Wild Kingdom
For those of you who know I'm in Paris this week, no, this entry has nothing to do with the subway and French armpits.
I have a two-and-a-half-pound Yorkshire Terrier named Lucy, after Lucille Ball and Lucy from Peanuts. She has a wardrobe that rivals mine, and is most honestly described as "beautiful but dumb." Look to the left on the blog (and perhaps scroll a bit) and you'll see her picture. When I'm away, my neighbors take care of her. She stays at my house, but they come over or bring her to their place and play with her.
Well, they e-mailed me the other day to tell me they were very concerned about her. Sometimes, when I'm away, she doesn't eat much -- they have to throw her balls of kibble and turn it into a game. Well, they wrote that she was emptying her dish -- food and water -- twice a day! (She normally goes through one dish of food in three days.) They also said she was pooping by the refrigerator, not in her litter box. (Come on...you think I would have a dog who wouldn't be toilet-trained?) I think of her as an improvement on having a child: She doesn't need private school, never asks to borrow the car, and is unlikely to set up a meth lab in my basement.
Anyway, the unladylike bathroom habits are not at all like her. I was terribly worried -- but I thought she could wait to go to the vet for a few days, since she's scared enough at the vet if I'm with her. I called the vet from France to make her an appointment for Friday morning, when I'm back. (I figured I might also have to check her into the doggie version of Jennie Craig.)
Well...it turns out it wasn't Lucy sucking down all that food. Turns out she had a little party for two. Yes, she had a friend over: a big ugly possum who's probably been living in my house for a week! My assistant Heather came over to edit my stuff on Monday and got surprised by him in the bathroom. She slammed the doors to the bathroom and called animal control. Apparently, the animal control guy just waltzed in, picked le critter up by the tail and waltzed out. Heather was quite calm about the whole thing. I was not.
Finally, it does underscore what an utter failure Lucy is as a dog. A wild animal is squatting in my house -- and she was probably totally clueless. (A good thing, since it probably kept her from becoming dinner.)
Our dog is so friendly my grandmother jokes that if a burgler came in she'd go "And here's the DVD player, here's the family silver, here's the heirloom jewelry...." Grandmother is probably right.
Sarah at November 18, 2003 6:45 AM
Pathetic, huh? Mine, too.
Amy Alkon, godless harlot at November 18, 2003 9:23 AM
Lucy is so adorable. I bet she tried to rim the possum.
Lena at November 18, 2003 11:54 AM