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Todays Most Irritating Letter

Dear Advice Goddess,
Is there any hope for a man who has Erectile Dysfunction, yet is very sensual, affectionate and passionate, and loves kissing all over? Kissing has always been my favorite thing, but now I don't feel like a complete man. I want to love and be loved so very much. I feel like I am at the end of my rope. A relationship just ended for me. The lady said that my problem was not a problem, but I know it was; she wanted to see others, and I know for what reason. I know there are lesbians who love each other and have meaningful relationships.I am very depressed and frustrated. How can one go into a relationship being honest without telling the problem up front? Would you? Could you? Help! --ED

Ive got a question for ED:

Dear ED, Well, first, do you know the root of your ED? Is it medical or psychological? And have you seen doctors about it? Tried Viagra, Levitra, injections? Please copy this entire email into your answer. --Amy Alkon

ED has an answer -- of sorts -- for me:

No I don't know the root andI haven't seen a doctor. I do not have insurance and cannot afford it.Hypothetically, the problem is medical and cannot be fixed with medication.Is there any hope for a true loving lasting relationship.I know I do have really high cholesterol. --ED

The Advice Goddess is not pleased:

Helloo!? You haven't seen a doctor? You can't afford it? What do you do for a living, pick lettuce? I have Kaiser Permanente for $178 a month. $25 for doctor visits; $10 for prescriptions. Get insurance or buy by the visit if you can't get insured. Don't "hypothetically" me. You have no idea what the problem is. If getting the plumbing working really mattered to you, you'd earn money to see a doctor. After you get checked out medically and get told there's no hope, write back to me, and then, Ill tell you what you can do. On a positive note, even then, you arent without hope -- yes, even if Mr. Winky refuses to stand up ever again. But, remember this:

The Advice Goddess helps those who get off their lazy asses and help themselves!

Posted by aalkon at November 29, 2003 7:07 AM

Comments

"If getting the plumbing working really mattered to you, you'd earn money to see a doctor."

For some men, perhaps impotence is just generalized stinginess or apathy that has spread below the waist. Why WOULDN'T bad plumbing matter to someone? Depression?

Posted by: Lena at November 29, 2003 10:41 AM

PASS THE BARFBAG PLEASE!!!

Ed, Did you really say, "I want to love and be loved so very much"?

I don't know how most women would respond to that one, but if you ever wanted to kill a raging hard-on in most guys, be sure to say that with a really sincere, whiny tone of voice. Impotence could possibly be an infectious disease.

Lena and her rock-hard angry inch!

Posted by: Lena at November 29, 2003 10:47 AM

Ugh. That's all.

Posted by: Humble Newbie at November 29, 2003 10:31 PM

"I want to love and be loved so much..."

Dear ED,

The beauty of loving is that possibly short of a vegetative coma, nothing in the universe can stop you from loving. As for being loved... you have a mother, right? Relatives, too, perhaps? Close friends? Do you believe in God?

Problem solved. (I should have Amy's job.)

Why doesn't this blundering pseudo-romantic just tell it like it is? ED, you want to get LAID. Say it with me, ED. LAAAAAAID. Fucked. Boffed. Screwed. Did. Had. Horizontal mamboed. Say what you mean, fool. Whether or not you can love or be loved has nothing to do with whether or not the little fireman works. I love Amy's column, but that doesn't mean the pages of my Weekly Planet with Amy's column and "Free Will Astrology" get spooged together every week. I'd get newsprint all over my winky.

Okay. I'll stop here. I'm sure I posted a visual no one needed.

Posted by: Patrick at November 30, 2003 10:30 AM

Patrick, Ed is a man of great feeling, and he equates Love with touching and kissing. Don't you know that it's Love if they tweak your nipples? (or if they tug on your butthairs with their teeth?) It's not all about fucking, you know!

Posted by: Lena at November 30, 2003 10:47 AM

The guy actually wrote back that he'd been denied insurance because of a "previously existing condition." He simply wanted to take the easy way out. Stupid, since Viagra, Levitra, or the new one -- Cialys -- could work for him. Or it might be easily correctable in some other way.

Posted by: Amy Alkon, godless harlot at November 30, 2003 11:34 AM

Anyone know where I can find more information?

Posted by: Jordan at February 19, 2004 5:10 PM