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Geezer Burns I've been dating an amazing man for a year. He's considerate, funny, sexy, affectionate, intelligent, and successful. He makes me feel like the most important thing in the world, we laugh and talk for hours, and I never thought sex could be so amazing. The problem? He's 53 and I'm 27. And no, I'm not looking for a father figure. He looks 40 and is in better shape than most 30-year-olds. He has the most wonderful family, but two of his four kids are about my age, which makes me uncomfortable. I wonder what it’ll be like if we have kids, worry that I’ll end up alone, and dread the constant comments over the years, “Oh, is that your father?” and “I guess you found your sugar daddy.”

--Age Fright

Okay, it is kind of a drag to have both a baby and a husband in diapers. This could happen to you -- but only if you toss your eggs and his sperm into Ziploc baggies in some fertility doctor’s freezer, and grow a fetus in a Mason jar when you’re 60 and he’s 86. On the plus side, think of all the great stories the old man could tell the kid about his own childhood -- back when people were discovering fire and inventing the wheel.

Aging isn’t what it used to be, and not just because plastic surgeons are crossing people’s jowls over their backs and tacking them to their shoulder blades. So, numerically, your boyfriend’s got 26 years on you. These days, there are 65-year-old punks on skateboards -- although there’s occasionally some confusion as to whether wanting a joint means being in the mood for pot or in need of a new knee.

Sure, the day may come when “Papa’s Got A Brand New Bag” because he’s had a colostomy, when “Abs of Steel” become abs of a Shar-Pei, or when you no longer put on fishnet thigh-highs to play nursie, because he generally isn’t awake while you’re emptying his bedpan. Then again, there are obese, chain-smoking, “age-appropriate” men whose hearts give out at 40 from rigorous sex -- not having it, just thinking about it.

Maybe youth really is wasted on the young, since it takes a much older man to truly appreciate a hot young girlfriend: “Yeah, baby…who’s yer Granddaddy?!” What does a 27-year-old guy have that your boyfriend doesn’t? Probably a lot of confusion about who he is and what he wants, and a driving ambition to sort it out -- even if it means staying up all night doing Jell-O shots and having sex with your best friend.

If you've found a love like this you're in the minority -- or a fictional character in a Nora Ephron movie (check under your bed for Rob Reiner if you’re unsure). There are those who will snidely refer to your relationship as “Antiques Roadshow”; especially women your boyfriend’s age who wish they could have a sugar daddy, and men your boyfriend’s age who wish they could be one. If you’re going to let others dictate how you live, why not make it official? Go up to strangers on the street and say, “Got any problems with me dating the old dude? Because if you do, I’ll just stay home and watch CSI.” What will make your relationship less of a news item is how you react. Do you cower while people conduct whispering campaigns speculating on your ulterior motives? Or, do you cut them off mid-whisper and state your ulterior motives loud and clear: “Who cares about his money? I’m just using him for sex.”

Posted by aalkon at December 16, 2005 7:26 AM

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I'd like to say that young men still have their appeal...

Posted by: Taylor at January 3, 2006 11:23 PM

I love my older boyfiend. He is 12 years my senior and almost on my maturity level. Although I would like to say he has his commitment issues worked out, that would be a lie. Oh well, he is a male so I suppose he needs a little slack.

Posted by: callie at January 30, 2006 12:14 PM

My boyfriend of seven months is 17 years my senior (he's 45 and I'm 28) and he is AMAZING in every way, shape and form. He looks about 10 years younger than he is because he takes good care of himself, and emotionally he is the most available, expressive, and caring person I've ever met. The sex is out of this world!!! I'm with Amy--who cares what other people say? As long as you are truly happy together, that's what matters....Age is a record of how long you've been on the earth, not a predictor of how much time you've got left...Enjoy each other for however much time you've got and screw what anybody else says--some people never find that kind of love and are going to be disparaging no matter what. Good luck!

Posted by: Beth at March 22, 2006 9:07 PM

I'm with you, Beth. And PS My boyfriend is...hmmm...13 years older than I am, and makes me riotously happy.

I've never worried about what other people think -- except if they think the hem of my skirt is stuck up the back of my tights, and even then...only if they're right.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at March 22, 2006 10:15 PM

Hi Age Fright (and others)
Like you, i have been dating this guy for about 3 months now and it's all good except (and i use this word "except" lightly) that he is 24 years old than me. I hope we're not dating the same guy cause He's considerate, funny, sexy, affectionate, intelligent, and successful. He makes me feel like the most important thing in the world, we laugh and talk for hours, and I never thought sex could be so amazing. But I also have hesitations about the age difference. Even though I decided on enjoying this relationship for what it is with no expectations I keep thinking to myself: "am I insane?" "is there something wrong with me?". I wonder if those feelings will ever go away. In the meantime i'm gonna keep enjoying his company and see what happens.

Posted by: charlie at April 5, 2006 6:48 AM

I'm a 53 and the wife is 31. We met 8 years ago, married a year later. She's happy, I'm happy and our two kids (aged 2 1/2 and 1) are happy. So who cares what anyone else thinks? One knucklehead once asked me what a younger woman could possible see in an older man unless she was so fat she couldn't get anyone else. I replied she wasn't sexually satisfied by guys her age. Which is what he was. Don't know why he never brought the subjet up again.

For what it's worth, my wife is definetly not fat.

Posted by: Peter Ahern at April 20, 2006 1:51 PM

Heh heh...I love the response, too, to the knucklehead.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at April 20, 2006 3:58 PM

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