a tour guide, spent twenty minutes telling me all about the U.S. military. (This was about eight months after 9/11.) Nearly every bit of it was wrong. But damn it, I was on vacation and I didn't feel like arguing, and it wouldn't have done any good anyway. I acted disinterested and eventually she got the point and changed the subject.

Smart guys often use sharing what they have recently learned as a conversation style. I say something cool I learned and then you comment or question about it, and then you share something cool you have learned. Beats talking about the weather. The more interesting person in this type of conversation is the "winner" but only if they really have a conversation. If the other person's eyes glaze over, you overdid it. Women just don't usually enjoy talking about sharks or ancient Roman cement making or how to remove a computer virus, but us guys often do. Does that make men egotistic? Hardly. They are not even talking about themselves, just sharing something they find interesting. It is called intelligent conversation. Try it.

When you say Sneaky Fucker/em>. This pops in my head:

http://www.curiousnature.info/A1-Salmon.htm

Perhaps the issue isn't just the overconfidence of men and your own shaky certainty. It may be that people that know less overestimate their competency while brighter people underestimate their abilities.

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/crossexamined/2015/02/the-dunning-kruger-effect-are-the-stupid-too-stupid-to-realize-theyre-stupid/

Male here. And if I had a dollar for every leftist who has lectured me on my area of expertise I would have told the Army to go pound sand a long time ago. I could even cut that to .50 cents for those who continued to tell me how wrong I am after they find out what I do. Its a bit distressing really - all those long hours training and doing my job, only to learn a subscription to Esquire and registering as a Democrat would have taught me everything I needed to know about everything.
I'm sure if I thought hard enough I could remember a right leaning person who acted that way. But mostly they just shift gears and ask my professional opinion.
I think this has to with ego, self righteousness, a need to feel superior, narcissism. Extrapolated into the mating dance, the guy is spreading out his peacock feathers to charm the lady bird. That behavior may or may not be exacerbated by his politics as well - I rather imagine the men Becky Solnit engages with are the same specimens that wouldn't listen to me if I told them the sun rises in the east because, after all, what could a guy in the Army know.

"A young lady in London, a tour guide, spent twenty minutes telling me all about the U.S. military."

At a party, I had a guy tell me all about torpedoes (not really) but he was getting a lot wrong. He was wondering why several of the guys nearby started grinning at him. Eventually one of them said he could save his breath, as I was stationed on a sub at the time.

Not a torpedoman, but to qualify on subs, you have to know how to load and shoot one, among other things.

mansplaining?

What would some women prefer? That the guy talk about their shoes? How would that NOT be sexual harassment?

Jeez, straight guys just cannot win.

A favorite T exchange.

To Cousin Dave: I said SOMETHING of an American thing. Yes, plenty of countries have people who are just like Americans - sometimes. Doesn't mean they're like that on a regular basis. In the same vein, we might hear about some Canadians in the news who resemble Americans in their rudeness, crassness, and casual racism - but Canadians still have a strong reputation for overall politeness that Americans don't.

To charles: Here's a simple tip that Harper Lee didn't exactly invent - i.e., it's been the rule for maybe thousands of years.

"Atticus had said it was the polite thing to talk to people about what they were interested in, not about what you were interested in."

And then, of course, you have to assume that the other people know at least as much as you do about that subject and talk WITH those people, not TO them.

Granted, not all social situations are the same - but what harm does it do to ask something like "how much do you know about X," to wait for the other person to say "not much," and THEN start explaining, if the situation calls for it? That's precisely the sort of politeness I've seen many men demonstrate.

Oh, yes - it's also good to remember that droning on and on for more than 60 seconds is not considered "conversation," as a rule. Unless BOTH of you don't mind that. I have a gay male friend who tends to lecture, but he doesn't mind - and doesn't interrupt - when I do that too, so we get along well.

To charles:

And to follow up on what other people are "interested in":

There's more than one reason not to talk about clothes - especially the ones a woman is wearing at the moment. You don't know that any woman is necessarily that interested in shoes. I have one or two favorite decorative pairs, but I likely got them from yard sales; by now, I don't even remember where I got them. I.e., shoes are not something I'm really interested in shopping for, especially at retail prices. Therefore, I don't care to talk about them much either.

And, just as importantly...

http://articles.chicagotribune.com/1998-01-01/features/9801010196_1_miss-manners-etiquette-vulgarity

(Miss Manners 1998 column)

Here is a list of topics that polite people do not bring into social conversation:

Sex, religion, politics, money, illness, the food before them at the moment, which foods they customarily eat or reject and why, anything else having to do with bodily functions, occupations, including their own and inquiries into anyone else's; the looks of anyone present, especially to note any changes, even improvements, since these people were last seen; and the possessions of anyone present, including their hosts' house and its contents and the clothing being worn by them and their guests, even favorably.

Well, don't just sit there. Say something.

Never mind -- Miss Manners knows what you are thinking. You are thinking that in its restless quest to stamp out fun, unchecked etiquette would drive the world to a state of blandness bordering on hysteria...

(snip)

She goes on to explain, clearly and intelligently, why this is not the case. One problem with modern ways, she said, is that:

"...the relaxation of the old rules has permitted a few gratifying compliments -- along with a lot of embarrassing personal remarks and intrusions."

Fourteen years earlier, however, she implied that complimenting one's clothes is not the same as complimenting one's home cooking or home decorating, since a lot of personal work by the owner often goes into such things, unlike with clothes, which are typically sewn by someone else.