That author is best know for a memoir bout being abused as a child. Maybe there’s some link? Hmmmm.

Let's rewrite for clarity:

"No longer on the alert for how to signal a restaurant's waitstaff that neither "he" nor "she" applied to me, I was surprised by how much my gender seemed to almost evaporate."

Much easier to read; Mx is condescending and delusional. It makes the whole thing seem like a charade.

The trans person I knew best had been horridly abused as a child.

> Not as what society tells
> us we must be

Gay straight trans whatever, your "identity" is not my problem, and I (probably) don't like you enough to make precious adjustments for your interior insufficiencies. Because you're dealing with an adult, you'll not be asked to make them on my account, either.

This has been going on for a few years now, and I really don't get it. Yeah, if everyone in Western Civ decided to make these enormous adjustments to our regard for a vanishingly small number of people who are truly afflicted with this (genuine) suffering, it would do them a lot of good.

But as long as we're looking for people to help, how about we start with children of alcoholics, whatever their age? If we could approach their needs and woundedness in a principled and constructive way, it would change the direction of our species in a few short years... Because there are hundreds of millions of them, and they're often as snotty and self-righteous as the transfolk. And they're often actually destructive, particularly in intimacy.

But kindness isn't the point, is it? By selecting trans people for officious kindness from the rest of us, Wokies can feign delicate, refined sensitivity to a small & distant set of souls... whom they have never met or given any *practical* concern. And the Wokies know how much of a PITA the children of alcoholics can be... Those bastards are everywhere. Ewwwwww....

I was not aware of kids of alcoholics being particularly insufferable?

Lot of dysfunctional families out there. Severe alcoholism is one of many similar issues.

Fine line between doing too much for your kids and throwing them to the wolves. It isn’t the worst thing to be raised by a slightly dysfunctional alcoholic who sends you to the store with a list rather than packing your off for a series of arranged play dates with Buffy and Megan.

Was fortunately with my two kids. Both responsible and kind adults but often wondered for the future of the family, if I should have had six. Educated them in public schools or at home, and bought them each a tennis racket and let them fight it out on the public courts.

Too much navel gazing going on among the American middle and upper classes. Life is far far too easy. The transgender craze is just a symptom.

> kids of alcoholics being
> particularly insufferable?

…As needful of our compassion as transfolk, and incalculably more numerous.

No?

"I think there are a number of conflicting desires and goals here."

Absolutely. I tried to follow the author's premises and conclusions, and to be open-minded while doing so. But all I can see is a jumble of feelings and facts, tossed into a bowl together to make a word salad.

If anything, their experiences during this time of social isolation, where they seemed to feel somewhat confused and unmoored, may indicate something about the true nature of their beliefs about their gender/s.

If they don't really "feel" their gender without having an audience to perform before every day and thereby receiving the validation of strangers---then what does this say about the concrete reality of their self-perceived gender?

"If they don't really "feel" their gender without having an audience to perform before every day and thereby receiving the validation of strangers---then what does this say about the concrete reality of their self-perceived gender? "

Well asked. The author believes every-ones' gender is socially created. But we exist in a weird time where 'society' has been on hold for many. For most, it doesn't matter if you are in a crowd or on a deserted island, if male/female you are still male/female, it's a non question. But for the author, it is a main question.

Nic, the point isn't that children of alcoholics are meeeeen, it's that they carry a lot of burdens, and there are a LOT of them. If you were looking for a population to whom you might offer compassion and for whom you might make allowances, children of alcoholics would be a sensational choice!

And IT WOULD BE A LOT OF WORK, because THERE ARE SO MANY OF THEM.

I think Wokies have selected trans people as the subjects for their silliness BECAUSE there are so few. A self-flattering Wokie can readily daydream about their own heroic defense of the precious trans spirit... Because they probably don't know any of them, and certainly don't know them well.

Whereas kids of alcoholics are all around us. And if Wokies tried to share their trite teenage psychobabble with someone whose childhood had been warped by alcohol, they'd be likely be told to get fucked, deservedly. Or at least to go sit at another table for lunch tomorrow.

My friends and I had long joked, "Gender is a social construct!" every time one of us needed shoring up after a messy encounter with the expectations of the gender-conforming heterosexual world. But without that world, we now added a rueful punchline: "Too bad there's no more 'social'!"

I would have imagined this new expansiveness would be freeing. Instead, it was at first disorienting. With the gender binary all but gone, what did it mean to be nonbinary?

Does being lost without an established social structure mean that the whole non-binary gender construct is little more than a juvenile rebellion against parents and society?

With the gender binary all but gone, what did it mean to be nonbinary?

If a pronoun falls in the forest ...

So how is one supposed to pronounce "Mx"?

Since "Ms" is pronounced "Miz" (and not Maz, Mez, Moz or Muz), is "Mx" pronounced "Mix"?

If the person was Latino, could you pronounce it "Mex"?
If the person was Jewish, could you say "Max"?

Wait, wut? Sounds like the "T/N-B" believes I owe it something. First, tell me what YOU owe ME, dear.

As for the reference to "it," this individual is not presenting to others as a person; instead, the presentation is as a CATEGORY, which properly is considered neuter, rather than masculine or feminine.

Also, can anyone explain how someone can be "non-binary" and "trans-sexual" at the same time? In order to "trans", one must start out as one sex, and then "switch" to the other. If someone is "non-binary", then they do not identify as either sex, and so can't switch from one to the other. Perhaps a "non-binary" person should be viewed as a FAILED trans-sexual?

It appears to me that a mental/psychological condition exists which involves a deep need to engage in what can be considered as "performance art" -- in which the rest of us are forced to participate. Narcissism in the extreme.

Finally, given the meaning of the word "gender" versus the term "biological sex," all of these folks should be called "transgender." Given the plastic attributes of "gender", transitioning is theoretically possible. Changing one's sex, however, is impossible, and thinking that it is possible is disordered thinking.

I read a lot of the NYT comments. Surprising that a lot of the commenters seem to have had enough of the grandstanding about gender as well.

It seems this person is constantly on alert for people getting their gender wrong--do they look androgynous? What the hell does "nonbinary" mean, anyway? They are taking testosterone but don't look masculine yet? But if taking testosterone, why do they still want to be nonbinary? It is a hell of a drug.
More seriously, I do not know anything about most of the people I interact with, not neighbors, not co-workers, not even some friends. I do not know how often they have sex or what their kinks are or anything unless they are good friends (and even then we don't talk sex) so how could I know the right pronouns for a stranger? They are demanding we know things about them that we do not know about anyone else. Like waiters. That is unfair to someone who just wants to bring your food and get a tip. These trans people are demanding that they be the center of the universe in a universe that does not care. Sorry for the bad news, toots.

FYI there's a pretty well established link between Trans and Cluster B personality disorders. I suspect that's where the hyper narcissism, self pity, and drive to manipulate other people comes from.

Also most people who refer to themselves as Trans nowadays are not Transgender in the way that people tend to assume - i.e. they differ from the earlier generations of 'transexuals'. If you see mention of 'non-binary' and 'gender identity', that's an indication.

Matilda said: FYI there's a pretty well established link between Trans and Cluster B personality disorders. I suspect that's where the hyper narcissism, self pity, and drive to manipulate other people comes from. }}}}

I'm currently listening to Joshua Slocum's podcase, "Disaffected," where he is discussing this exact connection.
If anyone is interested, this is a relatively new podcast where Joshua explores the connections he sees between Cluster B personality disorders (narcissistic, borderline, hysterical, antisocial) and the current extreme Left/SJW culture. Joshua is especially interested in the subject because he was raised and badly abused by a mother who is narcissistic and borderline.

That Matilda's a real kidder.