Remembering their classmate who died? Can't have that. That thought might motivate some of them to follow a career in which death is confronted, such as medicine, nursing or paramedic studies, in which one learns to prolong life; or, the military or policing, in which the duty is to be ready to protect others, even at the risk of one's own death; or, fireman or rescue, in which one's duty includes deliberately going into possibility fatal situations to save others; or, becoming a civil engineer or building code inspector, and ensuring that what is constructed is safe; or, even becoming a car mechanic and always remembering to check the brakes, fuel lines and exhaust system. No, much better to direct the graduates to studying virtual reality subjects where there is always a Reset Button, or Victim Studies in which one can rage against imagined injustices, and not risk one's comfort to prevent real ones. Yes, it is better to direct them to a world filled with bright blue and pink cotton candy, and unicorns.

One of the things that's not mentioned here is whether other students died during the year. If the principal agrees to this one, he'll have to agree to including those who died of drug overdoses, drunk-driving accidents and suicides. But they should all be included.

This is not new.
Four students died in my senior class.
Memorial services were held for each, and they were attended by friends and loved ones commensurate with each of the deceased's popularity.
No attempt was made to showcase the fatalities in front of the entire school for the simple reason that most students are anonymous to most of the student body.
If you want to talk about reality, there's your fact: most deaths are unremarked.
I suspect the parents simply can't stand that, their suffering is too big for them to avoid trying to transfer it to others. "Look at me, I am suffering. "

What's new is the sense that it could be too traumatic to acknowledge the lives and deaths of a student (or students) who died.

And whether someone died of an overdose or a suicide or in whatever manner shouldn't exclude them from being remembered at their high school graduation ceremony.

"Absent Companions!"

Although this may offend sensitive types for its common use by soldiers something similar would have sufficed.

One of the craziest things about this is the assertion that "trained professional" would be needed.

I'm reminded of something Robert Heinlein wrote:

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.”

These "educators" are indeed insects.

I think the explanation from the administration is poor here, but not sure that you should be honoring dead classmates at graduation.

A more appropriate memorial should be a gift to the school, possibly with a plaque paid for by the parents and the classmates.

I dont believe in turning every celebration into a Euology, and every wedding into a wake. There is a time and place to remember the dead, and I dont feel that graduation is that place.

As one gets older, one realizes that after you are gone, eventually there will be no trace of you. It is comforting to think that at least for a while people will remember you.

This episode is the whole safe-space idea, that nothing upsetting should ever cross our path. But with that mind-set we don't plan for retirement or deal with other problems, we just pretend everything is dandy. Also you get people who pretend meat and leather don't come from cows or wood from the forest, because those thoughts are upsetting.

With Rad and Isab on this one.

Also, imagine the hurt feelings if they honored this student and then the parents of a student who died two years before (and wasn't honored) found out. It's the same reason I don't think companies should officially acknowledge employee birthdays (you'll inevitably forget someone at some point).

Instead of this "delicate students" language, the school should have said, "We have a policy of not addressing deceased students during the graduation ceremony." Or maybe they could mention the dead students in the printed program (if there even is one?) That's how we honored myriad dead loved ones at my wedding (instead of doing what certain family members wanted, which was to bring the ceremony to a screeching halt with a special prayer for those who were there "in spirit").

What's new is the sense that it could be too traumatic to acknowledge the lives and deaths of a student (or students) who died.

Agreed.

Again: who is raising these kids?

With Rad and Isab on this one.

Agreed. It would be different if she'd died 5 days before graduation.

On the other hand, if long dead Trayvon Martin can get a honorary BS degree, I don't see why this young woman can't ghost walk with her class.

https://www.theatlantic.com/news/archive/2017/05/trayvon-martin-college-degree-florida-university/525561/

If he continues to refuse to recognize this young woman, who died while giving a service to her community, then ...

EVERY STUDENT AND EVERY PARENT NEEDS TO SHOW UP WITH A PHOTO OF RACHEL AND HOLD IT HIGH WHEN CHAVIS TRIES TO SPEAK. SHOUT HIM DOWN!

This young woman deserves recognition, and Chavis needs to go. Poor, poor leadership and a really bad role model.

> Four students died in my
> senior class.

Jesus! What the fuck is the matter with you people?





Kidding!

Okay.

> most students are anonymous
> to most of the student body.

'Zactly. Missing the 40th reunion this year... And once again, I can't wait.

'Sides:

By my troth, I care not. A man can die but once. We owe God a death. I’ll ne'er bear a base mind. An ’t be my destiny, so; an ’t be not, so.

Is there any situation so challenging that a school administrator can't make it worse?

No.

There is, of course, a possible solution: Find out if the commencement will feature any speeches by members of the graduating class. If any of them were friends of the girl, he/she could be asked to talk a little about her during the speech.

Say a prayer for her.

Hey! Hey! Hey! I R A Darth Aggie.

Trayvon EARNED that degree. Whether you look like the President's imaginary son or not, it takes a lot of work to pound a white guy's head into the sidewalk.

I dont believe in turning every celebration into a Euology, and every wedding into a wake.

I don't agree with all the comments about it not being an appropriate time and place. An acknowledgement of missing people can be respectful without turning it into a eulogy.

In my wedding speech I mentioned there were a number of people who couldn't make it (overseas, etc) without going into detail, but brought up two specifically that we were sad couldn't be there - my father, who died unexpectedly between the engagement and wedding, and my wife's cousin who couldn't travel due to chemo for a brain tumour. Brief, respectful, and meant a lot to those concerned without destroying the overall tone.

(PS - a missing cousin may not seem like a big thing but this was from the Filipino side of my wife's family, who were a quarter of the guests. They take family very seriously.)

"I don't agree with all the comments about it not being an appropriate time and place. An acknowledgement of missing people can be respectful without turning it into a eulogy."

Yes, but that was your wedding and your choice. You staged and paid for the event.

You get a graduating class of 450 kids there is no end to the potential missing relatives and classmates.

I think it was crass of the girl's parents to demand a rememberance during the graduation ceremony. Their dauhter is gone. She was special to them.
Not the school.

If you want a memorial, do one yourself. Dont start demanding that a public institution at a public ceremony provide one for you.

'Zactly. Missing the 40th reunion this year... And once again, I can't wait.

'Sides:"

Missing the 43rd this year. Cant wait either. My adult life is far more interesting and important than a bunch of people who were sitting in class with me 45 years ago.

My guess is being emotionally stuck on where you were, and who you knew when you were 18 is a mild form of mental illness. Certainly arrested development.

Besides, I don't actually have to show up to impress the popular kids. They can just type my home adress into google earth, and become sufficiently jealous. Mission accomplised. :-)

Can it be classified as a mental illness if such a large percentage of the population have it? Still not a good thing. At lest in my opinion. But just going to my 10th was a psychedelic experience. It took me all night to recognize one person I liked. And there were so many people who knew me I couldn't remember. Friken early onset alzheimer's!

"My guess is being emotionally stuck on where you were, and who you knew when you were 18 is a mild form of mental illness. Certainly arrested development."

There's a radio station in town, that targets the fortysomething demographic, whose advertising pitch amounts to, "All the songs you loved in high school!" The "power ballad" genre gets a lot of airplay.

You must not be allowed to enjoy anything, even graduation, until you pay for some pain.