Among the legends of music and astronautics who have passed this year, a less-famous man left us as well: Sacha Dzuba, an aspiring actor, gifted musician and powerfully charismatic fellow whose tribute page had over 500 members within hours of his passing.
I met Sacha when The Julia Dream set up in the Marriott for DragonCon on a Thursday night. I found him modest about his abilities - which I am aware is the actual sign of great talent. Their performance that night was wonderful.
In conversation I found him to have that eagerness to learn that is the hallmark of youth and increasingly rare among us. He had a sureness about him that made me want to hear what he had to say next, which is also rare, for me. His bearing compelled most near him to be better people, to be interesting enough to remain in his company.

We here at the call of the Advice Goddess have far more in common than we differ. I hope each of you have the opportunity to meet such a person as Sacha, an extraordinary man with the charisma and manner to entertain and inspire - immediately.

Hi! I'm here to complain about fat people on airliners!

What the Fuck is the matter with you people? Why can't you lose weight? If you can't lose weight, why can't you stay home?

Why must you always sit next to ME??

What is it about my appearance that makes you think I want to TOUCH you for four goddamn hours?

What? What?

You WEIGH TOO MUCH.

You intrude upon the space that other people are paying their hard-earned money for.

This is NOT ACCEPTABLE.

Strangers should not be inconvenienced and made personally uncomfortable just because you are unable to take command of the metabolic functions of your own body.

Fer Chrissake, it's YOUR BODY. What are you thinking? Jeezus Christalmighty.

You make sure to bring along a quart of luminous day-glo liquid to consume during the flight... To be sure that when you land, you're taking up even MORE of the seats of those beside you than when we took off.

This is all fucked up. You're an asshole.

Passing over Amarillo now... The guy is still overweight.

Also, enjoy some chips.

Struggle to reach past the hulking mass of own midsection to pull them from a bag near your feet under the seat in front of you.

Be sure they're extra-spicy, so that as you noisily and greedily chomp them, their chemically-stabilized essence will float around your corpus in an aura of misery for another fifteen minutes or so.

Be sure to tap and tug the crinkling metallic/cellophane bag with both hands to dump the last milligrams of this powered grain product into your ever-eager rictus.

Carefully, lovingly fold the empty bag, and return it to your carry-on.

Probe your dentition with a fingertip for a few minutes.

TAKE NO NOTICE OF ANY OTHER HUMAN BEING WITHIN THE RANGE OF YOUR PERCEPTION.

{chomp, chomp} Deez are good chipfs...

Skinny next to me is mad, prolly needs to eat sumpin'. Not gettin' my chipfs.

Smells nice, though. Wonder if he'll go out wid me?

Where's my udder bagga chipfs?

(Powdered, not powered... I can't work my elbows very much on this tiny laptop, because he is, of course, using the entirety of the armrest zones.)




And don't forget to wash it down with some gurgling tugs of the luminous green stuff!

"Who referred you to us?"

Who indeed.

https://youtu.be/rvHhPGl8_W4

Another important thing to remember about these corporeal nightmares: Their loathsome bodies are essentially supercharged metabolic furnaces.

As their torpid little hearts pulse in doubletime to move oxygen and nutrients from sluggish extremities to the overtaxed core and back again, the few calories which are shed are sent instantly into to the lives of those nearby.

And no matter how eager the air-nipple above your head, it will be overwhelmed by the warmth of the churning biological nightmare at your side.

That's right, I said "nightmare" twice, because I CAN'T WAKE UP for two hours yet. We're just over Louisville.

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GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

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Don't sugar coat it. How do you really feel about fatties on airplanes.

The girl is back home safe and classified as a runaway.

But, take at look at the guy!

Were her hormones really really really telling her "HE'sTHE ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I've seen better looking zombies on the Walking Dead. As a father I'd consider putting him down as a positive community action.

http://www.wtoc.com/story/34009475/amber-alert-issued-for-girl-believed-to-be-in-extreme-danger

Here's a PSA for ya, people. DON'T GET HUGELY OBESE. Do you have any idea how miserable your hospital stays (and you will have them...Oh, how you will have them) will be? Good nursing staff can keep almost anyone clean, turned, and with skin intact....IF we can turn you, and IF we can reach all your skin. We aren't superhuman. If you require a hydraulic lift to get out of bed (and if you're obese, you're one ankle fracture away from requiring just that) then you will sit in shit. It will crust your many folds. We will do our best, but we can't roll you well enough to wipe your asses for you. You will stink, and your skin will rot. This is the life you have chosen. Don't bitch at 3 of us together for being incapable of doing what you've never been able to do yourself.

Crid, you have my sympathies. I'm overweight, but I'm not grossly obese. If I got as fat as your seatmate or momof4's hypothetical hospital patient, I would like to imagine somebody with a gun would mistake me for a horse with a broken leg.

So, next time fly first class. Cranky old man.

> fly first class

Nope, let the person who needs that space pay for it rather than steal it from those who are in control of their bodies.

I survived the flight.

The guy spent the day watching shitty cable TV shows on his Ipad. The commercials had all these high-chrominance shots of pizza slices being separated from each other as slow-mo strings of cheese stretched erotically across the gap, and knives sliced into manicotti to release wafts of steam over the pan.

I don't what's happening to that fucker, but it ain't pretty, and he's doing it to himself.

Wasn't there a time when obese had to pay for two seats?

Patrick, according to one source, back when Rush Limbaugh used to fly coach, he didn't really save much money...hint, hint.