"he still won't work on our problems"

The "we" in that sentence is confusing.

The letter writer has problems (i.e. the lack of the relationship she wants).

The man has no problems - he has solutions. Specifically, he has a younger / hotter woman.

Much confusion in dating is based around people not understanding what it is various parties want.

This man, clearly, wants next year's model...and he's got it. End of story.

Oh, LW. I'm so sorry. You need to chalk this up as a BAD learning experience and move on. The sooner the better. There is no going back, and why on earth would you want to?

Sometimes a big dick is just that.

Some guys are wired that way: they don't want a long term, committed relationship. However, they are very good at playing the women they are with: saying all the right things right up to the point where they leave.

As TJIC says: there is no "we". He has no problems at all. He has happily moved on to his next victim.

When will he pay the piper? He won't. He is incapable of long-term relationships. It's like being color blind: other people can tell him what he is missing, but it just isn't part of him, and he cannot really miss it.

I remember in my younger days having several women friends who fell for guys like this, some repeatedly. It's painful to watch; I hope LW learns better after only one experience.

LW: What's with a man who fathered three children with three different women but never married any of them? He always cheats on girlfriends and then just moves on to the next. Sadly, I was the most recent.

What's with him? He's a tomcat, that's what. And no, he still won't try to work things out. As Flynne says above, why would you want to? Your best bet is to do things to make your own life awesomer. He may eventually regret leaving you, or maybe he won't. But you'll be too busy to care much.

"You love who he pretended to be..."

Not even the best actor in the world can truly "pretend to be" anyone. It's all a matter of letting different aspects of who you actually are slip out. Unfortunately, these aspects of the person she thought was her boyfriend are controlled and tightly reigned. He lets them out when he needs to charm a romantic prospect, but as soon as he's gotten all he wants, they go back into the box.

He has to want to keep these little guys out of the box and let them call the shots, rather than just letting them out for a 15-minute outdoor break. Unfortunately, he doesn't want to do that. He's gone. Accept it.

"You love who he pretended to be"
I'm not getting the impression he pretended to be anything other than what he is.
My guess, odds are he told her straight out, that he was bad news. She thought she could change that 'problem', still does.

How can I become this man?

Patrick,

I disagree. I've had to work quite hard to simulate expressing common feelings. And actors are the worst. Pretending to be one person one minute and another the next. Constantly watching people so they can mimic them. Which gets really weird when you have a room full of actors, each imperfectly mimicking each other. Eventually there are more mistakes and flaws in their acts than real human.

"When does he pay the piper?" When people like you wake the fuck up. You want the simple answer why he does this? Cause it fucking works. Had he been the proverbial nice guy you wouldn't have given him a second fuck though and you GD know it.

So had he truly been loyal charming etc. he wouldn't have 3 kids to carry on his genetic lineage. So being a self serving prick is a huge genetic advantage.

No pity sweat heart this is YFD all the way. Unless you are very young then I'm sorry some like lessons are like sticking you finger in an electric socket.

I don't think he'll end up a sad old man, he'll probably be having fun talking the panties off the old ladies in the retirement home someday because that's how guys like that get their kicks. Sometimes we allow jerks to hurt us and unfortunately there is no grander "justice" in it, just finding ways to move on and make peace with it and try learn to enjoy life without people like that around, and contemplate why your self-respect is so low that you would want someone like that anyway.

I also sort of agree with vlad. I wanted to comment that she should find some nice friendzoned guy and go cry on his shoulder while she waits for the next player to come along. If she's young then maybe it's just one of those life lesson's but if she's older, well I think she should know better.

I've dated my share of 'hot b-tches' when I was younger. Now that I'm married with kids I really understand why people like that would make a terrible choice of partner, and I'm so thankful I'm not with some of my ex-gf's anymore, even though it hurt at the time to end things.

PS count your blessings and be thankful he didn't impregnate you.

The only thing that might irritate him is if you ignore him ... pining after him just feeds his ego.

When does he pay the piper? Every time he leaves. He's stomping on his own heart as well, although he's probably in massive denial about it.
People who do this are generally not very happy people. One big reason being is they don't know how to experience true intimacy. And every time they feel that pressure of closeness they have to bolt. It's a lonely world they live in.
I mean really, if he was really getting away with something, if this is the way to a fun and carefree existence, is this leads to fulfillment in life, everybody'd be doing it. Sans maybe those people who live an equally miserable life of obligation.

What's with a woman who is with a man who fathered three children with three different women but never married any of them?

That's the real question.

"What's with a woman who is with a man who fathered three children with three different women but never married any of them?"

He's a bad boy with a motorcycle jacket and a tattoo - and he doesn't bow down to The Man. No one can tame him but her - and she's the only one who sees the sensitive, hurt boy inside. Only she can change him into the man she needs.

Or maybe I'm thinking of James Dean. Or Russell Crowe. Whichever.

"What's with a man who fathered three children with three different women but never married any of them?"

He's a narcissist. Or, to put it in plainer English, an asshole.

"When does he pay the piper?"

Probably never. Unfortunately, there will always be a woman who's willing to throw money and love at him. I'm witnessing this close up with a relative. He's slick.

"By the time I learned how he operates, I was very much in love with him. "

Understandable, if you've not had an up-close-and-personal encounter with the type before. There is no shame in being fooled once. Being fooled repeatedly, by the same kind of person, is another matter. Google "Cluster B personality disorder" and begin the portion of your education that was omitted from your upbringing. Trust me, it will be enlightening and will answer a lot of the questions you have.