Try to be patient. The guy wasn't asking for free candy... People talk about the contents of their books all the time. He was offering you a chance to share generalities and then to point to your book for specifics.

Consider:

1. Not sure that the title/branding indicate that you will give scholarly details about willpower. Sounds more like a self-help cookbook. So how would he know you have this info in there?

2. Marketing rule: every person who even bothers to contact you is precious. Important to convert as many actual contacts as possible into sales. How about:

"I am following that debate closely - but because the book focuses on practical strategies, that is the angle I take. Some models of behavior point more clearly to self-motivated change than others. See the book for details."

I guess you reading the whole book down the phone to me is right out then, innit?

Sorry, guys, the question here -- which model -- took reading probably 200 studies and spending over $1,000 to go to a big social psych conference and interviewing a researcher. Just tossing off the conclusion here is giving away the work I did for free. Asking for "a link to a paper" is asking me to do work for free and frankly, there is no one paper with the answer.

I worked my guts out to write this book, and the description and the blurbs from countless researchers makes it clear that this is an intensely science-based book. The fact that you can contact people on Twitter doesn't mean you should ask them to detail their book for free.

If I tell you the model on Twitter -- which has been a big source of debate -- why read the book? Also, frankly, how I got to the conclusions I did -- the detailing of the 140 studies that ended up going into that chapter and explaining who's wrong and why -- is pretty fucking interesting.

I live to 1. Not bore people with my writing. 2. Give them something of value by translating science and making it practical in a way really nobody else does. 3. Make people laugh while doing it.

Spend the $10.99 and see whether you still think I should just be tossing off answers that I worked damn hard on to people on Twitter.

I see this sort of thing everywhere these days. Some one-post wonder butts into a DIY web site with something like, "Tell me in a few sentences how to replace the circuit breaker panel in my house. I don't know anything about electricity, so don't use a bunch of fancy electrician words that nobody understands."

Sorry, Amy, but in this case, you will never be more well and truly wrong.

The whole point of learning information is to be able to share it. If your attitude is "Go and do your own research," that would make you pretty much useless. What do you do the research for if not to share it? Why should anyone specialize in anything? Let's just have everybody research every topic under the sun and let's just do our own research for the sole purpose of hoarding it ourselves.

If the researchers you (probably) cited in your book and in your column had your attitude, you'd have nothing to write about because they wouldn't bother sharing what they learned. Go conduct your own experiments, Amy. Why should they spend one second of their lives writing down their findings and publishing them for your benefit? Just let them go out and find clients and charge them. Let the free market decide their merit. Fuck peer-reviews.

Adding to the utter ridiculousness, let me point something out: he did not ask you to lay out the contents of your book on Twitter. Holy hysterical overreaction, Batman!

He asked you a multiple choice question: "What do you see as the most convincing model of will power? Ego depletion? Something else?"

That question could have been answered in two words. If you see ego depletion as the most convincing model of will power, you could have said, "Ego depletion."

And, if you wanted to be a smart ass about it, and you don't see ego depletion as the most convincing model, you could have said, "Something else." Or you could have told him the name of what you consider the most convincing model of will power.

In two words, you would have answered his question. No one asked you to lay out the entire contents of your book. Not even close. He asked you a question that could have been answered in two words.

He also suggested, if it wasn't too much trouble for Your Imperial Majestrix, if you could supply a link to a paper.

Gee, if I just extensively researched a scientific book, I'd have had the links to the articles on hand, and I would say, "I think this article should satisfy his question," and shot the link off.

And if he persisted in asking me questions which would have pretty much given away the contents of my book, I would have playfully chastised him and said, "Nuh-uh. If you want any more information, you'll have to buy my book. I cover that in chapter three."

Amy, I rarely side with Crid, but you blew it. Big time.

Here was a person who was genuinely interested in your work who asked you a two-word question. You hyperbolically misrepresented his request and told him to fuck off. And you did it front of the entire Twitterverse. How many people do you think you alienated that way?

How many people might have been considering buying your book, saw that, and said, "My God, what a rude bitch! And she presumes to write books on manners?"

Even if you didn't want to answer his question, you could have been a hell of a lot more polite about it.

Do you want people to buy your book or not? If I were your agent, I would verbally slap the bitchiness right out of you.

Retract the claws, Amy. The gentleman meant no harm and he wasn't asking for you to lay the entire contents of your book out in Twitter. At the most, he asked for a single sentence.

And before you suggest I don't know what I'm talking about, I've been a personal trainer and massage therapist. As such, I'm expected to know more about anatomy than RNs. Do you think I answer questions for free? I used to spend entire days in the library, researching, taking practice tests and drilling information into my head. Even stuff I thought was utter bullshit, such as chakras.

Oh, hell, yes, I answer questions. Because even if this person doesn't hire me, he's a referral to someone who might. And if I feel he's asking too much, and should be paying me, I find a diplomatic way to tell him this.

If you want people to spend your hard-earned cash on you, yes, you do have to give away free stuff from time to time. Unless your life ambition is to be the most thoroughly-researched author who has alienated the entire book-buying population with unblushing rudeness.

I'm with you, Amy. This would be like someone publishing a mystery and a Twitter rando saying, "Hey, can you tell me who did it?" The whole point of writing a book is that you'll buy it and the book will answer your questions.

tldr

:)

Amy: Sorry, guys, the question here -- which model -- took reading probably 200 studies and spending over $1,000 to go to a big social psych conference and interviewing a researcher.

I see. And how much did you pay the researcher for the time he spent giving you information that you would later include in your book to capitalize on?

Oh, you didn't pay him? But you're making money off information that he gave you for free?

Hmmm...

"The whole point of learning information is to be able to share it."

Or using it to make a living.

"The whole point of learning information is to be able to share it."

"Or using it to make a living."

Those premises are not mutually exclusive. Some people, like me, do both. In fact, the latter often leads to the former.

And did Amy actually contribute her own research to this, or was this simply a compilation of the research of others?

If it's the latter, as I suspect, then how much did she pay her sources?

Question for Amy - if I buy your book locally for $15.99 vs online for $10.99, do you get more money from the sale, or am I just supporting the local bookstore?

I bought Mark Ripptoe’s book.

Figured that a guy who was willing to give away so much helpful health advice and weight lifting advice for free was probably worth supporting and reading in detail,

Exploding at someone in a twitter rant who askes a question, is probably not the best way to sell your ideas or your books.

You could have handled this better.

Diplomacy matters.

Isab:

I bought Mark Ripptoe’s book.

As an aside, Rippetoe is great. I've seen even the elderly gain greater levels of fitness and consequently better health and independence from following his advice.

This video seems relevant here. Dr. David Starkey, who once earned the sobriquet "the rudest man in Britain" was once on the receiving end of gratuitous cheap shot from a young woman, a recent graduate of the social justice mill, once known as "college."

Starkey responded (with his trademark venom) by exposing this school girl as having once forced an event to close down because she demanded a speaking fee that was out of proportion to her experience and reputation.

The point he makes is that, as large and powerful as he is in the public eye as a well-known author and television and radio personality, we never lose track of doing things for the common good, and without any compensation other than doing good for good's sake.

Sorry to come down on you, Amy, but I can't help but feel you could have, as Crid suggested, parleyed this question into a promotion for your book instead of snapping at him.

Freebies are (and will be) everywhere, more so than in the past. Just check out Craigslist. Things like that make it too easy, even for adults, to forget that there are still multiple boundaries that should not be crossed. Some kids who are spoiled that way by their parents will even ask strangers for money - and not in a humble way, either.

And public figures will likely always have it even worse.

Ben David: "I am following that debate closely - but because the book focuses on practical strategies, that is the angle I take. Some models of behavior point more clearly to self-motivated change than others. See the book for details."

Is that actually based on Amy's book? Or did you make it up as an example? Because if it's the former, that makes me really curious about the book.

A classic example of refuckology.

Hell, if the guy really wants his questions answered and he's a cheapskate, go to a bookstore and read the book for free or buy it on Amazon and return it.

I would have given him a one word answer -- won't power.

Of course that's two words, but it looks better than won'tpower.

"we never lose track of doing things for the common good"

The common good, as determined by the people who demand your work from you for free.

This is one of the problems I have with short written messages - there isn't any context or nuance to them.

I would have said that Amy blew up over nothing if "Chairbender" had written all but the last sentence. It reads as a generally interested follow-up question one might ask after reading a book.

But, BUT, that last comment - "Even just a link to a paper would be great." - comes across as rude. As if to say, you aren't saying anything worth while; so, tell me your source and I'll get it from there.

Which made me go back and carefully read the rest; which, upon, re-reading it is clear that "Chairbender" hasn't yet read the book!

But, I do agree with her on this one. A nice response would be in order if it were a general follow-up question. Instead I read this comment from "Chairbender" as a putdown; or, in the very least, as one who is too cheap and/or lazy to read the compilation of her research.

And for Pete's sake! The book costs less than a night at the movies!

Something else to take into account is that these past weeks have been full of Vegans/Bicycle Evangelists going after Amy on social media.

And these people, if they're not upfront with their ill intentions, they will then go for the sneak attack route and start with what appears on the surface to be legitimate curiosity, but often ends up as a way to harvest sentences that can be easily cherry-picked and willfully taken out of context.

So, at this point, my uneducated guess points at a critical low level of patience for inquiring strangers on places like Twitter.