If the Hoosiers who boo'd Luck had paid more for their tickets, the team could have afforded more talented offensive linesmen, and the guy wouldn't have sacrificed $64 million to avoid being horrifically brutalized by 300-pound(+) savages across his fourth decade. Izzat rite?

— Brilliant Twitterer

"Bicycles are acoustic motorcycles."

— Tw. Archives

More greats from yesteryear:

Witchy Woman @dreamthievin · 10 Aug 2012

You can't spell amusement without semen!




Jason Miller @longwall26 · 22 Nov 2012

You are goddamn right I would like your four year old to lead us in prayer.




Edward Tufte @EdwardTufte · 15 Nov 2012

Metaphors for audience/room when joke flops: Easter Island, grand jury, Mount Rushmore, zero retweets, crickets (sound of, my favorite).




tara shoe @tarashoe · Oct 10

dammit i HATE this slowass coffee machine [gandhi walks into breakroom] and not finding strength in my suffering. also hate that. mornin sir




Ray (Sir E) @SirEviscerate · Oct 10

A cassette is wheeled into the ER, tape unraveled everywhere. A first year resident mp3 pukes. The chief resident, a CD, grabs a huge pencil




David Deeble @DavidDeeble · Oct 18

Saudi Arabia: Accused Rapist, Victim, To Be Tried Separately




Josh Hara @yoyoha · 18 Jul 2012

It's crazy how many people are willing to ruin their lives for a slightly different orgasm.




David Deeble @DavidDeeble · Aug 17

Do you have any idea how painful t is to be called "cracker"? I prefer Saltine-American.




Eldge @Sickayduh · 30 Sep 2013

"I am the man who will fight for your honor, and dignity, and so on and so on"

- Peter Et Cetera

Steve Suckington @SteveSuckington · 18 Feb 2013

You wanna know what it feels like to get a vasectomy? Have someone kick you in the nuts about 5 times. Then ask someone who has had one.




jonnifer lopez @senderblock23 · 29 Sep 2013

People call me a joyboy because I rub myself down with exotic oils and love memes, but they don't know me. No one does




Jenny Johnson @JennyJohnsonHi5 · 4 Nov 2012

Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.




dan guterman @danguterman · 23 Oct 2012

This möbius stripper is taking forever.

Moar—

Jay McKee @jtmckee · 14 Oct 2009

I'm driving.I see a sign that says, CAUTION: SMALL CHILDREN PLAYING. I slow down, and then it occurs to me, I'm not afraid of small children




emily dreyfuss @EmilyDreyfuss · 19 Oct 2013

Just biked past a sign that read: GO SLOW CHILDREN. Grammatically ambiguous. I count 5 possible meanings. Are there more?




@sshole @Lisa_Laughs_ · 28 Nov 2011

If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.




Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien · 11 Oct 2013

I just got kicked out of the Museum of Tolerance.




Jason Miller @longwall26 · 31 Aug 2013

A banjo is just a guitar that wants to show you a dead body.




Alex Blagg @alexblagg · 29 Jul 2013

If you're uncomfortable seeing me do Zumba in a sarong, then maybe the Radisson breakfast buffet isn't for you.




Luke Potatoes @Vivalazoso · 16 Feb 2013

I'm gonna start kissing close talkers, I dont know else to do. There are holes in this plan, I realize.




Elif Celet @Elifcello · 30 Dec 2011

"Don't worry, I'll hold your stuff. You just worry about making friends." - Cargo Pants




Alain de Botton @alaindebotton · 27 Mar 2010

Gender differences: yet to be born: the man who slept with a woman principally because she had written a book he liked.




Philip Girvan @pgirvan · 29 Aug 2010

To speak for others is to first silence those in whose name we speak. - Michel Callon



And now, for one particular blog visitor—

matt @biorhythmist · 11 Aug 2012

Don't be the guy at the party who starts his sentences with "Actually,"

Seems the Hoosiers are paying plenty. Emphasis mine.

But the initial subsidy was only the beginning of public costs. Three years ago, Indianapolis had to pay an additional $71 million to re-finance the risky debt issued to fund stadium construction. On top of that, the city is still paying off the RCA Dome debt, 10 years after it was demolished in 2008.

https://www.mercatus.org/bridge/commentary/happy-10th-birthday-most-subsidized-nfl-stadium-america

As I recall, the city and county of St. Louis is still paying debt on a stadium who no longer has an anchor tenant.

As I recall, the city and county of St. Louis is still paying debt on a stadium who no longer has an anchor tenant. ~ I R A Darth Aggie at August 26, 2019 6:51 AM

The city of Santa Clara will be paying for Levi's Stadium long after the 49ers have gone back to San Francisco, which will pay dearly to have them back when the Leftist mayor tries to distract the residents from the crime-ridden streets filled with human waste, used needles, and dead homeless people.

Just a reminder that President Donald Trump is morally abject and torpid.

Looks like Michael Mann is a step closer to the state pen than Penn State.

https://www.americanthinker.com/blog/2019/08/michael_mann_creator_of_the_infamous_global_warming_hockey_stick_loses_lawsuit_against_climate_skeptic_ordered_to_pay_defendants_costs.html

torpid

He's not the first person to suggest nuking a hurricane. The energy output of even a minimal hurricane is several orders of magnitude greater.

It's like nuking Godzilla: it makes you feel good that you did something, but it just pisses off the monster. And potentially irradiates lots of people in the process.

More torpidity. How about "no"?

https://www.americanthinker.com/articles/2019/08/is_backdoor_encryption_a_4th_amendment_violation.html

> On top of that, the city is
> still paying off the RCA Dome
> debt, 10 years after it was
> demolished in 2008.

Thank you for noting this. Indianapolis is THE exemplar of civic dementia for professional sports. The mere existence of a city so slutty makes team owners around the nation giggle in their sleep.

It was the nearby Big City when I was a kid, so I went to the basketball arena for rock concerts. It lasted eighteen years, before they sold bonds (and raised taxes for the new one. It looked better from the outside than it did from the inside, but still, it's where E had his last fat concert! It blowed up real good.

The RCA Dome was a really bug deal, but it didn't stand long enough for me to visit. As Lightman says in Wargames, I always thought there'd be plenty of time. It's hard to imagine the scale of corruption that could make taxpayers acceed to such mischief.

Wut? oh, an actual parasite!

https://www.fox5dc.com/news/new-blood-sucking-leech-identified-in-dc-area-swamps

Meanwhile in the Middle Eas - er, Europe:

Calling Prophet Muhammad a Pedophile Not Protected by Free Speech, Court Rules

It's hard to imagine the scale of corruption that could make taxpayers acceed to such mischief.

It's a version of the Simpson's Monorail. And plenty of governmental entities fall for mono/light/high speed rail ventures. They repeat the lie that it'll be good for the community and in time will come to pay for itself. We've had better part of 50 (or more) years of bitter experience that says otherwise. Green Bay might be an exception.

I can only hope that when 2034 rolls around, the city fathers and mothers tell the NFL to pound sand. Hah! That'll be the day.

The only thing I can say bad about Luck is that he should have retired back in February, so that the Colts could have pursued available replacements. Is Kap still looking for a job in the NFL? or has he decided to be a full time protester?

Conan, the 49ers will never move back to San Fran. The players don't want to have to step over the human waste, used needles, and dead homeless people.

They're Euros, Gog. They're not really free.

Speaking of "they're not really free". How far have you fallen, John Bull?

If you’re any kind of a car enthusiast, or you just think the personal automobile is a terrific transportation device, this news has got to be chilling. The cross-party Science and Technology Select Committee of Parliament has issued a report that says that if the United Kingdom is to reach its goal of becoming carbon neutral by 2050, private automobile and truck ownership must end.

https://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/2019/08/uk-parliament-committee-wants-to-ban-all-private-cars-and-trucks-by-2050/

This warms the cockles of my cold, black heart. On the other hand, were are you going to string up the commies? but they seem to have trees, so that might work. Or they can go really old school, and fling them from the tops of skyscrapers.

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-08-24/hong-kong-protests-smart-lampposts-cut-down-surveillance-fears/11445606

> should have retired back
> in February, so that the Colts
> could have pursued available
> replacements

Sure, but through how many how many cycles of serious injury, rehab and re-injury are they allowed to presume the guy is indestructible? Did they presume that big checks were making these patterns go away?

I'm not a fan… I knew the name of the QB in Indy, but that's it. I admire him now for riding off into a sunset, with whatever aches and pains, and enough millions for a beach place in Nantucket, Malibu or the South of France. At age 29.

Football is a problem which is being dealt with slowly— https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mills_of_God

https://www.motherjones.com/environment/2019/08/viral-photos-amazon-fire-fake-macron/

Manager Saif Momin reassures diners that there is no cannibalism going on at his Dairy Queen restaurant.

However there is $200,000 in cash for an unlicensed money transfer business.

But that's it. Honest. You can stop investigating now.

There is nothing new under the sun. Or moon.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Moon_Hoax

Gummint.

The Ruskies playing with atoms always gives me the heebee jeebees.

https://gcaptain.com/russias-new-floating-nuclear-power-plant-sets-sail-for-the-arctic/

Conan, the 49ers will never move back to San Fran. The players don't want to have to step over the human waste, used needles, and dead homeless people. ~ I R A Darth Aggie at August 26, 2019 9:04 AM

Most of the players don't live in San Francisco, Darth. The team's practice facilities were already in Santa Clara, even when the team played in Candlestick, so most of them live in that area already.

The Raiders' facilities are in Napa, so that's where most of them live or have residences. A few live in Blackhawk or Alamo in the East Bay, where the average price for a house is equivalent to the GDP of a small-to-medium country.

Professional athletes rarely live in the towns in which they play. They spend their off-season at their real residences and their season near the practice facilities.

That's why Lebron James jumped from the Cavaliers to the Lakers. He played in Cleveland but had his main residence in Los Angeles and got tired of commuting. His "acting" career is in LA.

Players used to be part of the cities in which they played and spent their off-seasons with jobs, investments, or charity activities in those cities. Not any more.

I see that I was unclear, Conan. I meant when they showed up to play home games. Someone will be paid to make sure the players, coaches and owners don't have to see the nastiness.

But will the season ticket holders put up with the nastiness? I see that third party providers have nose bleed season seats for $876 each, and the highest being lower bowl, 30 yard line behind the visitors bench for $6,500.

I can buy a really nice UHD TV for that sort of coin. And not have to worry about unpleasantness.

One thing that amuses me is this, which was seen on the Levi's Stadium site but nearly identical language appears on the 49ers site.

If you’re interested in 49ers season tickets and a stadium builder’s license, please fill out the form below to speak with one of premium sales representatives.

If you have to ask, you can't afford to buy.

And in just under 3 years!

https://twitter.com/Julio_Rosas11/status/1165650396557262848

https://twitter.com/BattleSwarmBlog/status/1166042275446775816

https://twitter.com/EdwardKaye4/status/1165288761648922625

I see that I was unclear, Conan. I meant when they showed up to play home games. ~ I R A Darth Aggie at August 26, 2019 10:51 AM

Nah, Darth.

NFL stadiums are located in a sea of asphalt. The homeless don't go there because, except at events, there's no foot traffic and at events, there's security. Baseball stadiums, on the other hand, are usually close to foot traffic.

One thing that amuses me is this, which was seen on the Levi's Stadium site but nearly identical language appears on the 49ers site. ~ I R A Darth Aggie at August 26, 2019 10:51 AM

Season ticket holders to the 49ers are definitely getting hosed, Darth. The stadium is difficult to get to, game day traffic in Santa Clara is terrible, and the on-field product is pathetic. The 49ers have the most incompetent ownership and management in the NFL, by far.

The Yorks did the impossible. They make the Bears' McAskey family look competent. Bring back Eddie DeBartolo.

Ever since the returning-to-Oakland Raiders introduced the concept of the PSL (the "seat license") to pay for the upgrades to the worst stadium in the NFL - essentially a license to buy season tickets - the NFL has gone nuts with pricing season tickets out of ordinary peoples' means: thousands of dollars for the right to buy 8 tickets and thousands of dollars for those 8 tickets.

I can watch the game on my flat panel TV at home without paying $20 for a beer, $45 for parking, and $10 for a rubber hot dog. And if the game sucks, I just switch to another game or put on a movie. Thanks, guys, I'll stay home.

"Looks like Michael Mann is a step closer to the state pen than Penn State."

Mann has for years refused to show either his raw data, or the methods he used to reduce it, to anyone but synchophants. He has succeeded in defying both state and federal FOIA requests, and now he has defied a subpoena in a legal proceeding that he himself initiated. It's pretty much impossible now to dispute that he has something to hide. The only remaining question is what.

(BTW, the principle "truth is a defense against libel" is not unique to Canada. The same is true in the U.S., and I think in several western European nations, although not Great Britain.)

Not exactly the picture of Dorian Grey, but it'll do. Not a happy path for either Puerto Rico, or the island of Hispaniola. Miamians should get complacent, either.

https://www.nhc.noaa.gov/refresh/graphics_at5+shtml/174008.shtml?gm_track

Stock up on water and batteries now, sheeple.

I can watch the game on my flat panel TV at home without paying $20 for a beer, $45 for parking, and $10 for a rubber hot dog. And if the game sucks, I just switch to another game or put on a movie. Thanks, guys, I'll stay home.

Oh, but you'll miss out on all that sweet, sweet traffic! and the possibility of having violence visited upon your personage by dejected fans of the other side.

> The Ruskies playing with atoms
> always gives me the heebee
> jeebees.

Yeah—— We never know where they'll wind up!

Fuggin' Commie Ivan, man...

Diehard conservative columnist/lawyer Don Feder (born in 1946) has been very panicky about the "demographic winter" for years. From 2017:

https://www.priestsforlife.org/articles/3799-demographic-winter-a-disaster-movie-in-the-making

"At its heart, the Sixties revolution was a sexual revolution. Sex was divorced from marriage, commitment and even psychological connection. We’ve seen the initiation of sexual activity at an earlier and earlier age. Sex before marriage led to sex outside marriage, which led to multiple liaisons, divorce and what’s been called serial polygamy. In a few decades, we’ve gone from making love to having sex. This may seem counter-intuitive, but more and more sex has led to fewer and fewer children."

What's interesting is that that practically contradicts what other, LESS conservative columnists say - that easy access to birth control has only resulted in more (out of wedlock) babies than we need!

Btw, he has four adult children. I would love to ask him: "If you had to do it all over again, would you have been willing to change all the diapers just for the sake of doing more than your share of keeping the human race alive? Especially since we now have more than 7.7 billion people anyway?"

(Also, he never seems to write about people who WANT more children but can't afford them.)

Whoops. That was 2011. Don't know how I did that.

Anyway, from 2015:

https://www.mercatornet.com/Demography/view/rug-up-for-the-demographic-winter/16278

The most recent comment - from someone who's anti-abortion AND anti-contraception - is pretty surprising. His name is Fabio Paolo Barbieri and it starts with:

"The idea that the population can safely go on growing forever is as insane as anything Paul Ehrlich ever wrote..."

It's pretty much impossible now to dispute that he has something to hide. The only remaining question is what.

I think this is part of it. It stood out like a sore thumb when Climategate happened. Emphasis mine.

As Steve McIntyre tirelessly labored to demonstrate (and, he is the person that deserves a Nobel Prize!), Mann's (and Keith Briffa's) data showed temperatures declining in the 20th Century.

Of course, we had thermometers in the 20th Century and it wouldn't do for the bristlecone data's (BD) credibility to show falling temperatures during the period when global warming activists wanted to show a rapid rise. So, Mann used a "trick" where he decided to "hide the [bristlecone data] decline." He did so by splicing the contemporary thermometer data onto the bristlecone data and deleting the BD after the vertex.

http://www.mikesmithenterprisesblog.com/2019/08/the-iconic-image-of-global-warming.html

@Crid: I think we should take off and nuke the storm from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

In the meantime: KA-BLOOEY!!!

Huge explosion DESTROYS office building in Maryland shopping center - just minutes after emergency services had evacuated the area

Welcome to Baltimore, hon! We have bedbugs out the ass!

Johnson and Johnson is is being held responsible for the fueling Oklahoma's opioid problem, to the tune of $572 million - this despite complying with state and federal laws in the manufacture and distribution of opioids.

The Surprising Link Between Birth Control and Skin Cancer

ICYMI:

NFL SJW's boot fellow SJW for unpardonable sin of supporting Trump

Jobs

https://www.cnet.com/news/steve-jobs-look-alike-photo-boots-up-new-apple-conspiracy-theories/

> Players used to be part
> of the cities in which
> they played and spent their
> off-seasons with jobs,
> investments, or charity
> activities in
> those cities.

Admired Peyton Manning for his continuing involvement with Indianapolis charities despite a Superbowl-winning move to Denver, a much more attractive city.

Tony LaRussa did the same thing when he left the Oakland A's and moved on to mange the St. Louis Cardinals; he stayed involved with his ARF charity in the Bay Area.

Feel-good story of the evening:

‘Running Through Ulcerative Colitis Literally Saved My Life’

@Conan

I rescued my heeler mix from ARF when I lived in the Bay Area. She was a great dog. His two daughters are pretty solid ladies too.

Don't be the guy at the party who starts his sentences with "Actually," -Crid

But . . so many people are WRONG

Johnson and Johnson is is being held responsible for the fueling Oklahoma's opioid problem, to the tune of $572 million - this despite complying with state and federal laws in the manufacture and distribution of opioids. - Conan the Grammarian

When ever I see these stories I feel constrained to point out that the effect of sugar overdosing kills six times and many Americans each year as opioids