For my wedding, we had 10 people not show up and not call to tell us. Four of them were a vegan family that we had made special arrangements for. We had to call them for an explanation, and they just had something else come up that day. Just because you eat only vegetables doesn't mean you have to BE a vegetable.

Posted by: MonicaP at September 1, 2010 7:59 PM

Wow, that IS rude.

My pet peeve is when I people clearly state NO CHILDREN on an invitation, and parents assume this doesn't mean them. Um yeah, it DOES mean you. Unless you're paying for this shindig, you don't get to make the rules. If you can't be separated from your precious children for one evening, STAY HOME.

Posted by: Ann at September 1, 2010 9:51 PM

I have wonderful friends with three children who will always confirm whether their kids are invited, even when it says "and family" on the invitation. I love those people.

Posted by: MonicaP at September 2, 2010 3:05 PM

Worst wedding guest ever!

Last summer my friend's held their wedding on a large boat. The boat left dock half an hour late because the man who was supposed to give away the bride did not show up (or call). Right after the ceremony finished the guy showed up in a water taxi - drunk! The worst part (for me) is that later in the evening that fucker grabbed my ass!

Posted by: Ingrid at September 3, 2010 7:36 PM

When my (then) fiance and I were planning our wedding, his mom was an unexpected complication.

It has been quite a few years and now I can see the humor but at the time I was aggravated.

My (now) hubby and I are both very private people. We wanted a small wedding that included only immediate family. Then we were throw a big bash a few weeks later and open the doors to everyone.

His mum (she was invited) asked if she could bring a friend to the wedding. We had already given her the invite that said family only but she wouldn't accept that. We finally told her she could bring a friend.

In one of those give them and inch they'll take a mile she said she was bringing 10 friends from her senior activity center to the wedding. Which was more people than the rest of the family we had invited. Neither hubby or myself had ever met any of her friends. Ever.

His mum was adamant about inviting these people. I was just as firm on having the ceremony be small and private. Much debate followed. Loud debate. Finally, hubby and I decided we would not marry at all if it meant so much trauma and drama. That decision led to even LOUDER (if that was even possible) complaints.

Finally, we decided to change the wedding date. We moved it forward and did not tell mum the new plans. We called her the day before and invited her to a fancy brunch (at the Biltmore) and told her to dress up.

We took her to brunch and then went over and got ourselves married. With only family in attendance.

We did have a large reception a few weeks later on our original date and she brought a whole bus full of her friends.

Posted by: LauraGr at September 3, 2010 11:45 PM

About a year before my husband I knew we were moving to Maine, his childhood best friend, in Corpus Christi, Texas, asked him to be the best man in his wedding. My husband agreed, because at the time, we, too, were in Texas - although we were in north Texas, and it would have been a trek in any case.

They took one and a half years to plan their wedding. We moved to Maine one year into it, and before we could think about requesting to bow out, the groom called my husband to talk about how excited he was that my husband would still do it. There didn't really seem to be a polite way out, and anyway, this was my husband's best friend, so he planned to go. I tried to get out of it, to no avail - because, conveniently (insert sarcasm here) the groom and bride chose New Year's Eve for the date. Husband's mom was very excited about us spending that time of year in Texas.

The plane tickets alone cost us $1K, round trip (includes both of us). Then, the groom chose tuxes that cost $200 to rent. Additionally, husband was informed two days before the wedding by the bride's mom that as a groomsman he was expected to pay for the pre-arranged and pre-planned bachelor's party. That cost another $200. In addition, the bride's mother demanded that he organize the other groomsmen and decorate the limo in a particular fashion. She had a list of decorations she wanted.

Even with all of this cost, we did send them a wedding gift, beforehand, when we initially got the invitation. They never sent us a thank-you card. No thank you for traveling well over 2K miles, no thank you for the $100 we spent on the wedding gift, no thank you for anything.

The wedding itself was a long (but beautiful, in its own way) Catholic ceremony. However, the chapel was apparently only available at 2pm, and the bride and groom absolutely had to have a "New Year's Eve" reception. My husband and the rest of the bridal party had to sit through four hours - literally! - of formal picture taking before the rest of us arrived at the reception, which started at 6pm and lasted until 1am. Seven hours of a reception...and then tack on the extra four my husband had to sit through. 11 hours of being in a hot tuxedo in Texas. Counting the church service, I "only" had to wear heels for eight hours.

We learned a lot from this experience and were really happy with our own intimate and inexpensive ceremony six months later. I sent thank you notes to every single one of the guests for attending.

Posted by: Jessica F. at September 5, 2010 11:46 PM

I actually have a story for a friend's family wedding that I was a part of. I've known two brothers since the first grade, so I knew their family for about 15 years when this happened.

Their sister was getting married and I (and another friend of the brothers) was invited. It took place just over the border in TJ as the family was from TJ and moved to San Diego when the brothers were 4 and 5, and they still had many relatives in Mexico. They had gotten something like 200 total RSVPs. About that many showed up to the ceremony.

The reception was across town in a nice hotel. It started to become clear rather early into the evening that quite a lot of people who hadn't RSVP'd and worse, hadn't even bothered to attend the ceremony, were showing up to the reception. From what I'd heard, they finally cut off the kitchen at around 300 dinners served. I know they lost a ton of money, far more then they had planned, due to so many people showing up like that. I'm told that on top of the open bar, the hotel charged a higher fee per dinner served that was over the initial 200 estimate given. They're a fairly average income level family too, so this wasn't a small inconvenience to them.

Posted by: Miguelito at September 10, 2010 1:39 AM

I just got married 2 weeks ago, and the people who ran the wedding venue were shockingly rude.

They threw a fit about letting my grandparents have close parking, though their car clearly has a handicapped tag.

They had so many ridiculous rules, and spent the entire evening enforcing them - such as a tiny little designated smoking area, for an outdoor venue, when about 65% of the guests smoke.

They would only allow the "bridal party" into the building, all other guests had to use the port-a-potties around the back of the house. That included, my mother, you know, the mother of the bride. That woman would not allow her in the building to get ready after setting up decorations.

When my family and friends got there to decorate, they hadn't set up anything yet! The bridesmaids were setting up the dance floor, when they should have been doing their hair, and the groomsmen were setting up tables and chairs.

When the girls finally did get a chance to get ready, the owner yelled at one of my bridesmaids right in front of me any and threatened to kick her off the property for a "bad attitude." But, from what I witnessed, it was a one sided cat-fight. My bridesmaid apologizing, and that woman screaming at her - about 30 minutes before the ceremony was to start.

But what really takes the cake, is when after the ceremony was over, a guest asked me if there was anything non-alcoholic for the kids to drink. While that crazy woman was running around, making my mom get ready in an outhouse and screaming at my bridesmaids - she entirely forgot to have someone make the lemonade and iced tea! Then, the employees were so inept, that my mother-in-law and some of my friends ended up making the drinks and bringing them out to the buffet. Carrying 3 gallon containers in dresses and heels.

Oh, and I forgot, when my groomsmen set out the food on the buffet (which we paid them to do), all of the employees lined up and filled their plates before any of the guests!

If anyone is getting married near Farmington, New Mexico - DON'T even THINK about contacting River Garden Events.

Posted by: Birdie at September 29, 2010 7:20 PM

what to do when you receive an invitation to a wedding or a baby shower from people you don't know?

No, not a random error....my husband's stepmom has like 8 adult children....I've met a couple of them but don't maintain any sort of significant relationship. I understand that our address was given out, not to be greedy, but to make sure all family members where included, but I'm not comfortable with attending or sending a gift to someone I have no relationship with whatsoever! Is that reasonable?

Posted by: Suzanne at July 26, 2011 2:22 AM

I think that sometimes people don't want to leave you out since you're a relative, but the acknowledgment could be a card alone.

If there's a concrete invitation, best to just respond that you wish you could be there, but you have a scheduling conflict. (Don't mention that you'll be out with people you do know and do care about.)

Posted by: Amy Alkon at July 26, 2011 3:20 AM

I don't know about you, but I think it's rude when people get married on a carabean Island or other exotic place and expect their family and friends to travel with them at considerable expense. Several years ago, a friend did this and expected me to pay to fly to some island at my expense to see him get married. He, and others who do this, throw in the enticing "you can use this as your vacation!!!" Maybe I wanted to do something else for my vacation, you think of that? Anyway, I didn't go. I sent them a gift. If I ever go to a wedding like that I consider my presence there gift enough.

Posted by: Steve Hoesly at March 18, 2012 6:35 AM

I have a friend who is getting married in less than a month (finally!). Once a month this entire summer, we have all had to gather in different towns for various wedding-related events.
I understand having a bachelorette party. Does it have to be a three day affair (I got bitched at for missing the Friday portion...cuz I have a job) in a town 3 hours away?
The bridal shower was a normal time and day, but then there was the "after shower". I again heard crap because I finally called it a night at 1 am. I told them that my 18 mo. old daughter was going to wake me at 7-8 no matter what time I went to bed, but they thought I was being a bore.
I missed the dress-picking-out weekend too, because it was 6 hours away and again on a Friday. Apparently, I should have made an appearance, as she picked out ridiculously expensive bridesmaids dresses for us.
Finally, the wedding is two hours away, so I will be paying for a hotel once again for the wedding.

It's like she completely lost her mind and forgot that while its her big day (or apparently the whole summer), its not necessarily that big of a day for us. I think I'll be in at just under $1000 by the time she says I Do. Enough!

Posted by: Renee at August 13, 2012 2:36 PM

My husband's cousin is getting married this summer. This has brought to light two tales of wedding rudeness, although the first may be just an urban legend.

Apparently, some family member once invited someone with the traditional 'and family,' meaning that they could bring their kids. This ridiculous family member thought that gave them license to invite every family member of theirs. So, the story goes, they sent the RSVP back saying 30 people would be coming, rather than the expected 5.

Which leads to the cousin's invitations, and RSVPs. The wanted to prevent anyone else from deciding to come up with their own invitation list. Rather than simply list out everyone's names, or changing the wording to 'and children' on the invitations, they filled out the RSVPs for us. Add to that, they were apparently so concerned about how many people were coming, they forgot to think about who was coming, and left no space on the RSVP for names, and then complained that several people just sent in the RSVP without making sure to write their own names on it somewhere.

Posted by: Jazzhands at June 10, 2013 7:13 PM

I have advice for a wedding reception: Restrict alcohol consumption to one glass and have bartenders turn away people who either have had one drink or those who appear to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol. My bf went to a wedding reception which quickly grew out of control due to poor judgment of several drunken guests and an ignorant bartender who should have refused the guests to prevent an all-out war between the drunk guests.

Posted by: Outraged GF at May 4, 2014 7:18 PM

Outraged GF,

This should apply to the host family who might be doing the serving. And a note to whomever is serving whether it's a bartender, relative, etc.: please encourage responsible behavior for everyone.

Posted by: Kid at May 6, 2014 12:14 AM

I was at a wedding recently and my biggest complaint of the evening was the rude and arrogant attitude of the wedding photographer. He was making snide comments to force the guests to pose for the photo. The problem was that there was not enough room for all of the guests to pose and not everyone (including myself) is comfortable squeezing into a large group without accidentally bumping and or touching someone.
I can understand that taking a group shot with the bride and groom and other guests is a gesture of respect; however, the photographer needs to tone down his demeanor or nobody will want to do business with him.

Posted by: Photo Shy at June 4, 2018 2:48 AM