My name contained my mom's last name as a middle name, and my dad's as a last name.

My mom's Swiss name was IMPOSSIBLE for Americans to pronounce or spell. Even though it's super common and generic in Western Switzerland.

My dad's American name, my maiden name, is impossible for Swiss people. Even though it's super common and generic in the US. People try and spell it phonetically like it was German, even in the French part...it's pretty funny.

This is not because Americans hate the Swiss or the Swiss hate the Americans. This is not because they want to belittle me. This is because they are used to reading and spelling in their own native languages.

It is too difficult to recognize that proper names have no pronunciation rules, and seeking offense is more rewarding.

For what it's worth:

When strangers - such as clerks or bank tellers - need to use my first name (not my moniker, I mean), I've noticed that foreigners, from ANY country, tend to pronounce it correctly without help, presumably because they're more worldly than average Americans. At least, when it comes to languages.

I've also noticed, over the years, that those Americans who can't imagine more than one sound for a particular vowel, in a given name, tend not to read books. (But given how illogical English is anyway, you'd think adults would still think twice before using the less attractive sound.)

At any rate, one usually can't go wrong by asking open-ended questions such as "how should I say it?" Or, if we're talking about a title, "what should I call you?"

What's practically ALWAYS irritating is when one makes a uncalled-for, personal remark that seems to make fun of a person's name, as if the speaker were referring to the name of an object and not a person. (Also, as MM once pointed out, chances are the listener has heard such jokes many times already, so it's no fun.)

Just because most Americans are not used to formalities or graces in general is no reason not to learn them. "Americans are loud and lacking in grace" is one of those stereotypes that is well over 5% true. Many would say at least 80%.

Lenona: "At any rate, one usually can't go wrong by asking open-ended questions such as "how should I say it?"

Ha! If only that were true. I have many times asked someone with a name that I am not familiar with on how to pronounce their name and the attitude can be summed up "Well, how do YOU think it should be pronounced?" as if to say you are stupid for not knowing and even stupider for asking.

So, I don't ask any more. Too many folks are looking for something to be offended about.

Oh, and for it is worth - my name is charles - rarely have I gone by charlie or chuck. However, I have several friends from East Asia that have trouble with the R and L sounds together. So, for them my name is "cha lee" and I don't mind one bit.

Like I care how these people pronounce my name, or the name of any one else they don't know or haven't met? I don't care about any of these people. And if they are going to get all butt hurt about how a stranger pronounces their name, I care even less about them and their feelings. They could all stop breathing and drop over dead tomorrow, and it wouldn't bother me one whit. In fact, it might brighten my day considerably.

Weaponized? Ashley, you don't know what the word means.

Mom, not born to the name, taught how to pronounce ours contiguously, in a single breath with its spelling, for the ninny holding the clipboard— "It's Mxyzptlk— Emm Ecks Why Zee Pee...."

Props to RC, who glints at the heart of the matter, identifying the *precise* offense which people seem to CHOOSE to offer, or seem to CHOOSE to accept into their hearts, each at their own option!

Specifically: Is butthurt one word or two?

Obviously, my tribe is one-ers. That's how I came up… Like my Daddy, and Granddaddy before him… That's a generation which survived the Depression, and leaned to never waste anything, not even space in a blog comment. They didn't count on Hillary and Joey to make all the pain go away... They were tough, and they took care of their own.

RC has chosen another path: We wish him the best.

“...emblematic of the casual racism...”

Whenever I’m feeling racist, I always dispense with the suit and tie and throw on shorts and a t-shirt. I’ve never been a fan of that button-down professional racism. Just too stuffy for me.

Charles, I'm sorry you've met so many rude people, even if the rudeness is expressed mostly non-verbally.

All I know is, that type of snobbery doesn't happen to me. But then, I don't have to learn new names very often.

Since it isn't always possible to avoid working closely with snobs, one could try saying "please forgive my ignorance, but..."

I WILL say that there's an online cooking forum that is supposedly for laypeople, but a lot of members there get unbelievably angry and rude when one asks so-called elementary questions on cooking - as if the forum were strictly for professionals only. (The main purpose for its existence seems to be for the members to brag in detail about what they've cooked, day after day. I don't find that helpful at all - and I've provided plenty of tips that anyone can use, especially financial ones.)

Thankfully, people aren't that unkind or useless in real life.

However, I have several friends from East Asia that have trouble with the R and L sounds together.

I used to work with a guy named Blake Miller. Very funny guy, one of the best co-workers I've ever had. He told me that the high school he went to had a lot of Koreans and that they -- some of them anyway -- would pronounce the "l"s in his name with a "r" sound so it would become
Brake Mirrer (or, if you will, Break Mirror.)

I thought that was hilarious.

Also, whenever I remember his story about the mispronunciation of his name, I recall this great Key & Peele bit where his first name is featured.

"Whenever I’m feeling racist, I always dispense with the suit and tie "

Not me. It's tie and sweater vest and sportcoat with leather elbow patches, slacks and shined Oxfords. Then I sit, carefully light my pipe, and lecture the first grade kids on the dangers of race mixing.

My name is a little unusual. About half the time people get it wrong. Many people ask me about it. Do I get offended? hahahah no. it leads to many interesting conversations. And of course I am both white and not woke so I don't take offense.

I also have news for the woke: even white people have enemies, are passed over for promotion, are cut in front of in lines, and get poor service sometimes. There are plenty of rude people out there to go around and it has nothing to do with race. Also, if you aren't a jerk you can have conversations with almost anyone when in line or sitting at the airport etc.

...even white people have enemies, are passed over for promotion, are cut in front of in lines, and get poor service sometimes. ~ cc at April 10, 2021 4:06 PM

That's the thing about systemic racism, cc. With it, you have someone to blame for your personal shortcomings, any bad luck you encounter, and any time something bad happens to you. You don't have to wonder "why me?" or take charge of your own life.

Everybody should have a white man. Even white men should have a white man. Because when you have a white man, nothing is ever your fault. You’re never required to account for your own failings or take the reins of your own destiny. The boss says, 'Why haven’t you finished those reports, Bob?' and you say, 'Because of the white man, sir.' ~ Leonard Pitts

There's a new documentary about the Grim Sleeper, a black serial killer and his 60-90 black victims.

The film's creator decided that white people are at fault for .... drum roll ... letting it happen.

My name is Ken. Many of my coworkers who immigrated from Asia and Africa cannot pronounce that correctly. It never occurred to me that they might be racists, or trying to weaponize my name to invalidate or other me. As long as I can tell when they're talking to me I don't even think about it. I'd rather focus on figuring out what the hell they're trying to say to me, because it might be something important. I guess part of my white male privilege is not losing prestige by not being victimized.

One time a Christian youth choir from South Korea performed at a church I went to in Central California. One of the pieces they performed was the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel's Messiah: HAAAA-ray-ROO-yuh! HAAAA-ray-ROO-yuh! No one thought it was cultural appropriation. The Christian audience loved it. Hearing the kids sing it with their Korean accent made us feel like we are everywhere.

I am a British citizen living in France. A few years back there was a massive scandal involving a politician, Francois Fillon, giving his British-born wife Penelope a job.

I don’t know if it’s used much in America but in the UK Penelope is a common enough name and is pronounced Penn-ehlopee. The terminal ‘e’ is pronounced as ‘ee’ in other words. However, every single discussion I heard of this scandal on the TV and radio called her ‘Penny-lope’ to rhyme with ‘mope’. It was called Penny-lope-gate and was a big deal - it gave Macron his big break, in effect.

Penelope Fillon is obviously a French citizen. Was this racist, was she offended? I certainly wasn’t offended. Unlike real words, names are just random collections of sounds and there are millions of the world-wide. Some are going to be mispronounced more than others and that’s OK.

Nikki Minaj should try pronouncing Worcestershire and Gloucestershire some time..,