It snowed last night...!

8:00 am - I made a snowman.
8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 - Same feminist returned and complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.
8:22 - The transgender man..women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts. 8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 - I was called a racist because the snow couple is white. 8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .
8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended. 8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45 - TV news crew showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.
9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.
9:29 - Far left protesters, offended by everything, marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.

By noon I decided to just turn it into a drunk!

Moral: There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of a few snowflakes.

You won't believe this, but I just found out the COVID-19 vaccine caused a woman to develop TWELVE breasts!

Sounds bizarre, dozen tit?

(I'll see myself out now.)

Are Ben and BenDavid different people? I ask because Ben mentioned being Episcopalian and all along I thought he was Jewish and Israeli... have I confused two different people?

NicoleK -- I believe they are.

Everybody Else -- The line to slap Patrick forms on the left. Please be patient.

> Sounds bizarre, dozen tit?

Too late for the Twelve Tits of Christmas, true love or not...

♫ Fiiiive GOLD-DAN nipple rings! ♬

Nope, what ORD said. (If you're keeping track, long-lapsed Methodist here.)

ahw was saying something about this yesterday.

The line to slap Patrick forms on the left. Please be patient. ~ Old RPM Daddy (OldRPMDaddy at GMail dot com) at December 29, 2020 4:51 AM

No cuts.

Thanks, ORD, now I have the slapping scene from Airplane! playing in my head.

Are Ben and BenDavid different people? ~ NicoleK at December 29, 2020 3:12 AM

I believe they are. BenDavid is Jewish. Ben is something Christian (you mentioned Episcopalian) and lives in Houston. I'm not sure where BenDavid lives, but Israel seems to fit.

Long-lapsed Catholic myself.

To Crid and everyone else:

The "five gold rings" are actually...gold-ringed pheasants!

It makes sense. After all, that would be consistent, since it would make the first seven presents all birds!

ahw was saying something about this yesterday. ~ Crid at December 29, 2020 5:50 AM

Northerners thinking about moving to Texas look at Austin as "Texas-Lite." They think, if they move to Austin and not Dallas or Houston, they won't be surrounded by Bubbas and Bobby Lees.

Then, when they get there, they're surprised to find that Austin, governed like a Northern city, has all the problems they're trying to escape in their Northern city.

They just can't wrap their minds around the fact that Dallas and Houston (and Atlanta and Nashville and Charlotte) are cosmopolitan cities and not Hooterville or Bull Connor's Birmingham. Even Birmingham is not Bull Connor's Birmingham any more.

A coworker in San Francisco was told his job was moving to Dallas, Texas and opted to take a severance package in a tough economy rather than move to Dallas - because "Oh, hell no, Austin maybe." Being gay, I gathered that he thought he'd be unwelcome or worse in Dallas. In reality, Dallas has one of the largest gay populations in America and is gay-friendly - as are most large Southern cities today.

The New York Times is especially bad about this, reporting the South as if Jim Crow and slavery were still in effect. When I told my California employer I was moving to Charlotte, he reacted as if I was moving to a Third World country, warning me, a native Southerner, about what it would be like "down there."

It makes sense. After all, that would be consistent, since it would make the first seven presents all birds! ~ Lenona at December 29, 2020 6:18 AM

Who the hell wants 28 birds laying, calling and swimming all over the house? Then you add in all the maids and the cows they're milking, along with all those leaping lords, piping pipers, and drumming drummers, and you've just got a hell of a mess.

Consistent or not, no thank you.

By the way, Leona, that's 364 gifts, consisting of 224 birds, 40 cows, and 140 people dancing, swimming, calling, leaping, piping, and drumming inside your house by New Years Day.

1 x 12 = 12 patridges
2 x 11 = 22 turtle doves
3 x 10 = 30 french hens
4 x 9 = 36 calling birds
5 x 8 = 40 gold ringed pheasants
6 x 7 = 42 geese-a-laying
7 x 6 = 42 swans-a-swimming
8 x 5 = 40 maids-a-milking (and their cows)
9 x 4 = 36 ladies dancing
10x 3 = 30 lords-a-leaping
11 x 2 = 22 pipers piping
12 x 1 = 12 drummers drumming

Ever heard a bagpipe? It sounds like someone torturing a cat. Now, you'll have 22 of them skirling at all hours of the night.

...inside your house by New Years Day.

Sorry, that's "by Epiphany" or "by Twelfth Night."

Yes NicoleK, we are different people. Conan already covered most of the publicly available details. I don't know too much about Ben David other than he is very pro-Israel.

Oddly enough like most American Christians I am also very pro-Israel. So that may have confused you.

European Christians tend to be somewhat anti-Semitic. The root of that difference seems to be one of governance. In the US the church was always just the church. (Separation of church and state and wotnot.) In Europe the church was usually part of the government, including taxes, courts, rules, regulations, and enforcement. Jews were a problem for the bureaucracy. Essentially permanent non-resident aliens. It says something about human nature that the standard solution to such a bureaucratic problem was to kill all the Jews.

“ Who the hell wants 28 birds laying, calling and swimming all over the house?”

It’S probably for a recipe, like 4 and 20 blackbirds baked in a pie. 28 birds to feed 50 people, debatable if the maid are eating or just supplying beverages.

About 20 years ago the people I encountered in LA weren't interested in work in Texas because they didn't know how to ride a horse so they couldn't get to work. Many were also concerned about indians. As I said a few years ago a very provincial people.

Too late for the Twelve Tits of Christmas, true love or not... ~ Crid at December 29, 2020 5:11 AM

Actually not. The Twelve Days of Christmas begin on Christmas Day and run until the Feast of the Epiphany which celebrates the Magi visiting Jesus with gifts. The modern Feast of the Epiphany is celebrated on January 6th, which is actually 13 days from December 25, if you count December 25. If you don't, it's 12 days.

The traditional song first appeared in 1780 in a children's book of verse. It may be French in origin. It was used as a free-form party game, a memory and forfeit game. That is, if you made a mistake, you had to forfeit a token gift or a kiss.

Early versions of the traditional version mention four “colly” birds, not the calling birds of modern version. Colly is an archaic term meaning black as coal; so, blackbirds - hence the term, "collier" to refer to coal miners and ships. The song's modern version was set to music and the lyrics standardized in 1909 with "calling" birds and a drawn out cadence on five gold rings.

As Leona pointed out, there is a theory that those five gold rings originally referred to the markings of a ring-necked pheasant, which would keep a bird motif in the first seven verses.

Early versions were sometimes tailored for the participants, often mentioning names instead of the generic "my true love." In addition, some early versions mention bears-a-baiting and ships-a-sailing.

Some traditions hold that it's bad luck to take down your Christmas decorations before the Epiphany. We usually take ours down on or after New Years Day.

Forgive me if I got a little bit pedantic there.

Many were also concerned about indians. ~ Ben at December 29, 2020 7:18 AM

Many today are still concerned about Indians, those taking tech jobs with H-1 visas.

Conan, I've heard that before, but I doubt that was really the way the song was supposed to be interpreted - originally.

Anyway, here's probably the most famous example of the math, from 1961 (note that some details are different):

https://www.gocomics.com/peanuts/1961/01/30

I also remember a humorous book version from 1973, illustrated by Jack Kent:

"A young girl's joy turns to dismay as larger and larger gifts arrive from her true love each day of the Christmas season."

You can see the cover online - and all the pages on YouTube. (Of course, you have to include Kent's name.)

I was referring to the 6:37 post.

Also, thanks for all the details at 8:14.

Also, thanks for all the details at 8:14. ~ Lenona at December 29, 2020 8:30 AM

Thanks for the Peanuts link.

Nope, what ORD said. (If you're keeping track, long-lapsed Methodist here.)

Crid at December 29, 2020 5:11 AM

Yep. Like Ben, raised Episcopalian but frequently dragged to my aunt’ s Baptist church for Sunday school. I am now a benevolent skeptic. I understand the very important role religion plays in culture and values, even when I don’t share specific beliefs.
The Gaia worshipers find me just as irritating as the Christian fundamentalists do.

Can sumbuddy 'splain?

Can sumbuddy 'splain? ~ Crid at December 29, 2020 9:01 AM

It's a Mark Hamill tweet about an obscure Star Wars reference.

> I understand the very important
> role religion plays in culture
> and values, even when I don’t
> share specific beliefs.

✓

There's a naked sadism in the resentment many atheists cast towards believers. It comes back at them in a similar proportion, and a truism applies to each: Those who say 'you've got to be cruel to be kind' are only eager about the cruel part.

Also, the ahw comment was here.

Backhanded blessing: As one who despises 'Christmas music,' 2020's patterns of isolation and diminished in-person shopping have been a wonderful gift.

Also, gift-giving has gotten way out of control.

• Too much Star Wars.

• Valdery on the young woman recently tormented by the NYT and others for years-old video.

• You really should listen to this twice within a single hour.

• It might remind you of this, which isn't as good,but you'll note the similarity.

@crid, re. Austin: Right now, the full gate to my office parking garage comes up and down for every car. Normally, during business hours, there would just be a bar that came down. You can’t access the building at all without a keycard. Not even the lobby.
I recall a couple years ago, someone from one of the company’s northern offices came to town for a meeting, and commented on the increased number of panhandlers downtown. I had not really noticed it was happening, but I guess that’s because it was gradual. Now, you really notice, because there are hardly any normal people out and about.
Since it’s roughly equal distance to either Austin or San Antonio from my house, I usually run errands and shop in SA. Obviously I hide valuables and lock the doors, but I’ve never been accosted by a homeless person there, which happens on nearly every block when I’m near the Capitol building.

Crid and Conan,

It’s just a bit more than that...Hamill, aka Luke, finally gets the power inverter, but he’s doing it dressed as a combination of the 4th Doctor, Tom Baker and the 5th Doctor, Peter Davidson. So he’s blending two science fiction cult classics into one tweet. I’m not sure it’s as funny as he thinks it is, or, I could just be too old for this stuff now. 🤨🤔

Towards those eager to ban books, Kay swings a handsome hammer.

Tragic trends posted here mainly for the amazement at loading a spreadsheet on the fly to sort and manipulate the data for one's own amusement in the comfy convenience of a web browser.

If in 1985 you'd said we'd be doing this in my lifetime, I'd have burned you for witchcraft.

Quick/good piece on pseudonymous inter-nettery.

> actually...gold-ringed pheasants!

Guys, I had no idea about this.

Australian expeditioner evacuated from Antarctica in five-day mission

Published 4 days ago

An Australian expeditioner has been medically evacuated from Antarctica following a five-day mission involving ships, helicopters and planes.

Australia, China and the US collaborated in efforts to bring the patient back home.

The Australian Antarctic Division (AAD) hailed the "outstanding success" of an operation it described as "complex and challenging".

Details of the patient's condition were not made public.

Officials said it was not related to coronavirus.

The expeditioner was at Australia's Davis research station in east Antarctica when the mission began.

The AAD said that "fortunately for the operation" a Chinese icebreaker happened to pass by. It dispatched its helicopters to transfer a team of Australians to a site some 40km (25 miles) inland, so that they could build a ski-way for a US aircraft to land on and pick up the patient.

People hate twitter and that makes sense, but several times a week someone says something incredibly illuminating.

"Backhanded blessing: As one who despises 'Christmas music,' 2020's patterns of isolation and diminished in-person shopping have been a wonderful gift."

Who really DOES like the 20th-century Xmas songs, besides maybe children?

Then again, maybe the main reason I don't enjoy them is because we're all forced to hear them over and over, in stores, on TV, etc. (Likely, the main reason the old carols aren't forced on us so much is that those tend to be more religious, hint hint.)

My late mother was raised in a classical-music agnostic family, and she was pretty much the atheist as an adult (not that she really talked about it). Even so, she would have been APPALLED had anyone asked her to play "Rudolph" on the piano at Christmas - and she loved at least some old carols.

I love Christmas music but I'm with Lenora, pre-20th century. With the exception of Rudolph. Sorry, Lenora.

The religiousness is what GIVES them their oomph.

On this day Earth Shall Ring, The Boar's Head, the Holy and the Ivy, Deck the Halls... all the Wassail songs... O Holy Night, Oh Christmas Tree, Greensleeves, O Du Frolich, Il est né le Divin Enfant, the Messiah, the Weinnacht Oratorium...

Love 'em!

They go well with candles on the trees and fire in the fire place. Intense classical music and fire and cookies. That's Christmas.