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Overly Easy Rider

My 43-year-old boyfriend is sweet, caring, and somebody I believe I can trust. During our year together, he's mentioned his boss' 22-year-old daughter from time to time. Granted, he’s a "talker," sometimes telling me more than I want to know, but he remarked on shoes she wore one day, and acknowledged he knows her birthday. Now she's asked him to take her for a ride on his motorcycle sometime. He told her he would, and I'm a little leery about this, and let him know. Do you think I'm being overly possessive and jealous?

--Backseat Driver

Jealousy is nature's car alarm. Sometimes car alarms go off for a good reason; sometimes it's just a really big crow pooping on your hood.

Whether this girl is only teasing or trying to jack your man, it's okay to be uncomfortable with a 22-year-old with cute shoes clinging for dear life to your boyfriend and squealing girlishly as they take the curves. While your boyfriend may have the best of intentions (plus, maybe, an impaired ability to say no), surely he'd have an easier time winding his way there if the rideshare request came from Sloppy Bob from shipping. There's nothing the average straight guy lives for like the opportunity to say, "Yo, Bob, just grab me around the waist, press that paunch of yours into the small of my back, and we're off!"

It is possible a motorcyle ride could lead to something -- decapitation, for example. How you deal with the motorcycle ride could also lead to something. There are two kinds of women in the relationship world: "The Girlfriend" and "The Enemy." The quickest way to go from G to E is to cajole the truth out of a guy, then grab it in your hands like a club and beat him senseless. In other words, it’s a bad idea to punish your boyfriend just because some girl asked for a ride, he said yes, and was honest about it -- "honest" perhaps being a euphemism for "less in need of truth serum than shut-up serum."

Yes doesn't always mean yes, but along with "Sure thing!" "Certainly!" and "Bend over how far?" it's an answer commonly given when the boss' daughter asks for a favor. Your boyfriend may have no intention of following through -- if he's even given it a second thought. So, why risk giving you the impression he's being chased by a 22-year-old with remarkable shoes? Maybe he's clueless as to how to handle this, and is asking for input the manly-man way -- or maybe he's just bragging.

People say you can't change men. They're wrong. The minute you realize you're dating a dud, you can change men immediately. But, once you hit the one-year mark, you've got what you've got. Either your boyfriend's trustworthy or he isn't. Avoid any temptation to tell him he'd better not have any freshly-minted breasts pressed up against the back of his motorcycle jacket. The worst way to get anything from a man is to demand it. Assuming he's a good guy, just let him know he makes you happy -- in general, and whenever he does something right. Then, on the rare occasion he makes you not-so-happy, you can probably just hint, say, that the lunchtime Lolita rides aren't the highlight of your bliss, and trust him to do the right thing. You still might spot him taking her for a spin around the block on the old Harley. You're just unlikely to see it parked afterward at a pay-by-the-hour motel.

Posted by aalkon at June 21, 2006 6:53 PM

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Comments

Ding ding ding! We have a winner! Your advice not to use the truth as a club is spot-on. Unfortunately I've been on the receiving end of that, too. Trust me, the quickest way to ensure that your SO stops talking to you is to interrogate them about every comment. When your girlfriend or boyfriend says they're going out with friends, don't immediately start demanding where they're going, what they're wearing, who made plans with whom, when the plans were made, etc., or the only thing you'll be hearing is "Bye!," possibly permanently. I used to get irritated at hearing my guy tell me about the cute new girl they hired, who hit on him during the course of the day, yadda yadda yadda. I assumed he was deliberately trying to make me jealous. Finally I realized he just likes to share, in detail, every thing that happens to me. Saying "um hum, honey, that's nice" while doing whatever I was doing solved the problem- he got to talk, I got out of listening!

Posted by: amh18057 at June 23, 2006 7:13 AM

"People say you can't change men. They're wrong. The minute you realize you're dating a dud, you can change men immediately."

That was the highlight of my day!

Brenda

Posted by: Brenda at June 25, 2006 3:00 PM

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